#1 Edited by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

Rated: T

Disclaimer: These are all properties of Marvel, except my characters and story.

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Chapter 1:

One rainier season and the flooding will be over. My father is standing on a wooden ladder, inspecting the thatch, and I am on the ground, setting the sandbags in front of the door. Our house, a rough-edged market, sits in the middle of town. People pass by, carrying bags of food, water, or sand. The time of the year is dangerous. Criminals are nowhere; they are scared just as much as we are. In the midst of the public, they camouflage themselves, preparing for disaster.

The gap between rich and poor is evident. Old women, with little children helping, carry bags larger, and heavier than they can carry. One little girl scampers, trying to catch up with her grandmother, and she is almost ran over. Municipal workers, with their makeshift protest signs, angrily return to their homes. Another day and another failed opportunity. The gap continues, and more will die today.

Unlike us, the rich live in a safer part of the city. Not only do they have more money, they have influence. Our president, otherwise our Dictator, does not care about us. Living in his mansion, he surrounds himself with corruption. Down the mountainside to the river, it flows. Poisoning minds with a violent agenda: survival of the fittest that is hard to escape.

Chapter 2:

Through the rain-spattered window, I saw people running for shelter. Melting into darkness, each of them disappeared one by one. Toxic sand was everywhere, mixed with the deafening hurls; people were screaming. Every cry begged for help. No one answered.

At the antic window, I could not move. These scurrying ants trampled over one another, pushing and shoving. I froze in a trance-like state, where everything seemed unreal. A hand grabbed onto my arm, pulling me away from this recurring scene.

"C’mon, we got to get to the roof." My father said evenly, trying his best to act calm.

I trailed in his path, holding my little sister’s hand, which lagged behind me. Her tiny figure was lost in my shadow. Light shined down the ladder as I climbed. Now atop the roof, a sharp scent stung. It pricked against my nose, reeking of the foul aroma of destruction. Moving a strand piece of hair, I brushed the sandy particles off. Gazing skyward, then eastward, I saw the incoming flood.

Turbulent blue waves sprinted through the ghetto. Destroying, and quickly approaching us. Closer and closer, it came. I tightened my grip on my sister’s hand, and I saw arms surround both of us. Behind them, a large tide upsurges over the edge of our home, and fell.

Water hit my body like a bullet. In a blindsided blur, I ferociously hit the ground. Wheezing, I looked up; I was alone. My back throbbed, and when I put my hand on the back of my head, it was wet. Bringing the limb down, it was marked with red paint.

I could not; I would not let that stop me, though. Edging to the ledge, I finally felt how strong the storm was. Wind pushed and pulled, trying to imitate balancing on a tight rope. Leaning over the edge, I peered down as crawling water did the same on my face.

“Dad, Enu… where are you?” I shouted, losing my voice into the gust.

I heard… nothing, but the water stirring. Then, a loud bang shot out. Turning around, another wave raised high above the edge, prepared to crash down on an expectant soul, me. Death was coming, and I could only watch. However, something appeared in front of me.

It was a Goddess whose crown was elegant, whose skin was exquisite and russet, whose snowy hair spread wide above me. She was beautiful, magnificent, and she… she was flying. A water-like film of pure translucent energy erupted before her. Her eyes glowed like the moon, and somehow the incoming tide diverged. Whoever this Spirit or Goddess was, she controlled the Storm.

Chapter 3:

Rain patted against a window, and I sat wrapped in blankets watching. Each drop mimicked the droplets, forming a puddle below me. They came from my wet clothes, which clung to my body. Tightly constraining my movements, I settled for sliding out of the articles. One by one, they came off, dropping to the floor, prepared for me to pick them up. I stared, hard, trying to dry them with my eyes as I seen my father do once before. To no avail, I gathered them in my arms.

Opening the bathroom door, I carried the clothes with me. Down the hall to the stairs, my dried feet patted against the rug and then each wooden step. This house was antique, something a poor kid like me never experienced. Each wall decorated with golden frames; spring the sight of important history. I stopped; one was our Dictator. Continuing down the steps, I went from Mandella, Clinton’s inauguration, and to a group photo. This was strange; the Goddess that saved me was included. She stood behind a bald man in some chair, smiling.

“Are you all right, Child? A voice said, breaking any remaining peace within my body.

