Don't Costumes Get Smelly?
One thing that's always bugged me about reading these action packed comics is the costumes. They look like there was a lot of time and effort put into creating these things and a majority of the time, they're getting torn apart in battle, but what about when the hero or villain comes out of battle without a scratch on them? What happens to the costume then? Do they clean it or what? Fighting crime is serious business and serious business involves serious perspiration, which in turn, can turn into a serious funk.
I go running on the weekends, and after a nice jog/run of a hour or so, I've built up a decent sweat. After I shower and slip on something a little more comfortable, I notice my clothes that I just ran in and sweated all over, smell pretty much awful: Dry sweat is insanely gross smelling to me. Now, take that scenario, and multiply it by 100. Why? Well, I run in sweats and not a costume presumably made with a mixture of spandex and leather. Leather doesn't breathe, so that sweat and stink, sits in there until it starts smelling in ways I don't even want to describe to you.
Why doesn't a conversation come up, after a large battle, between Emma and Cyclops. "I can't believe we won, after hours of battling. We have triumphed." ::sniff:: "Scott, seriously, you smell awful. Can you sit in the back of the Blackbird for the rest of the trip, I think I'm going to vomit." (See picture above for Scott's facial expression after hearing that) We may never see this scene, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. What do they do with said smelly costume though?
== TEASER ==
One of two things can happen when dealing with a suit soaking in the horrid smell of victory. (The taste of victory is also awful by the way) The first thing you can do is toss it. I'm sure there's a pile somewhere at the old X-Mansion of smelly and beaten up costumes that make the average garbage dumb smell like lavender and rose petals. Sometimes, these suits are just too far from saving. The second thing they can do is wash it. But where can you take a smelly suit like this? Does the average laundry joint know how to get armpit sweat out of a leather/spandex hybrid fabric? Or has Reed Richard invented some sort super-dry cleaning machine? I may be reaching, but I'm sure you all are just as curious as I am.
I know I've picked on the X-Men, and mainly Cyclops a little too much here, but he's got it bad. He's covered head-to-toe in that tight, hot fabric, with only a place for his mouth open. Sure, there are other characters fully covered, like Spider-Man, but i always imagined his costume to be lighter and breathe better because of the fact that he has to be so agile. Cyclops just doesn't look comfortable. In fact, I think he's got it the worst.
What do you think they do with the smelly costumes and which character smells the worst because of the costume they are wearing?
~Mat "InferiorEgo" Elfring is a comedian, teacher, comic book writer, comic store employee, and religiously washes himself to avoid bad smells.~
Superman's outfit probably smells like stale sausage... What with getting blown up every once and a while and Supe's Sweat of steel...
" Let's throw the Juggernaut in there, too. Giant metal helmet dome: check. "It's like an oven... a breeding ground for grossness
Alot of these issues get addresed in Invincible. I know Mark always comes out of a fight with his suit in tatters. The smell thing was even brought up at least once.
Hasn't it been clearly stated that Wolverine is one of the smelliest characters ever!? The dude just looks a mess, costume or no, haha. I can imagine Kraven has a crazy dry cleaning bill considering fur is not washer/dryer friendly. If we're not limited to Marvel, I might say the Flash probably reeks considering he's always running. Then again, he's probably used to it by now, but I'm sure those first few months with super speed, he was stinking up a storm in his onesie.
I think you're right though, these heroes probably have some industrial cleaning units. Between Stark, Reed, and Xavier, there's plenty of money and minds to build something like this. Especially Xavier, since a school full of kids and teens is already going to smell like a jock strap thanks to hormones and gym class.
Back in the late 60's, Jack Kirby wanted Captain America to wear this:
Thank goodness that it never happened. BUT, it was later decided that the costume would also become a new character called CAPTAIN GLORY in TOPPS COMICS Jack Kirby's SECRET CITY SAGA series.
.
Nah, they're manly men. They can take it. A little stinkiness never hurt nobody. As for the girls, well, this might be one of the reasons some of their costumes are so skimpy.
I've been saying this for years. Even more since they resurrected Psylocke's 1990's crotch-ripping swimsuit. That thing must smell awful... And you know she only has the one. Do you really think that beautiful women like Psylocke or Emma Frost would have wardrobes full of the same outfit? Hardly! The lack of fashion really REALLY bothers me in comics these days.
But ever since the mutants have moved to Utopia, there's been less & less in the way of casual fashion. It's a sign of a bad artist who can't put their characters in regular clothes, because then they wouldn't be recognisable.
" @Kal'smahboi said:And don't even get me started on the helmet hair." Let's throw the Juggernaut in there, too. Giant metal helmet dome: check. "It's like an oven... a breeding ground for grossness "
Actually, that topic came up in an episode of Big Bang Theory.
That said, given all the different artist interpretations over the decades, one could argue that superheroes retain ALL previous costume variations, and rotate whenever a new artist jumps on board (or are seen in a different series).
