College Problems: Starting to Regret Not Joining a Fraternity

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Jezer

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#1  Edited By Jezer

You can set the mood of this post with the chorus of this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzL-mb06nWM

or this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EI6iZJOntY8

Where was I? Oh yeah. So, I guess this would make a good general thread for college students to vent their problems, no matter how serious or trivial. Though, I made this simply to vent my own. And there's no better place to vent then with people who don't know you(so you don't care if they judge you and are willing to be more open to them).

Anyways, so yeah...to my severe disappointment, I'm starting to have twinges of regret for not joining a fraternity at my college. Ugh. Why? I didn't realize how much not going Greek would restrict my social life in terms of partying and nightlife...I would rather not be on comicvine on a Saturday night. ('-' ) I would rather be out pretending like I know how to dance at a dance party. Working magic on girls. Laughing at drunken idiots. Ect.

However, I'm ashamed to admit that regret is starting to gnaw itself into my mind, like a toothache that won't go away. What would I be doing now if I had joined a fraternity?

I didn't join a fraternity for several reasons.1. Rushing involves a lot of manflirting(I am a man). 2. Pledging involves being forced to do things you don't want to do. 3. I don't drink much since I can't stand the taste of most alcohol and like being in control of myself. 4. I look down on people in frats, who are basically paying hundreds to a thousand dollars for friends...I mean, you do get a lot of connections, including business connections, but still I think the vast majority are in it just to be apart of something, a group bigger than themselves as an individual. A brotherhood. They just want autofriends that they basically didn't have to work for or naturally gain.

I've had different friends be like "You should definitely rush my frat!" And I'm always like "No thanks, I'm good". I probably shouldn't be so confident, but I think I'm too cool for a fraternity.(not to say I think I'm actually cool, just too cool for a fraternity) I can make my way through college with a nongreek social life, just as I can have fun at parties and talk to the girls completely sober. That's what I was telling myself.

And for the most part, it's true. I have a variety of different friend groups for different occasions that I made the genuine way. During the weekdays, when I'm not off doing my own thing, I have different groups I chill with. I study with. Play video games with. Play basketball with. And true, sometimes its just fun to stay in and watch movies till late at night, on the weekend. However, sometimes I just wanna go out, dance, flirt, and socialize with new people(primarily girls).

Which is why I need a party group, or a cool best friend. I need someone or a group of people that I can party with. Sure, I may have at least one friend in every frat, but thats more for getting me into the parties. I want wingmen or a wingman. A person or people who actually interests me for more than a minute or so. People bore me easy, so there's a limit to how long I go along with small talk.

Why? Because I don't like going(like the physical act of going/walking to a party) to parties alone. It makes me self conscious. Which is funny since I usually leave my friends to do my own thing once I get in the door, since I'm usually with people who fail at socializing or female friends. However, I probably wouldn't go solo if I had a serious bro/bros to party with....

If you're still reading, it may seem that I've gone off tangent. But I actually haven't. See, at my college, there's a row/road that all the frats and sororities lie on. Called Frat Row. Usually on the weekend, people(multitudes of groups) just walk down frat row, and they all wander into whatever frat house is playing music and obviously having a party, if there are any. Since I have to walk 8 minutes to get to this row, and have no group to go with, I'm not gonna go. Too much effort for a leap of faith that a random party sprung up. Instead I'm going to write this post on comicvine....lol

The only thing that'll convince me to make the long walk is if I'm going to meet up with any female sorority friends who live on the row beforehand, and then go to a party. Or if I'm meeting a frat friend who's specifically gonna sneak me into their frats party like a VIP lol

In other words, I miss out on a lot of parties simply from not having a definite "party group" to go with, because otherwise I just don't go. If I was in a fraternity...I would have a definite party group, because frat people are always looking to party and they're a brotherhood. I would never care about walking to the row alone, because I would be walking with a purpose of meeting someone at some specific place, instead of just wandering alone. I would know about most parties, instead of having to text random frat/sorority friends and ask. I would not be typing this post on comicvine on a saturday night...The nights of my weekends would be a lot more fun. How can I desire something I Iook down on?