I jumped, and almost slipped on a step. Turning sideways, downward, I faced the voice, the Goddess. She stood beautiful and regal as before. I wondered, “Where did the rich buy or earn this guardian?”

“No, child, I am no Guardian nor God.” She said, earning spluttering from my mouth. I did not mean to say anything aloud. “My name is Ororo.”

“Miss Ororo,” I nodded, tasting the sound of her name on my tongue. “By any chance, did you see my sister or father?”

In response, she advert her eyes, and shook her head left to right. “I’m sorry.”

I sighed, tasting salty drops rolling onto my tongue. “Thank you for saving me.” These words felt right yet guilty at the same time.

“Why did I live?”

My mouth opened again. Instead of words, a loud explosion, louder than before, overshadowed them. The house began shaking, and I fell down the steps, headfirst. Closing my eyes, I wondered if this was what my father and sister experienced. Warm limbs saved me, preventing the harsh contact. My cold skin felt unusual in contact with this smooth, warm sensation.

A megaphone sparked outside, trespassing the inside’s confines. “Come out peacefully. We don’t want to kill you.”

Following Miss Ororo, I walked behind her. We exit the building, and we came face to face with tanks. In the middle, a man holding the megaphone wore lavish militaristic clothing. His Green Beret and face remained un-submerged with the tank he was sitting in.

“On orders of our Great Leader: give us the girl.”

I slowly backed up, hitting the closed front door of the house. A hand rest on my shoulder; it was Ororo.

Her voice firmly denied the request. “You will do no such thing, General. Leave now or your machinery will be destroyed.”

I glance at the woman, not only terrified but also shocked at her reply. There were at least over twenty-five tanks here.

Suddenly, the man began to laugh. “You’re not giving orders here, Woman.” His hand waved in the air, a signal of sorts. “We do not want you. Last warning or you die.”

“No”, she said, which followed a loud whir of machinery powering up.

However, something else happened, snow. Looking skyward, my palms lay open like a glove catching a ball. The cold subsistence was something I never seen before. Snow was really falling. The sound was gentle, but it seemed to be getting harder. Turning in front of me, I saw giant sized balls falling onto the tanks, and snow leisurely submerging them. The people inside quickly leapt out, which followed a flurry of lighting descending across the horizon. Looking at the sky over them, I do not think it was snow scarring them. It was the eye of the storm overhead, rotating and rotating, slowly becoming larger.

Glancing sideways, I saw Ororo whose eyes were glowing again. She stepped towards me, gently grabbing my arm, and we were sucked into the storm.

Chapter 4:

Whoever told you there was nothing in the mountains was dead wrong. Down a deadly cascade of ice, an old log cabin sat up high, seemingly inhabited. Trailing after this walking Storm, I followed. Ahead of each step she took, each arctic crevice slowly melted. Through the liquidize substance, I saw flowers arising. They sprouted swiftly, laying a royal pathway. These beautiful yet abnormal, natural abrasions were distinct. Something I have never seen before.

Closer to the peak, I was blinded by the sun’s edge, which was finally coming out to play. Its whimsical dance imitated a child running around. Each ray tickled my eyes, before running off. They left my body feeling warm, rejuvenated, and slightly disoriented. Miss Ororo stopped, and I did the same, almost knocking into her; we had reached the cabin’s door.

She knocked twice. The door slowly opened with a creek. A man in the doorway leaned inside gazing at us. Shadows covered the right side of his face. It was unnerving, but for some reason, I trusted this woman in front of me.

“Whom else would I trust?”

The man’s eye, gave his brown face an even colorized tone. Brown-and-brown: standard face and eye color, a perfect match of our people. His hair blended in with the shadows, and I saw Miss Ororo move closer towards the door.

“My apologies for being late,” she paused, gazing at the sloping man. “I had to call an old friend.”

The man leans further onto the door. I saw something white on the right side of his face. There was not much light so I could not tell what it was. I leaned further, and a snarky laugh escaped the man’s mouth.

“Didn’t I tell you,” he said, causally looking at the white-haired woman. “Whenever you call that ‘friend’ of yours, somehow a new person always has to live in my house.” The corner of his mouth upturns.

Miss Ororo seemed to disregard his statement. “I suppose you are wondering why I am here again.”

“No.” he replied, acting pensively. “You and your new friend can beat it.”

“Lord Ahmed has gone too far.” I saw her tightening her fist, maybe angry with him, and especially the Dictator. “I should have dealt with him before I left.”

