How do you rate my new original character?

Avatar image for xlr87t3
XLR87T3

10394

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Edited By XLR87T3

Poll How do you rate my new original character? (20 votes)

1 25%
2 5%
3 10%
4 0%
5 5%
6 5%
7 20%
8 15%
9 10%
10 5%

Arch Paladin Gaston Aurelianus Skovgaard

There one lived a boy, born and raised on a farm. He grew up to be a strong, powerful young man, but spent most of his downtime studying and reading. His parents were very proud of him. However, he didn’t remain a poor farmer like his predecessors, opting for military service at the king’s castle. His strong body and sharp mind made him perfect for this type of work, or so he thought. However, he never had much previous social interaction besides his parents and siblings, so only in the king’s military was his physical height ever brought to attention rather than his strength and might. Gaston stood at a measly 4’11”, whereas the average man in the king’s castle is about 5’7”. Day by day he faced ridicule by his fellow soldiers, and even the townspeople treated him with disrespect. Nevertheless, he withstood this bullying for the sake of the king and his family’s honor, and focused on training his body and mind to be the best knight in all the kingdoms.

On one fateful day, when invading an enemy kingdom’s territory, a party of knights raided a large village. Gaston happened to be part of this group, and what he witnessed changed him forever. Innocent people were being slaughtered like animals, women and teenage girls raped and impregnated, and babies were torn asunder. He couldn’t believe that his own teammates, the people that serve his king, the people that he is supposed to trust, would grossly and blatantly betray their own king and kingdom like this. He had to report what he saw, and during the rampage he managed to slip away. But he was chased after by his own mates, and was shot off his horse by crossbow bolts, the bolts penetrating his armor and buried into his flesh. He laid there, dying, and as he was about to have his last breath…a wizard appeared! Everything other then he and Gaston were rendered motionless. Even the grass was stopped in its eternal dance. With a wave of his hand, the bolts embedded into Gaston‘s body disintegrated, and the knight was completely healed of all injuries. The wizard’s eyes and body glowed purple as he said “Your time has not come yet, young Skovgaard”. The bewildered knight put his hand over his eyes to shield his eyes at the illuminant light as he said “Who are you?!?”

“I am just a messenger of the gods. You have shown great honor, even in the most tempting situations, and stand out among all the kingdoms as one of the chastest man alive. The gods have appointed me to lead you into a different path…”

No Caption Provided

 • 
Avatar image for fukyourenchamp
FukYouRenchamp

7109

Forum Posts

537

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 2

A little cliche with the whole "CHOSEN ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" thing, but I like that you didn't hold back with the violence, and didn't have him as like 8'7 or some shit. Overall, it's very short & simple, but fine.

Nice art btw.

Avatar image for battle123axe
Battle123axe

11097

Forum Posts

37

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

A little cliche with the whole "CHOSEN ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" thing, but I like that you didn't hold back with the violence, and didn't have him as like 8'7 or some shit. Overall, it's very short & simple, but fine.

Nice art btw.

Avatar image for stormdriven
Stormdriven

19053

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

I like it

Avatar image for project_worm
Project_Worm

4362

Forum Posts

16

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 6

User Lists: 0

@undefined: Half Shazam, Half Captain America. Not bad.

Avatar image for claymore1998
Claymore1998

16580

Forum Posts

3080

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 7

User Lists: 0

Pretty cool actually. I like it

Avatar image for bluetoothbully
acer51

2695

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

"Grew up to be a very strong powerful young man but spent most of his downtime reading"

"Gaston stood at a measly 4’11”, whereas the average man in the king’s castle is about 5’7”

Sounds like a Mary Sue to me, his only character flaw exists to garner sympathy for an otherwise unrelatable character who is both smarter and stronger than anyone else.

And really? He's anointed by the gods for trying to report a rape case? I mean yes that's the right thing to do, but is it saintly or is it average?

But maybe I'm being hypercritical.

I actually think a character like this works best in a crapsack world, take a super moral character and put them in Game Of Thrones and suddenly their a Christmas tree on the dark-side of the moon. The point of this is to put the character in a situation where he's constantly being tested, make him doubt himself try to make him compromise and remember these lines.

"So many vows...they make you swear and swear. Defend the king. Obey the king. Keep his secrets. Do his bidding. Your life for his. But obey your father. Love your sister. Protect the innocent. Defend the weak. Respect the gods. Obey the laws. It's too much. No matter what you do, you're forsaking one vow or the other.”

The truth is the King probably tolerates, even endorses rapping and pillaging, the most interesting thing to do with such a pure character is see what happens when everything around them in corrupt. Maybe he breaks, maybe he bends, maybe he dosn't, but no matter what it will be more interesting than if he lives in a magical fairy land.

Avatar image for kyrees
kyrees

13625

Forum Posts

100

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

name is too long

Avatar image for xlr87t3
XLR87T3

10394

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#9  Edited By XLR87T3

@acer51: @battle123axe: @stormdriven: @project_worm: @claymore1998: @pr0metheus: Thank you guys & gals for your input! I didn't have much time to finish the entire story, but I originally thought of this idea when I was playing a game called "Dynasty Warriors 6". In the character creation mode, I had decided to make a joke character, starkly different from my tall 8-pack loverboys or giant armored manly men. The character was as short as possible and as muscular as possible had the highest pitched voice possible (Serious personality), and had so much armor on that you couldn't see his face. The point of him was that he blocked attacks not only on his life, but on his virginity. The character I made in this thread can only retain his power by keeping his honor and innocence.

@aser51: You pretty much summed it up. Gaston IS a mary sue, and the King is in fact using him as a tool. No one actually likes the short guy, but the King pretends that he's the only person that respects him. And yeah, I'm pretty sure that the King gives a blind eye to all the bad stuff that his men inflict on outsiders. As a matter of fact, the character will be exploited by a lot of people, so much so that by the end of the story Gaston will likely evolve from a ridiculous do-gooder midget to a Wolverine-like BAMF that fights gods. But that is all just brainstorming, since this is my first time actually putting effort into a story of one of my ideas.

Avatar image for linsanel_doctor
linsanel_Doctor

8706

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Kickass armor.

Avatar image for flumox56
Flumox56

2301

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

I think Gaston could be refined a little bit more, But I would give it a solid 7/10.

Avatar image for y2g
Y2G

801

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

I feel like having a Wizard show up out of nowhere would be silly. There has to be a mention of wizardry or magic or something beforehand, especially when you seem to have laid the groundwork for a super gritty and realistic story. Seeing as how you only gave the character's background and not the entire story it seems fair that you just didn't decide to include it here but would do it that way. However, just imagine how ridiculous it would be if you were watching something like The Blacklist or Dexter and out of nowhere there was just a dude who sprouted wings and could fly. It'd be absurd.

Avatar image for xlr87t3
XLR87T3

10394

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

@y2g: Well what are your ideas on how to bestow powers to this character? It doesn't have to be a wizard, it can be a goddess or something, I don't really want "magic" in my story, since the special person coming from above are aliens that are testing on the main character