Posted by Timandm (3374 posts) - - Show Bio

When I was young, back when I first started driving, I discovered I had a super power...  I could control other people.  Seriously.  I could make them do things..
 
The first time it happened, I was stopped at a red light at an intersection.  This was one of those roads with four lanes (two in each direction.)  As it happened, there was a car to my right, also stopped at the red light.  Now, being young and impatient, I 'anticipated' the light changing from red to green.  I 'EASED' on the gas just a smidgen and my car moved forward a few inches.  and then... IT... happened.  The driver next to me inched HIS car forward a few inches...  
 
At first, I thought it was just coincidence, but it happened again the very next day.  After that, I decided to TEST this odd occurrence.   The next time I was stopped at a red light with someone next to me, I intentionally inched forward even though I knew the light wasn't going to change.   Lo and behold, the car NEXT to me inched forward.   So, I did it again!  I inched forward and SO DID THE OTHER DRIVER!  It was actually happening!  I was causing them to inch forward!  I had a super power!
 
Now, over the next few days I experimented with this procedure and it worked nearly 100% of the time...  Not a complete 100% success, but I was still new to this wondrous power.
 
It was not long after, that I learned that I could do MORE with my power...  I found a connection between my ability to control other drivers.... and makeup...
 
I made the discovery one morning when I was late for work...  I stopped at a red light, but this time, I was behind another driver.   The driver was a woman who was looking into her rear-view mirror and putting on her makeup.  Well, the light turned green, but the woman in front of me didn't notice, as she was doing her makeup.  Being in a hurry, I honked my horn and then...IT...happened.  The woman stepped on the gas and sped forward without even looking to see if the light was green or if the way was clear!!!!
 
"WOW!" I thought.  "I have the power to make women drive unsafely through intersections!"   Fortunately, events unfolded such that I had a PLETHORA of opportunities to test my new found power.  and it NEVER failed.  Each time I stopped at a red light, during rush hour traffic, behind a woman using her rear view mirror to do her makeup, all I had to do to make her drive unsafely through the intersection, was honk on my horn and ZOOOMMM!  She would speed through the intersection... Or, at least, INTO the intersection.
 
Now, for the record, I'm not an idiot.  After the first few crashes I realized I should make sure there was no traffic coming in the other directions...  A person with super powers has to be careful how they use their powers.  With great horror, comes great responsibility!
 
Many years later, I found that I had a power connected to a woman riding IN my car who was putting on makeup. I learned that a woman in the passenger seat of my car who was putting on makeup or lipstick could be...affected...  If I suddenly stepped on the brakes, I could alter the course of her lip liner or lip stick or eye liner....  Once, I wanted to impress my wife with this particular super power....There she was, putting on lip stick and I was driving... Well...
 
A week later, when she started talking to me again, I realized that some powers are just too dangerous to be carefree with...  Of course...I still have two daughters that are just starting to use makeup, and the temptation can be great at times... Of course, they have super powers too.  Somehow, they are able to control me and make me do things, or agree to things, I know I shouldn't.
 
"Dad, can I paint  your toenails pink?"
"Can't we stay up just a LEETLE bit longer?"
"Can I sleep with you and mom tonight?"
 
I suspect they may be little Sith Lords, but I'm not sure... It could be a simple case of telepathy...

#1 Posted by Manwhohaseverything (2061 posts) - - Show Bio

Well, since I married..I discovered I have the power to tell the future. (precognition) I can tell tell my wife "I'll change into something else" before she says "Are you wearing that?" A power I did not have while we were dating. I know t say "Yes, I used fabric softener" before she says "Did you forget to add fabric softener?" I know that if she gets a 30% of coupon in the mail from Kohl's, she'll be there on Saturday. Sometimes I know this up to 5 days in advance!

#2 Posted by Timandm (3374 posts) - - Show Bio
@Manwhohaseverything said:

Well, since I married..I discovered I have the power to tell the future. (precognition) I can tell tell my wife "I'll change into something else" before she says "Are you wearing that?" A power I did not have while we were dating. I know t say "Yes, I used fabric softener" before she says "Did you forget to add fabric softener?" I know that if she gets a 30% of coupon in the mail from Kohl's, she'll be there on Saturday. Sometimes I know this up to 5 days in advance!

Ahhh... Clearly your powers manifest in the presence of your wife.  What about her?  Has SHE manifested super powers as well?
#3 Posted by The_Lunact_And_Manic (3286 posts) - - Show Bio

I can make people really mad, does that count?

#4 Posted by Timandm (3374 posts) - - Show Bio
@The_Lunact_And_Manic said:

I can make people really mad, does that count?

IF it does, then I have yet ANOTHER super power... and so do my children...
#5 Posted by Manwhohaseverything (2061 posts) - - Show Bio

@Timandm said:

@Manwhohaseverything said:

Well, since I married..I discovered I have the power to tell the future. (precognition) I can tell tell my wife "I'll change into something else" before she says "Are you wearing that?" A power I did not have while we were dating. I know t say "Yes, I used fabric softener" before she says "Did you forget to add fabric softener?" I know that if she gets a 30% of coupon in the mail from Kohl's, she'll be there on Saturday. Sometimes I know this up to 5 days in advance!