Sure, I could go to actual clubs instead. But, that would require me paying to get in, that would require me having a "clubbing" group, that would require some of my friends to not be socially awkward, that would require other of my friends to not be soo socially competent they have girlfriends and thus dont want to party and get tempted to cheat, that would require a car, that would require me to start putting in effort to hang out with outlier friend groups who go clubbing. Way too lazy to put in that much effort.

I guess. What it all boils down to. Is that I need a best friend or a main group of friends - that I can do almost anything with. That I can study with, play videogames with, pause, play sports with, go back to studying with, and when the night time comes, go partying with. I have all these different groups, different friends. Good friends. But, I don't have that one How I Met Your Mother group. That one Friends group. That one Community. Or just a single really close friend that I could do almost anything with(well, I do. But she's a girl and I like her. So she doesn't count). I'm pretty independent, some may call me a loner. But, as a basic human like everyone else, even I desire a perfectly suited companion I can own the night with....College problems.

/vent

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So yeah, vent your college issues if you like. It could be about classes, Financial aid, ect. I may vent some more of mine. It'll make you feel good. ;)

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SuperTide

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#2  Edited By SuperTide

When I attended junior college I didn't like physics. Hated it.

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buttersdaman000

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#3  Edited By buttersdaman000

My current school is boring as hell. Im gonna transfer out.

Any recommendations?

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Lunacyde

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#4  Edited By Lunacyde  Moderator

What College do you go to?

Not joining a Frat never hampered my ability to party...looking back I almost wish it had lol.

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#5  Edited By Static Shock

One guy asked me if I was interested in joining Phi Beta Sigma (a frat that stood for and represented absolutely nothing where I went to school at). I laughed in his face. The issue with frats at the school I went to was that the majority of guys who crossed them only crossed to get in bed with women. The only problem was that they were the same women regular guys like myself were getting in bed with. 
   

@Jezer

said:

I didn't realize how much not going Greek would restrict my social life in terms of partying and nightlife...I would rather not be on comicvine on a Saturday night. ('-' ) I would rather be out pretending like I know how to dance at a dance party. Working magic on girls. Laughing at drunken idiots. Ect.

I did all of these things without a frat (and partying eventually got boring). I don't believe in joining frats, because my experience with them wasn't favorable. I didn't think a bunch of Greek letters made it okay for someone to be arrogant. On top of that, I don't do well with authority and doing things I don't want to do. Plus, other than having connections or a network, I didn't see a real benefit to it (because you can get connections through other means). But, in any case, you don't really need to join a frat to have fun in college. Your experience in college is whatever you make it out to be.
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Hot_Karl

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#6  Edited By Hot_Karl

@Jezer: Are you sure you want that? You want to pay your dues to a frat? You want to go through all of the insanely stupid and idiotic trials & tests it takes to get into a fraternity when you don't even know what those fraternities consist of?

C'mon dude. If you're worried about not being social, then change your attitude and go meet people. Join clubs. Hit up parties. Network.

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The Man of Yesteryear

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I'm a proud member of Gamma Delta Iota and have no problem finding a party.

But if you still feel the need to pay money to have friends (frats cost money you know), then by all means go for it. You're GPA will drop and you'll be someone's bitch, but hey at least you'll be getting drunk twice a week!

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_Black

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#8  Edited By _Black

I decided to not a join a frat as well. I think it's a "grass is always greener on the other side" kind of thing. Yeah, you don't have a party or event to go to all the time, but at least I still have my respect. Almost every person in a frat that I know I would not call my friend. They seem to be cocky, easily influenced, and so interested in "being cool". Needless to say, I will never join a frat. I would rather have no friends than those kind of "friends".

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Hot_Karl

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#9  Edited By Hot_Karl

@_Black said:

I decided to not a join a frat as well. I think it's a "grass is always greener on the other side" kind of thing. Yeah, you don't have a party or event to go to all the time, but at least I still have my respect. Almost every person in a frat that I know I would not call my friend. They seem to be cocky, easily influenced, and so interested in "being cool". Needless to say, I will never join a frat. I would rather have no friends than those kind of "friends".

