#1 Edited by Project_Worm (3806 posts) - - Show Bio

     After I dodged her first strike she came after me with her other hand, that one caught my calf and I let out a loud scream witch really sounded more like a roar. Then almost on instinct I grabbed the girls face I started squeezing then she stabbed me in stomach I pushed her back witch must have caught her off guard because she stumbled back, just as she was going to come back at me. 
Logan shouted "Laura stop!" 
Laura looked back angrily at Logan "he's like him!" she scram half growling. 
"No he's not Laura" He replied calmly. 
It seemed that Laura understood she retracted her claws and walked back towards the jet. I however was still standing in this awkward wide position with my hands stretched out to my sides I healed up after a while but still didn't budge . I never got in much fights especially with a girl. I finally stood up normal when Ororo spoke. 
"Come with us Joseph" she said in a soft voice.  
I looked back at my mom and headed towards the jet when I was about to take the first step on the jet, 
My mom called back at me "Joe wait she said. 
I turned around and it was then that i saw that Wolf was still following me. i walked back at my mom who had headed back into the house i had just gotten to the porch when she came out with a duffel bag she gave it to me and hugged me good bye. I noticed Logan was standing behind me. 
"Take care of him okay Logan?" she said with tears running down her face. 
"You know i will Kay" he replied. 
I looked down at Wolf and said "I'm gonna need you to stay with mom okay boy." 
Wolf walked sadly back to the house looked back at me and went in, mom never really like Wolf but i could tell she appreciated it. As me and Logan walked back to the ship I asked "what did laura mean when she said i was like him." 
"How 'bout we talk about it later kid."   
"Alright Logan" I said as i opened the bag inside was a half empty jar of peanut butter, cheese in a can and a jar of pickled onions, I smiled then looked underneath there was an old dirty brown trench coat, "hmm" said as i closed the bag. Logan entered the jet first i looked back at the little cabin and walked in after him. I took a seat near the back of the jet i looked up and saw Laura looking at me angrily, she was pretty, I smiled back at her which only seemed to make her angrier, she turned around. I wasnt entirely sure why she attacked me, but some how it felt right. I looked out the window and saw that we were already a few hundred feet way from my home. 

 Please post what you think it helps me write faster thanks. 
#2 Edited by TypingKira (3555 posts) - - Show Bio

I think I know what is happening and I LIKE IT.  
My real problem is with your grammar, but my big problem is that it's so short!  LOL. Try to add a little bit more detail about the settings and what the characters look like, as well as what your character is feeling as stuff is happening. Like the fight, I didn't feel like you really described the kind of pain he was in or his confusion or anything.  
But I like Laura's immediate reactions to him, and Logan's almost paternal air. Well done on that front. Another thing I liked was adding the mom's reactions. I can tell that she loves her son even after everything she'd been through. 

#3 Posted by Project_Worm (3806 posts) - - Show Bio

wel i actually explained the look in part one and hes not really confused hes just reacting

#4 Posted by MadComics (272 posts) - - Show Bio

It does need to be longer. But what's with the peanut butter jar? lol

#5 Posted by batkevin74 (12412 posts) - - Show Bio

@Project_Worm said:

Laura looked back angrily at Logan "he's like him!" she scram half growling.

"You smell like Logan's other bastard son, I hate you! At least have a wash" Ha ha ha this is great, its better than the Wolverine story where his kids from over the years (who ALL have super powers band together and try to kill 'daddy')