The PokeMafia: Beginnings(1)

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The_Legendary_SuperSaiyan_Hulk

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(Names for reference: Raichu(leader)= Ikazuchi. Pikachu=Mizune. Minun(Beniiro's brother)=Aoi. Plusle(Aoi's sister)=Beniiro, Pichu(Ikazuchi's son)= Enrai)

"Oi, Boss-man, there's som'one here to see ya!" the voice came through the door, piercing the silence. It was Mizune, the gangs new recruiter. He was a pikachu, refusing to evolve further into a Raichu because it "wasn't his style". He was calling in the "Boss-man", as Mizune so often called him, to probably deal with some trivial matter as he always does. Without further thinking, the raichu turned over onto his side and covered his head with the pillow, hoping to drown out the noise so he could continue relaxing.

"Bosssss-mannnn, we needcha out here~!" Mizune's voice wasbecoming louder and more irritating. He heard another yell from Mizune, but he couldn't quite make out what he said. Soon he could hear footsteps approaching his room and the opening of the door. The footsteps continued until they were at the bed, with someone hovering over him.

"Can't a guy get any rest 'round here? It's bad enough I gotta deal with all of gengar's shenanigans, I don't need you in here ruining my only time to rest." He turned over expecting to see Mizune staring at him with a dumb look on his face. What met him was the exact opposite, small black eyes were slowly studying him. Blue ears and a white mask covering the region around his mouth. The area where a pikachu's red cheeks would be was replaced with blue circles, with a small yellow "-" in the middle. He was garbed in a white cloak that opened in the middle, revealing various knives and shuriken.

"Sorry Boss-man, I tried to stop 'im, but he really wanted t' see ya." Mizune came through the door, a few small cuts covering his face. "This 'ere is Aoi Senkou, or somethin' like that anyway.. he says he needs you-" the newcomer cut him off.

"I can introduce myself just fine, thank you." Aoi said in an indignant tone. "I am Aoi Senkou of the Biribiri Nezumi family. At the order of the head of my family, I have come to request your help for the removal of a host of zoroark." He continued, slightly more humble now that he was finally conversing with the man he came to see.

"Aoi Senkou, eh? That's a rather pretentious title for the son of Chi Ittou to be bearing," Aoi's head started to dip, as if knowing where this was heading, " the last time I heard your name mentioned was from your father, bragging about how amazing your sister was with a blade. I believe his exact words were 'If I could have a son who could use even one of his knives like Beniiro can use a sword, I could step down and leave this place in his hands'."

Mizune began to shake his head in disapproval. This act did not go unnoticed. "And what are you shaking your head at? You couldn't even stop him from getting in my room! If anything, you're even worse than he is!" Slowly realizing his error, he started to make his way to the door. "Where are you going? Get back in here, you're going to accompany him on his way back to the village." Turning his head back to Aoi, Ikazuchi went on. "While I have heard this, I've also heard a good amount of things from you." Aoi's head began to slowly rise up, "Yes, I recall hearing about you defeating a gyrados out by Lake Rage, a monstrous one at that. It was the size of 10 houses if I remember correctly."

"A gyrados, huh? Not bad kid, I mean, it's nothing I couldn't do, but-" Ikazuchi shot him a glance and Mizune went quiet. He was beginning to lose his patience with Mizune, and this request gave him exactly the excuse he needed to get him out of the building.

"Whatever the case, I will indeed send help to deal with these zoroark. Your father has certainly earned that much of me,if not more." Turning to Mizune he continued, "Mizune, fetch Enrai and pack the necessary equipment, Enrai could use some experience on how things are actually done. I want you to be able to leave by midday, the Biriri Nezumi family are very dear friends of mine. I don't want anything happening because you decided to sit back and smoke some cigars."

Mizune turned around, making his way toward the exit. "Okay Boss-man, I gotcha." Turning his head out the door he started yelling, "YO ENRAI! PACK YO' THINGS, WE GOT A JOB!" He then hurried up the staircase on his way.

As Mizune left the room, Ikazuchi once again faced Aoi. "Follow Mizune out, he may be a bit slow and act careless, but he knows what has to be done. Also, give your father my regards, I look forward to our monthly feast coming up."

Aoi gave him a bow, "Thank you. I will certainly do so." He then turned and left the room.

Making sure they were all gone and out of ear-range, he let out a sigh of relief. "Finally, maybe now I can get some rest."He laid back in his bed and resumed his rest.

That ends chapter 1.

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The_Legendary_SuperSaiyan_Hulk

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@the_legendary_supersaiyan_hulk

You want constructive criticism, evaluation, a pat on the back, or all of the above?

Because I'm already giving you a pat on the back, and am encouraging you to continue it, and I have no problem giving the other two :P

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The_Legendary_SuperSaiyan_Hulk

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SuperDrummer

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@the_legendary_supersaiyan_hulk

Sure!

However, I have about *looks at the time* ten minutes before a weekend long drum-line trip, so I'll get back to you after it.

Remind me if I forget!

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Monarch_Chronicle

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@the_legendary_supersaiyan_hulk: Can't believe I missed this! Interesting idea, cant wait to see how you expand on the rivalries and relationships in this mafia world. Will this family be your main focus or will it shift as the story progresses?

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Ostyo

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The_Legendary_SuperSaiyan_Hulk

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Monarch_Chronicle

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The_Legendary_SuperSaiyan_Hulk

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@monarch_chronicle: Looks more like detectives/judges if you ask me o. o

*Dat Sableye though. Looks cool in his suit.

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Monarch_Chronicle

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The_Legendary_SuperSaiyan_Hulk

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Monarch_Chronicle

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The_Legendary_SuperSaiyan_Hulk

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@monarch_chronicle: Nah, other music playing with him.(Like Voltaire's "When you're evil".)

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Monarch_Chronicle

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The_Legendary_SuperSaiyan_Hulk

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wildvine

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#17  Edited By wildvine  Moderator
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The_Legendary_SuperSaiyan_Hulk

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@wildvine: Part 2 is already up if you want to read it~

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deactivated-5a162dd41dd64

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You'll want to switch the bolded text to the speaking parts. Your writing is solid; there's some minor punctuation issues, but overall the story carries itself well.

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The_Legendary_SuperSaiyan_Hulk

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@squares: Thanks, I'll try that on the 3rd chapter~