Again though, these are preconceptions & stereotypes. I knew a lot of girls in sororities who were not even close to the stuck-up, ditzy, slutty type, and I know guys, close friends, who are super chill guys, not at all arrogant or cocky, but who were in a frat.

I'm not against fraternities or sororities, but it's not for me. I'm against people who join them for the wrong reasons or let themselves believe that joining a frat or sorority is the only key to happiness in college, because that's completely untrue.

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#10  Edited By _Black

@VinceNotVance said:

@_Black said:

I decided to not a join a frat as well. I think it's a "grass is always greener on the other side" kind of thing. Yeah, you don't have a party or event to go to all the time, but at least I still have my respect. Almost every person in a frat that I know I would not call my friend. They seem to be cocky, easily influenced, and so interested in "being cool". Needless to say, I will never join a frat. I would rather have no friends than those kind of "friends".

Again though, these are preconceptions & stereotypes. I knew a lot of girls in sororities who were not even close to the stuck-up, ditzy, slutty type, and I know guys, close friends, who are super chill guys, not at all arrogant or cocky, but who were in a frat.

I'm not against fraternities or sororities, but it's not for me. I'm against people who join them for the wrong reasons or let themselves believe that joining a frat or sorority is the only key to happiness in college, because that's completely untrue.

It's inevitable to join a frat and not have to be "friends" with at least one person that is like that, however. At my university, the far majority of them are like that, especially the ones in charge. Just my experiences.

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nickthedevil

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#11  Edited By nickthedevil

Eh, i get just fine solo. Still doing all the "partying" and get fine without a frat. But cool thread... I might have something to vent about soon so i'll mind-file this thread for later.

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Jezer

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#12  Edited By Jezer

@VinceNotVance said:

@Jezer: Are you sure you want that? You want to pay your dues to a frat? You want to go through all of the insanely stupid and idiotic trials & tests it takes to get into a fraternity when you don't even know what those fraternities consist of?

C'mon dude. If you're worried about not being social, then change your attitude and go meet people. Join clubs. Hit up parties. Network.

...I take it you did not fully read my post and only read the thread title? -_-

I only ask this, because those are the reasons I said I wouldn't join a frat! Let me sum it up for you, not joining a frat is impacting the weekend party part of my social life. Considering I've been apart of Breakdance club, Salsa Club, RHA, VSA, ASA, Intermural Sports, ect. my social life and connections are perfectly fine, and I'm pretty good socially when I decide I can stand another group of people's company for an extended amount of time.

My vent was about me not having a go-to best friend/group that I can go to parties with, and that as a result my weekend nights are lacking when I'm in the mood to go party.

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Jezer

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#13  Edited By Jezer

@buttersdaman000 said:

My current school is boring as hell. Im gonna transfer out.

Any recommendations?

As I think I read that someonelse said, college is what you make of it. Besides from occasionally having boring weekend nights, my week is pretty fun. I workout in my spare time. Play sports. Play videogames. Crack jokes at other's expense. Watch movies. The thing is, I'm sure I could do this at any college. All colleges have gyms, students that play videogames, ect. My interests could be appeased literally at any college...Well not a community college. It just depends on your interests.

How is your college boring? What are you interested in? Though, truthfully your education should matter more than how fun you're having. Transfer out only if you're trying to get into a better school or something.

@Lunacyde said:

What College do you go to?

Not joining a Frat never hampered my ability to party...looking back I almost wish it had lol.

I'm not comfortable sharing that information. (mostly because I've always had this paranoid idea that someone I knew in real life would discover my internet life lol)

However, I go to a top 20 private college. Definitely not a party school, and roughly only 1500 undergraduates.

@Static Shock said:

@Jezer

said:

I didn't realize how much not going Greek would restrict my social life in terms of partying and nightlife...I would rather not be on comicvine on a Saturday night. ('-' ) I would rather be out pretending like I know how to dance at a dance party. Working magic on girls. Laughing at drunken idiots. Ect.

I did all of these things without a frat (and partying eventually got boring). I don't believe in joining frats, because my experience with them wasn't favorable. I didn't think a bunch of Greek letters made it okay for someone to be arrogant. On top of that, I don't do well with authority and doing things I don't want to do. Plus, other than having connections or a network, I didn't see a real benefit to it (because you can get connections through other means). But, in any case, you don't really need to join a frat to have fun in college. Your experience in college is whatever you make it out to be.

