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#1 Edited by Mrhomelesshobo (5 posts) - - Show Bio

You see, Jesus is one of the most powerful heroes, he has the ability to beat Superman, batman, captain america, and even good old Hulk. But why can he beat all these heroes? Not because he is holy, not because he is the son of god, but because he can turn water into wine.

You see Jesus can turn water into wine evidenced by this bible verse here

2 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”

4 “Woman,[a] why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.”

5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

6 Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.[b]

7 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.

8 Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.”

They did so, 9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10 and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”

11 What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him.

Credit http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+2:1-11

You may say, "So what! Jesus can turn water into wine, big deal! Batman has the batarangs and the gas bombs!", but you see since Jesus can turn water into wine he could instakill most human heroes! and the reason for this is because on average the human body is 60% water. The water in your body basically allows you to live!

Your body uses water in many ways. Water cushions and lubricates joints; nourishes and protects the brain, spinal cord and other tissues; keeps the body's temperature normal; and helps remove waste through perspiration, bowel movements and urination. Humans are composed mostly of water, which is not surprising when you consider that humans descended from single-cell organisms that originated in the oceans millions of years ago.

Credit http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/need-drink-water-4301.html

So with that, when Jesus turns your body into wine, you would die very quickly, almost instantly. And that would include all your favorite heros like Batman or Spiderman, because they are humans they need water to live. But you may feel drunk before you die so at least there is a good side

#2 Posted by frozenedge (1347 posts) - - Show Bio

eh Squirrel Gril could beat him

#3 Posted by dagmar_merrill (10331 posts) - - Show Bio

Yeah, low level matter manipulation isn't new to any of them. Also.. Jesus doesn't really have the reactions to keep up with any of them.

#4 Edited by Doomnaut (1994 posts) - - Show Bio

Odin would kick his a**.

#5 Posted by Mrhomelesshobo (5 posts) - - Show Bio
#6 Posted by dagmar_merrill (10331 posts) - - Show Bio

@mrhomelesshobo: Yeah.. I am saying any of them could one shot him before he does his neat water trick.

#7 Posted by Jonez120 (5238 posts) - - Show Bio

Batman > Jesus

#8 Posted by Wolverine08 (45714 posts) - - Show Bio

The title got me.

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#9 Posted by kyrees (6272 posts) - - Show Bio

@mrhomelesshobo: jesus is too slow to react on people who move at supersonic speeds.

#10 Posted by Farkam (5303 posts) - - Show Bio
#11 Posted by Mrhomelesshobo (5 posts) - - Show Bio

@kyrees: As from the quote shown we have no idea how long it would take. It could take mili-seconds or it could take minutes. Until the next series in the bible comes out we have no way of knowing for sure.

#12 Posted by fps_dean (260 posts) - - Show Bio

Jesus was nailed to a cross... Thor carries a hammer. Any questions?

#13 Posted by Jayc1324 (13561 posts) - - Show Bio

Well Jesus is omniscient so he would know when someone will speed blitz before they even decided to do it

#14 Posted by dagmar_merrill (10331 posts) - - Show Bio

@kyrees: As from the quote shown we have no idea how long it would take. It could take mili-seconds or it could take minutes. Until the next series in the bible comes out we have no way of knowing for sure.

Since the bible reads so slow the logical assumption is that it took eons.

#15 Posted by kyrees (6272 posts) - - Show Bio

@mrhomelesshobo: a second difference is all it takes to lop off jesus's head.

#16 Edited by Mrhomelesshobo (5 posts) - - Show Bio

@dagmar_merrill: @kyrees: For speed, we have to go into some old bible shit here, now Jesus is also known to be God and the son of God (how ever that works) now at God's greatest feat, creating the universe, according to the Bible it took an entire week to create the Solar System, thats pretty fucking fast, I believe moving at that speed would give someone enough reaction time to see Superman or most heroes coming.

#17 Posted by batkevin74 (11224 posts) - - Show Bio

@mrhomelesshobo: Sure Jesus can turn water into wine, he can even walk on water but he's got this code of ten things his dad wrote which has "Thou shalt not kill" on it, so he can't instakill anyone.

He is a great fictional character though, like the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and his dad Santa Claus

#18 Edited by Mrhomelesshobo (5 posts) - - Show Bio

@mrhomelesshobo:

@jayc1324 said:

Well Jesus is omniscient so he would know when someone will speed blitz before they even decided to do it

That too.

@batkevin74 Superman wouldn't kill either, but in these death battles we always say he can, Same rule applies here.

#19 Posted by kyrees (6272 posts) - - Show Bio

@mrhomelesshobo: that's slow, very slow. 7 days worth of creating a solar system when beings in marvel or dc have created galaxies or universe in an instant.

