#1 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio
THE BAT, PART 1

Poor Bruce.

He never knew why.

His parents had been shot, and for years, thats the only answer he got when he asked his uncle/new guardian Alfred what had killed them.

But maybe should have asked... who shot them? And why?

Well, I story doesn't start with a crying Bruce Wayne.

It starts with a heroic Thomas Wayne.

Thoma and his half-brothers, one named Alfred and one who he decided he'd rather not mention for a while, were all working for a secret organization that protected the city of Gotham: The Outsiders of Gotham.

There logo was a bat.

Because the bat struck fear into people.

Like they did... to criminals.

Of course, the three brothers only worked on gadgets, They couldn't risk there lives chasing mobsters because they were all married. In fact, Alfred was the only one who wasn't gonna be a father soon.

Bruce never knew because it happened before he was born.

Not his parents' deaths...

But the beginning of their deaths.

The beginning of Bruce's story.

The reason Thomas and Alfred prefer not to mention there half-brother these days is... well, let's say he took a different path than him.

Well, long after the three brothers retired from the gadget business, Bruce and his mysterious cousin were 6. Actually, Bruce never knew how old this cousin was.

Was his cousin even alive?

Yes... but we'll get into that later on.

At a ball, 2 assassins, Lonnie Machin and Joe Chill, were looking for Bruce's parents.

Who hired them? Nobody knows... nobody...

But Chill set up a sniper and Lonnie, in disguise, managed to get them right where the assassins wanted them.

"BLAM!"

To be continued....

#2 Posted by TheCannon (19472 posts) - - Show Bio

Awesome!

#3 Posted by tomdickharry1984 (837 posts) - - Show Bio

Nic pic! SO it's a little weird Alfred being his uncle-butler...very hilllbilly!

#4 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

@tomdickharry1984 said:

Nic pic! SO it's a little weird Alfred being his uncle-butler...very hilllbilly!

I never said Alfred was a butler.

#5 Posted by sentryssj4 (428 posts) - - Show Bio

Could be worse, I suppose...

#6 Posted by tomdickharry1984 (837 posts) - - Show Bio

Well uncle-gadget maker doeznt have the same ring toit! :P

#7 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

@sentryssj4 said:

Could be worse, I suppose...

Why didn't you like it?

#8 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio

@GR2Blackout said:

Poor Bruce.

He never knew why.

His parents had been shot, and for years, that’s the only answer he got when he asked his uncle/new guardian Alfred what had killed them.

But maybe should have asked... who shot them? And why?

Well, the story doesn't start with a crying Bruce Wayne.

It starts with a heroic Thomas Wayne.

Thomas and his half-brothers, one named Alfred and one who he decided he'd rather not mention for a while, were all working for a secret organization that protected the city of Gotham: The Outsiders of Gotham.

Their logo was a bat.

Because the bat struck fear into people.

Like they did... to criminals.

Of course, the three brothers only worked on gadgets, They couldn't risk their lives chasing mobsters because they were all married. In fact, Alfred was the only one who wasn't going be a father soon.

Bruce never knew because it happened before he was born.

Not his parents' deaths...

But the beginning of their deaths.

The beginning of Bruce's story.

The reason Thomas and Alfred prefer not to mention there half-brother these days is, well, let's say he took a different path than him.

Well, long after the three brothers retired from the gadget business, Bruce and his mysterious cousin were six. Actually, Bruce never knew how old his cousin was.

Was his cousin even alive?

Yes... but we'll get into that later on.

At a ball, two assassins, Lonnie Machin and Joe Chill, were looking for Bruce's parents.

Who hired them? Nobody knows... nobody...

But Chill set up a sniper and Lonnie, in disguise, managed to get them right where the assassins wanted them.

"BLAM!"

To be continued....

The stuff in bold are spelling mistakes/grammatical errors I fixed. The story is okay, mainly because you I get you're trying to be mysterious about Bruce's cousin and uncle but it now I know that the bad guy WILL be Bruce's cousin and/or uncle when the big reveal happens, it won't be the dramatic event you're hoping for.

The idea is good though. Keep going

#9 Posted by sentryssj4 (428 posts) - - Show Bio

@GR2Blackout: It's not that I don't like it exactly. It has good potential but it was executed rather poorly... No offense.