#1 Edited by Pyrogram (38539 posts) - - Show Bio

This is rated mature? As it contains references that some may find nasty, nothing bad- just suggested.

This popped into my head, and I wanted to write it, it was going to be a descriptive practice piece but It does not have much description, as I started to get a load of ideas for the story, this is a mini-introduction into the characters while putting in a plot..

Please give feedback.

Poenari Castle overshadowed the town beneath it, dominating it. The famous McAllister household situated to the right of the impressive castle was an old manor, it had been built as a gift of Matrimony between the Allisters and the Mcnovals over Two decades ago. The town also had a troublesome tavern among other buildings.

Poenari castle was said to have been built in the 10Century by Count Alcotte – The self proclaimed master of shape shifting, before being staked by slayers, However some say Count Dracula was behind the staking, he always wanted an evil, spacious castle.

The castle is now owned by the Prince of Darkness - Count Dracula.

Count Dracula is said to be just under 700 years old, He has said to have been in major historic battle, he said they have an abundance of blood; the Battle of Arsuf 1191 and the Battle of Gisors 1198 for example. He holds traditional vampire traits - he likes people to think. But let it be said he has not bitten a living human in 15 years. But he does not live alone. 4 other vampires stalk the castle walls.

Orfeo Dracula the drainer – He had drained many historic figures, Robert, Duke of Normandy was his favorite. He used to drink by the gallon. The tavern is his favorite location once the sun lays way to nightfall. Orfeo is by far the most disturbed vampire in the Dracula clan; He has an unhealthy obsession with young day walkers. He calls their blood fresh.

Maladict, Maladict the learnt is a young vampire at 400 years old. He does not wear a cape like the Count and Orfeo, he prefers the dark blazer type suit. He is Vladimir Dracula’s personal trainer. He is over 200 years younger than the Count but surpasses his knowledge vastly, His dream would have been to visit the Ancient Library of Alexandria Before its ruin. He has told the count destruction of that library set mankind (not that it would matter to him) 1000 years back in knowledge.

Vladimir Dracula is the Son and Heir to the Dracula family. He is a very young vampire at 17, He does not have his full powers yet. So he can spend the days in the sun with his living friend Eden McAllister. He possesses small vampire powers like hypnotism and super speed but nothing to the extent of a full powered vampire. He is not keen on biting the living but will do so reluctantly.

Hectate the misguided is the family alchemists who spend his days playing with dark alchemy. The family stays away from him mostly; He would rather discover a new potion than drain 10 day walkers.

This Vampire clan is in all respects, highly irregular.

The McAllister Manor is home to Mr McAllister, his son Eden and housewife Avellana. They also have Mr McAllister’s brother living with them, Percival, He is a wise man. The manor was built as a wedding present and has thick metal gates protecting the halls that lie within. It is a simple design in comparison to the castle of the Dracula’s but they command no less respect to fellow members of the community - after all the vampires do not announce their existence to the world openly.

A secret lies within the family. At the back of the house a set of used but reliable armor on display. This is Mr McAllister’s personal armor, He Is part of an ancient cult of warriors that are sworn to defend against the forces of evil – not vampires. They are sworn to defend against something far worse. They defend against forces that would use the vampire life-force for own gain, to become immortal; they are called the Unificatus - united in darkness. It is not by chance the Allisters married next to a vampire castle.

McAllister is one of these warriors, they have no official name for safety. His son however, Eden is not yet a warrior, He is still in training and his trainer Percival trains him whenever Eden is not off playing with Vladimir, which irritates Percival as his cousin was devoured by vampires. But he lets it be. Eden is only 15 years old at this point in time, he has much to learn.

#2 Posted by TheCannon (18791 posts) - - Show Bio

@Pyrogram:

#3 Posted by batkevin74 (10806 posts) - - Show Bio

@Pyrogram: As I have said to I'm more into capes than fangs. Your story has an interesting idea with the 17yr old vampire who is still kinda human (this may be a regular concept in vamp ficition; I don't know as I don't read them). Couple of grammar & punctuation mistakes such as Poenari Castle should have a capital C

Also, this is possibly just me but dates such as 1198 are fine but when you've written 2 decades, it should be two. For some weird reason it irks me, you can do it it's allowed.

But while its a great idea, neat twist it's not for me. I'm superheroes not vampires (which is ironic coz I'm writing a vampire crossover in an upcoming story of mine)

#4 Posted by nerdork (4038 posts) - - Show Bio

@Pyrogram: Nice story man, that was a fun read!

#5 Posted by Pyrogram (38539 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74 said:

@Pyrogram: As I have said to I'm more into capes than fangs. Your story has an interesting idea with the 17yr old vampire who is still kinda human (this may be a regular concept in vamp ficition; I don't know as I don't read them). Couple of grammar & punctuation mistakes such as Poenari Castle should have a capital C

Also, this is possibly just me but dates such as 1198 are fine but when you've written 2 decades, it should be two. For some weird reason it irks me, you can do it it's allowed.

But while its a great idea, neat twist it's not for me. I'm superheroes not vampires (which is ironic coz I'm writing a vampire crossover in an upcoming story of mine)

You telling me about the irony made me LOL so hard for some reason.

Do you want me to re-link you for the next chapter or not as its not your fave thing? Thanks for the feedback also.

#6 Posted by Pyrogram (38539 posts) - - Show Bio

@nerdork: @TheCannon: Thanks

#7 Posted by lykopis (10746 posts) - - Show Bio

I am drawn into this, entirely. Love the back story and the connections between all the characters and snippets of history. It gave me just enough to picture things, while keeping me curious for more.

Vampires are super cool. Please keep me on the list when you update this.

:)

#8 Posted by batkevin74 (10806 posts) - - Show Bio

@Pyrogram: Let me know when they're up, I'll read them, might not like them due to subject matter rather than anything to do with you (f$@#!g vampires!) :)

#9 Posted by Pyrogram (38539 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74 said:

@Pyrogram: Let me know when they're up, I'll read them, might not like them due to subject matter rather than anything to do with you (f$@#!g vampires!) :)

Ok mate, hopefully I can change your mind, if not though I wont take it personally :)

#10 Posted by Pyrogram (38539 posts) - - Show Bio

@lykopis: Thanks a lot and will do :D

#11 Posted by joshmightbe (24885 posts) - - Show Bio

Cool, Love that not everyone has forgotten what real vampires are like

#12 Posted by Pyrogram (38539 posts) - - Show Bio

@joshmightbe said:

Cool, Love that not everyone has forgotten what real vampires are like

Thanks and yer, I hate the new teenage twilight style vampires, they are a curse to the vampire name personally. I like the old, dark blood thirsty vamps.

#13 Posted by Pyrogram (38539 posts) - - Show Bio

#14 Edited by PunyParker (11089 posts) - - Show Bio

@Pyrogram:

Online
#15 Posted by wildvine (9696 posts) - - Show Bio

Interesting bunch. I have no gripes as this is an intro, rather then a true entry. I am interested in what you have planned for this series.

Moderator
#16 Posted by Pyrogram (38539 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine said:

Interesting bunch. I have no gripes as this is an intro, rather then a true entry. I am interested in what you have planned for this series.

So am I >_>

Thanks :P

#17 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1673 posts) - - Show Bio

@Pyrogram: Very nice, though I am not big on fantasy/vampire stories this was a surprising change, especially the ties into actual history (well I presume history, you could be lying to me with your dates and people after all)

#18 Posted by Pyrogram (38539 posts) - - Show Bio

@4donkeyjohnson:

Those dates are all real! Thanks :D