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#1 Posted by Buckshot (18913 posts) - - Show Bio

 

 

10. Captain America

 

Captain is a lot like Batman in that he fights with his fists, is a bit of a rebel, and tends to take the moral high ground a lot. But unlike Batman, Cap is a badass 24/7. Steve Rogers (his real identity) is just as manly a man as Captain . Cap also doesn’t need a bunch of fancy doo-dads like Batman over there, but gets things done with a simple shield. Like MacGyver before him, Cap can do just about anything with that darned thing.

 

It should be noted that, along with Optimus Prime, Cap is a natural born leader who is able to lead other manly men just as easily as he is going it alone. He was once a chopper riding rebel (when he took on the identity of Nomad), and Cap’s only worried about feelings of camaraderie with his fellow soldiers. His women tend to be somewhat manly as well (we’re talking personality here), like his love affair with the attractive but deadly Agent 13, but note that he never commits to her. Partly cause he gets a little Atlantean on the side and partly cause a manly man can’t be tied down to dead weight ya hear?

 

9. Optimus Prime

 

Ok, bear with me on this one, he’s the only Autobot who can fight worth a damn, being a true warrior and all. Plus, he’s a semi. He’s a truck, which can turn into a half truck, half robot that kicks Megatron ass and has a largely dysfunctional authoritarian complex. He’s a trucker! And everyone knows that all truckers are manly men right? So by all standards, Optimus Prime (with the deepest/coolest voice on this list I might add) is a manly man, er…robot-man…thingy.

 

 

8. Batman

 

Some of you may be shocked by Batman’s placement in this list, but you should first consider some very telling signs that he may not be as ‘manly’ as he might first appear. For starters, he has to use all those gadgets and gizmos to get anything done, and while some may hail his utility belt as a wonderful piece of crime-fighting equipment, all I see is a glorified fanny pack. Batman, as Bruce Wayne, simply has way too easy of a life to be the manliest of men. He’s only Batman what, 70% of the time? That’s only 70% manliness while 30% of the time he’s the wussy Bruce Wayne who seems too able to match brown shoes with a brown belt to me, a real man doesn’t notice such color coordinating nuisances that keep him from wearing his favorite boots with his black and red plaid shirt. So while we like his dark nature, dysfunctional personality and propensity for violence, we don’t like the pansy routine (no matter how necessary to keep up appearances) or his general concern for others’ feelings.

7. Grifter

 

Grifter is the crude and tough cowboy type from the WildC.A.T.S. He enjoys spending his days doing things like cleaning his guns, shooting his guns, cleaning his guns again, and then smoking while shooting his guns before retiring for a one night stand with some licentious lady who he’ll never call again. He did have a thing for Zealot, but that’s understandable because she was a badass herself, coming from a long line of Coda warriors that were born for battle. Grifter is also the first on the list known to drink excessively, a very manly quality if there ever was one.

 

 

 

6. The Punisher

 

Let’s face it, The Punisher’s all black attire and skull symbol won’t win him any Fab Five Fashion awards, making him all the more manly, and he certainly fits the bill of emotionally dysfunctional (a problem that goes back to his time in Vietnam). The Punisher is excessively violent, and he has no qualms about picking a fight, or ending it with a shotgun either. He even only has sexual relations with equally dysfunctional women (as he did recently in Ennis’ Punisher run).

 

The Punisher is the type of masculine tiger that is probably a little too dysfunctional for society or at least the one he lives in. He simply isn’t appreciated in his time. If only he lived in the Dark Ages then his manliness would be hailed across the land and stories would be told to small children about the Punisher who’d chop their head off and spit down their neck if they didn’t do what they were told. What a wonderful time.

 

5. Gung-Ho

 

A lot of the G.I. Joes could have made this list, but Gung-Ho stood out among the pack. His name alone brings to mind manly tendencies to barge ahead recklessly without thought or consideration for others' safety. He also wears no shirt under his vest, all the better to show off his large Marine tattoo, and Gung-Ho is always seen with his camo-pants, a manly thing to wear if you are actually in the Armed Forces and shooting people on a regular basis. Gung-Ho is a Cajun, but unlike that whiny baby Gambit who’s become whipped by Rogue, he’s a gumbo eating, trash talking, swamp rat who prefers chewing his food with his mouth open and farting in front of ladies (very manly things to do I’m told).

