#1 Edited by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

TRIGGER

T+ -- Teen Plus

Trigger AKA Derrick Jackson, Noir City's most brutal assassin, decides to give up his life of killing but no matter where he runs, he cannot escape his past life.

CHAPTER 1: WITHOUT A TRACE

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A young boy was sitting on his bed watching TV. He thought it was going to be a normal night. He would eat dinner at seven as usual, have his bath and go to bed. But he was wrong. His Mother was calling him for dinner. He hesitantly turned off the TV and walked into the kitchen. As I watched through the window, my heart sunk a tiny bit deeper as his loving mother kissed him on the forehead while she laid the plate down in front of him. Then his dad walked into the room. He smiled at his bubbly son and looked out the window. He was worried. He had a reason to be.

My client wanted this man dead for a reason I didn't know. It wasn't my job to know. But it was my job to kill him without leaving a trace. I am notorious around this city under the name, Trigger. Killing was never something I enjoyed but I had no other choice. I was the child of two criminals. They were separated from me when I was young and I had to look after myself. I met the wrong people. Made the wrong choices. And it took me there, standing on a rooftop in Noir City about to slaughter a family I didn't even know. It destroys a part of me every single time.

I leapt down, shattering the glass as I entered the room. The woman screamed and grabbed her son as tight as she could. Within seconds I withdrew my gun and shot her in the head. The boy roared in pain as he kneeled down to his mothers body. The father quickly picked up the kitchen knife and charged at me. I swerved out the way, grabbed him and hurled him out the window, shooting him in the face as I do so. He would have suffered more pain if I hadn't shot him. Then I turned to the boy. The rule of an assassin is to kill your targets without leaving a trace. If I let the boy survive he could identify me and throw me behind bars for the rest of my life. I held my gun towards his forehead but he didn't look scared. His eyes, filled with fire, glared at me as I held the gun.

I recognised the expression and the same feeling came rushing back to me. I saw myself as a young boy. It was just another regular day. My Mom and Dad were at home with me and I felt so comfortable. They may have had a rough life and a rough career but they loved each other and they loved me. Suddenly half a dozen men stormed into the room with guns. They kicked me out of the way and arrested my parents. They dragged my father out of the room while my mother reached her arms out to try and grab me. "It's going to be okay" She said calmly, clinging on to me. The men beat her but she wouldn't let go. A man then punched her in the face and she collapsed. As they dragged her out the room and she looked up at me, still trying to reach me. "I love you" she whispered as she disappeared behind the slammed door. I lingered at the spot I was standing for a few seconds. Then I rushed for the door and opened it. I ran outside but they were gone. And then I made that face, the face the young boy was making at me.

I had taken too long to do my job and the police were entering the building. Panicked, I tried to decide what to do with the boy. I couldn't leave him incase he was able to identify me but I couldn't kill him. Not after what I did. This wasn't the same as killing some drug dealer or nightclub owner. I had just taken an innocent boy's family away from him forever and I just couldn't kill him. If I leave him he will get adopted into a loving family I told myself.

Suddenly the police smashed into the apartment and held their guns up. The man in the front stepped into the room and saw the boy. "Check the room!" He barked at the other men as he rushed over to the boy. He kneeled down beside him.

"Where is he?" The man firmly asked the boy. The boy's eyes hadn't left the smashed window. The policeman rushed over to the window and looked outside. The ground was about 20 stories down and I was nowhere to be seen. It was a close shave but I had just about escaped.

Exhausted, I just about managed to make it back to my apartment. I was still hazed about what had just happened. I had never hesitated when killing someone before. Like every other time I've felt guilty over killing, I just brushed off my feelings of guilt. After all it's my job I told myself as I watched over the city. But I couldn't get the boy's face out of my mind.

My guilt was overthrowing me. I felt more sick then I had ever felt in my entire life. I knew what I do was wrong but I had never considered much about the people I was killing. I was just in it for the money and never pictured my victims as actual human beings with families. But that is my job, I kept telling myself. I have no other choice, I convinced myself. But I do have a choice. I can't keep doing this. Not to other people. And not to myself.

I quit.

_____________________________

This story is a part of Innovation Inc.! TRIGGER: CHAPTER 2 is coming soon...

#2 Posted by Pyrogram (36405 posts) - - Show Bio

This is very powerful! Your one hell of a writer.

#3 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

@Pyrogram: Really? Thank you so much. I think every writer gets this but when you read through your story loads and loads, you start to lose faith that its good. I'm glad you like it :)

#4 Posted by Pyrogram (36405 posts) - - Show Bio

@Mediumflyer7: I loved the start when you describe the family.

#5 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

@Pyrogram: :~D thanks a lot!

#6 Posted by BumpyBoo (8482 posts) - - Show Bio

@Mediumflyer7 said:

@Pyrogram: Really? Thank you so much. I think every writer gets this but when you read through your story loads and loads, you start to lose faith that its good. I'm glad you like it :)

That is only natural, we tend to be our own biggest critics but judging from this, you certainly should not be hard on yourself. I look forward to reading part two :)

Moderator Online
#7 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

@BumpyBoo: Great to know. Thank you!