“You can’t.” I spoke up, and then averted my eyes when theirs locked on me. “I m-mean, Lord Ahmed’s Seiko won’t let you.”

“The kid is right, Ororo.” I looked up at the man, who glanced at the snowy haired sorceress, then back at me. “This will not be a walk in the dessert, even for you.”

“Ahmed new bodyguards, the Seiko are dangerous.” He sighed, and his eye acted if it was bored. “Those traitors are a shame to mutants everywhere.”

“Mutants, they are mutants?” I thought. We were always led to believe the Seiko were super soldiers. Then again, those were rumors. My Dad always told me: never listen to them. “Then that means…”

“Do not fret, child.” Miss Ororo said, tilting her head towards me, smiling. “I will end his reign of terror.”

Her eyes shifted backwards then forward. “I will repay you as soon as this is over.” She continued. “Please watch over, Ara, until I come back.”

“So your name is Ara, huh.” He said, eyes wandering towards me. “Why the heck, did your family give you a Greek name?”

I slanted my eyes downward, and I prepared to answer, but Miss Ororo cut me off. “If I did not know any better, I would say that you actually read.” She smiled at me, winking once.

“Whatever.” The man said. “Come inside.”

He opened the door wide, and I finally saw his face. The entire right side was bandaged, a black eye-patch rest over them. Scars ran from the un-bandaged spot on his lower chin upward.

“You know, I don’t like babysitting brats, especially ones who can’t stop staring.”

“Stray,” Ororo said, her glare providing enough words to shut the man up. The sorceress convinced me to move towards the door, and she placed her hands onto my shoulders. “Be safe." She whispered. "He may not look like much or trustworthy, but he will never abandon a fellow mutant. “

Without another word, she floated upward by a gust of wind. From near the doorway, I watched as she flew off.

Mister, will she be all right?” I asked worriedly, glancing back at the man. “You know Lord Ahmed orders: mutants killed on sight.”

“Call me Stray, girl,” he said, tilting his head upward, looking at the same flying figure, becoming smaller and smaller. “I don’t know, but they got a Storm coming.”

A/N: I'm going to try out writing short chapters with this story, that way I can post them more often. I didn't like Chapter 3 much, I may edit that some more.

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Here is a little teaser for the next chapter, which is coming out most likely tomorrow. I present you, the Seiko!

Lepton, the man with plans within plans, never fails to think of a way to defeat his opponent. With intelligence, this mutant is a match for anyone. Traveling with his mother and little sister, he provides financial support. Matching his upturned hair, he is trying to get his life back on track. It is not easy, though. Doing some jobs that his family dislikes, he is providing more money than ever. However, this genius cannot wait to leave the Seiko.

Pearl, a girl with a shaky past, lives a life of excitement. Her joyous days never end, just like her laughter. However, behind this façade, a wounded soul stands. Her roguishness is both mental and physical. Working for Seiko, she is trying to do what she does best, get money.

Daniel Sitenraw was your average rich child. That is until he turned three. When his special abilities developed, he became a social outcast, a freak. Who wants a grotesque, muscular baby with green veins, right? All of his life he was alienated. Inside an abandoned mansion, he was alone with rage, an angry desire to take revenge on those that exiled him from society. In a plot to kill the ones who birth him, he was exiled, deep under the sea. This prison was no different from the one he lived before. Alone, with no one except his friend rage, it was just like old times. Except this time, Carnivore was born.

Collider has always been a bold smartass. Nothing changed when he gained his superpowers, except he may have gotten even more annoying at times. Moving from one hot state to another has not changed his mind set on why he decided to leave. While his old line of work morale sometimes conflict with his new work for Seiko, Collider still is a person who finds a smartass comment in every situation.

Chapter 5:

Rated: T+

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Lepton, known as the man with plans within plans, walks inside the Seiko’s headquarters, within Lord Ahmed’s mansion. Steam trails behind him, coming from his cup of coffee that he holds. Once he reaches the laboratory’s grey metallic door, he unlocks it, and then enters. Greeted with darkness, he snaps his fingers on his free hand, producing an electrical surge, powering up the lights.

There she was, Pearl, all suggestive in form; carelessly filing her manicured nails, while sitting in his chair, as he kept walking forward. A perfect woman indeed: she was beautiful and strong, except this woman was also a dangerous fantasy amongst men, especially him. His mother always warned him, “be careful around girls like her.” Nothing about them seems real.