I would probably be able to do all these things if I had wingmen.

But yes, I agree. I have generally have fun throughout the week, except for on those weekend nights when I'm like "I wanna party!" and then I'm like "Oh wait...I don't have anyone I can roam the row with(because either my friends are too lame and dont wanna go or too cool and dont wanna go). And I don't even know if there are any parties going on....=/" I can't do movie nights with friends every weekend.

Truthfully, this is only really a problem second semester, since first semester frats are throwing parties like crazy to attract new members. Second semester they have those new members, and are only throwing mixures which are parties only between fraternity brothers and sorority sisters( and throwing random parties that aren't widely advertised). If you're neither, then you're shit outta luck for most of the semester.

I'm a Sophmore btw.

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buttersdaman000

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#14  Edited By buttersdaman000

@Jezer:

No, I have fun. I go to clubs, bars, and parties at other schools.

The problem is that my college is mostly a commuter school. People go to class and then they leave. Nobody stays around to be active in the school which is why there are hardly any school sponsored events, active clubs, sports (besides the obvious ones) and so on. I just want to go to a school where I can get the full college experience.

And really, I dont care about going to a 'better' school. I never had any desire to even try to get into a big Ivy league. All I want is a school that I like.....as long as it isnt horrible academically, of course.

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Dreadmaster

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#15  Edited By Dreadmaster
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Jezer

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#16  Edited By Jezer

@buttersdaman000 said:

@Jezer:

No, I have fun. I go to clubs, bars, and parties at other schools.

The problem is that my college is mostly a commuter school. People go to class and then they leave. Nobody stays around to be active in the school which is why there are hardly any school sponsored events, active clubs, sports (besides the obvious ones) and so on. I just want to go to a school where I can get the full college experience.

And really, I dont care about going to a 'better' school. I never had any desire to even try to get into a big Ivy league. All I want is a school that I like.....as long as it isnt horrible academically, of course.

Oh okay. Yeah, you should definitely transfer to a normal college. I don't think we can give you any suggestions, but if you don't care about academic prestige, maybe look for one based on location, sports/school spirit, ect. You should go visit different campuses to see which one you like.

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Hot_Karl

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#17  Edited By Hot_Karl

@Jezer said:

@VinceNotVance said:

@Jezer: Are you sure you want that? You want to pay your dues to a frat? You want to go through all of the insanely stupid and idiotic trials & tests it takes to get into a fraternity when you don't even know what those fraternities consist of?

C'mon dude. If you're worried about not being social, then change your attitude and go meet people. Join clubs. Hit up parties. Network.

...I take it you did not fully read my post and only read the thread title? -_-

I only ask this, because those are the reasons I said I wouldn't join a frat! Let me sum it up for you, not joining a frat is impacting the weekend party part of my social life. Considering I've been apart of Breakdance club, Salsa Club, RHA, VSA, ASA, Intermural Sports, ect. my social life and connections are perfectly fine, and I'm pretty good socially when I decide I can stand another group of people's company for an extended amount of time.

My vent was about me not having a go-to best friend/group that I can go to parties with, and that as a result my weekend nights are lacking when I'm in the mood to go party.

I did read your post. Barely. It was all over the place, but I was somehow able to read it.

Well, if you're so sure that your social life and connections are perfectly fine (as quoted above), then there shouldn't be this problem, right? Fraternities probably aren't going to get you what you need. If you don't have a go-to group of friends who are down for anything, then it's time to find some new friends.

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Jezer

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#18  Edited By Jezer

@lykopis said:

Thank you for sharing your experiences, that was a wonderfully written blog! You had me laughing and sighing in sympathy alternatively - I get what you mean. And that cartoon kills me.

My uni is very competitive, took a while to get used to snatching/covering of notes and notebooks slamming shut but I combat that by behaving in the exact opposite.

