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#1 Edited by sesquipedalophobe (4733 posts) - - Show Bio

Since the "how to pick up chicks" threads seem to be clogging up the off topic forums, I decided it's time for an official advice thread where any user can school you on how to talk to guys/girls, trap them in relationships and pretty much everything there is to know.

Tell us your romantic troubles, we're here to help.

What we offer:

  • A keen eye on the less-than-obvious rules of attraction.
  • Metaphors and similes for curbstomping loneliness: e.g. You're like a forbidden apple in a forgotten grove.
  • Rules of engagement.
  • Destroying the competition.
  • Quick assessments of any given situation.
  • Wining and dining on a fixed budget.
  • Juggling.
  • Divorce attorney recommendations.
#2 Posted by TheGoldenOne (38849 posts) - - Show Bio
Surprised Gambler isn't here yet :P
#3 Posted by Billy Batson (58029 posts) - - Show Bio

Someone photoshop this into G-Man and change it to Comic Vine.

BB

#4 Posted by ComicMan24 (147093 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheGoldenOne said:

Surprised Gambler isn't here yet :P

Problem solved :P

#5 Posted by TheGoldenOne (38849 posts) - - Show Bio
@ComicMan24: Good. *waits for "the master"*.
#6 Posted by ComicMan24 (147093 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheGoldenOne: lol

@Billy Batson: Now I really want to see that made lol

#7 Posted by Batnandez (511 posts) - - Show Bio

OMG guys, I caught my girl in bed with her boss, but she swears they were just cuddling. I love her so much, but she always spends time with this guy, saying she has to or she'll get fired. She told me she's cheated on her last six boyfriends, but we really love each other wuuuuuuuuuut should I dooooo. OMG OMG OMG!!!

#8 Posted by Lady_Liberty (8281 posts) - - Show Bio

@Batnandez: I'm not quite sure if you're serious, however if you are you need to leave now. She is obviously not loyal.

However if you are trolling, well played ;-)

#9 Posted by The_MVPs (84694 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheGoldenOne said:

@ComicMan24: Good. *waits for "the master"*.

Moderator
#10 Posted by ComicMan24 (147093 posts) - - Show Bio

@Gambler: OMG!!! He has arrived!!! Praise the master!!!!!

#11 Posted by The_MVPs (84694 posts) - - Show Bio

@ComicMan24 said:

@Gambler: OMG!!! He has arrived!!! Praise the master!!!!!

I wanna pin this thread :P

Moderator
#12 Posted by ComicMan24 (147093 posts) - - Show Bio

@Gambler: Do as you please master.

#13 Posted by TheGoldenOne (38849 posts) - - Show Bio
@Gambler said:

@TheGoldenOne said:

@ComicMan24: Good. *waits for "the master"*.

lol.
#14 Posted by TDK_1997 (14896 posts) - - Show Bio

@Gambler said:

@TheGoldenOne said:

@ComicMan24: Good. *waits for "the master"*.

lol.

#15 Posted by pikahyper (12177 posts) - - Show Bio

@Billy Batson: I didn't really have time to mess around with fonts but this should hold you:

Moderator
#16 Posted by Raiiyn (3523 posts) - - Show Bio

@pikahyper said:

@Billy Batson: I didn't really have time to mess around with fonts but this should hold you:

lmaaoooo

#17 Posted by Billy Batson (58029 posts) - - Show Bio

@pikahyper said:

@Billy Batson: I didn't really have time to mess around with fonts but this should hold you:

BB

#18 Posted by sesquipedalophobe (4733 posts) - - Show Bio

@pikahyper: He needs a lazy eye, but I will add it to the OP.

#19 Posted by pikahyper (12177 posts) - - Show Bio

@Billy Batson: forgot the price:

Moderator
#20 Posted by TheSheepHerder (11961 posts) - - Show Bio

@pikahyper said:

I didn't really have time to mess around with fonts but this should hold you:

Thank you

Thank you very much

#21 Edited by pikahyper (12177 posts) - - Show Bio

@Billy Batson: or do you want classy:

Moderator
#22 Posted by Billy Batson (58029 posts) - - Show Bio

@pikahyper:

Forgot the price again :p
BB

#23 Posted by ComicMan24 (147093 posts) - - Show Bio

@pikahyper said:

@Billy Batson: I didn't really have time to mess around with fonts but this should hold you:

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

#24 Posted by pikahyper (12177 posts) - - Show Bio

@Billy Batson: fixed. I'm going back to work now.