Trailing up from her legs wrapped in skintight, white leather, Lepton met Pearl’s ecstatic smile. A precious thing similar to her namesake somehow seemed so wrong. Her moist, pink lips were upturned, and the words, “Took you long enough to get coffee,” slip out.

“I had to make sure it was hot.”

“Hush,” she says, standing up. Pearl walks towards him. Her hands loop around his neck, scratching his white lab coat, as he pulls her closer, never letting her go from the embrace. She was thoroughly enjoying the sensation of his fingers wandering her covered cheek. Sometimes mother‘s opinion does not matter, and sometimes time’s opinion does.

The door abruptly opens, separating the two from the embrace, and removes Pearl’s hand from inside his pocket.

“Uh,” Collider paused, staring left then right. “Don’t worry about me; continue whatever you two city folks were doing?”

As the two other members of Seiko put more distance between each other, Collider strolls to his work desk. He sits down in a chair, swiveling it around to the computer screen. The laboratory was also a surveillance center.

“So,” Collider says, glancing backwards. “Anyone know where Carnivore is?”

“No idea.” Pearl and Lepton say at the exact, same time. Before they glance at each other and look away embarrassed or annoyed, well… more like Lepton does. Pearl continues with her joyful smile, not being humiliated or anything remotely to being irritated.

“Ain’t it weird…? Ahmed has not been here in hours.” Collider glances through the surveillance cameras, showing outside the mansion. “Heck, he hasn’t even asked one of us to guard his useless ass.”

“Now that you mention it,” Pearl says, sitting in her own chair. “It is. But why haven’t you noticed, Lepton? I thought you were “the man who knows everything”?”

“Sorry, Pearl…” Collider interjects, “He is too preoccupied with a gem’s charms.”

“Your just jealous you were not invited to go to Vegas,” Pearl laughs, “Isn’t that right, Lepton?

The man in question sits in his chair, thinking and ignoring them. Something was not right. Even though he admitted, he had been distracted; the man silently reprimanded himself for being, unknowingly sidetracked. After taking sip of his coffee, he places the cup down. His hot palm rest against his chin as his mind goes miles per hour.

“Hey, lovebirds,” Collider says, glancing up at the window, hanging high above the laboratory. “It’s not supposed to be snowing here, right?”

Lepton glances upward, seeing the same sight, and the word, “Shit,” escapes his mouth.

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The rhythm of the night was shattered in seconds. Alongside the cool beam of moonlight, a large storm flew towards Ahmed’s mansion. Meanwhile, right outside the front door of the manor, another Storm flew forward, entering then exiting the moonbeams. Through the brief darkness, the sight of an incoming mercenary, a member of the Seiko came forward. His green flesh stood out as if it was day.

The other storm, hanging high in the air, was turbulent. It weaved outward and inward, somehow keeping inline to the same direction, the manor. Under the beams, it continues its path, wrecking cars, trees, and anything else in its path.

Under the same beams, the fighting transcends, otherwise creeping further into the direction of the house. The other members of the Seiko arrive, coming through the same front door. Lepton, in the middle of the two, scans the area. Glancing at the fighting, then the impending storm, which is coming closer, Lepton began making orders. Even though he was usually a reserved or quiet person, he had a natural tendency to make brilliant plans, proven time after time.

“You two help Carnivore, I’ll stop the Storm.”

“Alright,” Pearl says, beginning to move towards the fight. “Then, let’s get this light show started.”

“Yeah, it’s been awhile since I had a good fight,” said Collider, trailing behind her, remembering not to watch the lightshow.

Unlike the two heading further outside, Lepton moves backwards, heading back inside the building.

“She’s trying to pin us here with the Storm,” he thought, running through the house, up the stairs, and to a nearby room. Plugs were everywhere, all systems connected within a field of electrons. He stared at an empty spot on the wall. “Right here,” Blasting an electrical wave, Lepton made a makeshift opening, showing the coming storm. Luckily, it had lightened the other day, producing a triboelectric effect within the house. Generating his powers, he absorbed electrons from everything in the room, including the light bulbs, Electron stimulated luminescence to the plugs connecting the energy of the whole mansion.

“Hopefully, I don’t become barbecue.”

