Posted by Ravager4 (1627 posts) - - Show Bio

Okay, so I really, really, hate it when comic vine decides to eat an entire topic. Tried to open the page, and got a 404 error, so now I have to repost it. At least I got a chance to make some edits to it. Anyway...

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So, this was originally supposed to be part of much larger project, but I haven't heard from the guy organizing that in over a month, so I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen. Now, this is more just for fun/practice. It doesn't even have a title, yet. It's a pilot issue for a team book, taking place in a universe where superheroes aren't yet very prevalent, like they are in DC or Marvel. Because of the nature of this issue, having to introduce the five main characters, as well as getting the plot moving, I extended the pilot issue to 30 pages, instead of the traditional 20-22. Any future issues would revert at the 20-22 margin. Also, since this is a comic script, the description is much more casual than narrative. I writing to the artist (not that I have an artist, mind you...), just getting the point across so he/she can bring it to life. The artist is who I'm referring to when I mention "you." Anyway, let me know what you think, if you happen to read it.

Issue #2

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PAGE 1 (Four Panels)

1. Splash Panel. We're in a high-tech control room. It's a large space, with high ceilings. A row of desks and computers are spread out in the middle of the room, with several scientists in white lab coats sitting in front of the computers, hard at work. In front of them, large screens rise up on the wall, each depicting a different human volunteer undergoing various medical tests, such as blood being drawn, getting a shot, having blood pressure taken, etc. On one of the screens is a John/Jane Doe being zipped into a body bag.

Behind them, on a raised viewing platform, stand three specific individuals: ISAIAH SLATON, standing straight an calm, SOPHIE BELMONT, taking notes with a pen and clipboard, and ALVIN Palmer, carrying with him a manila folder full of paperwork. Captions in this panel should label each individual accordingly.

Slaton: Have we made any progress?

Alvin: Not too much, I'm afraid.

Slaton: You're telling me that, with all the resources you've been given, you still can't figure it out? You're supposed to be the best there is.

Caption: ISAIAH SLATON.

Caption: SOPHIE BELMONT.

Caption: ALVIN PALMER.

2. ALVIN holds a hand up, trying to reassure his boss. SLATON glares at him, arms folded across his chest.

Alvin: Oh, no, it's not that -- and I am. We've completed the process one hundred percent.

Slaton: Then what seems to be the problem?

Alvin: It's the subjects.

3. ALVIN has his folder open now. He's pointing out a particular file to his boss. SLATON holds a hand to his chin, examining the file carefully.

Alvin: You see this? It's a normal human genetic structure.

Slaton: And the one beneath it?

Alvin: A very rare genetic variation, one we've never seen before.

4. SLATON glances curiously at ALVIN. Behind them, SOPHIE continues taking notes on her clipboard.

Slaton: What does that have to do with the test subjects?

Alvin: Well, those with a normal genetic structure... their bodies aren't adapting to the changes. They start to break down, until...

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PAGE 2 (Five Panels)

ALVIN gestures towards one of the large screens on the far wall. The screen depicts a plain white room lined with gurneys and other medical equipment. Each gurney is occupied by a motionless body, some horribly disfigured.

Alvin: ...well, until their bodies cease to function.

Slaton: And this genetic variation...

Alvin: We believe that only a subject with the anomaly is capable of surviving the process.

2. A close up on SLATON'S face, as he gazes up at the screen.

Slaton: And what is the basis for this hypothesis?

3. ALVIN grins smugly, arms folded across his chest.

Alvin: We tested a subject with the variation. It was a success.

4. SLATON'S interest has been peaked. He is smiling very slightly, only barely expressing his intrigue. Behind him, SOPHIE looks up from her clipboard, surprised.

Slaton: And here I thought I wasn't going to get any good news from you today.

Sophie: Merveilleux. Can we see him?

5. ALVIN heads for the exit, waving for the two to follow.

Alvin: Of course, just follow me.

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PAGE 3 (Five Panels)

1. The four main panels on this page should all be page-wide, and the same size, stacked on top of each other.

The three have moved into a smaller room now, darkened with heavy shadows. The only light comes from a bright red glow in front of them. They're looking towards us at the glow, but we can't see what it is yet. ALVIN holds an arm out, showing off the 'subject'. SLATON looks at it curiously, while SOPHIE takes notes on her clipboard again.

Alvin: And this is him.

Slaton: This... isn't what I was expecting. Is he even alive?

2. Same angle as the last panel. In fact, all panels on this page will be from the same angle. ALVIN glares back at SLATON, while SOPHIE looks up from her notes.

Alvin: Of course he's a live. We're just keeping him sedated until we figure out a way to control him.

Sophie: Il est magnifique... what did the process do to him?

3. ALVIN gazes back at the off panel subject. SOPHIE returns to her note taking.

Alvin: We're not entirely sure. Well, aside from the obvious. Some sort of energy manipulation, we believe.

Slaton: And we can make more?

Alvin: In theory, so long as we obtain more subjects with the proper genetic anomaly.

4. ALVIN looks back down at his folder, flipping through the files inside. SLATON'S attention holds on the off panel glow.

Alvin: But it's extremely rare -- this is the first we've seen it. I suppose we could run searches through the country's various DNA databases, see if we can find any matches. It'll take time, though.

Slaton: Time is something we have plenty of. Just do it.

Alvin: And if we do find any matches... how do you intend to bring them here?

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PAGE 4 (Splash/Title)

1. Insert panel, close up of SLATON smirking.

Slaton: Don't worry, Mister Palmer...

