#1 Posted by Batmanx2005 (375 posts) - - Show Bio

There was man name jack Napier and after his wife died . He decided to join the mob and so the mob and Andrea father made the deal if he gets the money he lives so after that jack decided to kill Andrea father so. If he want to avoid people know he killed him so some of mob member got him the red hood mask with a red cape . And their plan is for him to steal 10,0000$ but it failed when the police shot some of the mob member so jack needed to escape so he got on the bridge but as soon as batman showed up . Jack want to get away from batman so he jump and dive into a lake of experimented chemicals so after he got on land and go back to his apartment . He took off the hood . When he needed to go to wash the chemicals off . He felt his skin burning and decided to took a shower but before he did he check the mirrors and found out his skin had permanently beach so he said " I look like a evil clown, my skin chalk white,my hair is green and my lips are ruby red and what a joke on me!" So he started to scream and went insane . And found out he became .......the joker.

So this is my version of his origin story since they never gave him one . Gosh people made so many origins

#2 Posted by AweSam (7375 posts) - - Show Bio

So... it's just your altered version of his unofficial-official origin?

#3 Posted by Batmanx2005 (375 posts) - - Show Bio

@awesam: well you know if he has past he peter it multiple choices or maybe that's how joker origin story should be in tim burton batman movie or dc animated universe or The Batman show

#4 Posted by batkevin74 (10982 posts) - - Show Bio

@batmanx2005: My first impression is that English is not your native typing language?

It's good but you need to polish, edit and add to this to make it better.

This is your opening: There was man name jack Napier and after his wife died . He decided to join the mob and so the mob and Andrea father made the deal if he gets the money he lives so after that jack decided to kill Andrea father so.

It doesn't make much sense. The idea is there but maybe you need to slow down, I often get my brain being faster than my fingers and ideas come out jumbled though they make sense to me.

1) Jack, being a name, has a captial

2) Tell us about Jack. Describe him. Is he a rotund balding man with a lazy eye? Is he a tall lanky fellow whose lips could rival Mick Jagger's? Some description adds to your story

3) How did his wife die? What would make someone join the mob? You need to expand that. People don't just become criminals nor do the Mob let people join just because their wives have died :)

4) Andrea? Is Andrea a person, the name of the Mob faction? Or both? You need to be clearer

5) Batman has a capital....it's Batman! :)

6) Take my suggestions or don't, its up to you and I myself am no expert. I just like writing.

I look forward to seeing what you can do

#5 Posted by Batmanx2005 (375 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: sorry but Andrea is a person and his wife died by the mob and jack is guy who lives with his wife and he was a failed comedian.

#6 Posted by batkevin74 (10982 posts) - - Show Bio

@batmanx2005: You know that, now I know that, but it isn't reflected in your story.

Try this: Jack Napier sat at his kitchen table staring at the empty bottle of cheap whiskey. It matched the other empty bottles scattered around the floor, the benches, the over flowing bin. Each bottle an attempt to drown the pain of her passing. His blurry bloodshot eyes glanced at the revolver on the table. Slowly, achingly, his wobbly knees pushed him up as he staggered upright and promptly vomited on the table, flecks splashing up on his weeks old Hawaiian shirt. Jack's hand slid through the pile of sick and grabbed the revolver.

"Time to go to work!" he mumbled as he shuffled out of his low rent apartment and into the cold Gotham night.

Just an example

#7 Edited by Squares (7502 posts) - - Show Bio

Jack want to get away from batman so he jump and dive into a lake of experimented chemicals so after he got on land and go back to his apartment . He took off the hood . When he needed to go to wash the chemicals off . He felt his skin burning and decided to took a shower but before he did he check the mirrors and found out his skin had permanently beach so he said " I look like a evil clown, my skin chalk white,my hair is green and my lips are ruby red and what a joke on me!" So he started to scream and went insane . And found out he became .......the joker.

What, 'he went insane', just like that? Insanity doesn't work like that. Even disregarding the fact that you could make an entire story just out of his descent into madness, or that you need to at least make it more dramatic than just 'he went insane', you're inferring that his altered appearance is what instantly made him insane. And that just sounds...kind of silly.

#8 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1703 posts) - - Show Bio

There was man name jack Napier and after his wife died . He decided to join the mob and so the mob and Andrea father made the deal if he gets the money he lives so after that jack decided to kill Andrea father so. If he want to avoid people know he killed him so some of mob member got him the red hood mask with a red cape . And their plan is for him to steal 10,0000$ but it failed when the police shot some of the mob member so jack needed to escape so he got on the bridge but as soon as batman showed up . Jack want to get away from batman so he jump and dive into a lake of experimented chemicals so after he got on land and go back to his apartment . He took off the hood . When he needed to go to wash the chemicals off . He felt his skin burning and decided to took a shower but before he did he check the mirrors and found out his skin had permanently beach so he said " I look like a evil clown, my skin chalk white,my hair is green and my lips are ruby red and what a joke on me!" So he started to scream and went insane . And found out he became .......the joker.

So this is my version of his origin story since they never gave him one . Gosh people made so many origins

I think the other comments really say everything. Your idea is okay, your execution is not so good. If you would like some help please just ask

#9 Edited by DeadPoker (354 posts) - - Show Bio

@batmanx2005: "Your version"...? You know, this exact story was written by Alan Moore... I'm confused.