Moderator
#25 Posted by Samimista (20717 posts) - - Show Bio

@pikahyper said:

@Billy Batson: I didn't really have time to mess around with fonts but this should hold you:

Lol! I love this picture. xD Bout time we get our own line. Take that GiantBomb! >=D Muwhahaha!

#26 Posted by NlGHTCRAWLER (2899 posts) - - Show Bio

@pikahyper said:

@Billy Batson: forgot the price:

Simply amazing.

#27 Posted by nickthedevil (12501 posts) - - Show Bio

This thread is a WIN

#28 Posted by JediXMan (30645 posts) - - Show Bio

@pikahyper said:

@Billy Batson: I didn't really have time to mess around with fonts but this should hold you:

YES!!!!! FINALLY!

Moderator
#29 Posted by Gambit1024 (9890 posts) - - Show Bio

I love everything about this thread <3

#30 Posted by Batnandez (511 posts) - - Show Bio

@Lady_Liberty said:

@Batnandez: I'm not quite sure if you're serious, however if you are you need to leave now. She is obviously not loyal.

However if you are trolling, well played ;-)

Sad thing is if you ever go on dating advice forums there are real people who write stuff like this.

#31 Posted by lykopis (10746 posts) - - Show Bio

This needs to be pinned.

Please.

Please.

Please.

**goes off to nominate as thread to be spot-lighted this week**

#32 Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek (20257 posts) - - Show Bio

@lykopis said:

This needs to be pinned.

Please.

Please.

Please.

**goes off to nominate as thread to be spot-lighted this week**

This.

It, all jokes aside, would seriously stop some of the clogging in our Off-Topic Forums.

All we need is a "Racial Questions" thread and we're done!

#33 Posted by Lvenger (20008 posts) - - Show Bio

Paha this thread is so full of win.

#34 Posted by wildvine (9696 posts) - - Show Bio

@lykopis said:

This needs to be pinned.

Please.

Please.

Please.

**goes off to nominate as thread to be spot-lighted this week**

I agree.

Moderator
#35 Edited by sesquipedalophobe (4733 posts) - - Show Bio

I don't believe this thread deserves to be pinned, but other threads should be locked so people can see love gurus in their natural habitat. On an unrelated note, the sexiest word in the dictionary is zebra. If you can pull this off in conversation, you don't need advice.

#36 Posted by Samimista (20717 posts) - - Show Bio

So this is the thread where I stole borrowed the G-Man dating picture! xD Lol! I wish you luck with this thread my friend. *salutes*

#37 Posted by Sherlock (7258 posts) - - Show Bio

I was dating a serial killer and when I tried to break up with her she murdered my pet piggie.After this I ran for dear life when I was abducted by aliens who took one look at me and made me their god.Because alien food isn't great I escaped the mother ship and jumped overboard over the pacific ocean where I was promptly eaten by a dolphin.As fate would have it my serial killer girlfriend was caught and given the death penalty so now we are both ghosts and I can't get rid of her.Any advice on this one?

#38 Posted by Glitch_Spawn (17132 posts) - - Show Bio

@sesquipedalophobe said:

Since the "how to pick up chicks" threads seem to be clogging up the off topic forums, I decided it's time for an official advice thread where any user can school you on how to talk to guys/girls, trap them in relationships and pretty much everything there is to know.

Tell us your romantic troubles, we're here to help.

What we offer:

  • A keen eye on the less-than-obvious rules of attraction.
  • Metaphors and similes for curbstomping loneliness: e.g. You're like a forbidden apple in a forgotten grove.
  • Rules of engagement.
  • Destroying the competition.
  • Quick assessments of any given situation.
  • Wining and dining on a fixed budget.
  • Juggling.
  • Divorce attorney recommendations.

That pic is too good HA

#39 Posted by sesquipedalophobe (4733 posts) - - Show Bio

@Sherlock said:

I was dating a serial killer and when I tried to break up with her she murdered my pet piggie.After this I ran for dear life when I was abducted by aliens who took one look at me and made me their god.Because alien food isn't great I escaped the mother ship and jumped overboard over the pacific ocean where I was promptly eaten by a dolphin.As fate would have it my serial killer girlfriend was caught and given the death penalty so now we are both ghosts and I can't get rid of her.Any advice on this one?

It sounds like you need a roth IRA.