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Storm dodged underneath a fist, and then barely avoids a kick aimed at her stomach. Pearl, the woman who she was fighting, kept her smile plastered on her face. However, irritation was beginning to seek through her. Somehow, she was unable to KO the other woman with her lightshow, the first time ever.

Absorbing the moisture in the atmosphere, the weather mistress had dramatically condensed the nearby air, producing a dense layer of snow. Unlike her opponents, none of the layers was hitting or blocking her body, instead they partially concealed her.

“Why won’t you go to sleep?” Pearl asked, chasing after the weather mistress again.

“I apologize for the inconvenience and forsaking of privacy. One of my friends already informed me of your powers.” Storm dodged the next punch, before she turned to face the muscle man. “You both may remember a voice in your head earlier.”

Storm summoned a wave of wind, blasting those near her away. Pearl, Collider landed on one side, and Carnivore on the other side of the mansion’s yard.

“Collider, you got a plan, right?”

“Sorry, I’m not, Lepton!” He replied, facing his other member of the Seiko. “Shouldn’t you be the one coming up with the plan, I’m just the “Texan”, remember?

“Sorry, first time fighting a woman who can control the weather.” Pearl said jokingly. “However, she knows all of our abilities, so we are pretty much dead.”

A loud roar cranked overhead. Pearl and Collider gazed upward, directly at the incoming tornado, which was quickly cutting through the seemingly unforeseen snowstorm. “Literarily,” Pearl said. “What is Lepton doing?”

Too suddenly, nasty rumbling noises rocked the outside world. Beneath their feet, the floor shook for a moment. Unexpectedly, behind them, a colossal blue wave of energy shot forward, aimed straightforward to the tornado. A thousand chirping birds were what it sounded like. The people below it had to cover their ears because it was so loud. Then, it met the storm. The two forces collided, pushing and shoving each other back, until one lost, the electron wave. However, the storm changed course, heading back to wherever it came.

The other storm, who was on the ground, looked on in shocked. Before she blasted a gust of wind beneath her and began to fly. However, a blur of movement came behind her, showing Carnivore holding her airborne foot, successfully stopping her in midflight.

A heat wave of red passes Storm, hitting Carnivore in the chest, and it sends him backwards. Her shocked face turns around to see a man. It was he, her friend from earlier, Stray. He stood on a car, wearing a skintight outfight, with an X sitting on a belt, strap diagonally around his torso.

“Glad to see you, Stray.” Storm says, floating in the air.

“Yeah, yeah…Hurry up and stop that breeze.” the other mutant responds, noticing she has not left yet. “Don’t worry, she’s safe.”

Storm flew off as Carnivore sat up, scowling at the newcomer.

“Hey, pretty boy. Long time no see.” Stray says, smirking at the downed mutant. “This time I’m not losing another eye to you.” He began to fire heat waves like a revolver out of his fingers.

Using his super speed, Carnivore began to dodge each of the shots. None of them hit him, except they hit Collider who came forward, unaware of the shootout. Falling backwards, he crashes into a nearby pole.

“Uh,” Collider said, shaking his head right to left. “This is why I left Texas.”

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After flying a long way out, Storm finally caught up with the tornado. Bracing herself against the winds, she began unraveling the airstreams. Blustery weather was never her favorite. Continuing her efforts, the storm dissipated into nothing more than a breeze.

Quickly, she backslide the wind beneath her, shooting up the other way, back to the mansion. Seconds or a minute later, overhead, she saw the shootout. Stray was laying rounds of fire everywhere, successfully preventing anyone from approaching.

Almost as fast, as she dissipated the storm, the sorceress landed beside Stray, who was breathing heavily. “Tired yet,” she questioned, standing slightly beside him, but not on the car. Seeing the tired nod and grin he gave, she waited a few seconds before laying rain onto the fire. Once it was gone, the two saw the other mutants standing behind the former line of fire.

*Bang*

A single gunshot sounded through the air. On both side of the line, the mutants turned towards the horizontal middle point. Lord Ahmed stood. Beside him, a human sized cage hoisted upward, stood as well. Something was howling within.

“Enough of these damn games.” Ahmed declares while grabbing a device on the side of the confine. “You worthless mutants need to be controlled, not paid.” Pressing a button, the cell screeches open, and a human… no a monster comes out.

