#1 Posted by GodOfMischief (644 posts) - - Show Bio

This is a segment of a story I'm writing, hope you enjoy.

The Forgotten Ones

It was a dark night, rain opened on the ancient ruins and old jungles from a much older age. A lone figure stood at the edge of it all; watching the rain and wind lash at the already worn structures. His name was Lord Serpentus, a powerful man and leader of his race, though not physically intimidating; his aura was one of power that he carried with him always. He wore a hooded cloak that shielded his short jet-black hair from the merciless downpour, as well as his pale skin and dark brown eyes it was almost as if his appearance had an natural affinity with the cold weather. Without turning, Serpentus had sensed another presence nearby. “I see you finally decided to show yourself.” As he said this, a young man appeared out of thin air next to him; he too also wearing a hooded cloak to protect him from the harsh conditions. His appearance a near opposite to Serpentus’, the colour of his hair being dark blonde and near shoulder length; his eyes a piercing blue colour, but unlike Serpentus, had more of an athletic physique. “How did you know I was here?” He asked, now standing besides him. “I’m your father, Erebos. It’s my duty to know.” They stood for a moment, just looking on at the dangerous beauty of the weather. “Though I would ask you something, Erebos.” Said Serpentus, now looking at his son. “Yes father?” “Why is it you been up here, watching me?” There was a true sense of wonder in his voice, something Erebos had rarely seen from him. “Curiosity,” He replied, “Oh?” Came the response from Serpentus, the look of intrigue now clear upon his face. “I’m curious of why you stand upon these ancient grounds, looking out at the relics of a time long forgotten.” Serpentus seemed taken aback by the statement, “Relics? Son you still have much to learn. We stand at what are the memories and core of our people, the powers we possess, the code of which we live by is derived from our ancestors; to understand yourself you must first learn from where you came from, otherwise you will find that you are hopelessly lost.” There was a short pause for a moment; Erebos absorbed the words as if they were the drops of rain on his skin. He smiled to himself before turning his attention back to his father, “Son there is something else I must show you, come, walk with me.” The two men departed down the hill, making their way down the slippery slopes of the ancient rubble. They continued to battle the elements as the wind and rain lashed against them; the storm had become more powerful since their passage through the jungle’s entrance. Serpentus used his powers of telepathy to get his son’s attention, he beckoned him over to a large temple; on top of it stood a broken statue of what appeared to be a warrior holding aloft a spear. Serpentus then stood at the edge of the entrance, holding up his hands he began to mutter some words, which were unrecognisable to Erebos; the entrance suddenly opened and the two men wasted no time in entering the temple. Once inside it was eerily quiet, save for the sound of the drops of rain dripping off their cloaks onto the cold hard floor. Two torches dimly lit the area of where they were stood, and from where they were, it seemed to be the only source of light in the entire area. Erebos was more accustomed to the dark than his father, after all, his powers derived from it; they were apart of him. Serpentus took one of the torches and began to lead the way through the first dark hallway, as they passed through Erebos noticed more statues of warriors similar to the one he had seen at the top of the temple; they were high above them, almost as if they were looking down upon the two men, observing. They wielded an assortment of weaponry, wearing armour that not even Erebos could recognise, it became apparent that whoever had built this place were apart of some form of ancient warrior culture. The hallway seemed to go on forever, and Erebos began to wonder if it ever was going to end, when all of a sudden; something moved in the corner of his eye. When he glanced back it had appeared that one of the statues had moved, though he dismissed it as a part of his imagination. They finally came to the end of the hallway and entered a large round room, littered with more drawings of the familiar warriors that had now become more of a common occurrence within the temple. As well as various golden ornaments and other jewellery, they could be extremely valuable in the right hands, but Erebos was no trader; and decided to leave them where they were. “So what are we actually looking for here? Anything in particular?” Erebos asked Serpentus while still surveying the area, “Answers,” came the reply. “I don’t understand,” said Erebos, clearly confused, “Answers for what?” “If the stories are true, and my sources are correct, therein lies a weapon in this place of great power. Something our people sorely needs.” Erebos turned his attention back to his father, now intrigued, “When you say weapon, do you mean a weapon literally? Or some kind of book that contains ancient knowledge that I don’t know about?” Serpentus chuckled to himself, “You’ll see in due time.” Erebos’ smile suddenly turned serious when he caught a glimpse of a pool of liquid lying under one of the ornamental pieces. Serpentus noticed too and followed him, holding the torch over them both so they could get a better view of what they were looking at. Erebos crouched down and placed his finger in the liquid, “Blood, and recent too.” “Impossible,” Exclaimed Serpentus, “No living thing has been here for decades, perhaps even centuries!” Erebos felt a chill go down his spine, “Well that’s not what this blood is telling us.” Serpentus took another look around behind him, now appearing to become more agitated by their recent discovery, “Trust me son, I touched upon the area with my telepathy before we entered. No living thing appeared to me.” Erebos now stood up, he spoke without turning to his father, “Wait here a moment, there is something I must check,” He began to back track his steps to the hallway of where the ancient warrior statues stood, “Erebos, wait!” Shouted Serpentus after him, “Just stay put for a moment!” he called back, “I just need to check something!” Serpentus sighed to himself, but nevertheless reluctantly stayed where he was. Erebos had now retraced his steps back to the hallway, to his surprise; one of the statues appeared to be missing. Luckily, his instincts kicked in as he narrowly avoided a blow from a sword aimed for his head, quickly unsheathing his weapon Erebos responded by sweeping his double bladed staff in an outward arc, which cut across the assailant’s mid section. To his surprise, the assailant let out a cry of pain more akin to a man than the beast-like appearance it had. Erebos heard the floor break behind him as more of the ancient warriors descended down from their previously dormant positions. Questions began to flood his mind, clouding his focus, where was his father? Who were these warriors? The battle continued, parrying strikes and cutting down as many as he could; Erebos wasn’t sure how long he could keep this up. Erebos thought he heard his father’s voice behind him, “Father?!” He called out while decapitating another of the ancient warriors; before he could call out again he felt spiked knuckles from one of his attacker’s gauntlets strike him hard across the cheek, he answered by thrusting his weapon’s blade through the warriors throat, before kicking him back into his allies’ ranks. Erebos suddenly felt a sharp, intense pain. He looked down to see a blade protruding through his chest, blood gushing from it. Falling to his knees Erebos felt his strength ebbing from his body. Looking up with a blurred vision he saw his opponents circling him, an unfamiliar voice shouted out followed by hurried footsteps. Erebos tried to look up while he felt himself tumbling into darkness, before finally passing out.

#2 Posted by Project_Worm (3560 posts) - - Show Bio

@GodOfMischief: Overall a very good story, However I do wish you had separated the dialogue. It gets a little hard to read when it's in a giant block.

#3 Posted by GodOfMischief (644 posts) - - Show Bio

@Project_Worm: Thanks for the feedback, I'll keep that in mind next time I write a story on here. Glad you enjoyed it.