#1 Edited by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

Author's note: Hello, I'm CapFanboy, you may know me from such works as "Gah!", "I'm a manly boy toy" and "How to break BumpyBoo's heart in three easy steps" (spoiler: the last step is leaving). The following story is rated E for Except. It's basically appropriate for everyone except YOU. That's right, don't argue. Just walk away. Just. Walk. Away. Damn Buffy fans....well, now that we done got that out the way! Enjoy this fairy tale you should probably never read to your children, grandparents, or comatose relatives...no matter how twisted they were when they were awake.

Once upon a time, lived a valiant and courageous young captain. No, those words don't mean the same thing. Shut up.

Anyway, this young and dashingly handsome captain lived in a dark and terrible world, populated by civil unrest..or at the very least a period of civil uneasiness. You see, back in those days, the glory of the united kingdom of fic'rs was just a dream. Alliances were rare and short-lived with the all citizens adopting to a policy of "care for one's own buttocks before the buttocks of others". The young and dashingly handsome captain took issue with this stance, no matter how popular it may have been at the time.

So, stepping into the soon to be unified kingdom of Fic'rs, the dashingly handsome captain set about, finding friends he could count on to help him win the minds of others. First, came his true-est and bravest ally, @avenging_x_bolt, the unsuccessful, so named because of his inability to pick up women at taverns. Nevertheless, he would prove to be a staunch supporter of the Captain's initiative, proving his loyalty further down the line in attempting to continue the dashingly handsome Captain's good work.

Rounding out the Captain's other followers, his band of merry and (occasionally loyal) disciples once included such fear inducing names as; @primepower53, the tiny; @blizaga101, the scottish; spiderbat-- @jonny_anonymous, the other scottish one; @nickthedevil, the semen seaman; @the_impersonator, the over-poster and @project_worm, thread de-railer #2. Who were all joined by many other brave men and women. Eventually, the brave and unusually talented young captain succeeded in his quest. Achieving his objective, bringing forth a new beginning for the kingdom of Comic Vine's fan-fiction section. A genesis if you'd like. However, the people grew uneasy with so few people having the power to change so much, as a result many more groups sprang from the ground, each carrying a bold new objective. At this point the young Captain was becoming increasingly unsure of his place in the world. As a result, his initiative broke down, a product of slightly friendly bickering and laziness. The young and striking captain faded slightly, preferring to offer up only occasional suggestions for the betterment of the kingdom.

With his dream's success and downfall, the captain soon found himself far removed from all former allies, save the ever loyal @avenging_x_bolt, the unsuccessful. It was then that the Captain found himself blessed with new allies, among them @wildvine, the filled with sexual innuendo; @the_poet, the most high and to some extent @razzatazz, the un-banner of all. --Seriously, if you're banned (or not) just go and ask her to un-ban you, completely justifying any wrong doing you may have done as you do so. Go'head. We'll wait.-- These allies were less steadfastly loyal than X-Bolt, the unsuccessful but were forgiving enough that the young captain needn't worry about being follower-less, unlike all you young people with your twitter and your need to stalk celebrities on photos about what food they're probably being paid to consume. Indeed, the Captain's newly formed ranks were padding every month, and he soon welcomed Sir Roger, the @pyrogram, @samimista, the younger and @bumpyboo, the-less-said-the-betterer. The slightly older yet still insanely handsome captain also made acquaintances with @feebadger, of down under (amirite Welshies?).

As time passed, the Captain grew more and more disillusioned with the current state of affairs in his beloved kingdom. Vowing to do something about it, the Captain set about plans to improve the kingdom tenfold. Achieving this objective by way of having @the_poet pin an unearthly feat of 7 threads, the young and striking captain thought his work done. His kingdom repaired and a path paved for a worthy ruler to ascend to the monarchy. The beautiful Captain knew that the next monarch would have to work in tandem with the overlords that controlled all of society but was convinced that his allies the most high and the un-banner of all would ensure the glory of the kingdom continued. But he was betrayed.

After leaving it in the hands of the public for a while, the captain returned, battle hardened from conquering forum lands but no less strikingly beautiful. On his return, he found the true extent of the betrayal, a betrayal from those who he trusted most. You see children, elderly fellows and comatose relatives, the captain had been betrayed by those he trusted most. For @wildvine and @bumpyboo had deserted the kingdom, preferring to join the overlords that rule all, a fate he tried to protect them from. It is here where our new tale begins...with the valiant, handsome but emotionally stunted captain protecting his land from those he once called friends, and maybe using a talk show to help out along the way.

Oh, and @avenging_x_bolt was there too.

Author's note pt. 2:....I feel dirty. Also, thanks go to @The_Deathstroker and his army of strokers.

#2 Edited by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

I feel this will be a massive waste of everyone's time...so much of my work is. If you feel cheated, it's not my fault. Blame the IRS...Obama probably had something to do with it too. Illuminati maybe? I dunno...