2. Splash/title page. Leave room for title and credits. We're positioned behind the three now, and we can finally see what they're looking at. In front of them is a large stasis pod, a lone figure floating inside with various wires attached to him, including a sturdy breathing mask. The figure is male, well built with defined muscle, and bald, wearing just a pair tight black trunks. His body, however, glows bright red, the source of the room's red tinted lighting.

Slaton: ...we'll take care of it. Isn't that right, SOPHIE?

Sophie: Oui, Monsieur.

TITLE: Extraordinary Persons

SUB-TITLE: Genesis: Part 1

CREDITS: Credits go here.

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PAGE 5 (Six Panels)

1. Transition: "Southfield, Michigan."

We're in a high school hallway. The panel should be angled so it's looking straight down the hall. On the left, in the foreground, is our main focus of the panel: REI MIURA. She stands in front of her locker, loading books into her backpack. From this angle, we should be able to see the inside of her locker door. Taped to the door is a magazine pin up of a woman in a bikini. As with the first page, the caption here should label REI accordingly.

Visible farther down the hallway, in the background, a group of three girls approaches. These girls, ASHLEY, JEANINE, and REBECCA, are your typical 'popular and pretty' crowd, the girls in high school that every guy wants to be with. It's important to note that ASHLEY is carrying several books with her.

Ashley: -- and Nick is totally taking me out Friday night.

Caption: REI MIURA.

2. REI has moved away from her locker and is now walking down the hallway. Her head is down, and backpack slung over her shoulder. The other girls continue walking towards her, but are too engrossed in conversation to pay attention to where they're going.

Jeanine: Oh my god, no way! He's like, the hottest guy in school!

Rebecca: Are you gonna make out with him? Oh, you're so going to make out with him!

3. REI and ASHLEY accidentally bump into each other, neither having been paying attention to where they were walking. The impact causes ASHLEY to drop her books.

Ashley: Well, I -- hey!

Rebecca: Watch where you're going!

4. REI drops down to her hands and knees, trying to pick up ASHLEY'S books for her. Though REI remains timid and apologetic, ASHLEY is angry. She glares down at REI, hands on her hips.

Rei: Sorry, sorry. I really didn't mean to --

Ashley: What the hell is wrong with you? Are you blind?

5. A shot of REI still on her hands and knees, holding the books up to their owner. ASHLEY'S arms come in from off panel to snatch the books out of REI'S hands.

Rei: Here's your --

Ashley: Give me those!

6. The three girls continue down the hallway, leaving REI behind on her knees. She doesn't watch them leave, instead staring straight down at the floor.

Ashley: My god, she is such a dyke.

Jeanine: Loser.

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PAGE 6 (Five Panels)

1. We're inside a small, simple suburban home now. REI walks through the front door, bag slung over her shoulder again. Her gaze is pointed at the ground, posture slouched.

Rei: I'm home...

2. Farther inside the home, REI ambles up a staircase, hand lazily dragging behind her on the railing. Her parents, MR. and MRS. MIURA, have appeared, from the side of the staircase. They’re a typical, middle-aged, Japanese-American couple.

Mrs. Miura: How was your day?

Rei: Fine.

Mr. Miura: Anything you want to talk about?

Rei: No.

3. Close up of MR. and MRS. MIURA giving each other concerned looks.

Mrs. Miura: I'll go talk to her.

Mr. Miura: Good idea.

4. We're in REI'S bedroom now. She is curled up on her bed, lying on her side with her back to the door. The colors of the room, from the walls and carpet to her bed sheets, are very dark and muted. She doesn't like bright colors. Along the walls of the room are shelves and shelves of big books. Next to her bed is a small end table, atop which sits a large sculpture of a dragon. On the other side of her room is a large desk, decorated with a variety of small fantasy figurines, everything from wizards and knights to dragons, gryphons, and other fantastical creatures. Several posters adorn her walls, depicting more fantasy elements. One in particular shows a well figured woman dressed in a chainmail bikini, holding a large sword.

Mrs. Miura (O.P.): Rei?

5. A shot of the bedroom door opening. MRS. MIURA pokes her head inside.

Mrs. Miura: Sweetie? Is everything alright?

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PAGE 7 (Five Panels)

1. A shot from the side of the bed, facing REI. She hugs her pillow close to her, frowning at the wall. MRS. MIURA approaches the bed.

Rei: I said I'm fine.

Mrs. Miura: Rei... it's okay. I am your mother. You can talk to me.

2. MRS. MIURA is sitting on the edge of the bed now, turned towards her daughter and holding a comforting hand to the girl's shoulder. REI doesn't even shift her position on the bed.

Mrs. Miura: Your father and I... we are trying to understand you. But it is difficult when you refuse to open up.

Rei: Look, I know I'm not like other girls, okay? I'm different.

3. REI lowers her gaze, now staring down at the mattress. She's distant, closed off. Almost sad.

Rei: But that doesn't mean I want to make a big deal out of it. I just... want to be accepted.

4. REI rolls over slightly, turning to look up at her mother. MRS. MIURA glances away sadly, posture slouching.

Rei: Even you and dad barely accept me.

Mrs. Miura: We are trying... we really are. But this is so different from what we are used to, from what we... expected.

5. REI looks down again, averting her eyes. MRS. MIURA has turned back to her daughter, brushing back REI'S bangs away from her face.

Mrs. Miura: But you're still our... our daughter, and we love you. Nothing will change that.

