#1 Edited by primepower53 (5591 posts) - - Show Bio

AN EXPANSION OF A PREVIOUS SHORT STORY Terror in the Night

CHAPTER ONE: IT BEGINS:

The Car sped down a winding dirt road kicking up dust as it went along through the cool Switzerland air. Inside the car sat a man, shirtless, and covered head to toe in gaping scars. The man was Indian, with sandy brown hair that was matted atop his head. His heart beat swiftly convulsed in his chest, threatening to burst out at any second. He checked his pulse quickly to make sure he was okay and let out a deep sigh of relief. He continued to drive while his mind wandered backwards through time to earlier that morning.

The man finished letting the scalding water work it's way through his dried wounds. He eerily enjoyed the feeling of pain. It comforted him in knowing that even though his scars were there forever, he could still clean them and allow some sort of closure to the thinned tissue. The small hotel room wasn't much, but it wasn't the worst he had seen and he had desperately needed a shower. Steam billowed into the room as he stepped out to wrap a towel around himself. He headed towards the mirror in the small bathroom and wiped a layer of fog off it. To his surprise bestial, eyes stared back. The man lurched backwards, shocked. Fresh water dripped off his chin. He focused on the hot water covering his body in an attempt to gain control of himself. Again he wiped a layer of fog from the mirror to see his normal human self (aside from an ugly scar on his left temple, which he’d rather not think about.) This time, however, he spotted the source of the intruder for behind him stood a pensive and alluring woman.

Swifter than expected, he spun around into a defensive stance.

“Hello, Ro,” The woman cooed, gently. She had a light grey complexion and wore her usual attire-- a strapless purple dress. Her presence was like a candle: she seemed to flicker in and out of existence at random, her proportions changing at will, dancing like a flame. She smiled warmly.

Ro let his guard down.

“Lady,” he called her by name, “what are you doing here?”

Lady paced forward, and a gentle and calming hum escaped her lips.

“Ro,” she said, “the time is now.” Her voice fluttered into a whisper. “Today is the day you’ve been waiting for.” Her voice was soothing; her words tip-toeing from one to the next.

“The final meeting is today,” she said. She thrust her arms around Ro’s neck, looking up at him with her soft eyes. “I’ve watched you grow over the years, Ro…You’ve grown so strong…” Her voice trailed with her memory. After a few seconds she came back to reality. Her eyes lit up with delight. “I know you can win…” she said seductively, “You can win the prize.”

Ro grabbed Lady by the waist and pulled her close.

“Why is it you’ve never told me what ‘the prize’ is?” he asked her.

Lady let out a mockingly evil laugh. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” she teased.

Suddenly, Lady disappeared into thin air, leaving only a cloud of smoke in her place.

Ro went about his business, not startled by the events. He had grown used to The Mysterious Lady’s tricks over the years. He went about shaving, whilst trying to pay her words no heed. Despite his best efforts, he could not get Lady’s voice out of his head.

“Tonight,” he hummed to himself, “Tonight is the night Kajar dies.”

#2 Posted by Irishlad (591 posts) - - Show Bio

This is a great first chapter. It's very well thought out and very inspiring for new writers such as myself.

#3 Posted by primepower53 (5591 posts) - - Show Bio

@Irishlad said:

This is a great first chapter. It's very well thought out and very inspiring for new writers such as myself.

awww....thanks!

#4 Edited by SyIar (405 posts) - - Show Bio

Great job!

Looking forward to see what happens next.

#5 Posted by primepower53 (5591 posts) - - Show Bio

@SyIar said:

Great job!

Looking forward to see what happens next.

thank you very much! :D

#6 Posted by The Poet (8179 posts) - - Show Bio

I swear I've read this before :P

I think you should fire your editor because he's terrible! or better yet! pay him more :P

Good story...btw spoiler: they all die in the end...kidding of course. maybe...

Moderator
#7 Posted by primepower53 (5591 posts) - - Show Bio

@The Poet said:

I swear I've read this before :P

I think you should fire your editor because he's terrible! or better yet! pay him more :P

Good story...btw spoiler: they all die in the end...kidding of course. maybe...

Me presence is payment enough for your services. :P

#8 Posted by wildvine (10422 posts) - - Show Bio

Well done.

Moderator
#9 Posted by primepower53 (5591 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine said:

Well done.

thank you.

Chapter two is up as well...

#10 Posted by primepower53 (5591 posts) - - Show Bio

please read

#11 Posted by Time_Phantom (539 posts) - - Show Bio

Read it! Great stuff on to the second chapter.

#12 Posted by primepower53 (5591 posts) - - Show Bio

@Time_Phantom said:

Read it! Great stuff on to the second chapter.

thank you!

#13 Posted by primepower53 (5591 posts) - - Show Bio

READ THIS!!!

#14 Posted by batkevin74 (11282 posts) - - Show Bio

@primepower53: I have read it...it's okay. It's the start so it's a bit slow, because it has to build like any story. It starts almost exactly the same way as your Terror in the Night with the car, I know it's within the same universe/world but it seemed like I was almost reading the same thing. Let's have a lookey at part 2 shall we :)

#15 Posted by primepower53 (5591 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74 said:

@primepower53: I have read it...it's okay. It's the start so it's a bit slow, because it has to build like any story. It starts almost exactly the same way as your Terror in the Night with the car, I know it's within the same universe/world but it seemed like I was almost reading the same thing. Let's have a lookey at part 2 shall we :)

that's actually good, because that was the intended effect.