It's been a slow week on the vine, but let's hope this makes up for it. Today we have two brand new issues from the Writers Guild that are going to shock and awe. Let's take a look!
A.A.R.S.S: Every bad, horrible, badly thought out, drunkenly created hero & villain from the minds of those here on CV given the chance to shine! Attempting to prove there are no bad characters. Join us for the adventures of Grappling Cook, Spatulus, Space Horse, Dish-Man, Barf Man and many many others!
A.A.R.S.S: King Surfer King
An old man slowly got out of his hammock to greet the morning sun. The waves lapped the shores of Kauō, making him smile. He gathered up his long board and his duck feeding bag to head out for a surf.
He loved it here. The quiet atoll that only scientists and eco-tourists came to visit occasionally, mainly to see the Laysan ducks that he fed. The serenity, the waves, and the ducks made him at peace with himself. Forgetting the past where he was once…
“King Surfer King!” roared Jellyfisher, the opaque gelatinous criminal who terrorized the Hawaiian islands “How did you escape my atomic barracuda men?”
King Surfer King curled his lip and smiled as he flew in on his magically long board “Seems I wasn’t on the menu!”
Jellyfisher fired his octo-gun at the tall bronzed surfer, the searing plasma globs narrowly missing their targets due to the swerving skills of King Surfer King. The surfer of the skies returned fire from his mystical bracelets, sending magical electrical bolts into the coral platform. The blubberous criminal stood on. Jellyfisher lost his balance and King Surfer King swept in and punched him right in the nose, knocking him into the blue waters of Hawaii.
“Your crime spree is over Hoaloha!” smiled King Surfer King as he hovered over the unconscious Jellyfisher floating on the surface like a plastic bag.
“Keen!” shouted Jet Ski Jenny, who arrived at the scene on her custom made craft.
“Couldn’t have done it without you Jenny” replied King Surfer King. “Those atomic barracuda men nearly had me.”
“Aw, weren’t nuthin!” shushed Jenny as she revved her jetski. “Aloha!” And with that she bounced off across the waves.
King Surfer King gathered up the Jellyfisher and headed back to the Big Island to drop him to his contact at the Pearl City police department Captain Danno MacGarrett.
-Maybe I take up that charter- he pondered.
The old man caught his last wave and headed into shore. As he trudged up the beach and noticed seven men on the escarpment. He looked up and saw them, all dressed in tartan ninja suits, arms folded with their sporrans gently flapping in the morning breeze. He scowled and chocked the surfboard into the sand.
“Can I help you?”
“Yoo are the one known as King Surfer King, yes?” came the odd faux Scottish accent.
“Not anymore.” He picked up the board and tucked it under his arm and walked towards them.
“Yoo are the founder of A.A.R.S.S!” hissed another.
“Son, that was nearly sixty years ago” replied the old man “I’ve done so much more since then.”
“Are you King Surfer King?”
He curled his lip in trademarked style “What if I say no?”
“Kill him!” and the seven Scottish ninjas drew weapons and surrounded him.
“I’m too old for this!”
"Well Mathias?" Darth Krotia asked. "Do you accept your position as our newest member?"
Mathias frowned as he was surrounded by the Dark Council. It took all his restraint to refrain from pulling out his lightsaber.
"I assume... by newest member you mean HEAD of the Council?" Mathias asked through gritted teeth.
Several of the members laughed at the very idea.
"Please Mathias. If you honestly think you're more powerful then all of us you're clearly delusional."
"Not more powerful!" Mathias said with a smile. " More Crafty!"
"Whatever you think you are we couldn't care less! Do you accept your new position or not?!"
"No." Mathias said as he walked through the chamber doors.
"Well... if you do not accept you do realize you can't leave here alive..." Darth (Member of the Council) said. "After all you did kill one our members. Murder. Granted he was pathetic but murder non the less."
Two honor guards stepped out from behind the door. Both holding their sabers in Mathias' way.
"Weaklings." Mathias muttered as he quickly lopped off both of their heads.
"Take my advice." Mathias said as he walked onto the elevator. "Don't try to follow me." He said as the doors closed shut.
Join us next Friday, September 20th for an all new showcase and remember to read, enjoy, and comment!