Rei: Thanks, I guess.

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PAGE 8 (Six Panels)

1. MRS. Miura stands up from the bed again, reaching a hand into her pocket. REI sits up attentively on the bed, holding her pillow in her lap.

Mrs. Miura: Oh, there was something else we needed to discuss with you.

Rei: What is it?

2. MRS. MIURA extends a hand forward, now holding out a small brochure. REI reaches out to take it.

Mrs. Miura: This came in the mail today. It looks like a very nice school.

Rei: A school?

3. A low angle shot, from bed level looking up at REI as she studies the open brochure. The front depicts an image of a very high end, private school. The lettering at the top reads: "Blanchett Academy."

Rei: But I already have a school.

Mrs. Miura (O.P.): Yes, but this one seems much more... suitable, for you.

Rei: Looks expensive.

4. REI looks back up at her mother. MRS. MIURA actually appears pleased, even excited.

Mrs. Miura: Not expensive at all. The brochure came with a scholarship offer.

Rei: A scholarship? For me? ...why?

5. MRS. MIURA shrugs unknowingly. REI folds the brochure back up again, considering her mother's words.

Mrs. Miura: I don't know. Just lucky, perhaps? Still, it looks very nice.

Rei: Maybe... but it said it was a boarding school. And it's far away.

6. MRS. MIURA holds a comforting hand to her daughter's shoulder. REI hugs her pillow closer, staring back down at the bed.

Mrs. Miura: I know, sweetie... but I also know that you don't like your current school. This could be... a fresh start.

Rei: I doubt it will change anything... but, I guess I'll think about it.

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PAGE 9 (Six Panels)

1. Transition: "Gainesville, Florida."

We’re outside a small high school now, in the parking lot. The focus of the panel should be a teenage boy opening the door to an old, beat up car. The vehicle is in a total state of disrepair; dents, rust, dirt, mud, you name it. The boy is named HECTOR RIOS, of Cuban descent. While opening the car door with one hand, HECTOR is turned to look behind him, waving with his other hand. Another group of boys stand a short distance away, waving in response.

Hector’s physical appearance: his skin is lightly tanned, his hair cut close and very neat, and he is clean shaven. His body is lean, and of average height. The clothes he wears typically consists of tight T-shirts, or button downed shirts, both short and long sleeves, and simple, form fitting blue jeans, with belt.

Unnamed Boy: Hey man, you coming over later?

Hector: Can't, got work.

Unnamed Boy: Damn, you work too much.

Caption: Hector Rios.

2. A shot of HECTOR sliding into the driver's seat, closing the door behind him.

Hector: So you keep telling me. See you guys tomorrow!

3. We're outside a small fast food restaurant now. Overhead shot, looking down at an angle. We can see Hector's car turning into the parking lot.

4. Inside the restaurant now, in the cooking area. HECTOR works the grill, flipping burgers. He's wearing a collared shirt and visor now, along with black pants.

Employee (O.P.): Need two more double cheeseburgers!

5. HECTOR works the deep fryer, pulling out a basket of french fries. Next to him, another EMPLOYEE works the drive-through window, speaking into a headset.

Employee: You want fries with that?

6. The cooking area has cleared out now. HECTOR is alone, mopping the floor. The rest of the area is cleaned up, spotless.

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PAGE 10 (Five Panels)

1. HECTOR pushes open the restaurant door, returning outside. He's dressed again in his normal clothes. It's night now, and the parking lot is mostly empty. Behind him, still inside, the MANAGER gives him a departing wave.

Manager: See you tomorrow, Hector.

Hector: Goodnight, Mr. Morello.

2. We're outside a small house, old and worn down. The tiny front lawn is overgrown, shingles are missing from the roof, and some of the window shutters are falling off. Hector's car sits in the driveway.

3. HECTOR sits at the kitchen table, open textbooks spread out around him as he writes busily in a notebook, doing his homework. The kitchen is small, with only very basic appliances. Water stains blotch the ceiling and wall, and some tiling is missing on the floor. A clock on the wall behind him reads: 10:35.

4. Same as the previous panel, except now Hector is fast asleep, collapsed against the table. The clock behind him reads: 12:45.

Mrs. Rios (O.P.): Hector?

5. Hector's mother, MRS. RIOS, is in the kitchen now. She's a full figured woman, with tanned skin and naturally curly hair. She holds a hand to her son's shoulder, urging him to wake up. HECTOR opens his eyes tiredly.

Mrs. Rios: <Hector, wake up. You fell asleep.>*

Hector: <Oh, Mom, you're home. How was work?>

Caption: *Translated from Spanish.

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PAGE 11 (Four Panels)

1. MRS. RIOS places her purse on the kitchen counter. Hector rubs his eyes, trying to wake himself.

Mrs. Rios: <Slow, as usual. Did you get your homework done?>

Hector: <Most of it. I'll do the rest in the morning, before school.>

2. HECTOR pulls out a brochure from beneath his textbooks. It's the same brochure from earlier, for Blanchett Academy. MRS. RIOS stands behind her son, looking over her shoulder at it.

