I hate this day, if I am truly capable of hate anymore. It is a reminder of how I have wasted another year, dragging myself through a fiery hell of my own creation. Too many wasted dreams and visions; moreover, am I deserving of them if they are to be wasted? This day comes every year, reminding me I have wasted a new one among those collected from my life. I am reminded of my unpopularity and how I am so generic. A recurring vision of a destiny flashes before my eyes; indeed, it is the one I dread the most. Whatever remains of hope and beauty in me is lost. I see a future where I am nothing and have benefited none. There is only disappointment from what is left screaming in me and those who misplaced their trust in an unworthy person such as I. What mistake have those fools committed How could I let myself make such mistakes, leading to their ultimate loss? Nothing good or extraordinary happens on this day. If only it would never begin.
Consumed by my darkness, this day has reminded me of who I am. It is said, in Buddhism, that you should accept your fate. I am forced to accept it everyday, but this day simply reminds me of how futile my rebellious hope is in the face of my abyss. Many do not know what this day's connection to me is, and the few who have such knowledge tell me to celebrate it. But none have knowledge of what is in my mind, or what feelings I hide. Pain, regret, guilt, envy, and many others; this is what I hide from all. Broken pieces, no cleavage, just uneven and dull. Whatever I have, someone should have gotten. They would have known how to play their crappy cards wisely. Such a thing is impossible for me.
Maybe this day is innocent, and I am the offender with no right. Next year, this day will occur once more, as it is annual. My only knowledge is that these feelings will keep on growing as time grows with them. There is no escape, not for me. Live a happy life, I am sure that you deserve it.
February 26, a curse branded deep in my soul. But it is who I am, and that will never change.