Ahhh... Clearly your powers manifest in the presence of your wife. What about her? Has SHE manifested super powers as well?

Some would say putting up with a middle age man whose dream job is to write Superman, and thinks he knows how to speak French is a super-power.

#6 Posted by Timandm (3374 posts) - - Show Bio
@Manwhohaseverything said:

@Timandm said:

@Manwhohaseverything said:

Well, since I married..I discovered I have the power to tell the future. (precognition) I can tell tell my wife "I'll change into something else" before she says "Are you wearing that?" A power I did not have while we were dating. I know t say "Yes, I used fabric softener" before she says "Did you forget to add fabric softener?" I know that if she gets a 30% of coupon in the mail from Kohl's, she'll be there on Saturday. Sometimes I know this up to 5 days in advance!

Ahhh... Clearly your powers manifest in the presence of your wife. What about her? Has SHE manifested super powers as well?

Some would say putting up with a middle age man whose dream job is to write Superman, and thinks he knows how to speak French is a super-power.

Hmmm... Super human patience?
#7 Posted by ArticulateT (189 posts) - - Show Bio

I'm pretty sure I have the ability to eat what I want and not suffer the consequences, so, I guess that's a super power I have, even if I'd rather prefer the ability to fly. >_>

#8 Posted by Timandm (3374 posts) - - Show Bio
@ArticulateT said:

I'm pretty sure I have the ability to eat what I want and not suffer the consequences, so, I guess that's a super power I have, even if I'd rather prefer the ability to fly. >_>

No danger of weight gain?  Atherosclerosis?  Food poisoning?    Interesting.  High metabolism?  Perhaps the lining of your stomach secrets a detoxification enzyme...  very kewl.... But yes, flying would be better...  (I assume you mean without a plane.)
#9 Posted by Veshark (9058 posts) - - Show Bio

I have the power to make automatic doors open just by approaching them! Clearly this is because I was born with a mutant superpower and NOTHING to do with the fact that the doors have sensors and are named 'automatic' for a reason!!

#10 Posted by Pyrogram (41246 posts) - - Show Bio

Don't ask me how, but when I eat food it vanishes.

#11 Posted by Rumble Man (11118 posts) - - Show Bio

I can move my limbs with the power of my mind

#12 Posted by Raizex (354 posts) - - Show Bio

My hearing senses x10 when I masturbate.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.not srs

#13 Posted by Timandm (3374 posts) - - Show Bio
@Veshark said:

I have the power to make automatic doors open just by approaching them! Clearly this is because I was born with a mutant superpower and NOTHING to do with the fact that the doors have sensors and are named 'automatic' for a reason!!

Henceforth you shall be known as... DOOR MAN!
 
@Pyrogram said:

Don't ask me how, but when I eat food it vanishes.

Perhaps you're a... magician???
 
@Raizex said:

My hearing senses x10 when I masturbate.

Hmmm.  Have you had your audiologist verify this?
#14 Posted by JediXMan (31255 posts) - - Show Bio

Everyone has a learned power of persuasion. Some people are just more charismatic than others.

I possess the same ability.

Moderator
#15 Posted by Timandm (3374 posts) - - Show Bio
@JediXMan said:

Everyone has a learned power of persuasion. Some people are just more charismatic than others.

I possess the same ability.

DUDE!  Shhhhhhh!!!!   You're going to make it sound like it's not a super power at all!!!!
#16 Posted by darthmaulfistoman (82 posts) - - Show Bio

umm I have only 50% hearing in right ear, but I can tell how many and who are coming up the stairs just by putting my ear to the floor (left) so i am basically half deaf, half really good hearing ...O_O

#17 Posted by Timandm (3374 posts) - - Show Bio
@darthmaulfistoman said:

umm I have only 50% hearing in right ear, but I can tell how many and who are coming up the stairs just by putting my ear to the floor (left) so i am basically half deaf, half really good hearing ...O_O

half-deaf in one ear... So... you're actually quarter-deaf?     
Anyway, you could be GUARD-MAN!   You'll just have to press your ear to the floor while on duty.
#18 Posted by Z3RO180 (6670 posts) - - Show Bio

I have super strength...I discovered it when I opened a really stiff door

#19 Posted by Timandm (3374 posts) - - Show Bio
@Z3RO180 said:
I have super strength...I discovered it when I opened a really stiff door
And now, do you find you have to exercise extreme caution when shaking hands with mere mortals?
#20 Posted by TheAmazingImmortalMan (3602 posts) - - Show Bio

I have the power to sell stuff to people.......call me..................SALESMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#21 Posted by Z3RO180 (6670 posts) - - Show Bio

@Timandm how did you know :P

#22 Posted by Joygirl (20158 posts) - - Show Bio

I have massive resistance to the effects of alcohol.