Hector: <I saw this when I got home. You know what it is?>

Mrs. Rios: <Oh, that came in the mail earlier. It's a school.>

3. HECTOR opens the brochure and carefully examines it. MRS. RIOS is smiling enthusiastically.

Hector: <I can see it's a school. But why is it being sent to me?>

Mrs. Rios: <They want you to attend! Can you believe it? It's a very nice school.>

Hector: <But I already have one.>

4. MRS. RIOS bows her head, posture slouching. HECTOR looks up at her over his shoulder.

Mrs. Rios: -sigh- <I know, but it's not a very good school. It's just what we can afford. This is a much better school, with much better opportunities.>

Hector: <But there's no way we can afford it. We can barely pay the bills.>

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PAGE 12 (Four Panels)

1. MRS. RIOS' demeanor changes. She's excited again, eager, happy. HECTOR stares back down at the brochure, confused.

Mrs. Rios: <Yes, we can! They're offering to pay for your expenses. Like a scholarship!>

Hector: <What? Why would they want to do that?>

Mrs. Rios: <It doesn't matter. This is too good an opportunity to pass up.>

2. A close up on HECTOR'S face. He appears distant, almost depressed.

Hector: <But it's a boarding school... and it's so far away. I don't want to leave you here alone.>

Mrs. Rios (O.P.): <Hector...>

3. MRS. RIOS holds both her hands to her son's face, one on either cheek. She stares at him deeply, lovingly. Her smile is one of comfort.

Mrs. Rios: <...I will be okay. Really. I only want what is best for you. That's all I've ever wanted. This could give you the best possible opportunities for your future. Please, Hector...>

4. HECTOR bows his head, glancing back at the brochure on the table.

Hector: <Alright... if you really think I should go, then I will go.>

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PAGE 13 (Six Panels)

1. Transition: "Lancaster, Pennsylvania."

We’re in a high school classroom now. The classroom is full, various students sitting at the desks. The teacher, MS. BRADY, stands up front. She holds a stack of paper in her hands. Some kids are paying attention, others are whispering to each other, and others still are napping.

Focused in the center of the panel is a dark skinned girl with long brown hair, sitting straight up at attention. This is BRIANNA REID. She wears more reserved, casual clothing, such as jeans and long sleeved shirts, nothing revealing, as well as a pair of narrow, black rimmed glasses. Her body is of an athletic build, with very toned and defined muscles, and an average chest.

Ms. Brady: I have to say, I was not impressed with a lot of your test scores.

2. MS. BRADY walks around the classroom, passing back a sheet of paper from the stack she carries to each student. BRIANNA was one of the first to get her test back; she looks at it carefully.

Ms. Brady: Only three students scored above an eighty-five. Now, I know my questions weren't that difficult, which leaves me with the sneaking suspicion that some of you may not have studied as well as you could have.

3. A low angle shot from BRIANNA'S desk, looking up at her. She is smiling widely in satisfaction.

Ms. Brady (O.P.): I didn't want to have another review today, but you leave me no choice.

Caption: Brianna Reid.

4. Small insert panel, showing the corner of BRIANNA'S test. It depicts a score of 100.

5. We're in the hallway now. BRIANNA is at her locker, loading her books inside it. Nearby, two girls approach. These girls are DANIELLE and TIFFANY.

Danielle: Hey, Brianna! Thanks for the tutoring lessons!

Tiffany: For real, we totally aced that test. My parents would have killed me if I failed another one.

6. BRIANNA closes her locker door and turns to the other girls. She smiles pleasantly.

Brianna: Oh, no trouble at all. Happy to help.

Tiffany: Look, there's a party this Saturday, and we were thinking --

Danielle: -- you should totally come! It'll be a blast!

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PAGE 14 (Seven Panels)

1. BRIANNA shifts uneasily, nervously. DANIELLE and TIFFANY frown, disappointed.

Brianna: Oh, uh, I- I'd love to, but... I mean, I'm pretty busy...

Danielle: Oh, okay...

Tiffany: Yeah, it's no problem... we get it.

2. BRIANNA recoils sharply, eyes wide. She holds up her hands, trying desperately to reassure the two girls. DANIELLE and TIFFANY do relax, giving very slight smiles.

Brianna: Oh no, it's not like that! I really would like to go, it's just that, me parents... you know what, I'll definitely ask them about it. Promise.

Tiffany: Awesome!

Danielle: Yeah, hope to see you there.

3. DANIELLE and TIFFANY wave goodbye, as they head back down the hallway. BRIANNA gives them a wave in return.

Tiffany: See you later, Brie!

Brianna: I- I'll call you! To tell you what me parents said, I mean.

4. Wide panel. We're in a Karate dojo now. BRIANNA is at the front of the class, while the teacher guides his students through a choreographed form. They're all dressed in white gis, with either brown or black belts. BRIANNA'S belt is black.

5. Small shot of BRIANNA throwing a punch.

6. Small shot of BRIANNA throwing a side kick.

7. Small shot of BRIANNA and the other students bowing forward with their palms held together.

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PAGE 15 (Six Panels)

1. BRIANNA walks towards the entrance of the dojo, removing the top of her gi. She wears just a plain T-shirt underneath, so this is a good opportunity to really define the muscle in her arms. Nearby, her parents, MR. and MRS. REID, wait for her. They are a Black British family, being of African descent, yet hailing from England.

Mr. Reid: You looked good today, Brie. Should be a shoo-in to win the tourney next week.

Brianna: Thanks, Dad, but I'm not gettin' me hopes up.

2. The three head outside into the parking lot. MR. and MRS. REID lead the way, while BRIANNA follows.

Mrs. Reid: But you do so well, and you won last year's.

Brianna: Nothin's certain, Mum. I'd prefer not to go in cocky, is all.

