#1 Posted by TheDrifter (26555 posts) - - Show Bio

Done by Bam!Kapow!

After Buckshots thread, I was inspired to post the most "Un-manly" list from Bam!Kapow!

Also, Please note, These are'nt my picks so no hate mail

You had to have seen it coming. I mean, we couldn’t have a Top Ten Manliest Superheroes without a Top Ten Un-Manliest Superheroes could we? Well, we can’t, and you shouldn’t expect anything less from our blatant attempts at mediocre sensationalism.

In case you missed all the action last week, here’s a link to our Top Ten Manliest Superheroes. I recommend you read that before you read this, cause you can’t know what a manly man isn’t unless you know what he is. Oh, and lets all just remember that this is for fun people? Got it? Great, good, on to the insanity.

10. Batman

Some of you may be shocked by Batman’s inclusion on this list, but you should first consider some very telling signs that he may not be as ‘manly’ as he might first appear. For starters, he has to use all those gadgets and gizmos to get anything done, and while some may hail his utility belt as a wonderful piece of crime-fighting equipment, all I see is a glorified fanny pack. Batman, as Bruce Wayne, simply has way too easy of a life to be the manliest of men. He’s only Batman what, 70% of the time? That’s only 70% manliness while 30% of the time he’s the wussy Bruce Wayne who seems too able to match brown shoes with a brown belt to me, a real man doesn’t notice such color coordinating nuisances that keep him from wearing his favorite boots with his black and red plaid shirt. So while we like his dark nature, dysfunctional personality and propensity for violence, we don’t like the pansy routine (no matter how necessary to keep up appearances) or his general concern for others’ feelings.

9. Iron Fist

I really hate to include him on this list but…it must be done. Let’s face it, he wears little yellow booties. The dragon tattoo on his chest is ok but his lemon-lime color scheme has him looking like a spokesman for Sprite. His real name is Danny Rand and as the Iron Fist he was part of a duo back in the 70’s called Heroes for Hire. Danny was always the ‘bitch’ of the duo. Luke Cage, his partner, had him by the balls and where Luke led, Danny followed. Now that’s not very manly.

 

 

 

 

 

8. Thor

Thor was one of the first ones I knew had to be on this list. It’s a running joke in the Marvel Universe that he’s a ‘metro-sexual’ through and through. He reads Wedding Monthly and has long blond hair that he must condition constantly to keep it looking as nice as it is. Shampooing, rinsing, conditioning, rinsing, and repeating are not manly activities. Throw in his usual hippie attitudes and you have a fairly girly man there. The boy wears knee high boots, tight knee high boots. You just can’t be that manly when you cry at weddings.

 

 

 

 

 

 

7. Shipwreck

Shipwreck’s one of the GI Joes and is only a Navy Petty Officer. Not a SEAL or anything, Shipwreck is the designated boat driver. Never mind the obvious point that being the chauffer for real badasses like Duke and Snake-Eyes is unmanly, his name is freaking SHIPWRECK! Who the hell hires a boat driver that has a nickname Shipwreck? What the hell were they thinking? Finally, the man dresses like he’s in the YMCA. Shipwreck doesn’t just work hard, he plays hard too.

6.

Warren Worthington the third was one of the original X-Men, and where did that get him? A stint on the B-lister team the Champions, that’s where. Maybe his power of flight alone wasn’t enough to give him the A-list credit? Beast was one of the Avengers for heaven’s sake, pun intended. is a spoiled rich kid who happened to have wings on his back. That’s it. Didn’t he feel just a bit out of place with the likes of Cyclops, Iceman, etc. who had real powers? I mean come on, flight? And not even real FLIGHT! But only the limited flight his wings could provide.

This forced him to do things like shoot bazookas at his enemies all the time or get stuck with ‘scouting’ duties. I can picture it now:

Cyclops: “Gee Angel, why don’t you go scout out the scene while we fight the bad guy?”

Angel: “But I scouted last time. I want to help you guys fight.”

Cyclops: “Yeah, about that…listen, we really need a scout…please stop crying.”

5. Bruce Banner

Now, I know the Hulk is very manly: smashing things, running around half-naked, and generally being pissed off, but Bruce Banner is his unmanly alter-ego. If the Hulk is very manly and the Hulk is everything Banner isn’t then it’s obvious that Banner is very unmanly. Left to his own devices, Banner would sit inside all day pining away for a girl, Betty Ross. He’s bullied by everyone around him, including Ross’ father General Ross.

General Ross, a real manly man, realized the horrible feminist tendencies in Banner and set out to have him destroyed. I think it is because of this, and not the Hulk at all, which is the real reason General Ross tried to kill him. I mean if your daughter eventually fell for the weak and puny Banner, wouldn’t you try to kill him too?

 

 

4. Reed Richards (aka Mr. Fantastic)

The man is the ‘dad’ of the Fantastic Four and while fathers are normally manly, this one can be considered as manly as Rosanne Barr is skinny. Like most of the other heroes on this list, his power is pretty lame: he can stretch. Wow Reed, if I need someone to reach behind the fridge I’ll let you know.

Also like a lot of people on this list, he’s a NERD! A mega nerd with no social skills (Peter Parker at least always dated lots of hot chicks), and while Reed did luck out somehow to get the Invisible Woman, I really think there’s got to be some catch there. You see, I got this theory that all her claims of loving his intellect is B.S. cause I think she’s just kinky with his ‘stretching’ powers if you know what I mean. That doesn’t mean he still isn’t wussy and sits around reading all the time and thinking about stuff rather than being out in the wilderness. Nothing manly about reading, unless it’s the menu at Randy’s BBQ.