#3 Posted by Project_Worm (3405 posts) - - Show Bio

@capfanboy: That's "Supreme De-railer" to you Col.

#4 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@capfanboy: That's "Supreme De-railer" to you Col.

Suck it worm, you're no. 2 behind me in this fairy tale. Though...if it were a real fairy tale it'd be about you...cause you're a total fairy.

...

Too far?

#5 Posted by Avenging-X-Bolt (13142 posts) - - Show Bio

This.....this is amazing. i love all you magnificent bastards so freaking much it hurts im saving this. forever.

Online
#6 Posted by Project_Worm (3405 posts) - - Show Bio

@capfanboy: ... As long as you know that I'm number one when it counts you can call yourself whatever you want in your story...

#7 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

This.....this is amazing. i love all you magnificent bastards so freaking much it hurts im saving this. forever.

Thanks buddy. I love you too, it's just too bad the women don't. They still don't know what they're missing.

#8 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio
#9 Posted by Avenging-X-Bolt (13142 posts) - - Show Bio

@avenging_x_bolt said:

This.....this is amazing. i love all you magnificent bastards so freaking much it hurts im saving this. forever.

Thanks buddy. I love you too, it's just too bad the women don't. They still don't know what they're missing.

Exactly. one day they'll find out. Whether they want to or not.

Online
#10 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@capfanboy said:

@avenging_x_bolt said:

This.....this is amazing. i love all you magnificent bastards so freaking much it hurts im saving this. forever.

Thanks buddy. I love you too, it's just too bad the women don't. They still don't know what they're missing.

Exactly. one day they'll find out. Whether they want to or not.

Well...now we're reaching an emergency services level of concern.

#11 Posted by Project_Worm (3405 posts) - - Show Bio
#12 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio
#13 Posted by Project_Worm (3405 posts) - - Show Bio

@capfanboy: Didn't watch so I don't get it... See ya later!!

#14 Edited by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio
#15 Posted by Project_Worm (3405 posts) - - Show Bio

Still cooler than you.

#16 Edited by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio
#17 Posted by Project_Worm (3405 posts) - - Show Bio

@capfanboy: That'd probably be for the best because,

#18 Posted by cbishop (8213 posts) - - Show Bio
#19 Posted by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio

I'm...I'm....DYING!! *wipes tears away* Damn there is the crazy I've been missing, this is fantastic mate XD

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#20 Posted by cbishop (8213 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo: YAHHHHHHHH! Bumpy'! You're a mod now too?! Congrats!!! :D

#21 Posted by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop said:

@bumpyboo: YAHHHHHHHH! Bumpy'! You're a mod now too?! Congrats!!! :D

Thank you very much, mate!! :D

Moderator Online
#22 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop said:

@bumpyboo: YAHHHHHHHH! Bumpy'! You're a mod now too?! Congrats!!! :D

You didn't get that? C'mon bish, don't talk to the enemy.

@bumpyboo said:

I'm...I'm....DYING!! *wipes tears away* Damn there is the crazy I've been missing, this is fantastic mate XD

I figure a fairy tale is as good as anything to announce my craziness to new people.

#23 Posted by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio

@capfanboy: Good call dude. Woah I never thought of it like that, I guess a lot of our current actives will have no idea who you are. Those poor, poor fools :P

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#24 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

@capfanboy: Good call dude. Woah I never thought of it like that, I guess a lot of our current actives will have no idea who you are. Those poor, poor fools :P

Bring them to me. I will make them mine.

#25 Posted by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

@capfanboy: Good call dude. Woah I never thought of it like that, I guess a lot of our current actives will have no idea who you are. Those poor, poor fools :P

Bring them to me. I will make them mine.

Only if you pay me in sheep ;)

Moderator Online
#26 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

@capfanboy said:

@bumpyboo said:

@capfanboy: Good call dude. Woah I never thought of it like that, I guess a lot of our current actives will have no idea who you are. Those poor, poor fools :P

Bring them to me. I will make them mine.

Only if you pay me in sheep ;)

Which you will then make yours. In the Welsh way. Which is illegal. Damn sicko

#27 Posted by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

@capfanboy said:

@bumpyboo said:

@capfanboy: Good call dude. Woah I never thought of it like that, I guess a lot of our current actives will have no idea who you are. Those poor, poor fools :P

Bring them to me. I will make them mine.

Only if you pay me in sheep ;)

Which you will then make yours. In the Welsh way. Which is illegal. Damn sicko

MY BODY MY CHOICE XD

Moderator Online
#28 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

MY BODY MY CHOICE XD

Which allows you to get a piercing in your belly button, not violate a bunch of sheep.

#29 Posted by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

MY BODY MY CHOICE XD

Which allows you to get a piercing in your belly button, not violate a bunch of sheep.