3. They're in their car now. MR. REID is in the driver's seat, turning the key in the ignition. MRS. Reid is in the passenger's seat, putting her seat belt on. In the back seat, BRIANNA secures her own seat belt, while smiling pleasantly.

Mr. Reid: Not to worry, darlin', you'll do wonderfully.

Mrs. Reid: Oh, how did that test go, Brie?

Brianna: Perfect score, as usual.

4. MR. REID looks up into the rear view mirror, smiling. The car is moving down the street now.

Mr. Reid: That's me girl.

Brianna (O.P.): Oh, and I meant to ask, um... you see, there's this party on Saturday, an' I've been invited. Do you think that maybe, possibly... I could go?

5. A close shot of MR. and MRS. REID giving each other careful glances.

Mr. Reid: Oh, a party? That's, I mean, I don't really think that would be the... best idea.

Mrs. Reid: It's just, you have your schoolwork, and exams to be studying for, and then there's the tournament...

6. A close up shot of BRIANNA staring out the car window, as they drive down the street. She looks utterly disappointed.

Brianna: Right, I figured. I just... you know, I've never actually been to a party before. I thought it might be fun, is all.

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PAGE 16 (Six Panels)

1. We're in the Reid household now, in the kitchen. It's a fairly wealthy home, but nothing too lavish. BRIANNA sits at the kitchen table, going through her textbooks and doing her homework. MRS. REID is at the refrigerator removing a small brochure pinned to the door by a magnet. MR. REID stands at the counter, pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

Mrs. Reid: Brie, hun, there's something here for you.

Brianna: What is it?

2. A close up on the cover of the brochure, as MRS. REID passes it to her daughter. It's the same brochure as the others.

Mrs. Reid (O.P.): This came for you in the mail today. Look it over, I think you'll find it interesting.

Brianna (O.P.): A boarding school?

3. MR. REID sits at the table, placing his glass of orange juice in front of him. MRS. REID stands next to him, a hand on his shoulder, while BRIANNA carefully reads over the brochure.

Mr. Reid: A very nice boarding school. Private, high end, one of the best in the country from what I've gathered.

Mrs. Reid: An' they're offering to cover all expenses if you attend, starting next semester.

4. BRIANNA looks up in surprise.

Brianna: They want me to go to their school? You want me to go?

5. MR. and MRS. REID smile, remaining positive.

Mr. Reid: It's a lovely place, much better than the school you attend now. Think of the opportunities.

Brianna: An' it's a boarding school, correct? So that means, I'd... be on me own?

6. Close up of BRIANNA staring down at the brochure again. She's smiling.

Mrs. Reid (O.P.): It isn't too far away, darlin'. And you can call us every day, if you like.

Brianna: Well, I suppose I could think about it.

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PAGE 17 (Five Panels)

1. Transition: "Westbrook, Maine."

Wide shot of a high school football field. On the field, the team runs practice, scrimmaging against each other. We're in the middle of a play, with the center snapping the ball back to the QUARTERBACK.

Quarterback: Hut!

2. The QUARTERBACK hands the ball off to the halfback. The halfback is MICHAEL DANVERS. He's a large individual, well built and in excellent shape, though we can't see too many details under his pads right now.

3. MICHAEL plows straight through several defenders, knocking them on their asses.

Defender: Oof!

4. MICHAEL reaches the endzone, holding the football up high.

Michael: Yeah! And that's how it's done!

5. His teammates gather with him in the endzone. MICHAEL reaches up to take his helmet off, while the other players pat him on the back. Several of the players are doubled over, catching their breath.

Player #1: Damn, man, you keep running like that and there's no way we lose this week.

Player #2: Yeah, dude, I think you knocked my spleen into my throat.

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PAGE 18 (Five Panels)

1. MICHAEL has his helmet off now. He's quite good looking, with short blonde hair and bright green eyes, a strong, clean-shaven face. He's smirking triumphantly.

Michael: What can I say? I'm good at this.

Player #3: Totally.

Caption: Michael Danvers.

2. The players start heading off the field, back towards the school. Their COACH stands off to the side, hands on his hips.

Coach: Good work today, boys. Especially you, Danvers. Keep it up.

Michael: See you tomorrow, Coach.

3. In the locker room now, players removing their football gear and getting changed. MICHAEL pulls his shoulder pads up over his head in front of his locker. Several other players stand nearby.

Player #1: Hey, Mike, big party this weekend, man. You in?

Michael: Where at?

4. MICHAEL throws his shoulder pads into the locker. He's wearing just a white tank top underneath, giving good opportunity here to show off his impressive physique.

Player #2: Over at Swanson's, you know the place.

Michael: Ha, yeah I do. Count me in.

5. MICHAEL sits down on the bench behind him and works to untie his cleats.

Player #1: Awesome, man, see you later.

Michael: Later.

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PAGE 19 (Six Panels)

1. We're in a small, suburban home now. MICHAEL pushes his way through the front door, a backpack slung over his shoulder.

Michael: Dad! I'm home!

2. We're in the kitchen now. We can see a pair of legs sticking out from underneath the sink. His dad, MR. DANVERS, is in the process of fixing a leaky pipe. A box of tools sit nearby. MICHAEL places his book bag down on one of the kitchen table chairs. A pile of mail sits on the counter nearby, thrown there haphazardly.

Mr. Danvers: How was practice?

Michael: Great.

3. MICHAEL stands in front of the counter, going through the mail.

Mr. Danvers (O.P.): Gonna be ready for the game this week?

Michael: Aren't I always?