 

 

3. Michelangelo

He’s the team screw-up that causes more problems than he solves. The rest of the turtles constantly have to cover for his mistakes. He’s also the team idiot who usually just cracks unfunny jokes and eats pizza all the time. But more than anything else, his weapon is his downfall. When was the last time you ever saw nunchaku’s kill a man? Not killing men is unmanly. He’s also single handedly the character responsible for all the damn catch phrases like ‘cowabunga’ and so on. Noting more harmful to youth culture can be presented than the promotion of the word ‘cowabunga’. As if the world needed more pseudo-surfer slang.

2. Bumblebee

This one was easy. Bumblebee is the Transformers team wiener, coward, and all around waste of metal. All he’s good for is failing miserably so the rest of the Autobots can look even cooler when they beat Megatron and save Bumblebee at the same time. If that wasn’t enough, he transforms into a VW BUG! COME ON! There is no manly thing about a VW Bug. I know a guy who bought a Bug and then died three minutes later of an estrogen overdose. Finally, Bumblebee was almost always the catalyst for the show’s ‘moral lesson’ and boy did that piss me off every time I had to learn, cause that’s not manly.

1. Aquaman

Oh let the hate mail pour in. You had to see it coming. You just had to. His power is to talk to freaking sea creatures! It’s the most limited power for a character that is supposed to be one of the top echelon of DC superheroes. Not all animals, which might have given him just enough versatility to be useful, but NO! only sea creatures. There is nothing manly about Flipper or Nemo. To make matters worse, a character who COULD talk to all animals was created, named Animal Man (cause that’s creative). Aquaman isn’t even a little special anymore.

The people at DC aren’t stupid, they saw the unmanliness too. So they cut off his hand, gave him a pirate hook/harpoon, grew him a manly beard and said ‘look! He’s manly now’. Sorry, nice try, come again. The harpoon/hook is a joke. He never spears anything with it and he usually just has it scratch his back, never anything manly. And let us not forget that his power is still talking to sea creatures. Sitting around conversing with crustaceans and speaking with seahorses is not manly, eating them maybe, but not fraternizing with them surely.

And must I mention the gold sequin shirt with large green gloves and pants? Why the hell would a person born to the sea need gloves? Or wear pants? Men don’t wear colored pants, they wear jeans, fatigues, and go nude—that’s it.

Ok, now think about this. Gold sequin shirts don’t come in stores. He had to make it. Think about that for a second. He actually took the time to make himself a gold sequin shirt. Aquaman is as manly as PMS and just as logical.

 


#2 Posted by zee crusher (8997 posts) - - Show Bio

How does batman make both lists?

#3 Posted by Buckshot (18914 posts) - - Show Bio

LMAO! Thor! This is always going to be funny.

Moderator
#4 Posted by TheDrifter (26555 posts) - - Show Bio
Buckshot said:
"LMAO! Thor! This is always going to be funny.
"

I was afraid of what some people would say about that.

 

Lol.

#5 Edited by zee crusher (8997 posts) - - Show Bio
#6 Posted by Vance Astro (91191 posts) - - Show Bio

Batman?

Moderator
#7 Posted by Cryo-Wolf (12662 posts) - - Show Bio

You copied about half of YOUR word choice from this very list. Yeah, I  hate this list and you for posting it. You should've just left it at the manliest. This list is just depressing. Shouldn't you have been on it?

Go play in traffic.

#8 Posted by Cryo-Wolf (12662 posts) - - Show Bio

Hehe...she said "His hammer! Coming so Fast! Barely managed to dodge!"

LMAO

#9 Posted by Vance Astro (91191 posts) - - Show Bio
zee crusher said:
""
PIS anyone?
Moderator
#10 Posted by TheDrifter (26555 posts) - - Show Bio
Cryo-Wolf said:
"

You copied about half of YOUR word choice from this very list. Yeah, I  hate this list and you for posting it. You should've just left it at the manliest. This list is just depressing. Shouldn't you have been on it?

Go play in traffic.

"
Lay off dude.
#11 Posted by Cryo-Wolf (12662 posts) - - Show Bio
TheDrifter said:
"Lay off dude.
"

P!$$ off dude.
#12 Posted by Methos (40103 posts) - - Show Bio

wtf...

M

#13 Posted by zee crusher (8997 posts) - - Show Bio
Vance Astro said:
"zee crusher said:
""
PIS anyone?"
What?
#14 Posted by King Saturn (223972 posts) - - Show Bio
Damn. Thor and Iron Fist got Played... thats messed up

lol
#15 Posted by No_Name_ (17403 posts) - - Show Bio

Batman? For real? NO WAY

He's like the Brawny man in an Armani Suit.

Now superman on the other hand....

#16 Posted by Vance Astro (91191 posts) - - Show Bio
BatgirlBabs said:
"Batman? For real? NO WAY

He's like the Brawny man in an Armani Suit.

Now superman on the other hand....
"
Batman did used to sleep with Grayson and he used gay sometimes to express his feelings...
Moderator
#17 Posted by pixelized (62882 posts) - - Show Bio

....ANGEL????

Moderator
#18 Posted by Vance Astro (91191 posts) - - Show Bio
zee crusher said:
"Vance Astro said:
"zee crusher said:
""
PIS anyone?"
What?
"
STORM..losing to a kiss is stupid.
Moderator
#19 Posted by Squall. (950 posts) - - Show Bio
Cryo-Wolf said:
"

You copied about half of YOUR word choice from this very list. Yeah, I  hate this list and you for posting it. You should've just left it at the manliest. This list is just depressing. Shouldn't you have been on it?

Go play in traffic.

"
ROFLMAO

gives cryo another hi five
#20 Posted by TheDrifter (26555 posts) - - Show Bio
BatgirlBabs said:
"Batman? For real? NO WAY

He's like the Brawny man in an Armani Suit.

Now superman on the other hand....
"

I agree with that.