Meh - it's not bad for me, actually. First year was hard, got caught up in a crowd that passes for the top of some kind of social hierarchy here but I smartened up in my second (where I am presently) and actually prefer doing my own thing. Could be the difference on living on campus as opposed to off, which if I was to give any advice, I would say to do so if you can. I mean, we live and breathe school but when you get outside of that environment, it does wonders for your peace of mind.

I am here to learn - I will soak up what I can, and take this diploma and forge my way in this world. Not here for fun, just passing time until I can do that. :)

Thanks. And I like your philosophy in your last sentence, the way you phrased it, though I must admit I disagree with it.

I believe there should be a balance between how studious you are and how much fun you have. You should definitely try to have fun. You should definitely study. You shouldn't be getting drunk every night, but at the same time, you shouldn't be neglecting life to focus solely on academics. At least, that's my philosophy on college.

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Zauberin

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#19  Edited By Zauberin  Moderator

When I'm in college, I'm going to have a radio and nothing else for the first two weeks, see how that does me.

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Jezer

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#20  Edited By Jezer

@VinceNotVance said:

@Jezer said:

@VinceNotVance said:

@Jezer: Are you sure you want that? You want to pay your dues to a frat? You want to go through all of the insanely stupid and idiotic trials & tests it takes to get into a fraternity when you don't even know what those fraternities consist of?

C'mon dude. If you're worried about not being social, then change your attitude and go meet people. Join clubs. Hit up parties. Network.

...I take it you did not fully read my post and only read the thread title? -_-

I only ask this, because those are the reasons I said I wouldn't join a frat! Let me sum it up for you, not joining a frat is impacting the weekend party part of my social life. Considering I've been apart of Breakdance club, Salsa Club, RHA, VSA, ASA, Intermural Sports, ect. my social life and connections are perfectly fine, and I'm pretty good socially when I decide I can stand another group of people's company for an extended amount of time.

My vent was about me not having a go-to best friend/group that I can go to parties with, and that as a result my weekend nights are lacking when I'm in the mood to go party.

I did read your post. Barely. It was all over the place, but I was somehow able to read it.

Well, if you're so sure that your social life and connections are perfectly fine (as quoted above), then there shouldn't be this problem, right? Fraternities probably aren't going to get you what you need. If you don't have a go-to group of friends who are down for anything, then it's time to find some new friends.

No, the problem lies from the fact that my connections don't interconnect enough. I haven't found a friend/group that's interests intermingle with mine in more than a couple areas. I have Smash Bros friends, Basketball friends, ect. I have good friends for different situations, but I just don't have good friends for partying. Or simply a good group for doing anything in general, which would include partying. My social life is fine because my social life is full of me doing stuff with different people - you don't need to do everything with the same group of people(wouldn't you get tired of them?). My connections are fine because I have a lot of them. This isn't an issue of social life or connections.

My connections are spread wide, but just aren't well connected amongst one another.

Also, in my original post, I specifically said I have "twinges of regret" for not joining a frat, and act ashamed at this regret. Bro, you don't need to convince me not to join a Fraternity. The regret alludes to my problem, not a desire to actually join a fraternity. Those rhetorical questions you put in your first post were 2 out of 4 reasons I said I am not joining a fraternity.

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Jezer

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#21  Edited By Jezer

@The Man of Yesteryear said:

I'm a proud member of Gamma Delta Iota and have no problem finding a party.

But if you still feel the need to pay money to have friends (frats cost money you know), then by all means go for it. You're GPA will drop and you'll be someone's bitch, but hey at least you'll be getting drunk twice a week!

^Did not read my post closely. (For starters, I said I don't drink...so if I joined a frat, I wouldnt be getting drunk twice a week...('-' ))

But, these are pretty valid points against not joining a frat. Someone else can probably gleam wisdom from it.

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Hot_Karl

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#22  Edited By Hot_Karl

@Jezer: I'm baffled at this post. You can't say that this isn't an issue about your social life or connections when that's what this is clearly about.

Again, you say that your social groups aren't interconnected? Then get a new social group that's the constant in your life or make your social groups connect more.

Also, if they're great friends and you're all trying new experiences, you won't get tired of them. That's almost like saying 'I should date new people all the time, regardless of whether I love them or not, because I'll eventually get tired of them anyway, so why bother sticking around?"

