Posted by wildvine (7149 posts) - - Show Bio
Part 1 of 2

June Parker opened her email account, and was not in the least surprised to see an email from her roommate, and partner Punky.

She wouldn't email just to say 'hey.' Something had gone wrong. The credit cards were maxed out again, or the house had been converted to a shelter for homeless animals, again. June was convinced there was still a loose raccoon somewhere in the house, in spite of Punky's insistence that they were all gone. "You said I could have a pet." She had whined that day, "And they were homeless..."

'They' Were a family of a dozen raccoons.

"They're wild animals! The wild is they're home! And I said you could have a goldfish Punky." June had explained patiently, if a not a little annoyed that she had to replace her couch, again.

"Raccoons are kinda like goldfish. Big, furry goldfish." She grinned, revealing a set of fangs that looked amiss on her slim, pretty face. For an undead predator, Punky had a soft spot for the living. Especially animals.

'Its fine. If she's online, then the house is probably intact. Probably.'

Taking a deep breath, she opened the message.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Email: To June Parker.

From: Punky.

Subject: Hey

Dear June,

Wait, do you start emails like that? Or is that just letters? I'm going to google email etiquette after this. Also, the origins of forks. Right, soo, whats up? Enjoying Florida? Getting plenty of sun? Ooh! Idea! A photo book of sunburned old peeps. I had the idea a while back, but not a lot of sunburned old peeps out at night ya know? C'mon June! We'll split the profit. (Vampire face) ---> : C

Anyways.....

That's not really why I'm emailing you. Well, not totally anyway, but think about the photo book kk? Yeah, so, I'm working a case now. Grave defiling. Also eating. Had to stake a few of these peeps to keep them from coming back as, ya know, like me. So, heavy juju if they're trying to walk after being munched, right? So, probably a Ghul yeah? Hope so. Really hope its not a witch, eeeyuck.

KK, gonna go stake out the bone yard. Get it? Stake out? Ha! Morbid vampire humor.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Well, if Punky was on a case, then she had something to keep herself distracted. Which was important. A bored Punky was a dangerous thing. Like a poodle with a stick of dynamite. A ghul in Skyblake was an odd occurrence though. A magic user was unlikely, given the eating. Unless it was a hoggoth, which was basically a cannibal witch, or wizard. Hoggoth's usually preferred fresh meat though. Ghul fit the profile.

June felt a little bit sorry for Punky. For a vampire, the girl was strangely squeamish about grave yards.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Email: To Punky

Subject: Re:Hey

From: June Parker

Punky, you can start an email anyway you want, Its like texting. No to the photo book. Just...no. According to what you told me, it does sound like a ghul. If its raising walkers just through contact, then its a type two ghul. Incoporeal. A spirit form, in other words. Take the silver lined knife. Don't cut yourself this time. Remember, as a vampire, you are very, very allergic to silver. Try not to be seen. And be careful, ghul's can be nasty things. Keep me updated.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

The minute she hit send, she regretted it. Punky would email her now, about every single thing that crossed her mind, under the pretense of 'updating'. She traded her reading glasses for sun glasses, and walked to the beach. She was on vacation, she was not going to worry about Punky. Or the house, or anything.

A very burned old man walked past her spot, and she found herself thinking about a coffee table book, of interesting sunburns on old people.

'Good grief, she's in my head now.' She forced all thought's of Punky, and red skinned senior citizens from her mind, and focused on her own tan.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Later that night....

Email: To June Parker

Subject: Re: Re: Hey

From: Punky

KK, this was weird. Even for us. It was a ghul alright. But I sliced him Julianne style, like supernatural fries. Oooh! Good idea! That's not the weirdy bit though. This thing wasn't digging up the dead peeps. It was lurking by an empty grave, just waiting like. Before I could unleash my vampire karate on this thing, a white van pulls up. Like the kind creeps always drive, ya know? What's up with that anyway?

This two coats jump out and toss the body into the grave, then peel out. Then, as I mentioned already, I went all Kung fu: The legend of Punky, on the thing. Btw, does ectoplasm wash out? Cause its all over your black t-shirt now. Don't be mad. I needed something black to wear for cameo. I think they were feeding this guy to hide what they were doing, which apparently, was harvesting organs.

Coat one and, two don't know I killed their pet, so I figure they will be back tomorrow. So I guess I'm gonna be out there tomorrow too. So, any thought's on this late breaking weirdness?

