#1 Edited by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

Meet Toby. Toby Arnob.

He's just a nerdy teenager who knows how to hold a big grudge.

Maybe a wooden green mask could help him get his revenge....

THE REVENGE OF THE MASK - Part 1

"Geez" Toby said "Things sure are hard around here"

It was another crazy day at Questlin City High School

Toby was talking to his friend, Daniel

But they had to talk REALLY fast because if they didn't get to class on time God knows what there cruel teacher would do to them

Suddenly, some kid tripped Toby

When Toby fell face first on the floor, he noticed something

A weak spot in the floor. Everybody was distracted, it was a crowded hallway, so nobody would notice a kid lying on the floor investigating. Would they?

Toby pushed down on the weak spot.... and it was pretty odd

It was like it was supposed to be weak...

It was like.... a trap door

But what for?

What for?

Later that day, in the cafeteria...

"I'm serious" Toby said, poking his 'mashed potatoes' with his spoon "It was like a trap door!"

"Well" said Daniel, almost INHALING his lunch "This IS a weird school"

"Think it has to do with the Big Head Killer?" asked Toby "The last time there was ANY news about that Big Head dude was around the time they built the school"

"Oh, yeah, Big Head's revenge!" said Daniel in a sarcastic tone "What's the big deal?"

"I must be more fascinating by this then you" he said, still poking at the 'mashed potatoes'.

That night, Toby snuck into the school to check out the weak spot

He found it, then pushed down on it with all his might

Suddenly, he broke through the floor and fell through

"AAAH!" he screamed, as he finally landed in a mysterious room

He looked around, and noticed several piles of bones...

Human's bone

There was a skeletal, rotten arm holding onto something...

A GREEN something...

A green mask!

TO BE CONTINUED...

#2 Posted by 8bitGangsta (392 posts) - - Show Bio

Nice. Very good

#3 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

@8bitGangsta said:

Nice. Very good

Thanks. It's only short because I only had a little amount of time to finish it...

#4 Posted by Ms. Omega (4404 posts) - - Show Bio

Not too bad I love anything with the Mask in it.

#5 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

Bump

#6 Posted by Irishlad (572 posts) - - Show Bio

I really enjoyed this looking forward to Toby's reaction to the mask :P I suppose the only criticism I would have is try and use more fancier words to get your point across. For example he looked around could mean many things but if you said something like he peered his eyes scanning the dark room. Or before he breaks through the floor you could see a crack rippled from underneath his feet that grew and grew. Don't be discouraged by what I'm saying though this was great :P

#7 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

@Irishlad said:

I really enjoyed this looking forward to Toby's reaction to the mask :P I suppose the only criticism I would have is try and use more fancier words to get your point across. For example he looked around could mean many things but if you said something like he peered his eyes scanning the dark room. Or before he breaks through the floor you could see a crack rippled from underneath his feet that grew and grew. Don't be discouraged by what I'm saying though this was great :P

Thanks. I might use Walter at some point, though I do have a new idea for a villain

#8 Posted by wildvine (8361 posts) - - Show Bio

Gr2blackout. Not familiar with the mask, Except the movie. I did enjoy it though and look forward to see where it goes.