Corrupt-A-Wish

Granted, but it becomes so cold that it's worse than a Siberian winter.

I wish I could end any relationship I had with absolutely no pain.

Granted but people won't stop bugging you about it

I wish fast food restaurants served food faster

Granted, but the food quality gets a lot worse.

I wish I had unlimited stamina, sexually.

Granted but it proves too much for your partner

I wish movies were 4D

Granted, but 4D bullets kill you.

I wish I had perfect teeth

Granted, but you lose the ability to chew food.

I wish I could jump off a 100 storey building with no injuries at all.

Granted, but terrorists flies a plane into every building with exactly one hundred stories and you're power becomes redundant.

I wish that there was more anime that interests me.

Granted, but it only interests you for 5 episodes.

I wish I had 1 wish.

Granted, you just used it.

I wish someone locked this thread

Granted, but it was locked because you called everyone the 'n' word and detailed the thread. You get banned too.

I wish I could understand women.

Granted, but you can no longer get a boner.

I wish I could rap at supersonic speed.

Granted but once you start you can never stop

I wish rain would fall into dams not in streets

Granted, but all the crops die as a result.

I wish the mods stop being so hard assed about swearing.

Granted, but comic vine then shuts down.

I wish youtube comments didn't exist

Granted, but all the trolls come here instead.

I wish the Naruto filler would end.

but it cant

i wish i was Batman

Granted, but you get picked on by Superman for not having powers.

I wish it wasn't so hot.

Granted, but it becomes so cold that you die in your computer chair.

I wish I could see the original 7+ hour cut of Greed.

Granted, but it turns out to be an illegal copy and you get arrested.

I wish we had a colony on the moon.

Granted, but a fictional character busts the moon to prove how tough he is to the Battle forum folk.

I wish I was a great artist.

Granted, but you get depression because your fans demand too much and people give you death threats on YouTube.

I wish I was a Jedi.

Granted but you are not very skilled and die even before the execution of Order 66. (However, at least you did not get betrayed!)

I wish Mandarinestro was a Sith.

Granted, but he becomes the most powerful Sith and enslaves all of us.

I wish I could turn the internet off of people who annoyed me online

Granted but they show up at your house.

I wish I could fart on command

Granted, but you fart acid.

I wish I could dougie.

Granted but your pants fall down every time.

I wish I could pull any women I wanted.

Granted, but all the guys in the world get mad at you for pulling their moms and wives. They take turns punching you in the face.

I wish I was Jewish.

I wish I was Jewish.

Granted, but you are doomed to die in a furnace accident.

I wish I had to penises.

Granted but they're only an inch long

I wish I could corrupt all wishes in this thread but not have mine corrupted

@impervious:

Granted but you get banned from CV.

I wish I had the post count of King Saturn.

Granted, but everyone laughs at you when they see it and calls you a virgin.

I wish I could make everyone believe what I believed.

Granted, but you are overcome with a mental breakdown with the sudden realisation that 1)everyone believes what they believe not out of sincerity but telepathic coercion and 2)what you believe is right may not always be right. You proceed to impose upon yourself an exile to Mars and then another exile to another galaxy for the rest of eternity as Earth plunges into an apocalyptic dystopia.

I wish Stan Lee was healthy enough so he could make cameos in every single Marvel movie.

Granted, but he gets annoying.

I wish I could bang Margot Robbie.

Granted, but the condom breaks.

I wish I was god_spawn.

I've never worn one and don't intend to start.

Granted, but you find out he has a life shattering secret that you can't handle and you throw yourself off a bridge.

I wish I had a giant robot mech suit.

Granted, but it has a random self destruct system and "Allahu Akbar" written on it.

I wish I was Jackie Chan.

Granted but you have to DO IT to be him

I wish i met Whiss so he can take me and train me

Granted but he only trains you how to bowl

I wish I could teleport

Granted, but you teleport yourself to inside the sun.

I wish I had every super power ever

granted, but you can only use them while on the toilet.

I wish I had never had a single health problem until i was 100 years old

you have no brain

i wish i was a moderator of Comicvine

You end up being hated by everyone on the Vine.

I wish I was omnipotent.

i am your clone

i wish a wish

Granted, but as per usual it backfires spectacularly on you.

I wish somebody else washes the dishes.

Granted, a skunk washes the dishes.

I wish I was Russian.

Granted, but you starve to death.

I wish I had unlimited time to do as I pleased, without aging.