Author's note: Hello, I'm CapFanboy, you may know me from such works as "Gah!", "I'm a manly boy toy" and "How to break BumpyBoo's heart in three easy steps" (spoiler: the last step is leaving). The following story is rated E for Except. It's basically appropriate for everyone except YOU. That's right, don't argue. Just walk away. Just. Walk. Away. Damn Buffy fans....well, now that we done got that out the way! Enjoy this fairy tale you should probably never read to your children, grandparents, or comatose relatives...no matter how twisted they were when they were awake.
Once upon a time, lived a valiant and courageous young captain. No, those words don't mean the same thing. Shut up.
Anyway, this young and dashingly handsome captain lived in a dark and terrible world, populated by civil unrest..or at the very least a period of civil uneasiness. You see, back in those days, the glory of the united kingdom of fic'rs was just a dream. Alliances were rare and short-lived with the all citizens adopting to a policy of "care for one's own buttocks before the buttocks of others". The young and dashingly handsome captain took issue with this stance, no matter how popular it may have been at the time.
So, stepping into the soon to be unified kingdom of Fic'rs, the dashingly handsome captain set about, finding friends he could count on to help him win the minds of others. First, came his true-est and bravest ally, @avenging_x_bolt, the unsuccessful, so named because of his inability to pick up women at taverns. Nevertheless, he would prove to be a staunch supporter of the Captain's initiative, proving his loyalty further down the line in attempting to continue the dashingly handsome Captain's good work.
Rounding out the Captain's other followers, his band of merry and (occasionally loyal) disciples once included such fear inducing names as; @primepower53, the tiny; @blizaga101, the scottish; spiderbat-- @jonny_anonymous, the other scottish one; @nickthedevil, the semen seaman; @the_impersonator, the over-poster and @project_worm, thread de-railer #2. Who were all joined by many other brave men and women. Eventually, the brave and unusually talented young captain succeeded in his quest. Achieving his objective, bringing forth a new beginning for the kingdom of Comic Vine's fan-fiction section. A genesis if you'd like. However, the people grew uneasy with so few people having the power to change so much, as a result many more groups sprang from the ground, each carrying a bold new objective. At this point the young Captain was becoming increasingly unsure of his place in the world. As a result, his initiative broke down, a product of slightly friendly bickering and laziness. The young and striking captain faded slightly, preferring to offer up only occasional suggestions for the betterment of the kingdom.
With his dream's success and downfall, the captain soon found himself far removed from all former allies, save the ever loyal @avenging_x_bolt, the unsuccessful. It was then that the Captain found himself blessed with new allies, among them @wildvine, the filled with sexual innuendo; @the_poet, the most high and to some extent @razzatazz, the un-banner of all. --Seriously, if you're banned (or not) just go and ask her to un-ban you, completely justifying any wrong doing you may have done as you do so. Go'head. We'll wait.-- These allies were less steadfastly loyal than X-Bolt, the unsuccessful but were forgiving enough that the young captain needn't worry about being follower-less, unlike all you young people with your twitter and your need to stalk celebrities on photos about what food they're probably being paid to consume. Indeed, the Captain's newly formed ranks were padding every month, and he soon welcomed Sir Roger, the @pyrogram, @samimista, the younger and @bumpyboo, the-less-said-the-betterer. The slightly older yet still insanely handsome captain also made acquaintances with @feebadger, of down under (amirite Welshies?).
As time passed, the Captain grew more and more disillusioned with the current state of affairs in his beloved kingdom. Vowing to do something about it, the Captain set about plans to improve the kingdom tenfold. Achieving this objective by way of having @the_poet pin an unearthly feat of 7 threads, the young and striking captain thought his work done. His kingdom repaired and a path paved for a worthy ruler to ascend to the monarchy. The beautiful Captain knew that the next monarch would have to work in tandem with the overlords that controlled all of society but was convinced that his allies the most high and the un-banner of all would ensure the glory of the kingdom continued. But he was betrayed.
After leaving it in the hands of the public for a while, the captain returned, battle hardened from conquering forum lands but no less strikingly beautiful. On his return, he found the true extent of the betrayal, a betrayal from those who he trusted most. You see children, elderly fellows and comatose relatives, the captain had been betrayed by those he trusted most. For @wildvine and @bumpyboo had deserted the kingdom, preferring to join the overlords that rule all, a fate he tried to protect them from. It is here where our new tale begins...with the valiant, handsome but emotionally stunted captain protecting his land from those he once called friends, and maybe using a talk show to help out along the way.
Oh, and @avenging_x_bolt was there too.
Author's note pt. 2:....I feel dirty. Also, thanks go to @The_Deathstroker and his army of strokers.
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