Hi everyone, I've sent in a submission for a comic book series to 2000 AD (a British comic book anthology). In the Submission you have to include a one page synopsis and a five page script called a future shock. After sending the submission I wasn't sure how good the future shock was so I'm posting it here to see what you all think, feedback would be very much appreciated, thanks.
Page 1
Three rows of panels (all of equal height), first has one panel, second has four panels, the last has two
Panel 1: shows typical school hallway crowded with people with the school entrance at the back of the hall, the picture shot is focused on six eighteen year olds (group headed by Jacob: tall, dark brown hair, blue eyes, and a strong, large build, strong, commanding, kind demeanour, standing to his right is Hannah: she is quite muscled, hourglass figure, ginger hair in a pony tail and green eyes, classic good looks, wears black sleeveless shirt and black jeans, tough, bad girl look, on her right is Thomas: average height, blonde hair, blue eyes, very beautiful, Thomas is looking at something of panel with a little awe, on Jacob’s left there is Ethan: quite short, thin frame, black hair, brown eyes, slightly arrogant demeanour, and on Ethan’s left is Sarah: quite short, thin, medium length black hair, Ethan and Sarah are brother and sister so they look alike, she is timid, on Sarah’s left is David: tall, black hair, blue eyes, quite big, muscled, strong almost threatening demeanour) the hallway is shown head on from a raised angle above the people.
Panel 2: simple picture of an eighteen year old girl, tall, blonde, hour glass figure, gorgeous who is standing in the hall way.
Panel 3: panel is closer up on Thomas who is heading of panel, is half of; he has a speech bubble where his head was coming from him who says “Hah, you lot go on I just need to do something.” (The group are further up the hall than before).
Panel 4: panel shows just Ethan who is standing still, has a blank expression with his mouth open and his eyes have gone completely white.
Panel 5: the panel is the same as the last except the panel is further out, also showing Jacob, Ethan’s eyes are normal again and he has a slightly annoyed expression, he leans slightly to Jacob (who has an exasperated expression) and has a speech bubble above the two which says “looks like Thomas’ supernatural allure is going to lead him to miss most of the lesson-again.” At the corner of the panel shows a door.
Panel 6: The group have stopped at the door from the last panel (angle same as before with door on the right side of the panel), Hannah is in front of the door with the others standing around her, she has grabbed the handle and due to her strength has broken it, and she says “dam it”.
Panel 7: Hannah is no longer holding the broken door handle, Sarah has stepped forward, has stretched out her hand towards the door, the door handle is fixed, it has purple wisps around the handle coming from Sarah’s hand, Sarah says “don’t worry I’ll deal with it”, she then says “Verjias.”
Page 2
Two rows of panels (all of equal height), first has two, the second has one panel.
Panel 1: Same as the last panel except the group of teenagers are leaving the classroom, Jacob is leaving first with Hannah and Thomas behind him and Sarah, Ethan and David behind them, in the top left corner of the panel it says in bold writing “one hour later”. Hannah says, partially laughing “I can’t believe how scared you looked when Mr Hobs shouted at you!” Thomas says, quite sullenly “What, I don’t like being shouted at.”
Panel 2: Shows a dim hallway on the right side of the hallway the group of teenagers are in (the view of the panel shows behind the group of teenagers, the hall is shown from a diagonal view) in the hallway there is a half seen glowing man (he glows yellow light, his hair and eye colour is not clear, he tall, very well built, has hair that comes half way down his neck, very beautiful, wears normal clothes), for some reason no one can see the man except for the main characters. Jacob says “Uh, do you lot see the glowing man over there?” The others, mystified, all say “yeah”.
Panel 3: Panel view is facing the dim hall (which isn’t very long) head on; the group of teenagers are standing in the dim hall; the panel view comes from behind the group of teenagers. At the back of the dim hallway stand seven men (the one in the centre is the glowing man), all dressed in typical men’s clothes.
Page 3
Three rows of panels, first row has one panel and takes up a third of the page, the second has two panels with first one taking up two thirds of the row, the second row is about one tenth thinner in height than the one above, the third row has one panel.
