Woo-hoo, new fan-fic out of the oven. So bright and new, it could reduce your vision to -10/20. So enjoy:
“I can’t believe this… Guy Gardner, Michael Jon Carter! I can’t believe you made this mess!” I yelled. Being a freelance graphics designer and journalist is hard enough with these two doofuses cramping my style. It’s bad enough I’m in a wheelchair and stuck behind a bazillion computer monitors everyday. I see the both of them run in. I explain to them what I discovered, much to my horror. What they did was decide to dress up my cat in a cape and stick a sign to it using tape. On the sign, it said, “I’m not a pet… I’m an ugly ugg boot!”
The both of them ran into my room, full of giggle-beans. “Okay, I’m sorry Barbara…” said Michael. I knew he was dying to laugh. “But it’s funny, right?” And the both of them burst out laughing, making their way to the kitchen where I could hear their laughs through the corridor. I did the biggest eye-roll. I can’t believe they would do this to my beloved cat! My snookums! My Captain Socks!
After a few hours, I had managed to get the tape off my cat, with much yowling and I came out with a few scratches on both my wrists. Great, now my friends will think I’m an emo. That’s the last thing I need!
The story of how I came about becoming their roommates is like a superhero’s origin story: full of intrigue and mystery, while at the same time being able to captivate listeners. I use it as my pick-up line all the time. For example, I’ll say, “Hi there. I live with two idiots. One enjoys American football way too much, the other one likes to grunt and thinks that beer is a medicine. From that, I assume you understand my living condition, and because of that, alcohol makes me feel at ease.” And then I’ll hint the drinks behind the bar. Amazingly, that works 90 per cent of the time. The other 10 per cent? They look at me with a raised eyebrow and they slowly back away from me. I’m also currently single, too, so my pick up lines have been working like charms, due to the excessive amount of times I actually use my pick up lines.
But yes, that story of how I became the roommate of two bumbling idiots who think like fish. Believe it or not, I was actually Guy’s girlfriend during the days of college. You’ll probably hate me because of this very true statement, but it’s important that I say so. I need to establish my relationship with Guy. So anyway, going out with Guy was perhaps the best time of my life. He was the sweetest guy, like in the movies during the 50s when the guy was a jerk, but very irresistible because he was a jock, and the girl wore pink cardigans and had the longest eyelashes, ones that could have probably taken someone’s eye out.
Though during college, Guy was definitely something of a school jock. All popular and he may have beaten up a few nerds every once in a while. Though so was Michael. The both of them were basically in competition of who the biggest and best college jock. Sometimes they would meet up and decide who can run into each other the most times without saying, “Okay, I’m the pansy here!” Being the level-headed lady I was back then (and I still am!), I decided to really get into the deep story of why they really hated each other. I knew it was more than just a competition of who was physically better.
On a date, Guy took me out to a diner – with a juke box and the whole lot – and I asked him why he hated Michael so much. At first he was reluctant to say so. But then, using my eyelashes, I had convinced him to spill the beans.
“Okay, okay,” he said. I can’t believe what he said. And this is it: “He ruined my Sinestro figurine by painting his skin purple and costume yellow. It clashed with all the rest of the other figurines! They were green and he decided to paint this one yellow!” He looked down in shame.
My jaws dropped. Words couldn’t describe how shocked and astounded I was. All this bickering over this?! I told him to stop crying like a baby and be nice to Michael. At first, Guy was reluctant to do so. With more fluttering of my eyelashes, I had finally convinced him to apologise for lashing out at Michael. It turns out they were the best of friends before college. Michael also apologised for not listening to Guy and going ahead with his own idea of painting the figurine purple and yellow.
After the three of us had finished college, Guy and I moved in with each other, and Guy asked for Michael to come along. I wasn’t so keen on this idea and straight from the beginning, and I was right. They are a bunch of kids who like I mentioned before, have brains like fish. I can’t believe I let Michael moved in with us. The both of them, being the Dynamic Duo they are, decided to give themselves nicknames. Michael called himself “Boost My Gold Reserves” and Guy “Green Like My Gardener”. What did you expect? Lame names from lame people. They also gave me a name. You should’ve have seen my face when they told me – flat as a tire. They called me “The Oracle on Bats”. Once again, another lame name. Wasn’t that an anti-climax? Well, when you’re working with these guys…
Strangely enough, a few weeks after this fiasco happened, the well-established comic company, DC, decided to create a war, called the Sinestro Corps War. Apparently, it was based on a fight between the Green Lanterns, who based their power on green, and the Sinestro Corps, which were a bunch of bad guys who based their power on yellow. The main characters in it were called “Guy Gardner” and “Booster Gold”. I was amazed by this. I showed it to Guy and Michael, and they just shrugged and laughed it off as the usually did with most things. Some more weeks later, I found many similarities, such as being called “Batgirl” who became “Oracle” later on because of an incident involving a villain called the “Joker”. Oracle was also stuck behind many screens and in a wheelchair.
And then I thought: “Wow… I should be getting royalties for this.”