White Spider Chapter 4

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benben178

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#1  Edited By benben178

Previous chapters:

Chapter 1: http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic/8/the-five-spider-men-chapter-1-the-white-spider/746427/

Chapter 2: http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic/8/chapter-2-the-white-spider/747534/rvel characters

chapter 3: http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic/8/white-spider-chapter-3/750546/

I do not own any rights to marvel

Mission: Kill Venom

Location:Bronx, New York, New York

Date:December 10, 2012

Right now I’m looking at an organized community of homeless warriors. This is the most messed up thing I’ve seen right now, but right now I’m trying to figure out why are do they have liquid vibranium, and liquid adamantium. What is venom’s purpose for collecting these metals? The homeless guys started running towards the truck with dollies, and strapping the containers on them. Then they started rolling them up to the run down mansion. I jumped down the building, and hid in the shadows. I snuck into a window in the side of the house. A venom was coming up the hall I climbed the ceiling and waited for him to past. Then I got back down, and looked at my area. I moved on the scenery was really dreadful almost made me sick especially the painting of a fat lady on the couch modeling as if she was a sexy glamour girl. A homeless man with a gun appeared, before he could see me I covered his mouth, and slit his neck. I dragged him into a closet that was upstairs.

When I came out of the closet I explored the mansion a little bit more. I came across a room that was developing the so called homeless men into venoms. A man was running a machine that controlled the chamber that some how generated this symbiote, and latched it onto the homeless soldiers if you could call them that. There was a launch room line of homeless guys that were waiting for the symbiote. They were all looking like children excited that the ice cream truck came by.

The scientist said, “Dave Ramson you are up next, Venom has declared you captain of legion 5 in Brooklyn so you will be allowed to have a mutation to your symbiote suit.”

The man said, “I will take the electric generators.”

The scientist nodded his head, and instilled some rock into the symbiote. The symbiote fused with him and he changed with electricity flowing through his body a few times. I figured it might be best that I leave. I went down the hall some more, and found myself in the shadows of the dining room where there were many venom’s eating what seemed to be all protein foods.

One of them said, “ Get ready my brothers we will evolve the symbiote even further, and very soon we will take over New York, and complete Venom’s true desire!” Then they all cheer and shout praises.

So what is Venoms true purpose? Then something caught my eye. The homeless men were moving the container that held the Vibranium, then they went down some stairs. I followed them crawling down on the ceiling of the steps. I overheard a man.

He said, “Master Venom plans on fusing three compounds together to make his symbiote even better!”

The other man said, “What is that?”

A voice came from no where, and said “Adamntium to make it stronger, and more resilient to damage, vibranium to absorb kinetic energy, then a chemical I like to call super serum that makes vibranium able to absorb just more than kinetic energy. This will be able to absorb any form of energy, and reverse it right back at the attacker.” It was venom he seemed to have grown in size, “The jewl of Hasuku has given in sight on how to expand the power of the symbiote, and what is heading for earth in the next 2 years. I will stop, but only through one means. To change the whole world to venom, and venom can not be stopped by anyone if I am this strong!” he laughs in pleasure, and walks off.

So this is what he’s planning, but it’s still so vague. Doesn’t matter to me I need to kill venom, before he becomes more powerful.

TO BE CONTIUED!!!

Hello I’m Ben please support I am a teenage actor, writer, and drawer! I’m writing my own book that will soon be released, but for now I am writing fan fiction to build my fan base, but I’ll make a light original story later for all of you. If you want a more original story please say something, and work on it.

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All_Mighty_Beyonder

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@benben178:

okey, i see where this is going, readers have now a clear idea about what will Venom become. i personnally would prefer to keep it secret untill baaaam he appears with those powers, it will be exciting, but since people now know what Venom will become, i'll advise you to look for an exciting event beyond that. surprises, suprises, and try to keep the suspense next time to make unexpected events that will fire up the readers.

one other thing, very important, that Mangaka and Comic writers use usually. they end every 1 or 2 chapters with an exciting event that link between chapters, this makes readers enthusiastic about the next chapter. ;)

good work.

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batkevin74

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#3  Edited By batkevin74

@benben178 said:

Right now I’m looking at an organized community of homeless warriors. This is the most messed up thing I’ve seen right now, but right now I’m trying to figure out why are do they have liquid vibranium, and liquid adamantium.

Opening two sentences and you've used right now 3 TIMES? Also towards the end of your 2nd sentence, the bold bit, doesn't make sense.

Your idea is very good, but this needs an edit. Some grammar, punctuation it feels like you're still rushing. I get the feeling of needing to get everything out but with a little planning and care, this can be a lot better. Copy it onto a word doc which will catch all/most of the spelling mistakes and most of the grammar. The re-read your story. Then post it up on CV.

Ninja Spider-Man is good, you can make him great! Keep it up, let me know when 5 goes up

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benben178

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#4  Edited By benben178

@All_Mighty_Beyonder: @batkevin74: Thanks you guys I would just like to say you guys are really committed to my writing and making me a better writer. I hope you guys will also enjoy my book that will come out soon.

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benben178

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#5  Edited By benben178

@All_Mighty_Beyonder: @batkevin74: Pleas sign up to http://bkelegendary.webs.com/