#1 Edited by poze (225 posts) - - Show Bio

I don't know what happened to the original one but I think I have to restart and make a new one a bit more light.So pleas comment critic and feedback I hope you like it! (pleas first read this Superman Noir #1 Superman Noir #2 then this Superman Noir Part 2 #1 Superman Noir Part 2 #2 )

T+ - M

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Clark kneels before his fallen girlfriend. He worried about the baby but his thoughts were broken by a laugh! Superman turned around he saw him in his kryptonite nth metal armor Hawkman! Next to him Cheetah.Clark stud up and screamed "Why did you do that to me ? Carter!!!" The winged man looks at him and reply with a deep voice "Because I don't want you to be happy Clark! Since you started the Green War Shiera left me for Kilowog!!! " Cheetah interrupted him and said "Enough talking its time to kill!!!" Kent replied "You know what I think about hitting women!" "And you know what I think about killing men!" she attempt to jump at him but Hawkman grabbed her by the tail and threw her away. "This is our fight!" he said with an confident voice he first stroke the Kryptonian's face with his mace.

Clark could feel the pain on his left cheek,the kriptonyte made him weaker but he could resist.Carter was stunned he couldn't see coming the elbow between his eyes he was about to fall back but The Man of Steel grabbed his upper armor part an tried to tear it of,his arms hurt blood came out of his eyes but then he did it and threw it away with his last strength. Clark was hardly breathing,the winged man used this opportunity to punch him.Clark stepped back but something was different Carter was scared;he knew that Clark could just burn down his face with one sight.But then he flew away,Carter tried to fly away but Superman grabbed his right foot.Carter free him self buy kicking Clark's face,he released him but grabbed his organic wing an tear it off! Hawkman felt to the ground holding his bleeding wound.

Superman smashed him to the ground with his strong arms and tried to struggle him to death! But then he remember the words of his adoptive father and release him. Hawkman tried to stand up and said with an disgusting voice "I saw her dyeing! Like a piece off sh..!" He couldn't finish his word because Clark's eyes turned glowing red and and he has smashed his fist through his chest. A few seconds after that Cheetah arrived running at super-speed, but Superman still in his anger mode shoot his heat vision with one sight directly in to her heart! Then he stood up and took his fist out of Carters body, but then he realized what he have done and start to look around him,all that destruction and the dead body's. He felt a balloon flying against his chest, he looked up and saw a little boy and his father! I seemed like the boy was following his balloon,Clark didn't say anything and picked up Wonder Woman and flew to the hospital.

In the hospital he demanded to save his girl friend and his daughter. The doctor said with a deep and scared voice after several essay's to save his family "W..W..Wonder Woman couldn't be saved but your daughter even if she is really could be saved." Clark stood up and said calm "I want to see them!" The doctor nods and take him to a room in wish he could see Diana on a bed and hes daughter in a baby bed. Superman said harsh "I take my daughter with me an Wonder Woman too!" The doctor didn't even tried to complain and let him flew away with his family.

Clark flew back to his Fortress of solitude. Bury Diana in the graveyard and and just stood there for an hour then he took Alina ,that's how he called his daughter, in the room he maid for her and talked to her for several hours then he said "I hope that you will be a better Wonder Woman than your mother!" then he Diana's costume next to her. He told Alfred to take care off Aline off corse he agreed but he asked wen he would come back and Clark answered "I don't know!".

Clark flew to Gotham to see Gordon. He put his Clark Kent clothes on and entered to the café. He saw his adoptive father as usual at the same table in the right corner.He took a chair and sit down in front of him. Gordon don't react and finish eating and put a 20 dollar bill on the table and stood up. He looked at his son and then sit back down and said with a disappointed voice "I know what happened yesterday Clark! I remember you saying after the Green War 'After this day nobody will be killed from my hands! But if it happened I will go and never come back!' You know what you have to do Clark! But I think you should see your mother first!" He stood up again and went outside. Clark waited a bit and looked around him. He saw humans crying, laughing,living! He went outside he took a taxi to Metropolis.

It has been a long time since he haven't seen his mother Martha Kent, since he become a super hero. He got Inside her building and knocked at her door. Off course did he hear her breathing behind the door. He took out a pen and a piece of paper and wrote something, he put it under his mother's door and went out. Outside flew away without even taking of his disguise and flew far away in space!

Mean while in th Smallvill woods a hidden cave was opened and a middle aged man came outside and said with an ironic voice "Clark,Clark,Clark! Ts,first you look me up here for several years and then you mess it all up! Ts. I think I'm gonna help you with the last one!" He smiled and then screamed very loud that the trees broke "SHAZAM!!!"

#2 Posted by TheWholeDamnShow (758 posts) - - Show Bio

Great job!

Some sentence structure issues, but the dialogue was nice and the ending was pretty sweet.

