#1 Posted by poze (225 posts) - - Show Bio

My first Splicers story hope you like it ( )

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Zina was walking down the the streets of New York wearing her black scarf over her nose and mouth and her black hair flying in the wind she knew that the French Mafia was near this street .She had followed them since she destroyed them in Paris.She wanted to move on but she heard a voice she already knew with a slight Japanese accent behind her "Zina! I know what you'r doing here!" She stopped and slowly turned around "So? What do you want me to say?" She looked at a handsome half-Japanese man. "Mmh because this time you found the right persons!" "What do you mean?""I'm talking about your father!" She looked at him with her eyes wide open "What? My Dad? Tell me!" "My bro told me that he heard one of those french guys talking about your dad! And since you kicked the crap out of them they have taking him somewhere her! So don't just kill them! Ask!" She smiled and look at him "Wanna heat me up a bit? Or cool me down? HAHAHAHA!!!!" She stopped smiling and turned around."Hey Zina sorry! But good luck!"

She continued walking and then she arrived at the hotel. It was called 'Slow Live' she knew that the mafia was hiding here she could also read that there was a party to night. She went inside renting a room for the night. Zina walked in her room she put her back pack on the floor and open it,before she takes out her red dress she smells her self and take a quick shower. Then she finally take it out and wear it and her red high heeled shoes and put some make up on.She fill her small purse up and put her scarf on the bed and go to the party.

Down on the party she asked to enter even if she wasn't on the list,off curse she could go, she know how men react about her beauty.At the party she recognized some members of the mafia.Zina walk up to the bar and see the chef of the French drug deal gang part of the mafia Jean De LaVie also called La Pie.Zina sits next to him and order a drink she could tell from the smell that he is drunken. La Pie said something she couldn't understand "What did you say Mister?" "J'ai dit que ca me faisait chier tous ce travaille! Alors maintenant j'ai envie de baiser des meuf!" "Mister that wasn't really nice what you said there!" said Zina with a playful voice and stand up and was about to go "Wait Wait pardon!"La Pie had a slight French accent when he talked English "I was akting stupid but let me make you a second first impression!" While he said that he took her hand and bend over to kiss it."Oh I see you'r a real gentleman!" She giggled "So let me show you what I do with that kind of men!" She looked at him,he smiled and said "So let me show you my room!" They walked threw the dancing crowd to the elevator.They soon arrived in his penthouse "See my dear this is where I live!" Zina sat down on the bed putting her purse on the floor.Jean brought some champagne in two glasses Zina smelled in hers and turned her face away,she hates alcohol.Jean sat down next to her really close and smiled,a huge alcohol smell entered her nose she had to control her self to not to push him away,"Alors ma jolie! You know what I want don't you?" She smiled and said "Maybe,show me!" La Pie put his hand on her knee and and caress her leg,but before he could put his hand under her dress she strikes her elbow in his face.He felled back "Putain! That hurt! Who are you?" He was holding his bleeding nose. "The girl with the scarf!" "What? No,No! What do you want?" She picked him up and shoot a shock wave at him what caused him falling against the wall "What do you know about my father,Greg Engelhaut?" "Nothing!Never heard that name!" She punched him in the guts "Ok ok! They made experiments with him! Not because we wanted no because the whole mafia is in this f*cked up church now! And He wanted us to do it!" "Who is he! And where is this church? And what is it called?" "The..The church of Heart! And nobody knows who or what he is! We don't even know if he's a Splicer or not! But I can tell you one thing! You might think all you Splicers are gods! But you are not! He is the only god we have!" "Don't tell me stories and better tell me where this chuch is!" "I don't know ask the boss! And even if I knew I wouldn't tell you! Its useless! Since you will kill me!" She smiled and stud up"Your smart!" "So how are you going too kill me? Shoot me? Push me out of the window?" She took her purse and took her retractable sword with holes called Fairy out "Just let me say it with my two favorite words Jean!Blood and Vibes!" "W...What?AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PUTAIN NON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH NOT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAHHHH!ah!"