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Jezer

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#23  Edited By Jezer

@VinceNotVance said:

@Jezer: I'm baffled at this post. You can't say that this isn't an issue about your social life or connections when that's what this is clearly about.

Again, you say that your social groups aren't interconnected? Then get a new social group that's the constant in your life or make your social groups connect more.

Also, if they're great friends and you're all trying new experiences, you won't get tired of them. That's almost like saying 'I should date new people all the time, regardless of whether I love them or not, because I'll eventually get tired of them anyway, so why bother sticking around?"

I said this wasn't an issue of social life or connections. In other words, I have good connections and a good social life. My social life isn't entirely comprised of parties on the weekends, there are 5 other days in the week. That's one part of my social life I need fixing. You can call it my weekend life. Actually, that's only the nights of the weekend. You can call it my party life.

I actually need neither to fix this problem. All I actually need is a "party group". See, some people think that they need bestie's to do everything with. You'll see a person and his bestfriend roomate doing everything together. The problem is that you miss out on possible friends and connections if you simply have one group you're doing everything with. If you have one group of people you do everything with, then you'll be socially stunted because you have a crutch to fall back on in those situations...instead of making new friends to talk to, you'll be in your own little world with the people you're familiar with.

I'd rather have a widespread array of different people I know from different activities, that I can chill with and do that particular activity with, than one group I do everything with. Why do my social groups have to connect? Do my friends I mainly play sports with have to be friends with the friends I play mainly videogames with?

Even if you're doing new things, how could you not get tired of people you spend 24 hours a day with(you wake up and go eat with them, come back play games with them, then study with them)? Do you spend 24 hours a day with a girlfriend, or do you spend time with her and then time alone and then time with your friends? Don't put your eggs in one basket, but spread your social seeds far and wide, and then nurture them individually.

Though, like I said, a go-to group would indeed solve my problem as well. But even then, I wouldn't spend all my time with that group. What would be perfect would be a best friend who's life doesn't revolve around mine, yet I could call up to do anything with at a moment's notice. Someone independent, yet reliably constant.

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Jezer

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#24  Edited By Jezer

I got a 77.5 on my first Social Psychology class. How can a professor make such an easy, yet interesting, subject semi-difficult on a test?

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I have a horribly unorganized Latin teacher. 10 minutes late to class almost everyday. Doesn't consistently go over the homework. Therefore, I don't consistently do the homework since I'm not sure it will be checked over and necessarily worth the effort. As a result, I'm not learning the material(unlike last semester, where I always did my Latin homework on threat of embarassment when called upon in class), despite the fact I realize doing the homework will help me learn it. I actually felt it necessary to go t to a TA Review Session before one of my tests....oh, so far I have fallen. I studied for a quiz that was supposed to happen on a certain day...only for her not to give us the quiz. Will I study for the next quiz? Consistency woman!

On top of this, my class doesn't talk. The atmosphere makes it so that I don't even feel like talking, either. We don't joke around with our professor like in my previous Latin class. As a result, I put so much energy in staying awake that I can barely pay attention to the teacher talking.

Oh how I regret switching from my previous Latin 101 teacher.

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Omega Ray Jay

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#25  Edited By Omega Ray Jay

Sounds like you have a reasonable amount of friends as it is but i do understand the wanting to have that kind of interaction and how frustrating it is not having it, I got lucky with the people Ive met at Uni they really are a great bunch.

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#26  Edited By Jezer

You can set the mood of this post with. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYs5QkAbEUQ In fact, the story in the song depicts what essentially happened (except for the stalking, killing the bf scheme, ect.) Well, mostly just the third verse.

As a foreshadow, if this post could have any title, it would be I Give Up. Officially. Anyways

Freshman year of college, last school year: I walked into my philosophy class roughly 3 minutes before it started. Without a single glance around, I sat down in the closest seat. Stretched.

Looked to my right. And saw one of the most gorgeous girls I had seen on my campus. I know, what a wonderful surprise on the first day of class? I must talk to this girl, I thought to myself. Considering that in the first week of Freshman year no one in your level knows anyone and making conversation with anyone is appropriate, I immediately introduced myself and started talking to her. What did I discover? That beautiful face was almost eclipsed by an even prettier voice.