Says you, oppressor :P

Moderator Online
#30 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo: You're the oppressor! With your body and womanly wiles. THE KINGDOM WILL BE MINE ONCE MORE!

#31 Posted by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio
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#32 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

@capfanboy: OVER MY DEAD WOMANLY BODY!!

That'd probably make it better for you...and the sheep.

#33 Edited by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

@capfanboy: OVER MY DEAD WOMANLY BODY!!

That'd probably make it better for you...and the sheep.

Leave my sheep alone you deviant.

Moderator Online
#34 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo: Yeah, like I'm the deviant. What's so bad about cloning?

#35 Posted by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio

@capfanboy: You are, my desires are perfectly natural.

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#36 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo: No. My desires are perfectly natural. @avenging_x_bolt's desires are perfectly natural. Yours are anything but perfectly natural.

For a more direct comparison....it usually ends up like this:

World domination (me) + world domination (x bolt) vs. Australian sheep (you).

#37 Posted by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo: No. My desires are perfectly natural. @avenging_x_bolt's desires are perfectly natural. Yours are anything but perfectly natural.

For a more direct comparison....it usually ends up like this:

World domination (me) + world domination (x bolt) vs. Australian sheep (you).

HOW DARE YOU! Love is love!

Moderator Online
#38 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo: NOT FOR A ROTTEN TRAITOR LIKE YOU!

#39 Edited by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo: NOT FOR A ROTTEN TRAITOR LIKE YOU!

WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT TRAITORS?? HMM?? Waited here I did. For you. FOR AGES :(

Moderator Online
#40 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

@capfanboy said:

@bumpyboo: NOT FOR A ROTTEN TRAITOR LIKE YOU!

WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT TRAITORS?? HMM?? Waited here I did. For you. FOR AGES :(

Now that's not fair. You knew full well I wasn't needed-- Wait a minute. Didn't we agree that this was your fault?!

#41 Posted by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

@capfanboy said:

@bumpyboo: NOT FOR A ROTTEN TRAITOR LIKE YOU!

WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT TRAITORS?? HMM?? Waited here I did. For you. FOR AGES :(

Now that's not fair. You knew full well I wasn't needed-- Wait a minute. Didn't we agree that this was your fault?!

Nope you thought you weren't needed and didn't ask :( I ALWAYS NEEDED YOU!! *sobs*

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#42 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio
@bumpyboo said:

Nope you thought you weren't needed and didn't ask :( I ALWAYS NEEDED YOU!! *sobs*

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know.

#43 Posted by cbishop (8213 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop said:

@bumpyboo: YAHHHHHHHH! Bumpy'! You're a mod now too?! Congrats!!! :D

You didn't get that? C'mon bish, don't talk to the enemy.

Enemy? The B'Boo? Can't do it, man. She's the Shiznit...and now she's the Mod Shiznit. :)

#44 Posted by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop said:

@capfanboy said:

@cbishop said:

@bumpyboo: YAHHHHHHHH! Bumpy'! You're a mod now too?! Congrats!!! :D

You didn't get that? C'mon bish, don't talk to the enemy.

Enemy? The B'Boo? Can't do it, man. She's the Shiznit...and now she's the Mod Shiznit. :)

I knew I could count on you :)

Moderator Online
#45 Posted by cbishop (8213 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

@cbishop said:

@capfanboy said:

@cbishop said:

@bumpyboo: YAHHHHHHHH! Bumpy'! You're a mod now too?! Congrats!!! :D

You didn't get that? C'mon bish, don't talk to the enemy.

Enemy? The B'Boo? Can't do it, man. She's the Shiznit...and now she's the Mod Shiznit. :)

I knew I could count on you :)

Always 'Boo. :*

#46 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop said:

@capfanboy said:

@cbishop said:

@bumpyboo: YAHHHHHHHH! Bumpy'! You're a mod now too?! Congrats!!! :D

You didn't get that? C'mon bish, don't talk to the enemy.

Enemy? The B'Boo? Can't do it, man. She's the Shiznit...and now she's the Mod Shiznit. :)

Fine Bishop. This is why you aren't invited to wall assaults.

@bumpyboo said:

I knew I could count on you :)

Hey! I had your back too! Well, I had your back alone....and then again. And then one more time. And now baby.

#47 Posted by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio

@capfanboy: How dare you try to dirty my name, to @cbishop of all people. This is exactly why i won't marry you O_O

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#48 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

@capfanboy: How dare you try to dirty my name, to @cbishop of all people. This is exactly why i won't marry you O_O

Do it! We have a baby now, stop being selfish!

#49 Posted by BumpyBoo (9281 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

@capfanboy: How dare you try to dirty my name, to @cbishop of all people. This is exactly why i won't marry you O_O

Do it! We have a baby now, stop being selfish!

WE??? WE HAVE ONE?? I don't think so. Me. Me. I have one.

Moderator Online
#50 Posted by CapFanboy (5119 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo: HEY! That's not fair! I want my half!