#3 Posted by poze (225 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheWholeDamnShow: Thank you and I think that you'll be sure what you get in part 4 and 5 :)

#4 Posted by batkevin74 (10780 posts) - - Show Bio

@poze said:

I don't know what happened to the original one but I think I have to restart and make a new one a bit more light.So pleas comment critic and feedback I hope you like it!

T+ - M

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clark kneels before his fallen girlfriend. He worried about the baby but his thoughts were broken by a laugh! Superman turned around he saw him in his kryptonite nth metal armor Hawkman! Next to him Cheetah.Clark stud up and screamed "Why did you do that to me ? Carter!!!" The winged man looks at him and reply with a deep voice "Because I don't want you to be happy Clark! Since you started the Green War Shiera left me for Kilowog!!! " Cheetah interrupted him and said "Enough talking its time to kill!!!" Kent replied "You know what I think about hitting women!" "And you know what I think about killing men!" she attempt to jump at him but Hawkman grabbed her by the tail and threw her away. "This is our fight!" he said with an confident voice he first stroke the Kryptonian's face with his mace.

Clark could feel the pain on his left cheek,the kriptonyte made him weaker but he could resist.Carter was stunned he couldn't see coming the elbow between his eyes he was about to fall back but The Man of Steel grabbed his upper armor part an tried to tear it of,his arms hurt blood came out of his eyes but then he did it and threw it away with his last strength. Clark was hardly breathing,the winged man used this opportunity to punch him.Clark stepped back but something was different Carter was scared;he knew that Clark could just burn down his face with one sight.But then he flew away,Carter tried to fly away but Superman grabbed his right foot.Carter free him self buy kicking Clark's face,he released him but grabbed his organic wing an tear it off! Hawkman felt to the ground holding his bleeding wound.

Superman smashed him to the ground with his strong arms and tried to struggle him to death! But then he remember the words of his adoptive father and release him. Hawkman tried to stand up and said with an disgusting voice "I saw her dyeing! Like a piece off sh..!" He couldn't finish his word because Clark's eyes turned glowing red and and he has smashed his fist through his chest. A few seconds after that Cheetah arrived running at super-speed, but Superman still in his anger mode shoot his heat vision with one sight directly in to her heart! Then he stood up and took his fist out of Carters body, but then he realized what he have done and start to look around him,all that destruction and the dead body's. He felt a balloon flying against his chest, he looked up and saw a little boy and his father! I seemed like the boy was following his balloon,Clark didn't say anything and picked up Wonder Woman and flew to the hospital.

In the hospital he demanded to save his girl friend and his daughter. The doctor said with a deep and scared voice after several essay's to save his family "W..W..Wonder Woman couldn't be saved but your daughter even if she is really could be saved." Clark stood up and said calm "I want to see them!" The doctor nods and take him to a room in wish he could see Diana on a bed and hes daughter in a baby bed. Superman said harsh "I take my daughter with me an Wonder Woman too!" The doctor didn't even tried to complain and let him flew away with his family.

Clark flew back to his Fortress of solitude. Bury Diana in the graveyard and and just stood there for an hour then he took Alina ,that's how he called his daughter, in the room he maid for her and talked to her for several hours then he said "I hope that you will be a better Wonder Woman than your mother!" then he Diana's costume next to her. He told Alfred to take care off Aline off corse he agreed but he asked wen he would come back and Clark answered "I don't know!".

Clark flew to Gotham to see Gordon. He put his Clark Kent clothes on and entered to the café. He saw his adoptive father as usual at the same table in the right corner.He took a chair and sit down in front of him. Gordon don't react and finish eating and put a 20 dollar bill on the table and stood up. He looked at his son and then sit back down and said with a disappointed voice "I know what happened yesterday Clark! I remember you saying after the Green War 'After this day nobody will be killed from my hands! But if it happened I will go and never come back!' You know what you have to do Clark! But I think you should see your mother first!" He stood up again and went outside. Clark waited a bit and looked around him. He saw humans crying, laughing,living! He went outside he took a taxi to Metropolis.

It has been a long time since he haven't seen his mother Martha Kent, since he become a super hero. He got Inside her building and knocked at her door. Off course did he hear her breathing behind the door. He took out a pen and a piece of paper and wrote something, he put it under his mother's door and went out. Outside flew away without even taking of his disguise and flew far away in space!

Mean vile in th Smallvill woods a hidden cave was opened and a middle aged man came outside and said with an ironic voice "Clark,Clark,Clark! Ts,first you look me up here for several years and then you mess it all up! Ts. I think I'm gonna help you with the last one!" He smiled and then screamed very loud that the trees broke "SHAZAM!!!"

Asides from the spelling errors (seriously copy it to a Word doc, then repost it) next chapter should be a big fight I'm assuming. Big Blue Vs Big Red Cheese :)

#5 Posted by poze (225 posts) - - Show Bio