#8 Posted by TheCannon (18296 posts) - - Show Bio

@Mediumflyer7: This is truly amazing. I really enjoyed it. It made my day. I look forward to more

#9 Posted by The Poet (8335 posts) - - Show Bio

@Mediumflyer7: interesting...

the one thing I would tweak is:

"Where is he?" The man firmly asked the boy. The boy eyes hadn't left the smashed window....

should be the "...boy's eyes..."

other than that good

Moderator
#10 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

@The Poet: Ok thanks. After reading through this about 8 times I never noticed that so it's good to have a fresh pair of eyes!

#11 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheCannon: Cheers! I cant wait to start writing Chapter 2 now!

#12 Posted by kamrenamir (212 posts) - - Show Bio

@Mediumflyer7: I am really into this, this is just like an actual comic where I get infuriated that it's not longer. Keep it up.

#13 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

@kamrenamir said:

@Mediumflyer7: I am really into this, this is just like an actual comic where I get infuriated that it's not longer. Keep it up.

Nice to hear! I will try :D

#14 Posted by batkevin74 (10587 posts) - - Show Bio

@Mediumflyer7: Cut to fifteen years later when some small boy, now a young man, comes knocking on Trigger's door for some revenge! Good intro, nice set up, let's see some more

#15 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74 said:

@Mediumflyer7: Cut to fifteen years later when some small boy, now a young man, comes knocking on Trigger's door for some revenge! Good intro, nice set up, let's see some more

I think the boy will have a future in the series but not in the future. Thanks for the feedback. Are there any questions you want answered or things you would like to see in Chapter: 2?

#16 Posted by batkevin74 (10587 posts) - - Show Bio

@Mediumflyer7 said:

I hurdled down, shattering the glass as I entered the room.

Should be hurtled as in break neck speed, hurdling is jumping over things...it does work if he's jumping a rail to smash into the apartment...no nothing as yet

#17 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: I might reconsider that sentence. Trigger leaped down from a higher building into the window? I might just say "leaped"

#18 Posted by batkevin74 (10587 posts) - - Show Bio

@Mediumflyer7: He leaped down...nah, he leapt down!

#19 Posted by Project_Worm (3388 posts) - - Show Bio

Very cool!

#20 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

@Project_Worm: Thank you!

#21 Posted by andrewtheking (960 posts) - - Show Bio

wow ... THIS IS AMAZING

#22 Posted by dngn4774 (3011 posts) - - Show Bio

This was a great opener. It sort of reminds me of the opening to the movie killer elite. One of the best things you can use first person narration for is to give the audience insight into a characters mind and you did that in spades. Bravo!!!

#23 Edited by Pyrogram (36405 posts) - - Show Bio

@Mediumflyer7: I was thinking, it would make a great what if story if he took the boy with him, and had to do a story based around that.

#24 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

@Pyrogram: *taps nose*

#25 Posted by Pyrogram (36405 posts) - - Show Bio

@Mediumflyer7: You broke my nose.

#26 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

@dngn4774: Thanks! I always prefer writing in first person. It makes it so much more detailed and interesting.

#27 Posted by Project_Worm (3388 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74 said:

@Mediumflyer7: He leaped down...nah, he leapt down!

Actually, both are perfectly fine to use in writing it comes down solely to preference.

#28 Posted by batkevin74 (10587 posts) - - Show Bio

@Project_Worm said:

@batkevin74 said:

@Mediumflyer7: He leaped down...nah, he leapt down!

Actually, both are perfectly fine to use in writing it comes down solely to preference.

You're right, just leaped down doesn't sound nor read right, to me anyways.

#29 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: Yeah, your right. Also could you send me the PM with the proposal you were going to make?

#30 Posted by Aronmorales (9434 posts) - - Show Bio

Fantastic writing!

#31 Posted by andrewtheking (960 posts) - - Show Bio

lovely

#32 Posted by batkevin74 (10587 posts) - - Show Bio
#33 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

Thanks

#34 Posted by batkevin74 (10587 posts) - - Show Bio

So part 2??? @Mediumflyer7:

#35 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

Hopefully soon

#36 Posted by Guardiandevil83 (5515 posts) - - Show Bio

@Mediumflyer7: Damn this was sad. But Awesome!

#37 Posted by Mediumflyer7 (296 posts) - - Show Bio

@Guardiandevil83: Thanks. I don't think I'll continue this though. I was just experimenting with my writing by I'm writing a mystery book coming soon for this group!

#38 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1649 posts) - - Show Bio

@mediumflyer7: This is good, have you done any more?.....

@Guardiandevil83: Thanks. I don't think I'll continue this though. I was just experimenting with my writing by I'm writing a mystery book coming soon for this group!

Oh...probably not :(