#40 Posted by NlGHTCRAWLER (2899 posts) - - Show Bio

@Sherlock said:

I was dating a serial killer and when I tried to break up with her she murdered my pet piggie.After this I ran for dear life when I was abducted by aliens who took one look at me and made me their god.Because alien food isn't great I escaped the mother ship and jumped overboard over the pacific ocean where I was promptly eaten by a dolphin.As fate would have it my serial killer girlfriend was caught and given the death penalty so now we are both ghosts and I can't get rid of her.Any advice on this one?

Make pottery.

#41 Posted by Samimista (20717 posts) - - Show Bio

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Sherlock said:

I was dating a serial killer and when I tried to break up with her she murdered my pet piggie.After this I ran for dear life when I was abducted by aliens who took one look at me and made me their god.Because alien food isn't great I escaped the mother ship and jumped overboard over the pacific ocean where I was promptly eaten by a dolphin.As fate would have it my serial killer girlfriend was caught and given the death penalty so now we are both ghosts and I can't get rid of her.Any advice on this one?

Make pottery.

Touch her shoulder.

#42 Posted by NlGHTCRAWLER (2899 posts) - - Show Bio

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Sherlock said:

I was dating a serial killer and when I tried to break up with her she murdered my pet piggie.After this I ran for dear life when I was abducted by aliens who took one look at me and made me their god.Because alien food isn't great I escaped the mother ship and jumped overboard over the pacific ocean where I was promptly eaten by a dolphin.As fate would have it my serial killer girlfriend was caught and given the death penalty so now we are both ghosts and I can't get rid of her.Any advice on this one?

Make pottery.

Touch her shoulder.

Sniff glue.

#43 Posted by Samimista (20717 posts) - - Show Bio

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Sherlock said:

I was dating a serial killer and when I tried to break up with her she murdered my pet piggie.After this I ran for dear life when I was abducted by aliens who took one look at me and made me their god.Because alien food isn't great I escaped the mother ship and jumped overboard over the pacific ocean where I was promptly eaten by a dolphin.As fate would have it my serial killer girlfriend was caught and given the death penalty so now we are both ghosts and I can't get rid of her.Any advice on this one?

Make pottery.

Touch her shoulder.

Sniff glue.

=O Oh man, that would totally work like a charm! Why didn't I think of that?

#44 Posted by NlGHTCRAWLER (2899 posts) - - Show Bio

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Sherlock said:

I was dating a serial killer and when I tried to break up with her she murdered my pet piggie.After this I ran for dear life when I was abducted by aliens who took one look at me and made me their god.Because alien food isn't great I escaped the mother ship and jumped overboard over the pacific ocean where I was promptly eaten by a dolphin.As fate would have it my serial killer girlfriend was caught and given the death penalty so now we are both ghosts and I can't get rid of her.Any advice on this one?

Make pottery.

Touch her shoulder.

Sniff glue.

=O Oh man, that would totally work like a charm! Why didn't I think of that?

Because you're not as wise as me.

#45 Posted by Samimista (20717 posts) - - Show Bio

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Sherlock said:

I was dating a serial killer and when I tried to break up with her she murdered my pet piggie.After this I ran for dear life when I was abducted by aliens who took one look at me and made me their god.Because alien food isn't great I escaped the mother ship and jumped overboard over the pacific ocean where I was promptly eaten by a dolphin.As fate would have it my serial killer girlfriend was caught and given the death penalty so now we are both ghosts and I can't get rid of her.Any advice on this one?

Make pottery.

Touch her shoulder.

Sniff glue.

=O Oh man, that would totally work like a charm! Why didn't I think of that?

Because you're not as wise as me.

Silly Night going senile again. We all know that I am wise like Yoda. You are the young padawan in training.

#46 Posted by NlGHTCRAWLER (2899 posts) - - Show Bio

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Sherlock said:

I was dating a serial killer and when I tried to break up with her she murdered my pet piggie.After this I ran for dear life when I was abducted by aliens who took one look at me and made me their god.Because alien food isn't great I escaped the mother ship and jumped overboard over the pacific ocean where I was promptly eaten by a dolphin.As fate would have it my serial killer girlfriend was caught and given the death penalty so now we are both ghosts and I can't get rid of her.Any advice on this one?

Make pottery.

Touch her shoulder.

Sniff glue.

=O Oh man, that would totally work like a charm! Why didn't I think of that?

Because you're not as wise as me.

Silly Night going senile again. We all know that I am wise like Yoda. You are the young padawan in training.

