One day you're in a super market and you happen to buy a seemingly ordinary piece of bacon. You arrive home and decide to cook that piece of bacon with some weird looking eggs. The next day you wake up and you have the following powers and abilities:
* Picasso vision - able to concentrate a beam of subjective art lasers at any person, distorting them permanently.
* Butt breath - the name says it all, with the power of 10,000 a$$h0les.
* The ability to sweat ethanol slime/ fire retardant skin.
* Bad luck - to yourself.
* Super hearing - but it automatically picks up your parents or sibling having sex if they are doing it at the time.
* Channeling the power of douchebaggetry - Can become the ultimate douchebag and get away with it/ able to intimidate almost anyone weaker than you are.
* Wall crawling - but your skin drops off slowly.
* Telekinetic lying - the ability to control objects by lying to them.
* Able to flick the bird - causes the earth to rise above anyone you flicked too/ instant disrespect from peers.
Now, the thing is, you only can use ONE power at a time, with the exception of Bad Luck. How will you use your powers?