“Lycan,” Storm asks, staring at the creature. Right after asking the question, the creature disappeared from in front of the cage. Instead, it stood in front of the weather mistress. Near its fair-haired fur, saber-like maxillary canine teeth extend outward from its mouth. The creature, otherwise the former Lycan stood staring downward at Storm. Its razor sharp claws rise upward, preparing to strike down.

Once again, a heat wave soars pass Storm, hitting Lycan in the chest. It did not do a dent, heck, not even a scratch. Lycan disappears again, waves of yellow trailing behind him.

“No!” Storm shouts, watching as it heads for Stray. The next minute, the man in particular, hangs in the air. By his red collar, a tight grasp holds on. Lycan stares dangerously at him, prepared for blood. It fingers begin to tremble, and Storm sees it.

“Whatever Ahmed has done, fight it Lycan.”

Lycan hears the voice, which travels inside his ear and to his brain. Within a second, he drops Stray onto the grass. His hands clutch his head, and he howls like a wolf to the moon. His rhapsodized hurl rings through the night, even towards the remote Ahmed holds.

Electrical waves go everywhere. However, it does not break. Ahmed noticing his pawn’s disobedience presses another button. Another hurl, this time wanting carnage, echoes out.

Lycan is once again possessed. He stops his shattering singing, and he watches Stray slowly crawl away. However, his eyes are not on him, but Pearl who stands directly behind him. Drool seeks through the canine’s teeth, and he disappears.

Pearl looks onward, smile unfittingly intact, but then she sees the creature disappear again, until it is upon her. She is unable to move, even her smile. However, something pushes her out of the way.

Lepton stands there, holding his left arm. Blood drips from it. Along the long gash, he kneels down. The creature stands over him.

Lycan hurls again at the sight of the blood. He tightly grips his head, refusing to let go. Each hurl sounds like he is pleading for control over his body again.

On the other hand, Ahmed presses the same button repeatedly. “C’mon, kill them,” he says. The device explodes, sending chunks into his face and everywhere else. Another hurl sinks into ear, a careless whisper. Once again another one sounds out, his.

Out of nowhere, Carnivore tackles Lycan, who looks on at the man beneath his feet.

Stop you two, the fighting is over.” Lepton says holding his left arm, which hangs downward loosely. Pearl helps him walk, his other arm over her shoulder. “Carnivore, you didn’t step in earlier, because you know how it feels to be controlled… to be confined…to be alienated… to be trapped.”

Storm walks forward as well, agreeing with this other mutant. The sun was beginning to come out. She places her hand onto Lycan’s shoulder.

“We all do.”

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Here is the key.” Lepton says, standing in front of the master bedroom. “I’m not exactly sure how he makes the flood, but I assume the answer is inside.”

“Will you consider our offer?” Storm asks, holding the key and watching as he walks away.

“Maybe,”

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next day, on boat side, Darren Chiang stands near the ships’ protective bars. The vessel was rocking left to right while a woman approaches. She puts a wallet directly in his face, blocking his sight. Darren takes it, and then focuses his attention to the woman who now stands beside him.

“Maybe we should visit a far-off jungle? She says. “You know, get your latest experiment.”

Darren faces away from her, otherwise Lisa Marie. Replacing the wallet with a brooch, he puts the wallet in his pocket and the brooch into his hand. It was an X-shaped pendent, obviously a recruiting thing of sorts. He chucks it out, and it quickly plummets to the ocean floor.

“Nah, Vegas does sound good this time.”

Sometimes mother is right yet so wrong.

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A/N: I apologize for this being late. My Internet providers suck so much here. Anyways, I must say Lepton stole the show when I was writing this. I loved all of the characters that were submitted. I will put the credits to all of them soon. I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, I may put one more up for a more finale like to Storm, and her character, Stray, and the others.

#2 Posted by Blood1991 (8098 posts) - - Show Bio

Wow this paints a pretty clear image. So far I like it.

#3 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

@Blood1991 said:

Wow this paints a pretty clear image. So far I like it.

Thanks, I am going to try and get two more chapters up by today or tomorrow.

#4 Posted by The Poet (8193 posts) - - Show Bio

not too much there, but it'll be interesting to see where you are going to take the story...

Moderator
#5 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

Second chapter is up, and I may add one more chapter today.

#6 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

Chapter 3 is now up.

#7 Posted by jhazzroucher (13929 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxYoungFatexx said:

Chapter 3 is now up.

Great job! I love the drama.