 

 

 

4. Hellboy

 

These last four were all very hard to decide between because all three are loners, rebels, badmouthed cusses that all drink heavily and fight rough and dirty. Hellboy in particular is great at hitting the ‘big monster’ first and asking questions later. His giant stone fist is perfect for brawling with large bulbous demon creatures that look vaguely like butt-plugs. Besides, his rude behavior and general tough guy attitude are all what one would look for in a manly man. The only problem is that that tough guy attitude tends to cover up a big heart, not very manly. He’s also a bit attached to that gal, Liz Sherman, which owns his tail (so to speak), not very masculine at all, even if he does smoke a stogie while doing it.

 

3. Wolverine

 

Ah, now we are coming down to the real cream of the crop here. is renowned for three things, boozing, fighting, and being a hairy little cuss. He’s good with the ladies, especially all those young girls who he ‘takes under his wing,’ and we all know that going after another guy’s girl (Jean Grey) is very manly. His claws and fisticuffs tend to get him the label of hard-nosed hellion who’ll do what it takes to get the job done, a very manly quality to have. He deserves to be on this list even if he is Canadian. Besides, used to be a freaking lumberjack for Pete’s sake, there is nothing more manly than that.

 

2. Lobo

 

Sometime in the 90’s, Lobo was created as a backlash to all things ‘manly’ in superheroes. He was to be the ultimate parody of characters like Wolverine and Punisher with their ultra anti-hero manliness. But Lobo was SO manly, and just a badass in general, that he flipped off his creator and became the poster boy for modern manliness anyway. Prone to extreme violence, Lobo flies around on his 'hover' chopper-bike while smoking cigars and stealing candy from small girls. Lobo is the last of his race, the rest having died off from his own murderous drive to be the baddest mutha in the whole universe. Sometimes he takes on Superman, sometimes he kills Santa Klaus, but whatever he’s doing, he’s doing it with such ‘manitude’ (the attitude of manliness) that he often only needs to look at women and they immediately start ovulating. Then he hits them right in the ovaries.

 

 

1. Conan

 

Oh, boy. This is the manliest man in comics today, or ever. He’ll just as soon knee you in the groin as he will kick you in the nuts, and that’s if he’s feeling nice and doesn’t elbow you in the nads. He’s every manly attribute I’ve talked about in this article so far including but not limited to womanizing, fighting, smoking, drinking, swearing, being arrogant, caring little for deep emotions or painful thinking and most importantly, he’s all of these things ALL of the time, and he's been doing it the longest by far. He never stops being the testosterone serving center that dishes it out one punch or ass slap at a time. He screws your girl, cuts your arm off, and tells you a crude joke all before eating your dinner with his bare hands. And you love him for it. He’s the crudest thing ever to pop out of a baby-maker whose taste for serving wenches, ale, and bar-room brawls is insatiable. He is the Manliest Superhero Ever!

 
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#2 Posted by Super-Buster (2358 posts) - - Show Bio

Well, someone was bored. Are you inviting us to list and explain our manliest super-heroes as well?


PS. LMAO
#3 Posted by Asesino (376 posts) - - Show Bio

lmao. Thats awesome.

#4 Posted by Vance Astro (91122 posts) - - Show Bio

Optimus Prime? WTF?

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#5 Posted by Quintus_Knightfall (84593 posts) - - Show Bio
Shakes head
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#6 Posted by Buckshot (18913 posts) - - Show Bio
Super-Buster said:
"Well, someone was bored. Are you inviting us to list and explain our manliest super-heroes as well?
Sure!

Vance Astro said:
"Optimus Prime? WTF?"
I think that's the best one.

Gambler said:
"Shakes head
"
You know you love it.
Moderator
#7 Posted by Akira Overdrive (10075 posts) - - Show Bio

No Thor?Ares?Hercules?

WTF?haha

#8 Posted by zee crusher (8997 posts) - - Show Bio

Conan does deserve to be number one. The type of stuff he fights and the way he handles it really shows a man with no powers and what the can do lol. Sorry batman.

#9 Posted by Quintus_Knightfall (84593 posts) - - Show Bio
Buckshot said:
You know you love it.
"
Until I got to this part "Gung-Ho is a Cajun, but unlike that whiny baby Gambit"
$#@! Gung Ho
Moderator
#10 Posted by Asesino (376 posts) - - Show Bio

I'll make my list in a second.

#11 Posted by Vance Astro (91122 posts) - - Show Bio
Buckshot said:
"Super-Buster said:
"Well, someone was bored. Are you inviting us to list and explain our manliest super-heroes as well?
Sure!

Vance Astro said:
"Optimus Prime? WTF?"
I think that's the best one.