4. We can see MR. DANVERS sliding out from beneath the sink, a wrench in hand. MICHAEL casually opens up one of the envelopes at the counter.

Mr. Danvers: That you are. Speaking of which, got something I need to talk to you about.

5. Low angle shot, looking up at MICHAEL as he stares down at the paper in his hands.

Michael: What is it?

6. Insert panel, showing the paper MICHAEL holds. It's his school progress report, showing straight A's across the board.

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PAGE 20 (Six Panels)

1. MR. DANVERS holds out the "Blanchett Academy" brochure. MICHAEL lowers his progress report and stares at the brochure.

Mr. Danvers: Take a look at that.

Michael: A school?

2. MR. DANVERS folds his arms across his chest, smirking. MICHAEL holds the brochure now, looking at it closely.

Mr. Danvers: Not just any school. Did a little research on the place. It's got one of the best high school sports programs in the country.

Michael: But why does that ---

3. MR. DANVERS' expression suddenly grows more stern. He's staring at his son intently now.

Mr. Danvers: They want you to play for them, last half of this year and your Senior year. Football, basketball, baseball, the works. They like what they see, and you could get some real nice college scholarships.

4. MICHAEL looks up in surprise. He doesn't like what he's hearing.

Michael: What? You can't just send me to another school! I have friends here, commitments. I'm a Westbrook High Wildcat, end of story.

5. MR. DANVERS is angry now. He points at his son, scowling.

Mr. Danvers: This is the best chance you're gonna get to make it big, Mike. If you really want to be a star one day, then you'll --

Michael: But I never wanted that! You wanted that! You can't just --

6. MR. DANVERS turns his back and starts walking away. MICHAEL stands there, utterly stunned and taken aback. He can't bring himself to say anything else.

Mr. Danvers: You're going, end of story! Deal with it.

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PAGE 21 (Five Panels)

1. Transition: "Sacramento, California."

We're in another high school hallway now. It's pretty crowded, groups of students walking between classes. One group in particular is the focus of this panel, a group of girls. We'll be paying most attention to one of these girls here, CHRISTINE WILSON. Her hair is blonde and long, flowing around one of her shoulders. While her body has some distinct curves to it, she's still very fit, just not pencil thin like the other girls in her group. The low cut top that she wears accentuates her large chest, as if asking to draw attention to it. The other girls in the group, JENNY, BETTY, and MEGAN, are all dressed in similar fashion, with remarkably short skirts to match.

Jenny: -- told her there was no way I was wearing something that hideous.

Betty: Ha! Oh my god, that's priceless.

2. The group continues heading down the hallway, engaged in conversation. CHRISTINE, however, hangs off to the side somewhat, not looking at them. Instead, her attention is straight ahead, where a BOY approaches from off panel, only part of his body visible to us right now.

Jenny: Maybe next time my mother will learn to ask me before she buys me anything.

Megan: Girl, you are so bad.

3. The group of girls stops abruptly, staring forward in surprise. The BOY from the previous panel is fully visible now, though we're looking from behind him, so all we can see is his backside. While CHRISTINE here is largely indifferent at the moment, the other girls appear annoyed.

Boy: Um, excuse me...

4. This panel focuses solely on the BOY now. He isn't particularly unattractive, but he's no hunk either. He is somewhat scrawny, though, with glasses. He carries with him a stack of books in his arms.

Boy: Jenny, I was wondering if maybe... maybe you'd like to go to the dance with me next Saturday?

5. Close up on Jenny's face, looking both surprised and disgusted.

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PAGE 22 (Six Panels)

1. The girls break out into laughter, genuinely amused. CHRISTINE, however, does not join in on the laughter, instead looking at the other girls out of the corner of her eyes.

Jenny/Betty/Megan: HAHAHAHAHA!

2. The girls push their way past the BOY, completely dismissing him. Jenny, in particular, causes the books he's carrying to tumble out of his arms to the floor. CHRISTINE, however, doesn't move, instead just watching them.

Jenny: As if!

Megan: Ha, what a loser!

Betty: Come on, Christine!

3. CHRISTINE continues to stand there, looking down the hallway. The BOY is down on his hands and knees now, picking up his books. He looks completely crushed.

Christine: Uh, yeah, be right there.

4. Now CHRISTINE is on her hands and knees, too, helping to pick up the fallen books. The BOY glances up at her in surprise.

Christine: That was gutsy, you know. Stupid, but gutsy.

Boy: Um... thanks?

5. CHRISTINE hands him a couple of the fallen books, smiling slightly.

Christine: Don't pay any attention to them, really. They're... well, you know.

Boy: But you hang out with them?

Caption: Christine Wilson.

6. They're back on their feet now. CHRISTINE shifts awkwardly, glancing off to the side. The BOY holds his books closely, staring at her.

Christine: Yeah, well... they're still my friends. Look, I gotta get going, so...

Boy: Oh, right... um, see you around.

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PAGE 23 (Five Panels)

1. Wide angle shot of a very wealthy, large home, more of a mansion than anything. CHRISTINE is at the front entrance, pushing the door open.

2. The interior of the home is just as lavish, with expensive and elegant decor. The Wilson family is very wealthy, and their home clearly represents that. CHRISTINE walks down one of the hallways, looking around carefully.

Christine: Mom? Dad? I'm home.

3. CHRISTINE enters into the sunroom, where a woman lounges in a leather seat reading a magazine. A martini glass sits on the table next to her, along with an open envelope and brochure. The woman's eyes remain locked on the magazine, not looking up when CHRISTINE enters the room. This is MRS. WILSON.