#8 Posted by jhazzroucher (13929 posts) - - Show Bio

where's chapter 4? : )

#9 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

Chapter 4 is up. I probably need to put the chapters in Spoiler blocks to keep them organized.

#10 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

cool

I'd suggest more dialogue, but other than that I thoroughly enjoyed it.

#11 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

Thanks for the comment and suggestion. I have this idea for making the members of the Seiko, which I will most likely post in another thread..

#12 Posted by AweSam (7053 posts) - - Show Bio

You should try releasing longer chapters in separate threads for more exposure. Good job, though.

#13 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

Thanks for the comment and response.

#14 Posted by Blood1991 (8098 posts) - - Show Bio

I have to say I'm enjoying this story of yours. Keep up the good work!

#15 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

Thanks, will do

#16 Posted by jhazzroucher (13929 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxYoungFatexx said:

Thanks, will do

best part: I slanted my eyes downward, and I prepared to answer, but Miss Ororo cut me off. “If I did not know any better, I would say that you actually read.” She smiled at me, winking once.

good job! : )

#17 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

@jhazzroucher said:

@xxYoungFatexx said:

Thanks, will do

best part: I slanted my eyes downward, and I prepared to answer, but Miss Ororo cut me off. “If I did not know any better, I would say that you actually read.” She smiled at me, winking once.

good job! : )

Thanks. Stay tuned, though, the next chapter will be the best one yet. With the unveiling of the Seiko, the story is kicking up. Only thing I will spoil is that there is going to be a lot of action.

#18 Posted by jhazzroucher (13929 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxYoungFatexx said:

@jhazzroucher said:

@xxYoungFatexx said:

Thanks, will do

best part: I slanted my eyes downward, and I prepared to answer, but Miss Ororo cut me off. “If I did not know any better, I would say that you actually read.” She smiled at me, winking once.

good job! : )

Thanks. Stay tuned, though, the next chapter will be the best one yet. With the unveiling of the Seiko, the story is kicking up. Only thing I will spoil is that there is going to be a lot of action.

definitely and I'll inform other Storm fans to read your fan-fic. : )

#19 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

Here is a little teaser for the next chapter, which is coming out most likely tomorrow. I present you, the Seiko!

#20 Posted by menaceforever (3696 posts) - - Show Bio

Cant wait @xxYoungFatexx:

#21 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

Sorry everyone, my internet is acting weird right now, and it is off. I cannot post the story until it works, as I am writing this message on my phone.

#22 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

I apologize for this being late. My Internet providers suck so much here.Thanks to my readers and everyone who submitted a character. I loved writing all of them. I will put the credits to all who participated soon. I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter.

Thanks for reading,

- Young Fate

#23 Posted by Blood1991 (8098 posts) - - Show Bio

Worth the wait.

#24 Posted by menaceforever (3696 posts) - - Show Bio

I loved it.

#25 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

Thanks for the comments everyone. I am still debating if I want to add another chapter, a more finale like to Storm's story.

#26 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

I think I will write another chapter, as soon as I get some more free time and finish a story under my request thread.

#27 Posted by menaceforever (3696 posts) - - Show Bio

Awesome

#28 Posted by jhazzroucher (13929 posts) - - Show Bio

more chapters please! : )

#29 Edited by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

@jhazzroucher: @menaceforever: Would you guys prefer if I make one more chapter here or make a four chapter mini series going on some time after this?

#30 Posted by jhazzroucher (13929 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxYoungFatexx said:

@jhazzroucher: @menaceforever: Would you guys prefer if I make one more chapter here or make a four chapter mini series going on some time after this?

I prefer posting one chapter from time to time. I don't like to see all chapters posted because my tendency is i get lazy reading it.

#31 Posted by menaceforever (3696 posts) - - Show Bio

One chapter please

#32 Posted by xxYoungFatexx (99 posts) - - Show Bio

Just a quick update: I will be side swiped for a little bit so the next chapter is dependent upon when I get some more free time. I'm trying to get a request finished, but I haven't had time for that either.

#33 Posted by jhazzroucher (13929 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxYoungFatexx said:

Just a quick update: I will be side swiped for a little bit so the next chapter is dependent upon when I get some more free time. I'm trying to get a request finished, but I haven't had time for that either.

I'm done reading. Maybe you could use the small "s" if you're not referring to the human Storm. Got confused a bit.