" @inferiorego said:I may be getting to serious and literal about this trivialness, but would the helmet affect his hair being that it is so large?" @Kal'smahboi said:And don't even get me started on the helmet hair. "" Let's throw the Juggernaut in there, too. Giant metal helmet dome: check. "It's like an oven... a breeding ground for grossness "
As much of a mediocre movie Wolverine was, Deadpool raised a good point in the elevator. "Great. Stuck in an elevator with five guys on a high-protein diet." You know there's all kinds of one-cheek sneaks happening on the Blackbird and that's just going to incubate in those skin tight suits. Bathing in your own essence after chugging down some muscle milk. UGH!!
" Back in the late 60's, Jack Kirby wanted Captain America to wear this:ummmm what the heck does this have to do with topic of smelly suits?
Thank goodness that it never happened. BUT, it was later decided that the costume would also become a new character called CAPTAIN GLORY in TOPPS COMICS Jack Kirby's SECRET CITY SAGA series.. "
I think this may better explain the Wasp's penchant for changing costumes, seemingly, at the end of every adventure. My vote for worst smelling hero, though, goes to Hercules. He's been wearing that lion cloth for thousands of years & you know he probably doesn't bathe for decades.
Juggernaut
Wolverine
Deadpool
Black Panther?
Cyclops
Kraven
Hercules
To be continued...
Those shorts are ridiculous.
" @CaptainUseless: HA!! Agreed. As much of a mediocre movie Wolverine was, Deadpool raised a good point in the elevator. "Great. Stuck in an elevator with five guys on a high-protein diet." You know there's all kinds of one-cheek sneaks happening on the Blackbird and that's just going to incubate in those skin tight suits. Bathing in your own essence after chugging down some muscle milk. UGH!! "LOLOLOL!
" @AMP - Seeker of Lost Knowledge said:I get it. haha" Back in the late 60's, Jack Kirby wanted Captain America to wear this:ummmm what the heck does this have to do with topic of smelly suits? "
Thank goodness that it never happened. BUT, it was later decided that the costume would also become a new character called CAPTAIN GLORY in TOPPS COMICS Jack Kirby's SECRET CITY SAGA series.. "
" Better question: what do you do after you've been fighting crime in the sewers for twenty minutes. "cry.... just cry
@JD907: Scrub until your skin is raw and then scrub some more. And you're definitely throwing those boots out after they filled up with sewage.
Do you think Daredevil smells?? I mean with heightened senses like his, I feel like he'd probably be throwing up after getting a whiff of himself after a hard battle.
Although Wolverine embraces his stank, even with super senses. And I bet he has crumbs in those chops.. He's like a breeding ground for all kinds of fungus and lice. UGH!!
I think the two comic book guys that have it the worse is Snake Eyes and Moon Knight. As badass as they look I would imagine they're dying in there.
" @White Mage: Captain America used to wear shorts similar to that but since they were colored blue like the rest of his costume they weren't as noticeable...there was an impostor Cap in the 60's who wore bright red shorts outside his suit also and when Cap came back officially he wore the same suit but changed the red shorts to blue......little history lesson for you "
And when all is said and done, shorts like that, look as gay as wrestling panties. That's why I prefer superheroes wear onesies.
i imagine quite a few costume or gear that is alwasy worn cna get alittle funky but i imagine most heroes etc have multipal suits. People with specialist items like juggs armour ironman suits etc would probs get quite stuff and smelly quite quickly.
" Nah, they're manly men. They can take it. A little stinkiness never hurt nobody. As for the girls, well, this might be one of the reasons some of their costumes are so skimpy. "Huh, I never thought of it that way...
Concerning super B.O, I'd guess (actually my brother thought of this) that they'd have tons of deodorant on, like an entire stick or two, maybe even more...
" Better question: what do you do after you've been fighting crime in the sewers for twenty minutes. "Poor Spider-man, after fighting the Lizard I imagine he's puking up slightly.
Moon Knight, Black Panther, & Deadpool would probably be the smelliest. Covered completely from head to foot in leather, spandex, body armor (or in BP's case, vibranium) without even a nose & mouth opening in their masks.
Moon Knight in particular would have to be pretty ripe having the additional weight of his cloak & hood to carry around.
"SUPER-SECRET: Strong enough for Superman, but made for Wonder Woman"
I bet Killer Croc stinks since he LIVES in the sewers, same with Solomon Grundy. And I feel like the Joker rarely showers either. The Gotham Girls though, probably smell like roses except for Catwoman. I mean Poison Ivy IS a flower and Harley takes off her make-up, which I assume means she bathes too. But Catwoman is doing acrobatics off of high rises in leather head to toe.
Here's another thought: With all that sweat on the leather and vinyl, do you think these people are squeaking as they fight crime!?!? Follow-up Q: Do you think they literally are just pouring out puddles of sweat when they get out of those suits!?
" Don't heroes have multiple costumes hanging in the closet? "I kinda always figured this, I mean we know Batman has....
Not only does he have to wear:
- Leather made with heavier armor
- A 50 pound cape
- A Utility Belt filled with God knows what
and...
- Leather undies on the WRONG side of his pants (and you know what that means... means he's actually wearing 2 undies, one on the inside too)!
^ The background is not the only thing that's HOT in here...
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