#20 Posted by AssertingValor (5474 posts) - - Show Bio

This thread is so sad

#21 Posted by Jokerpoker (2976 posts) - - Show Bio

Well Jesus does have some pretty cool powers. I mean, changing water into wine?

#22 Posted by dagmar_merrill (10331 posts) - - Show Bio
#23 Posted by kyrees (6272 posts) - - Show Bio
#24 Posted by RulerOfThisUniverse (6366 posts) - - Show Bio

But if the water he walked on turned to wine, he'd start to drown and die. You lose, OP.

But he's still a pretty cool fictional character.

#25 Posted by Wolverine08 (45714 posts) - - Show Bio

But if the water he walked on turned to wine, he'd start to drown and die. You lose, OP.

But he's still a pretty cool fictional character.

Why did you have to go there?

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#26 Posted by Jonez120 (5238 posts) - - Show Bio
#27 Posted by Jonez120 (5238 posts) - - Show Bio

Zero Hour Parralax could take Jesus in a good fight.

#28 Edited by drgnx (3566 posts) - - Show Bio

Jesus doesn't have any offensive feats, he loses by default, superman wins by bfr (he sends him to heaven). Also, Jesus powers came from god, if he uses them, he is disqualified because of outside interference.

#29 Posted by Chibi_cute (4617 posts) - - Show Bio

This thread should be locked..

#30 Edited by oOSupermanThatHoeOo (647 posts) - - Show Bio

Superman isn't human, he speed blitzes Jesus before he has time to scratch his beard. Takes his head clean off. OP you lie cuh

#31 Posted by PrinceAragorn1 (20339 posts) - - Show Bio

Jesus > writer >> all of the heroes put together.

#32 Posted by oOSupermanThatHoeOo (647 posts) - - Show Bio

@princearagorn1: No no no my friend, it goes exactly like this Writer > Celestial level CB nonsense---Superman Prime---Spiderman ----Wildcat----> Jesus

#33 Edited by ccraft (5612 posts) - - Show Bio

Another instance of fans thinking a street level hero could beat A list heroes.

#34 Edited by Thitiki (4325 posts) - - Show Bio

gr8 b8 m8

Superman>

#35 Posted by Pokeysteve (8694 posts) - - Show Bio

Sounds like Jesus was a dick to his mom. Not cool brah. Not cool.

@rulerofthisuniverse said:

But if the water he walked on turned to wine, he'd start to drown and die. You lose, OP.

But he's still a pretty cool fictional character.

Why did you have to go there?

Lol yeah cause THAT is where this thread started going downhill.

#36 Posted by PrinceAragorn1 (20339 posts) - - Show Bio

@princearagorn1: No no no my friend, it goes exactly like this Writer > Celestial level CB nonsense---Superman Prime---Spiderman ----Wildcat----> Jesus

Not really. Gods/Avatars are above normal humans by definition, which is what stan lee is.

#37 Edited by oOSupermanThatHoeOo (647 posts) - - Show Bio

@wolverine08:

@rulerofthisuniverse said:

But if the water he walked on turned to wine, he'd start to drown and die. You lose, OP.

But he's still a pretty cool fictional character.

Why did you have to go there?

Isn't it obvious, because ....

#38 Edited by Cgoodness (6156 posts) - - Show Bio

#39 Edited by Bierschneeman (4221 posts) - - Show Bio

@mrhomelesshobo:

does it specify what kind of wine?

wine ranges from 99% water to 80% water. so if he turned your whole body into the low abv table wine of the day (usually more than 99% water sometimes as much as 95%) you would still have around 59% water in your body, so the lack of water would not kill you.

what could kill you is the alcohol (we are talking less than 4% but usually less than 1%) often you can poison yourself to death with a 0.5% but people have been known to survive much worse, citing several cases of people surviving 1.23% or 1.6% and so on, all people whom also survived the severe car accident that led them to be tested.

also, you need to turn morals OFF.... way off. too a point that I think putting Jesus in a battle is beyond wrong... and insulting.

#40 Edited by i_like_swords (17681 posts) - - Show Bio

Alright buddy, whatever you say

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#41 Edited by AllStarSuperman (23013 posts) - - Show Bio
#42 Posted by Fallschirmjager (18986 posts) - - Show Bio
#43 Posted by WarBlade539 (4759 posts) - - Show Bio

If I had the ability to turn water into wine, I would save a lot of money.

#44 Posted by SSJDarthPlagueis (2574 posts) - - Show Bio

If I had the ability to turn water into wine, I would save a lot of money.

^ I prefer beer.

#45 Posted by SC (13409 posts) - - Show Bio

Hello, whilst I can appreciate the kind of humor the thread creator may have intended, there is too much potential for devolution into flaming, baiting and room for users to be offended or insulted. Sorry.

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