#2 Posted by batkevin74 (10772 posts) - - Show Bio

@poze said:

My first Splicers story hope you like it ( )

Zina was walking down the streets of New York wearing her black scarf over her nose and mouth, her black hair flying in the wind. She knew that the French Mafia was near this street She had followed them since she destroyed them in Paris. She wanted to move on but…

She heard a voice she already knew with a slight Japanese accent behind her "Zina!” She stopped and slowly turned around “I know what you're doing here!

"So? What do you want me to say?" She looked at a handsome half-Japanese man.

"Mmh because this time you found the right persons!"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm talking about your father!"

She looked at him with her eyes wide open "What? My Dad? Tell me!"

"My bro told me that he heard one of those French guys talking about your dad! And since you kicked the crap out of them they have taking him somewhere her! So don't just kill them! Ask!"

She smiled "Wanna heat me up a bit? Or cool me down? HAHAHAHA!!!!" She stopped smiling and turned around.

"Hey Zina sorry! But good luck!"

She continued walking and then she arrived at the hotel. It was called 'Slow Live' she knew that the mafia was hiding here she could also read that there was a party to night. She went inside renting a room for the night. Zina walked in her room she put her back pack on the floor and opened it, taking out her red dress. She smells herself and take a quick shower.

Down on the party she asked to enter even if she wasn't on the list, off course she could go, she know how men react about her beauty. At the party she recognized some members of the mafia. Zina walk up to the bar and see the chef of the French drug deal gang part of the mafia Jean De LaVie also called La Pie. Zina sits next to him and order a drink she could tell from the smell that he is drunken. La Pie said something she couldn't understand

"What did you say Mister?"

"J'ai dit que ca me faisait chier tous ce travaille! Alors maintenant j'ai envie de baiser des meuf!"

"Mister that wasn't really nice what you said there!" said Zina with a playful voice and stand up and was about to go

"Wait Wait pardon!"La Pie had a slight French accent when he spoke English "I was acting stupid, but let me make you a second first impression!" He took her hand and bent over to kiss it.

"Oh I see you're a real gentleman!" She giggled "So let me show you what I do with that kind of men!" She looked at him,

He smiled "So, let me show you my room!"

They walked through the dancing crowd to the elevator. They soon arrived in his penthouse

"See my dear this is where I live!" he announced

Zina sat down on the bed putting her purse on the floor. Jean brought some champagne in two glasses Zina smelled in hers and turned her face away, she hates alcohol. Jean sat down next to her really close and smiled, a huge alcohol smell entered her nose she had to control herself to not to push him away,

"Alors ma jolie! You know what I want don't you?"

She smiled and said "Maybe, show me!"

La Pie put his hand on her knee and caress her leg, but before he could put his hand under her dress she strikes her elbow in his face. He felled back

"Putain! That hurt! Who are you?" He was holding his bleeding nose.

"The girl with the scarf!"

"What? No,No! What do you want?" She picked him up and shot a shock wave at him which caused him falling against the wall

"What do you know about my father, Greg Engelhaut?"

"Nothing! Never heard that name!" She punched him in the guts "Ok, ok! They made experiments with him! Not because we wanted to because the whole mafia is in this f*cked up church now! And He wanted us to do it!"

"Who is he! And where is this church? And what is it called?"

"The..The church of Heart! And nobody knows who or what he is! We don't even know if he's a Splicer or not! But I can tell you one thing! You might think all you Splicers are gods! But you are not! He is the only god we have!"

"Don't tell me stories and better tell me where this church is!"

"I don't know ask the boss! And even if I knew I wouldn't tell you! It’s useless! Since you will kill me!" She smiled and stood up "Your smart!"

"So how are you going to kill me? Shoot me? Push me out of the window?"

She took her purse and took her retractable sword with holes called Fairy out "Just let me say it with my two favorite words Jean! Blood and Vibes!" "W...What?AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PUTAIN NON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH NOT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAHHHH!ah!"

Okay, I copied your story onto a word doc, checked it over and put it back up here. There were several typos & spacing errors, no big deal but it does make the story a bit stop/start.

It's good. Zina is an interesting character and would like a bit more about her as your next chapters come out.

Who is the half-Japanese guy? He has no name and his appearance is a tad random at the start of your story. Overall good job, let's see part 2

#3 Posted by poze (225 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: I'm sorry about the errors but you'll see who this half-Japanese guy is very soon