#1 Edited by Naamah_Obyzouth (4750 posts) - - Show Bio

Location:Inside the inner sanctum of Ares the Greek God of war. Ares and Discord discuss the current status of things after an iconic defeat. Hope the daughter of Dayhawk and her mother Gabriel are both thought to be dead, as a result of an epic encounter with Ares long time rival Xena the warrior princess. Ares is seated on his thrown and Discord is in his audience along with some of her servants. Discords servants are not much in the way of mind, they are super hunky eye candy mostly.

Discord:Why do your plans always fall apart at the last moment?

Ares:Not the time... You little... Annoying... Thing... You.

Discord:Time! What do you care about time for? Hello... Your a God!

Ares:I said... Your trap... Shut it!!!

Discord: ... (Glares at Ares, but doesn't push it any further)

Ares:With Gabriel out of the way maybe now I can reason with my one time protege.

Discord:(Rolls her eyes)Xena! Its always Xena! Is she all you think about?!

Ares:What can I say... I know what I like... And news flash Discord! Its not you... Deal with it.

Discord:(Uses her God powers to teleport herself and her servants away after making a sound of frustration. Leaving Ares behind with the facial expression of amusement painted on his face.)

Ares: (Wicked laughter)That was almost to easy.( Ares boasts after manipulating Discord into causing trouble for Xena.)

#2 Edited by lorbo (1989 posts) - - Show Bio

You like to write eh? Well I will be the first to tell you, because others are going to tell you. But let's focus on the positives first shall we?

1. You do good descriptions, you obviously can visualize. Good.

Now comes the criticism, hope your sitting down (I'll be nice as I can).

2. Punctuation. Writing is an art that requires homework. Even if that means looking that punctuation stuff up online. The best way to go I think is to confront issues that spring up as you write. Because if you try to know everything BEFORE you write you may never finish.

3. I know your time is very thin (based on what you said earlier), so unlike me (no kids) you have someone to take care of. So there is only so much you can do realistically.

4. Depends on how you want to do this. But no matter what, if you want readers (and your not trying to publish), then the punctuation matters but not quite as much. Kapeche?

#3 Posted by wildvine (11191 posts) - - Show Bio

Few typo's. Nothing that you can't avoid with practise. Otherwise, a nice start.

#4 Posted by Naamah_Obyzouth (4750 posts) - - Show Bio

@lorbo: Thanks for the pointers, but I don't edit my work Online. I only shoot from the hip. Proper grammar and spelling is important but not if it takes away from my creativity. All of my works are written as my 1st and only drafts and I only edit if it is done in a work situation not for fun. If this really bothers you, I would suggest avoiding my writing from this point forward.

#5 Posted by FalconPuuunch (947 posts) - - Show Bio

@Naamah_Obyzouth: I like it a lot, really looking forward to your series.

#6 Posted by Naamah_Obyzouth (4750 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine: @FalconPuuunch: @lorbo:

Thanks for the attention and much <3

I will start working on Scene one soon, promise. Long work day leaving me feeling very drained at the moment however.


#7 Posted by Naamah_Obyzouth (4750 posts) - - Show Bio

Scene One will be up tomorrow, sorry for the delay everyone. It has been one heck of a busy week.