Yoda died though. =D

#47 Posted by minigunman123 (3116 posts) - - Show Bio

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Sherlock said:

I was dating a serial killer and when I tried to break up with her she murdered my pet piggie.After this I ran for dear life when I was abducted by aliens who took one look at me and made me their god.Because alien food isn't great I escaped the mother ship and jumped overboard over the pacific ocean where I was promptly eaten by a dolphin.As fate would have it my serial killer girlfriend was caught and given the death penalty so now we are both ghosts and I can't get rid of her.Any advice on this one?

Make pottery.

Touch her shoulder.

Sniff glue.

=O Oh man, that would totally work like a charm! Why didn't I think of that?

Because you're not as wise as me.

Silly Night going senile again. We all know that I am wise like Yoda. You are the young padawan in training.

Yoda died though. =D

But his ghost lived on in the sixth movie.

This is all leading up to the part where Samimista comes out saying "I'm the serial killer girlfriend", since we all know she's a ghost now.

#48 Posted by Samimista (20717 posts) - - Show Bio

@minigunman123 said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Sherlock said:

I was dating a serial killer and when I tried to break up with her she murdered my pet piggie.After this I ran for dear life when I was abducted by aliens who took one look at me and made me their god.Because alien food isn't great I escaped the mother ship and jumped overboard over the pacific ocean where I was promptly eaten by a dolphin.As fate would have it my serial killer girlfriend was caught and given the death penalty so now we are both ghosts and I can't get rid of her.Any advice on this one?

Make pottery.

Touch her shoulder.

Sniff glue.

=O Oh man, that would totally work like a charm! Why didn't I think of that?

Because you're not as wise as me.

Silly Night going senile again. We all know that I am wise like Yoda. You are the young padawan in training.

Yoda died though. =D

But his ghost lived on in the sixth movie.

This is all leading up to the part where Samimista comes out saying "I'm the serial killer girlfriend", since we all know she's a ghost now.

*gasps* How did you know? Oh dang gotta hide the dead bodies now. Great thing I got each and every one of them to include me in their will before they 'fell'. I am the evil spirit of Aerith Gainsborough!

#49 Posted by NlGHTCRAWLER (2899 posts) - - Show Bio

@Samimista said:

@minigunman123 said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Sherlock said:

I was dating a serial killer and when I tried to break up with her she murdered my pet piggie.After this I ran for dear life when I was abducted by aliens who took one look at me and made me their god.Because alien food isn't great I escaped the mother ship and jumped overboard over the pacific ocean where I was promptly eaten by a dolphin.As fate would have it my serial killer girlfriend was caught and given the death penalty so now we are both ghosts and I can't get rid of her.Any advice on this one?

Make pottery.

Touch her shoulder.

Sniff glue.

=O Oh man, that would totally work like a charm! Why didn't I think of that?

Because you're not as wise as me.

Silly Night going senile again. We all know that I am wise like Yoda. You are the young padawan in training.

Yoda died though. =D

But his ghost lived on in the sixth movie.

This is all leading up to the part where Samimista comes out saying "I'm the serial killer girlfriend", since we all know she's a ghost now.

*gasps* How did you know? Oh dang gotta hide the dead bodies now. Great thing I got each and every one of them to include me in their will before they 'fell'. I am the evil spirit of Aerith Gainsborough!

Was I the only one who didn't know? Well, this is embarrassing.

#50 Posted by Samimista (20717 posts) - - Show Bio

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@minigunman123 said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Samimista said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@Sherlock said:

I was dating a serial killer and when I tried to break up with her she murdered my pet piggie.After this I ran for dear life when I was abducted by aliens who took one look at me and made me their god.Because alien food isn't great I escaped the mother ship and jumped overboard over the pacific ocean where I was promptly eaten by a dolphin.As fate would have it my serial killer girlfriend was caught and given the death penalty so now we are both ghosts and I can't get rid of her.Any advice on this one?

Make pottery.

Touch her shoulder.

Sniff glue.

=O Oh man, that would totally work like a charm! Why didn't I think of that?

Because you're not as wise as me.

Silly Night going senile again. We all know that I am wise like Yoda. You are the young padawan in training.

Yoda died though. =D

But his ghost lived on in the sixth movie.

This is all leading up to the part where Samimista comes out saying "I'm the serial killer girlfriend", since we all know she's a ghost now.

*gasps* How did you know? Oh dang gotta hide the dead bodies now. Great thing I got each and every one of them to include me in their will before they 'fell'. I am the evil spirit of Aerith Gainsborough!

Was I the only one who didn't know? Well, this is embarrassing.

Be careful! I may stick a stuffed bunny in a boiling test tube. I shall haunt everyone even in death. Muwhahaha!