#23 Posted by Timandm (3374 posts) - - Show Bio
@Joygirl said:
I have massive resistance to the effects of alcohol.
A healing factor?  (that sounds better than an immunity to alcohol due to massive consumption of...)
@Z3RO180 said:
@Timandm how did you know :P
Well, I AM a super human after all... :-)
@TheAmazingImmortalMan said:

I have the power to sell stuff to people.......call me..................SALESMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes!  He is   half Sales and Half man!  Sales...wait... that doesn't sound quite right.
#24 Posted by ArticulateT (189 posts) - - Show Bio

@Timandm said:

@ArticulateT said:

I'm pretty sure I have the ability to eat what I want and not suffer the consequences, so, I guess that's a super power I have, even if I'd rather prefer the ability to fly. >_>

No danger of weight gain? Atherosclerosis? Food poisoning? Interesting. High metabolism? Perhaps the lining of your stomach secrets a detoxification enzyme... very kewl.... But yes, flying would be better... (I assume you mean without a plane.)

Yep, I have been living on a diet that rarely contains any 'greens', and is mainly various meats, dairy and bread (so, burgers, pizza, all the good junk food) for the majority of my 22 years of living on this planet but have never seemed to gain weight, been disease and diabetes free (and I've been tested on that too) and seem physically fit enough to run for extended periods of time while carrying rather hefty weight. I spend a lot of my life on a computer too, so, maybe I just have the ability to maintain a single physical state, since I never seem to buff up after very long periods of exercise, either O_o.

And yeah, I'd like the Superman-style self-powered flight. Ironic since I'm not fond of flying in a plane XD

#25 Posted by Veshark (9058 posts) - - Show Bio

@Timandm said:

@Veshark said:

I have the power to make automatic doors open just by approaching them! Clearly this is because I was born with a mutant superpower and NOTHING to do with the fact that the doors have sensors and are named 'automatic' for a reason!!

Henceforth you shall be known as... DOOR MAN!

I AM THE G0DDAMN DOORMAN! Fighting for truth, justice, and the way into your local Walmart!

#26 Posted by Timandm (3374 posts) - - Show Bio
@Veshark said:

@Timandm said:

@Veshark said:

I have the power to make automatic doors open just by approaching them! Clearly this is because I was born with a mutant superpower and NOTHING to do with the fact that the doors have sensors and are named 'automatic' for a reason!!

Henceforth you shall be known as... DOOR MAN!

I AM THE G0DDAMN DOORMAN! Fighting for truth, justice, and the way into your local Walmart!

LOL!  So much for the kind elderly people who smile and welcome you... LOL!!!! I Love it.   
You know, I'm not sure if it's still the same way, but a few years back, in the subways stations in Japan, people were hired to PUSH others onto the train, because the crowds were huge and people move irritatingly slow in crowds... I wonder if Japan has a position for someone with your power.... Oh wait, does it work on moving subway trains?  That might be bad.
#27 Edited by BlueLantern1995 (2448 posts) - - Show Bio

When I was 5 I discovered I had flight. I jumped off my bed and was in the air a second but then landed on my face the second later...I did I really fly LOL.

#28 Posted by Veshark (9058 posts) - - Show Bio

Haha wow, that sounds like a fun career. I'd love to yell, "MOVE, CRETIN!" while giving some unsuspecting Japanese the boot!

I would never do that to train doors! That's the M.O. of my evil archenemy - DOCTOR DOOR. He enjoys opening train doors to passengers who ignore the 'DO NOT LEAN ON DOOR' sticker plastered on the glass.

#29 Posted by TheCannon (19229 posts) - - Show Bio

I have the ability to fly. However, I have only learned how to fly down. I am still working on flying up and forward.

Online
#30 Posted by Captain_Awesome85 (452 posts) - - Show Bio

I have the power to help prevent forest fires, as well as help encourage them

#31 Edited by Timandm (3374 posts) - - Show Bio
@Captain_Awesome85 said:

I have the power to help prevent forest fires, as well as help encourage them

Holy Split Personalities, Smoky!
@BlueLantern1995 said:

@Timandm When I was 5 I discovered I had flight. I jumped off my bed and was in the air a second but then landed on my face the second later...I did I really fly LOL.

So, it isn't "sustained" flight, but it IS flight!!!   I dub thee, SHORT-FLIGHT!
@TheCannon said:

I have the ability to fly. However, I have only learned how to fly down. I am still working on flying up and forward.

Let us not worry about the small stuff.  Shall we call you.. .um... ONE-WAY?
@Veshark said:

@Timandm

Haha wow, that sounds like a fun career. I'd love to yell, "MOVE, CRETIN!" while giving some unsuspecting Japanese the boot!

I would never do that to train doors! That's the M.O. of my evil archenemy - DOCTOR DOOR. He enjoys opening train doors to passengers who ignore the 'DO NOT LEAN ON DOOR' sticker plastered on the glass.

OH!!!  I Hadn't even considered EVIL people with powers such as ours!!!!  Perhaps we should unite to stand against them...  and form a sort of.. pseudo justice league which would be composed of people with almost useful powers!  or...um... powers of very limited use.