Christine: Hey, mom... I'm home.

Mrs. Wilson: I heard you.

4. CHRISTINE'S expression slackens. She's distant, awkward. MRS. WILSON still doesn't look up from her magazine.

Christine: Oh, right... of course you did. So, um... I was thinking about going over Jenny's later. If that's alright.

Mrs. Wilson: Whatever you want, dear.

5. MRS. WILSON casually sips from her martini glass, still focused on her magazine. CHRISTINE bows her head, turning to leave.

Christine: Right, so I'll just... I'll go, then.

Mrs. Wilson: Hold on just a moment.

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PAGE 24 (Six Panels)

1. Still looking down at her magazine, Mrs. Wilson reaches over to the table next to her to grab the brochure. It's the same one as all the others. CHRISTINE approaches her mother, curiously.

Mrs. Wilson: Take a look at this.

Christine: What is it?

Mrs. Wilson: Your new school.

2. CHRISTINE stares in shock, hand frozen on the brochure that her mother holds out. MRS. WILSON continues to look completely uninterested, her focus never leaving the magazine. Not once during this entire exchange will she look up at her daughter.

Christine: My what?! What do you mean my new school? I have a school!

Mrs. Wilson: This one is offering to cover expenses. Saves us money.

3. CHRISTINE is angry now. She rips the brochure out of her mother's hand, scowling at her.

Christine: You can't just send me to another school! All my friends are here! My whole life is here!

Mrs. Wilson: I'm afraid your father already filled out the forms. You leave in three weeks.

4. Now CHRISTINE is confused, surprised. Her posture slackens, gazing curiously at her mother.

Christine: What do you mean, I... I leave?

Mrs. Wilson: It's a boarding school. You'll be staying there.

5. And CHRISTINE is angry again, furious. She's starting to cry, too. Still, Mrs. Wilson doesn't pay her any attention.

Christine: You're getting rid of me! I can't believe -- you can't do this!

6. CHRISTINE turns and runs out of the room.

Christine: I hate you! I hate you!

Mrs. Wilson: That's lovely, dear.

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PAGE 25 (Five Panels)

1. Transition: "Buffalo, New York. One Month Later..."

Establishing shot of the Buffalo Niagara International Airport. Reference pictures can be provided for exterior shots, interiors are up to you. Parked out front, near the pick up area, is a large transport bus with heavily tinted windows.

2. Inside the airport now, focused on one of the terminal jetways. A line of people exit into the terminal, their plane having landed just moments ago. At the center of this crowd and clearly visible is REI MIURA, a carry on bag slung over her shoulder.

3. Down in baggage claim, HECTOR RIOS waits patiently, watching the luggage move round the conveyer belt. At the neighboring luggage conveyer, MICHAEL DANVERS leans forward to grab his suitcase.

4. BRIANNA REID stands calmly on a descending escalator, her luggage at her side. She's smiling happily.

5. Back outside now, CHRISTINE WILSON walks through the exit, wheeling her large suitcase behind her. She looks miserable, in no way wanting to be there.

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PAGE 26 (Five Panels)

1. A wide shot of the bus from the previous page. The storage area below is open, half filled with luggage bags already. A line of individuals of varying ages, both teenagers and older, board the bus. On the side of the bus, written in large, stylish letters, is the word "Blanchett". The bus driver, dressed in full uniform, including a hat, works to load more luggage into the bottom compartment. Note that the bus driver is actually SOPHIE BELMONT, from the first few pages, but with her hair down straight and hat pulled low over her face, this fact should not yet be clear.

2. MICHAEL and HECTOR walk out through the exit now, already engaged in conversation with each other.

Michael: So, you're heading to this school, too, huh?

Hector: Yeah, my mother wanted me to go. Not something we could have ever afforded on our own.

3. BRIANNA arrives at the bus, dropping her luggage off for the driver to load. She's still all smiles. Nearby, Rei gives her a curious look.

Brianna: Absolutely brilliant.

Rei: Huh?

4. BRIANNA and REI begin to board the bus, now looking at each other in conversation.

Brianna: Oh, sorry, just talking to meself, is all.

Rei: What's so "brilliant"?

5. BRIANNA and REI take a seat next to each other.

Brianna: Oh, I'm just a bit excited to be out on me own. Never had that kind of freedom before, even if it is for school.

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PAGE 27 (Five Panels)

1. HECTOR and MICHAEL are sitting next to each other on the bus now. CHRISTINE walks down the aisle, her head turned to look at them. She's noticed MICHAEL.

Michael: -- sports, mostly. My dad always pushed them on me.

Hector: Oh, cool. What kind of sports you play?

2. CHRISTINE leans over the seat from behind them, reaching forward with one hand. She's smiling, her attention fully on MICHAEL. The two boys look up at her, with MICHAEL reaching up to shake her hand.

Christine: Well, hello there. You going to this new school, too, I hope?

Michael: Uh, yes. Yes, I am. Name's Michael. And you are?

3. Focusing back on REI and BRIANNA now. REI is starting to smile, as BRIANNA'S good mood rubs off on her.

Rei: That accent... you from England?

Brianna: Me family's from London, yeah. Came over when I was twelve.

4. Still on REI and BRIANNA.

Brianna: What about you, where you from?

Rei: Oh, Japan. Parents came over from Kyoto. That was before I was even born, though.