Gambler said:
"Shakes head
"
You know you love it.
"
Optimus isn't even a man....LMFAO.
Moderator
#12 Posted by XIV (76 posts) - - Show Bio
Gambler said:
"Buckshot said:
You know you love it.
"
Until I got to this part "Gung-Ho is a Cajun, but unlike that whiny baby Gambit"
$#@! Gung Ho
"
HAHA!
#13 Posted by Asesino (376 posts) - - Show Bio
Gambler said:
"Buckshot said:
You know you love it.
"
Until I got to this part "Gung-Ho is a Cajun, but unlike that whiny baby Gambit"
$#@! Gung Ho
"

LMMFAO.
#14 Posted by Buckshot (18913 posts) - - Show Bio
Gambler said:
"Buckshot said:
You know you love it.
"
Until I got to this part "Gung-Ho is a Cajun, but unlike that whiny baby Gambit"
$#@! Gung Ho
"
lol, guess that might have hurt a bit. Make your own list and put Gambit wherever you want.

Vance Astro said:
Optimus isn't even a man....LMFAO."
That should tell you something. He's so manly that the fact that he's not a man can't stop him from being manly.
Moderator
#15 Posted by Ramza Beoulve (9 posts) - - Show Bio

Conan was my pick for #1 when I read the title too.

#16 Posted by zee crusher (8997 posts) - - Show Bio
Akira Overdrive said:
"No Thor?Ares?Hercules?

WTF?haha
"
My god your right about that. In Thor blood oath Hercules is seen with women he had apparently been having sex with for weeks lol. In and Older Thor comic he was seen in his bed having women sent to his room. Ares not to sure on him but he has a wife...............
#17 Posted by Methos (40103 posts) - - Show Bio

and why is Jesse Custer not on this list?

M

#18 Posted by Vance Astro (91122 posts) - - Show Bio

Well I think the list is fairly accurate.I have no idea who Gung Ho is and Optimus is a little on the egde but I agree with everyone else.

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#19 Posted by Vance Astro (91122 posts) - - Show Bio

Well I think the list is fairly accurate.I have no idea who Gung Ho is and Optimus is a little on the egde but I agree with everyone else.

Moderator
#20 Posted by TheDrifter (26555 posts) - - Show Bio

TOP TEN MANLIEST HEROS (In Drifter's opinion)

10: Midnighter

caption












9: Deathstroke

caption

















8: Jack Hawksmoor
caption















7: Eddie Brock


caption












That all I got now.
#21 Posted by Akira Overdrive (10075 posts) - - Show Bio

Venom and Deathstroke ain't superheroes.

#22 Posted by TheDrifter (26555 posts) - - Show Bio
Akira Overdrive said:
"Venom and Deathstroke ain't superheroes.
"

No, But they're manly.
#23 Posted by T.J. Magnum (27685 posts) - - Show Bio

prime.....don't you have to be a man...to be manly

#24 Posted by King Saturn (223829 posts) - - Show Bio
Take Out Optimus Prime which aint even a Man... and insert Jack Hawksmoor... and I can see that being a decent list
#25 Posted by No_Name_ (17403 posts) - - Show Bio

Buckshot nice work ^^

Nobody said The Hulk, Im amazed.


Does he have to be a hero? If not, Bane.

#26 Posted by T.J. Magnum (27685 posts) - - Show Bio

where is the strip club owning, billionaire, career soldier that is virtually inderstecuble ?

im talking about Brit.lol

caption


#27 Posted by King Saturn (223829 posts) - - Show Bio
T.J. Magnum said:
"where is the strip club owning, billionaire, career soldier that is virtually inderstecuble ?

im talking about Brit.lol

caption


"
Ha Ha Ha  !  Brit is a real fu#king animal dude
#28 Posted by T.J. Magnum (27685 posts) - - Show Bio

with a name like that,you know he is bada$$

#29 Posted by pixelized (62882 posts) - - Show Bio
Methos said:
"and why is Jesse Custer not on this list?

