WORD OF THE DAY:
Hot Dog-
noun
1. a frankfurter, especially one served hot in a long, soft roll and topped with various condiments.
"he's ordering a hot dog"
2.NORTH AMERICAN informal
a person who shows off, especially a skier or surfer who performs stunts or tricks.
THE STORY:
I just had a cold hotdog, or a colddog, or a not so hot hotdog, or an icedog, or anti-hotdog, or a negative hot hotdog, whatever you wanna call it for lunch.
Here's what happened:
1) I got hungry.
2) I looked around for food. I could only find hotdogs.
3) I started cooking the hotdogs.
4) It started to drizzle.
5) I finished cooking hotdogs and thought nothing of the drizzle.
6) I put the hotdogs on some slices of bread because I'm out of buns.
7) I put ketchup on the hotdogs and that's it. Because I'm weird and don't like anything else on there.
7.1) While I was doing this my phone went off with a weather alert and if you ever had that happen you know when that happens your phone makes an obnoxiously loud sound. I was in the zone putting this ketchup on the hotdog and that sound came screeching out of my pocket. I jumped, dropped the ketchup bottle on the floor (it squirted everywhere), and nearly had a heart attack. It was so loud, I thought we were under attack by the Canadians (they're too nice, I don't trust them). I took out my phone and saw it was a Severe Storm Warning... It was still drizzling and so I thought nothing of it.
7.2) The TV is on in the room right next to the kitchen and all the sudden one of the Sever Weather Warnings comes on there. I have a dog with very sensitive ears, so whenever that BEEP sound is made by the TV she freaks out and starts running around the house like there's a bomb going off. This time she just freaked out, started barking, and running in circles. I laugh because she looks hilarious. She gets dizzy and slams into the wall. I freak out, but she gets up fine.
7.3) I'm petting my dogs head to comfort her in case she hurt herself from the wall incident, and all of the sudden I see a huge flash of light outside the living room window and it's immediately followed by a gigantic BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!! My dog starts running so fast it looks like she's in the Scooby Doo show because she's running in one spot while her feet are flying. She finally gains traction, runs downstairs, and is howling and barking from the basement.
8) Its pouring out now, all the windows are open because it was hot out, and so I have to run around the house closing all the windows. Before I'm even finished doing this (we have a LOT of windows) the storm eases up a bit and my dog comes back upstairs (I don't notice her right away) and starts licking the ketchup all over the kitchen. I finish with the windows and all the sudden I hear a little licking noise. I go into the kitchen, look at my dog, and my dog looks at me. He mouth and paws are covered with ketchup and it looks like she just ripped a man in half from all the red in her teeth and claws. I hold her away from the ketchup with one hand and try cleaning up what's left on the ground with another when all the sudden she starts gagging from eating too much ketchup and then she starts throwing up on me and the floor. So now I'm trying to keep the dog from eating the ketchup while trying to clean up the ketchup while trying to keep her away from me so she stops puking on me while trying to clean up her throw up so she doesn't eat it.
9) I miraculously finish cleaning all that, taking care of my dog, and washing up. I grab my plate with two hotdogs and a pickle and bring it to my room to eat because I wanted to watch something on my TV while I ate. I sit down, get comfortable, and then when I go to pick up my hotdog I realize it's no longer a hot dog. I'm too lazy to get back up so I eat it anyway.
.
.
.
.
.
I learned today that hotdogs have hot in their name for a reason. That cold-dog was the worst thing I've ever tasted in my fifteen years of life. I have never tasted a more disgusting,y vile piece of garbage in my life.
What did it taste like you ask? Like eating cold bloody poo as it came out of a ninety year old man's butt with a hairy mole on it that hadn't been wiped for years.
Now excuse me while I go to the bathroom for the sixteenth time since I've eaten that.... Monster.
Joke of the day, serving it up Gary's way:
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel, and a chihuahua?
A hot diggity, dog!
UPDATE: If you remember, I started out with two hotdogs. I don't let food go to waste and so I have now eaten two cold dogs today.
Log in to comment