Panel 1: Same as previous panel except the glowing man has partially dimmed and the panel view comes from the side, showing the whole hall with the teenagers on the left and the strange men on the right. Jacob says “who and what are you? And why can’t anyone see you?” The glowing man says “My name is Balder, to the far left is Honir (shoulder length, brown, shaggy hair and thick, shaggy beard, blue eyes, large build and long legs, happy expression), next to him is Vali (tall, short-medium dark brown hair, thin but strong build), next to me on the left is Hodr (very tall, large muscled build, long black hair, strong jaw, very pale skin, wearing sunglasses like a blind person), on the other side of me is Magni (tall, very large, muscled build, cocky expression, medium ginger hair), next t him is Modi (medium height, strong build, stubbly beard, dark ginger hair, stern expression)and last but not least Vidar. As for what we are, we are for a lack of a better term, gods. Specifically the Norse gods known as the Asier. The reason no one can see us is because I have magically concealed our presence from everyone else. We are also your fathers.” Jacob says “Wait, what?!” Balder says “I’m your father.” Magni says “Hannah, I’m your dad”, Modi says “I’m your dad David”, Hodr says “I’m your dad Thomas”, Vidar says “Sarah, Ethan, I’m your dad.”
Panel 2: Everyone looks shocked and surprised, except Ethan, Balder says “We’ve been watching over you since you were born, waiting until you were ready to meet us and learn of your heritage”. Ethan says with a laugh “yeah right! You guys may have powers like us but that doesn’t make you Norse gods, and if you think you are Norse gods then I doubt you are our dads either, I mean if you’re Norse gods where’s Thor, Odin and the rest of them?” Balder (who is no longer glowing) says “they died during Ragnarok.” Ethan says “Isn’t that supposed to happen in the future?” “No, that was simply a mistake humans made, the only survivors were two frost Jotunns Bur and the goddess Hel, the dwarf Andvari, Surtr and us. You don’t believe us do you? that’s fine, I’d be a little surprised if you did, so how bout I prove it to you,” his hand his stretched out to the right wall which has a small white dot forming in front of it, he has a separate speech bubble that is on the next panel but comes from Balder on this panel.
Panel 3: Panel is focused on a white swirling vortex which produces a white light that covers most of the panel, the speech bubble connected to the last panel says “just step through the portal and you will be taken to our home, don’t worry there is no danger, we will even go with you.”
Panel 4: the panel shows a massive hall, bigger than a football stadium, with a roof made out of solid gold and pillars made of silver, the panel view comes from the back left corner, showing the massiveness of the hall, the portal is on the left wall, it has the group of teenagers standing in front of it, looking around the hall, to their left are the gods, standing in Viking style clothes. Honir says “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Gimli!” Jacob says “Ok you lot have some explaining to do.” Balder says “well over 75,000 years ago Ragnarok came, the battle between the gods and our allies versus our enemies, the jotunns, also known as giants and their allies. The battle culminated in the leader of the fire Jotunn, Surtr, using his vast power to set off a series of disasters that decimated the world, this appeared as a super volcanic eruption that humans would later call the Toba super eruption.
Page 4
Three rows of panels, the first row includes one panel which takes up half the page and the second row has two panels and takes up a quarter of the page, each panel is of equal size. The third row has two panels, each are of equal size, one in the bottom left corner, the other is in the other corner and the two take up the rest of the page.
Panel 1: Panel view is of the teenagers and the gods from a diagonal direction so both are in view, with the teenagers on the left and the gods on the right; the teenagers all look amazed and surprised, all the speech bubbles are in the middle of the two, Balder says “after Ragnarok we built Gimli on the ruins of Asgard, watching over humanity, trying to avoid humans to avoid worship and humans fighting for us. (The last sentence is in its own speech bubble).In recent years our enemies have gotten footholds in the human world using businesses; we need your help stopping them without revealing us to the world. (The last sentence is in another speech bubble which is connected to the last). But we only expect you to stop their plans and destroy their footholds in the human world though, we can’t do it because it would risk alerting people to our existence so, will you help us?” Hannah says “well we don’t have a choice if we want to save the world.” The next speech bubble comes from Balder on this panel but extends to the next panel “Of course don’t think that we won’t help, we will arm you with special armour and weapons once used by the gods.”
