#1 Posted by YoungJustice (6387 posts) - - Show Bio

“We have to get to her, now.” Ralph yelled over the helicopter to Raven, they headed into the Sun Building, where Amanda sent a distress call from.

They arrived, and saw a hole in a wall.

They locked their eyes on it.

Raven shouted “Well, let’s go.”

She shouted a spell “Juferna, youhona, behemoth!”

A black aura surrounded her, and she flew into the hole.

Ralph whispered a spell as he jumped out “Alrichna, rutemue!”

He turned into a type of lion/cheetah hybrid, spots and fur covered his skin, while his faced stayed with its human like features.

They both entered the building.

Amanda was being badly beaten by The League; Hun Tzu used his abilities to make her see hallucinations of her greatest fears, while Cynthia used her sorcery to blast her backwards.

Michael and Nicholas saw Raven and Ralph, Ralph shouted out to them.

“Stay, before I gut you like a pig!” Ralph spoke with very little confidence.

Michael and Nicholas laughed; they ran towards the two, with full intent on killing them.

Raven waved her arm at Michael, and a black aura surrounded him, she controlled it, and threw him into a nearby desk, she took out her dagger, and smirked.

She jumped across desk to desk and lunged at Michael, but he teleported behind her, making Raven fall into the desk, dazing herself.

He grabbed the back of her neck, and sucked the magic out of her soul, her black aura faded from around her, but she pushed him back with her back, and kicked him, she threw him into the wall, and threw punches at him. Michael was barely fazed, he grabbed raven’s arm and used his mystical energies to crush it.

Ralph heard Raven scream, but he couldn’t help her, he was busy with Nicholas trying to kill him.

Nicholas bit and slashed at Ralph, he’d been trained for fighting against werewolves, but they were much quicker and dangerous than he expected.

Ralph used his cat-like agility to dodge, and evaded him until he was able to kick him in the face, and knock him sideways.

Ralph shouted out a spell at him “Thous, petine, trynitrd!”

Nicholas turned into a stone statue, but he was more freighting in statue form then in a normal state.

Ralph saw Amanda still fighting off Hun Tzu and Cynthia.

Ralph was always more of a magician then a fighter, he’d be no help to Amanda or Raven, but their boss, 014, was always saying that he was the most powerful magic user she’d seen in decades.

There had been a spell, Ralph only did it once, out of hundreds of failed attempts, it was destined for this situation though, and he had to try.

Ralph raised his hands above his heads, and yelled out “Ugiona, rescenert, cojust!”

From his hands, a wave of glowing blue energy emitted, as if in a form of a sound wave.

The movements around him became slower, until they stopped.

Ralph looked worn out, he called out to 014 on his radio “014, we need an evac team here ASAP, tell them to bring a squad too, I only stopped them for an hour or so.”

014 sat on her desk, doing papers when she heard the message “Affirmative.”

014 pressed a few keys on her computer, and help was already 3 miles away from the Sun Building.

She wasn’t old, but she was in her mid-40’s, ancient to the young monster hunters.

Alas, she was the best field agent they’d even seen, so she became head of the field agency.

014 walked down into the main training areas, she saw trainees sparring, and practicing spells.

Griffin, at 9 years old, he was the youngest trainee, came up to her, holding a turtle “Miss Rachel, look, I made the squirrel turn into a turtle!”

014 smiled and knelt down to the boy “Aww, good job, but remember, never use this spell on humans, it’s dangerous. Now go on, lunchtime is almost here.”

Griffin ran off into the lunchroom.

#2 Posted by batkevin74 (9754 posts) - - Show Bio

@YoungJustice: It's good, but you can combine some of the lines are or expand them. It's seems that it's just one line, then the next. It's not a bad thing, I just noticed it was all.

Example:

Michael and Nicholas laughed; they ran towards the two, with full intent on killing them. Raven waved her arm at Michael, and a black aura surrounded him. She controlled it, and with a flick of her wrist threw him into a nearby desk. She took out her dagger, and smirked as she jumped across desk to desk and lunged at Michael. He vanished; teleported behind her, making Raven fall into the desk, dazing herself. He grabbed the back of her neck, and sucked the magic out of her soul, the black aura fading. But she pushed him back with her back, and kicked him into the wall. Raven advanced in and threw a series punches at him. Michael was barely fazed, he grabbed Raven’s arm and used his mystical energies to crush it like a paper cup.
#3 Posted by YoungJustice (6387 posts) - - Show Bio

Bump