I don't exactly remember how the conversation went, but at the end of the class, I walked back to my dorm with this girl. Her dorm was close to mine. And then-- my memories are kind of foggy when it comes to this - woefully inexperienced in the ways of tact and dating finesse, apparently I added her on Facebook and messaged her asking if she wanted to go to a soccer game. Damn, what was I thinking? lmao

"Hey, It's ___ from your Philosophy class.

There's a soccer game tonight, and one of the promoters told me that if I go, after filling something out, I could win stuff and I'd get free food.

Long story short: I was wondering if you'd be interested in going with me to the game? - if you aren't busy and don't have any plans. Think about it.

It's totally okay if you say no, though."

"aw, that sounds really fun!! i'd love to go, but i already promised to hang out with a friend from high school tonight. i'm really sorry :( if you hear about another game or something, let me know! i hate turning down free food :P "

After asking her out to two more things at later dates, all being politely declined for whatever reason, I was straight with her. I asked her if I was annoying her and playing the part of that guy on tv who constantly asks out a girl too nice to officially turn him down, instead opting out to claim that she's "too busy". She said that no, she actually was busy, but she did just get of a relationship she really wasn't over, but we should still be friends. I assured her that "friendships are too underrated these days" and I'd love to be her friend. I'm not sure if that counts as the first official rejection, or the three prior when she was too busy. So, we ended up being friends. We walked and talked back to our dorms after every class. I kept trying to hang out with her... she was busy a lot.

Anyways, the next official rejection comes a month or so later. I thought, maybe if I was sweet and nice and all that, she would get over her boyfriend she just broke up with. I gave it plenty of time. And then, I'm not gonna go into the details, one day I sent her a text message as a reply from something about some girl that liked me "she's not the one I want to impress :)" or something like that. After an hour or so, she replied saying that she hoped she wasn't leading me on and that she's in an on-off relationship with that previous boyfriend, who she got back together with, and she only really liked me as a friend. Ouch.

Despite the pain, I stayed friends with her. I became good friends with her. However, for the rest of the year and some of this school year, I had hope that if I just bided my time, even if it took 2 years, maybe I could catch this girl I'd been chasing my entire college career. In a sense, it worked. She and her boyfriend broke up like the summer before sophmore year(our current year). There was a big club program we both went to. They had an after party at a club. I went clubbing with her and her friends. Danced with her. Closest I'd ever physically been to her. Had a great time. And really, it was one of the best nights of that year...

But I officially give up.

Why? Another one of my good friends is in an on-off relationship with a guy. Another guy asked her out while they were still together and she said no. But when she and her boyfriend split up next, she broke the cycle. She messaged the new guy and told him she'd broken up with her boyfriend and was available now. They are currently dating.

If this girl I've been chasing actually liked me, wouldn't she have done the same? I've invested enough energy in chasing this girl. I've given her enough self-esteem boosts. Seriously, I asked her out the first day I met her? Wow. I've been rejected enough times by this girl, she does not deserve another chance to reject me - or just me courting her in general.

If she ever decides she likes me--cool. But you're gonna have to make the moves. You're gonna have to court me. I'm done

I'm not sure if this is influenced by the idea that apparently I'm a bigger catch this year, since I have several girls courting me now. Maybe it's related to the jealousy I felt about a month and a half ago when I was eating lunch with her and her roommate, and another guy joined us. And the proportional amount of attention she gave him compared to me. The anger I felt at myself for feeling that jealous, since I pride myself in my self-composure. Either way, I'm done. I'm letting go.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWGLYEBYmyI

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#notreallycollegeproblemsbut#lifeproblems (might edit this post later)

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#27  Edited By Jezer

"The merit of contract terminology is that it conveys the ideas that the principles may be concieved as principles chosen by rational persons, and that in this way conceptions of justice may be explained or justified. The theory of justice is a part, perhaps the most significant part, of the theory of rational choice...The conditions of publicity for principles of justice is also connoted by the contract phraseology."-Theory of Justice by John Rawls

After 3 pages of this, wait.... what the fuck did I just read?

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