Panel 2: panel view focuses on the character’s armour and weapons, each person’s armour is next to their weapon, from left to right it will be Ethan’s armour and valsharmr (also known as a falcon cloak, a cloak that is dark brown and is covered in feathers, Sarah’s armour and the bone of Ullr (the bone of Ullr is a leg bone which has lines of strange symbols all over it, , Thomas’ armour and Tyrfing (a one handed short sword, curved guard, the hilt itself is gold and the blade gleams unusually bright), Hannah’s armour and Megingjord (A quite large belt, brown and leather), David’s armour and Gridarvolr (a staff, 6 ½ ft long, made of wood, from the middle of the weapon onwards it widens so the end is a small club with three metal rings each an inch apart, each ring have five lumps around it) and Jacob’s armour and Gungnir (a 6ft long spear, the blade part has runes carved around the tip)-the gods are on the left edge of the panel and the teenagers on the right though the panel’s focus is on the armour and weapons. Ethan’s eyes white over but panel doesn’t focus on it to much.
Panel 3: Panel focuses just on Ethan’s head, his eyes are completely white. His vision is shown around his head and takes up the rest of the panel, the vision is broken up into 4 mini panels, each of equal size and comes from his head like sun beams with no gaps between them, the edges between the mini panel are blurred, the first mini panel comes from the left side and extends to left, bottom corner, the picture in it is vertical, the picture is of Hel (tall, beautiful woman with brown hair and green eyes, she wears a sleeveless green dress that stretches down to just below her knees, the lower half of her body is dead and rotting like a zombie),Surtr (a 10 ft tall mountain of a man with a thin layer of fire covering his body, has long black hair and beard and has black irises), Bur (9ft tall, very muscled but thinner than Surtr, his skin is the shade of blue people who have frozen to death are and medium length greyish black hair)and Andvari (4ft, well built ugly man, medium length dark brown hair and long beard, all his hair including his beard is bristly)are standing in front of the teenagers’ school, Hel says “this is where I last sensed the gods”, Surtr says “alright lets go”. The next mini panel is next to the last one described, this mini panel shows the hall from the beginning, the mini panel view shows the school entrance from the inside, the doors have been blown off, they are halfway up the hall and are bent like something hit them hard, standing in the doorway where they were stands Hel with her hand stuck out with Surtr standing to her right and Bur and Andvari standing on her left, they all have an evil smile on their faces. The next mini panel vision shows a classroom, the mini panel view is facing the doorway which is on the left wall, in the classroom there is a female teacher sitting at her desk teaching a class, Surtr and the others are standing in the doorway, the class and the teacher are staring at them and the teacher asks “who are you?”, the next mini panel shows Bur holding the teacher of her feet by her neck with one hand, half the class have been burnt to skeletons with the rest huddled in a corner, terrified, Hel and Andvari lean against the wall next to the door while Surtr (who’s hands are surrounded in large amounts of fire) asks the teacher, who is crying, terrified “where are the gods?”, she says “I don’t know!”, Surtr replies “she doesn’t know anything, Bur why don’t you just kill her”, Bur says “with pleasure”.
Panel 4: panel view is further back so includes the others but panel view focuses on Ethan who looks scared and surprised, Jacob asks “are you ok Ethan?” Ethan replies “No, we have to get back to the school, I had a vision, a really short guy, a half dead woman, a giant blue guy and a giant glowing guy are going to our school looking for you gods and they kill a bunch of people looking for you, we have to go, now!”
Panel 5: panel view comes from the left side of the portal so shows the teenagers running towards it in a diagonal direction, the gods are in the background, Balder says “remember your armour and weapons, the weapons are levitating next to their teenager owner, each of whom are grabbing them while running, the armour is flying behind them and has opened up as if each were going to put itself on the teenagers.
Panel 6: Shows Surtr, Hel, Andvari and Bur walking in the hallway towards the classroom (with the blown of doors behind them), the panel view comes from directly in front of them, not only showing them turning around but also showing a white swirling portal behind them with the teenagers running out, weapons out, all wearing armour.
Page 5
Three rows of panels, the first has three panels, the second has one and the third has three.