5. CHRISTINE is leaning even farther over the seat now, focused entirely on MICHAEL. HECTOR is forced to lean slightly to the side to make room. MICHAEL'S attention, too, is all on CHRISTINE.

Michael: Your parents forced you to come, too?

Christine: Oh yeah, my parents are great like that. They just wanted to get rid of me, if you can believe it.

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PAGE 28 (Five Panels)

1. A shot from the front of the bus looking towards the back. Almost every seat is filled. In the foreground, we can see the stairs to our left, with the bus driver's hand gripping the railing.

2. The bus driver, SOPHIE, sits in the driver's seat, pulling the lever to close the doors.

3. The large bus drives away from the airport, pulling onto the main street.

4. Back inside the bus, we're focused on two unnamed teenagers. They're staring at a couple older individuals in the seat next to them, across the aisle.

Teenager #1: Don't they look a little old to be going to high school?

Teenager #2: Maybe they're teachers?

5. One of the teenagers leans forward across the aisle, grabbing one of the older men's attention.

Teenager #1: Excuse me, are you a teacher?

Older Man: A teacher?

Teenager #1: Yeah, you know, for the school?

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PAGE 29 (Five Panels)

1. The man looks thoroughly confused, having no idea what the kid is talking about.

Older Man: Uh, no. I'm here for an interview at Blanchett Industries.

Teenager #2: Wait, you mean Blanchett Academy, right?

2. A close up on SOPHIE. The sound effect of a phone ringing comes from her front pocket.

SFX: RNNNG RNNNG

3. SOPHIE holds a cell phone up to her ear.

Sophie: Oui, I have them all with me now... Should be there in an hour.

4. SOPHIE reaches next to her with one hand, holding her cell phone between her ear and shoulder so she can still drive with her other hand. She pulls out a gas mask from her bag.

Sophie: Oui, Monsieur. Right away. I will see you soon.

5. The panel should be wide enough to show seats on both sides of the aisle. On one side, we see MICHAEL, BRIANNA, and HECTOR, all looking upwards, curiously. On the other side, REI and BRIANNA do the same, confused.

Michael: Hey do you hear that?

Hector: Sounds like...

Rei: Gas?

SFX: TSSSSSSSSS

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PAGE 30 (Splash)

Splash page. We're looking down the aisle from the front of the bus, with SOPHIE visible in the driver's seat to the right side. She's wearing the gas mask now. A thick, heavy gas is now visible, leaking out of the air vents and filling the bus. The passengers go into a panic, some falling out of their seats, others clawing at their throats.

Passenger #1: Oh my god!

Passenger #2: What's going on?!

Passenger #3: Can't -kaff- breathe! -kaff, kaff-

Caption: To Be Continued...

#1 Posted by Joygirl (20003 posts) - - Show Bio

Hey! Thread! I've read you!

#2 Posted by Joygirl (20003 posts) - - Show Bio

Hey! Everyone adore this!

#3 Posted by Ravager4 (1627 posts) - - Show Bio

@Joygirl: It looks like you're the only one who does D:

#4 Posted by Joygirl (20003 posts) - - Show Bio

Everyone START ADORING!!!

#5 Posted by Ravager4 (1627 posts) - - Show Bio

@Joygirl: Thanks for the endorsement (again), but I don't think anyone else is interested in this :( Almost 90 views and you're the only one who's commented

#6 Posted by Irishlad (573 posts) - - Show Bio

THIS IS GREAT!

#7 Posted by Ravager4 (1627 posts) - - Show Bio

@Irishlad: I'm not entirely sure who that fist pumping guy is, but I like him.

#8 Posted by Irishlad (573 posts) - - Show Bio

Multiple Man :P

#9 Posted by Joygirl (20003 posts) - - Show Bio

I believe I said start adoring!!!!! NOW ADORE.

#10 Posted by Trodorne (2590 posts) - - Show Bio

Great story Ravager, Sorry I don't take much time to comment. but your works are really great.

#11 Posted by Ravager4 (1627 posts) - - Show Bio

@Trodorne: Thank you very much :)

#13 Posted by Ravager4 (1627 posts) - - Show Bio

@LadyLigeia: Thank you very much ^_^ I'm glad you enjoyed it!

#14 Posted by VyseCarma (259 posts) - - Show Bio

I liked it, I do believe it would be better as an actual comic, when/if you find an artist (if you're even looking) find a way to publish it here, please.

#15 Edited by Ravager4 (1627 posts) - - Show Bio

@VyseCarma: Well, most comic scripts do look better as finished comics, so.... yeah. Would be pretty hard to find a really good, committed artist to draw it for free, though, considering I can't afford one.

Edit: Oh, an thank you for the comment! I completely forgot to put that xD

#16 Posted by VyseCarma (259 posts) - - Show Bio

@Ravager4: No problem, always a fan of good art, and story is art.

I understand not having a dedicated artist though, I'm running into a problem like that for a story of my own that I've been working on for around 8-9 years now.

#17 Posted by batkevin74 (10810 posts) - - Show Bio

@Joygirl: @Ravager4: Adore is very strong, how about I really like it, is that okay? Another quality piece by R4, good work

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#18 Posted by thespideyguy (2642 posts) - - Show Bio

@Joygirl said:

Everyone START ADORING!!!

all righty

#19 Posted by batkevin74 (10810 posts) - - Show Bio

@Joygirl said:

I believe I said start adoring!!!!! NOW ADORE.

I have adored, I adore, let outside adoration for commence! all aboard the Adoration Express woooo woooo!!! :)

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