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

June did have some thoughts. None of them good. Two coats, Punky had called them. Guys wearing lab coats no doubt. Not just slashers then. No. It sounded like the cult of Frankenstein had surfaced again. She and Punky had dealt with theses creeps before. They were obsessed with replicating Victor Frankenstein's one successful case of reanimation. Of course, the ghul was probably a wandering spirit that the Cult of F had waylaid, then kept it around with easy meals, to hide the organ thefts. Pretty crafty actually.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Email: To Punky

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Hey

From: June Parker.

Punky, you do not have vampire karate. Also, lots of business'es use white vans, like floral shops. That's besides the point. Why were you wearing my shirt? I know for a fact, you have a closet full of black clothes. Yes it will wash out. Soak it in holy water immediately. About the guys in coats though, its the Cult of F, as you probably thought of already. And no, they will not be back till a fresh body is buried. In the mean time, start looking for possible hideouts. Hit the Coffin for info, and be careful.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Skyblake was a windy, coastal town. Quiet, picturesque. Also a nexus of weirdness. And when that weirdness got thirsty, it went to the Coffin. Punky did not like the Coffin. It was a place emo vampires hung out. Those sad peeps who had given up on having any kind of normal life. Sad really. Not sad like, sympathy. Sad like you wanted to avoid them, or risk catching their gloom. Punky wasn't like that. She imbraced life, or unlife rather.

The place was dark, and dirty, and smelled like self pity. The dark was not a problem for her, being a vampire and all. But the ambiance simply had to go. 'Bring me to life' was actually playing on the jukebox, for crying out loud.

"What a sad puddle of posers." Punky muttered to herself, knowing everyone in the bar could hear her. She walked brazenly to the jukebox and dropped her quarter. She selected a song that better fit her life outlook. "That's more like it."

"Hey princess, I was listening to that." A pale hand with long, black nails fell on her shoulder. Gross. When has old peep nails ever been fashionable?

"Careful there Hans, you'll break a nail." She said calmly, and evenly. The vampire behind her took her tone as submissive, and tightened his grip on her shoulder. Bad idea. Lightning fast, even for a vampire, she grabbed his hand, and jerked him forward. She drove her left arm into his chest hard enough to stop his heart, had it been beating. Then she smashed her fist back, busting his fangs out. They would grow back, but none of his friends would hassle her now.

"KK then. I need the 411 on the Frankenstein boys." She shoved the Twilight reject back to his buddies. "Now, normally I do this good cop/bad cop style. But the good cop is in Florida. So, what's the deal for real?" The bar is silent. Even the song has stopped. Then she hears it. A faint heart beat. Totally out of place here. Scanning the scene, her vampire hearing targets the sound coming from a back corner booth. Of course it would be him....Dexter Campbell.

"Dex! As I don't live or breath! Bit cliche, sitting in the back corner booth, don't ya think? Plus, aren't booths for parties of three or more?" She dropped across from him without awaiting a reply.

"Pardon me for not adhering to the movie script in you mind Punky." He replied dryly. Dexter Campbell was a Dhampir. A half breed, in vampire circles. Half vampire, half human. He was also a monster slayer for hire. He had almost killed her once, years ago, when she was walking the dark side. Quite a feat for half a vampire. Punky respected that. She also dug his gunslinger outfit.

"I'm looking for the 'steiners' Dexy, help a girl out. Hold on...Barkeep! Bag of blood over here, type A, low fat please." She turned back around, "So then...about that info..."

"You know me better then that Punky." He smiled, or frowned a little less, which was his version of a smile. "Information isn't free."

"Mmmm, I got Discover card. Cause they give cards to anyone." She rifled through her purse.

"I don't take plastic Punky."

"Good, cause I think its maxed anyway. I got...um...ten dollars."

"That's a dollar with a zero drawn on it."

"Ooh, someone works at a bank. C'mon Dex! Throw me a bone. I will tote's owe you big." She pouted, something very hard to pull off with fangs.

"Frankensteiner's are very old school. If they were resurrecting a body, they would rely on lightning. Which requires a tower..." He let it hang in the air.

"Um...Umumum."

"What is the radio station!" Punky almost yelled, as she hit the table with her hand. Dex raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Sorry. I had a Jeopardy moment."

"Right. Well, this has been different. But I'm actually meeting a client. So..."

"Gosh Dex, what a chatter box you've become! Love to stay and gab, but that's what Facebook is for. Oh, you should tote's friend me. I'm Punkgirl26. Gonna go get a radio show now, and maybe save the world. Peace out Dexy!"

"Peace out Punky." He replied quietly after she had left. "And good luck."

#1 Posted by Time_Phantom (522 posts) - - Show Bio

This was very funny. Loved the vampire bits. What is this from? Or did you create this all your own?