Panel 1: Panel view comes from the opposite side, same image except the teenagers are closer, Surtr, Hel, Bur and Andvari are facing the teenagers, Surtr’s hands are raised and he is projecting a massive amount of fire that has filled half of the distance between the two groups, Jacob’s spear has been thrown and in this panel has only just left his hand, Ethan has started turning into a Falcon, his legs are crouched as if about to jump, his arms are stretched out, his cloak has wrapped around his arms and are in a vague wing shape. Sarah is shooting a bolt of lightning at Surtr, the bolt stretches to half the distance between the groups, David his holding the end of his staff, pushing the other end against the ground in front of him as if he were going to pole vault.
Panel 2: the panel view comes from the right wall showing profile view of the teenagers on the left side of the hall, Surtr and the others are on the other side. Jacob’s spear has pierced Bur’s right sholder, Bur cries out in pain and falls back, Ethan is in falcon form and is flying through the flame (his feathers are charred at the edges, he is squinting and his body is strained), Sarah’s lightning bolt hits Surtr square in the chest, he stops generating flame (though the flame produced in the hallway is still in the panel), David has used his staff to pole vault, projecting himself at Andvari, his legs are stuck out, seconds before making contact with Andvari. Hannah is running through the flame (squinting) at Hel as if to tackle her. Thomas is also running through the flame like the others, with his sword held in front of him.
Panel 3: the panel view shows Surtr and his allies up close with Andvari ploughed to the ground by David who is perching on him with his staff in his hand, Hel tackled to the ground by Hannah with the wind taken out of Hel, Jacob has grabbed the spear in Bur’s shoulder and has forced Bur to the ground, Thomas has hit Surtr’s lower legs with his sword, knocking him of his feet and Ethan is in mid fall on Surtr, he is in human form except his arms still partially in the form of wings and his lips are pointed like a beak. Behind the teens and Surtr and his allies in the background, the classroom door seen in Ethan’s vision is opened with the teacher seen in Ethan’s vision poking her head out the door, seeing the fighting, so has a scared expression on her face.
Panel 4: David is sitting on Andvari’s legs and holding his arms down, Hannah is doing the same, Bur is on the ground with Jacob, who is standing, is keeping Bur on the ground by pushing the spear in his shoulder down, Thomas has his sword to Surtr’s neck so he can’t get up, Ethan is holding Surtr’s arms and is perched behind Surtr’s head. Surtr says with a cocky grin “judging by your weapons and powers I’d say you must be the gods’ spawn, yes we know all about your fathers’ activities with mortals thanks to Hel using her magic to spy on them, never would have guessed you’d be this powerful though. You lot don’t seem evil, I’m a little surprised your working with the gods”. Jacob says “what are you talking about?”Surtr says “Tell me, what do you and the others know about Norse mythology?” Jacob says with a stern look “not much, why?” “Before Ragnarok the gods, like today, were our bitter enemies, but not because they simply stopped our ‘evil’ schemes’, we were enemies because of what they did to us. You know what they did, they banished Hel to another realm that was named after her just because one of them had a vision of her helping to bring their demise in Ragnarok, the gods robbed Andvari of all his gold which today would be worth billions just to pay their own blood-debts, they killed both of Bur’s parents because they believed them to be threats, they banished me to Muspellheim just because they thought I was to powerful and then theres all of you.” Hannah says “what about us?” Surtr replies “how about the fact that the only reason they had you was to fight us, do you really think they will care about you if you managed to beat us”, in a separate speech bubble from Surtr it says, in the background behind Surtr and his allies there is a portal half way through forming.
Panel 5: same as before except no speech, Surtr has an evil smile on his face, blue portals appear below Surtr and his allies, and the whit portal is fully formed and has the gods standing in front of it.
Panel 6: Panel view comes from a foot forward, to the right of the teens, shows the teens in the bottom right corner of the panel and the gods standing in the top right. Jacob says “we heard what you did.” Balder replies “you don’t know the whole story.” Jacob says angrily (shown in speech bubble) “then please enlighten us with the story of how you and the other gods screwed over Surtr and the others and why you even had us.”
Panel 7: Same panel view as before except it is zoomed out a bit to show the teenagers in mid walking away towards the school exit, all turned around except Jacob who is half turned around with his hand stuck out towards the gods as if waving good bye, Balder says its more complicated than that...” Jacob interrupts “save it, you’ve captured your enemies and our job is done so wipe the bystanders’ memory or whatever you do to cover our tracks and leave us alone.”
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