M
"

Or namor
Moderator
#30 Posted by Buckshot (18913 posts) - - Show Bio
T.J. Magnum said:
"with a name like that,you know he is bada$$"
What, Brittany?
Moderator
#31 Posted by Vance Astro (91122 posts) - - Show Bio
Buckshot said:
"T.J. Magnum said:
"with a name like that,you know he is bada$$"
What, Brittany?
"
LMFAO.
Moderator
#32 Posted by T.J. Magnum (27685 posts) - - Show Bio
Buckshot said:
"T.J. Magnum said:
"with a name like that,you know he is bada$$"
What, Brittany?
"

yep lol
#33 Posted by Vance Astro (91122 posts) - - Show Bio
T.J. Magnum said:
"where is the strip club owning, billionaire, career soldier that is virtually inderstecuble ?

im talking about Brit.lol

caption


"
C'mon,how are you tough with a tight ass christmas sweater on?
Moderator
#34 Posted by No_Name_ (17403 posts) - - Show Bio

u guys are cracking me up

#35 Posted by King Saturn (223829 posts) - - Show Bio
Wow. Brittany is getting ripped on. I still think he is badazz .... he should change his name to Craig or something though

lol
#36 Posted by T.J. Magnum (27685 posts) - - Show Bio
Vance Astro said:
"T.J. Magnum said:
"where is the strip club owning, billionaire, career soldier that is virtually inderstecuble ?

im talking about Brit.lol

caption


"
C'mon,how are you tough with a tight ass christmas sweater on?"
lol

at least he is not dress like this


caption


#37 Posted by Vance Astro (91122 posts) - - Show Bio
King Saturn said:
"Wow. Brittany is getting ripped on. I still think he is badazz .... he should change his name to Craig or something though

lol
"
LMFAO...The creator killed it for him by making Brit short for Brittany.If his name was Brit because he was British,it would be more understandable..and he's killing me with that damn sweater.
Moderator
#38 Posted by Quintus_Knightfall (84593 posts) - - Show Bio

What about Luke Cage? Can we get some color in this b!tch damn :P

Moderator
#39 Posted by No_Name_ (17403 posts) - - Show Bio
Gambler said:
"What about Luke Cage? Can we get some color in this b!tch damn :P
"
I said the HULK :P
#40 Posted by Vance Astro (91122 posts) - - Show Bio
Gambler said:
"What about Luke Cage? Can we get some color in this b!tch damn :P
"
Maybe they didn't put Cage on the list because of the yellow dress shirt and the tiara thing...
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#41 Posted by Quintus_Knightfall (84593 posts) - - Show Bio
BatgirlBabs said:
"Gambler said:
"What about Luke Cage? Can we get some color in this b!tch damn :P
"
I said the HULK :P
"
Anyone who wears purple cut offs is anything but manly :P
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#42 Posted by No_Name_ (17403 posts) - - Show Bio

Damn Marvel. Trying to keep the green man down

#43 Posted by Vance Astro (91122 posts) - - Show Bio
T.J. Magnum said:
"Vance Astro said:
"T.J. Magnum said:
"where is the strip club owning, billionaire, career soldier that is virtually inderstecuble ?

im talking about Brit.lol

caption


"
C'mon,how are you tough with a tight ass christmas sweater on?"
lol

at least he is not dress like this


caption


"
I would rather have a real uniform than wearing something my Grandma made for me to wear on holidays.
Moderator
#44 Posted by T.J. Magnum (27685 posts) - - Show Bio
Vance Astro said:
"T.J. Magnum said:
"Vance Astro said:
"T.J. Magnum said:
"where is the strip club owning, billionaire, career soldier that is virtually inderstecuble ?

im talking about Brit.lol

caption


"
C'mon,how are you tough with a tight ass christmas sweater on?"
lol

at least he is not dress like this


caption


"
I would rather have a real uniform than wearing something my Grandma made for me to wear on holidays."

lol


nice one...vance,real good,so dang funny


claps
#45 Posted by Buckshot (18913 posts) - - Show Bio
T.J. Magnum said:
"Vance Astro said:
"T.J. Magnum said:
"where is the strip club owning, billionaire, career soldier that is virtually inderstecuble ?

im talking about Brit.lol

caption


"
C'mon,how are you tough with a tight ass christmas sweater on?"
lol

at least he is not dress like this


caption


"
Ouch.



Forreal though, I like Brit. He's so manly that his manliness overflowed into his sister.
Moderator
#46 Posted by Quintus_Knightfall (84593 posts) - - Show Bio

I'd wear that sweater -__-

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#47 Posted by T.J. Magnum (27685 posts) - - Show Bio
the shirt is yellow,but it's not disco


#48 Posted by Vance Astro (91122 posts) - - Show Bio
T.J. Magnum said:
"
the shirt is yellow,but it's not disco


"
This is why Tyrese is playing him in the movie.
Moderator
#49 Posted by Quintus_Knightfall (84593 posts) - - Show Bio
caption

Moderator
#50 Posted by Vance Astro (91122 posts) - - Show Bio
ZORN said:
"
A human that can kill an elephant as big as a dinosaur now that's manly.

Yujiro Hanma


















































"
OMG!!!
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