#2 Posted by wildvine (7149 posts) - - Show Bio

@Time_Phantom said:

This was very funny. Loved the vampire bits. What is this from? Or did you create this all your own?

This is actually my first original story. All the characters are mine, I'm proud to say. Thanks for reading. ^_^

#3 Posted by Time_Phantom (522 posts) - - Show Bio

Cool! I always put an original here or there on the fan-fic page. Wish more people would try honestly. Kinda of derserves more than an (@Time_Phantom said:

This was very funny. Loved the vampire bits.

Knowing that this is your original writing. I liked the youtube videos, it added a bit of interaction that works for the story and injects a lot of humor into Punky. Your telling of the story mostly through email I think is a very inspired narrative choice. Dialogue is spot on and funny and flows naturally. Though I do think you could toss bit more setting into the beginning with June. Other than that great work!

P.S. Ain't it cool to not feel like you have to say, "I do not own this ?"

#4 Posted by Pyrogram (32263 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine:

First off all I loved the email style thing,

I really thought this was done well "The place was dark, and dirty, and smelled like self pity. The dark was not a problem for her, being a vampire and all. But the ambiance simply had to go"

I cannot really give critism as I would not be able to do better and I honestly cannot think of much, this is a really good original piece of fiction. And stealing the vampire face :P

: C

*thumbs up* From me!

#5 Posted by Fuchsia_Nightingale (10180 posts) - - Show Bio

<- is punky's new fan-girl

#6 Posted by wildvine (7149 posts) - - Show Bio

I agree with you. June does need more fleshing out. Thank you again for your comments. Dialogue is my strong suit. I wasn't sure about the videos, to be honest. Glad they worked.

@Pyrogram said:

First off all I loved the email style thing,

I really thought this was done well "The place was dark, and dirty, and smelled like self pity. The dark was not a problem for her, being a vampire and all. But the ambiance simply had to go"

I cannot really give critism as I would not be able to do better and I honestly cannot think of much, this is a really good original piece of fiction. And stealing the vampire face :P

: C

*thumbs up* From me!

Thank you! Actually, the whole story was originally going to be emails between Punky and June, but I felt we needed to see Punky in the 'real ' world.

@Fuchsia_Nightingale said:

<- is punky's new fan-girl

Oh you. ^_^

#7 Posted by Fuchsia_Nightingale (10180 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine: It was very smile inducing <3

#8 Posted by Pyrogram (32263 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine: Yes, It did need that real element , nice call on that one.

@Fuchsia_Nightingale said:

@wildvine: It was very smile inducing <3

That comment is so cute it is unreal xD

#9 Posted by Fuchsia_Nightingale (10180 posts) - - Show Bio

@Pyrogram: Kyoot ? how about now !

#10 Posted by Pyrogram (32263 posts) - - Show Bio

@Fuchsia_Nightingale: I would comment back, but I don't want to ruin this thread with spam or else will shoot me :P

#11 Posted by lykopis (10756 posts) - - Show Bio

Loving your characters and loving the emails. Are you intending to add more to this soon? Cuz I really want to read more. O_O

#12 Posted by wildvine (7149 posts) - - Show Bio

@lykopis said:

Loving your characters and loving the emails. Are you intending to add more to this soon? Cuz I really want to read more. O_O

Actually writing up part 2 right now. Should be done tomorrow sometime.

#13 Posted by Fuchsia_Nightingale (10180 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine: gets tent and some string cheese so I can camp out

#14 Posted by wildvine (7149 posts) - - Show Bio

Bumper.

#15 Posted by dngn4774 (2238 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine: Several opinions I had when reading this

  • The lines work well, espiecially for readers with short attention spans. It's a nice trick of the trade, along with the videos you put in (great song BTW).
  • I like how casual they both are in such chaotic situations. I guess even strange gets boring when it becomes consistently random.
  • Skyblake is a unique setting you should add in a short history of the town or who runs it in later chapters, if you haven't already done so.
  • Punky's ADD bugs me, but it's a part of who she is so I wouldn't change it.

Overall, I'd say it this chapter reads smoothly. Your protagonists work well together. You've also managed to create a unique story that is different from your other material but still certainly feels like it falls within your own special niche. Good job!

#16 Posted by SpideyIvyDaredevilFan26 (4824 posts) - - Show Bio

I love this so far, love how you incorporated that Harley Quinn style dialogue. Yeah, there's a ton of smart dialogue here.

Comment for a comment?

The Wolf-Man

OR

Tuldilla of the Orcs

#17 Posted by joshmightbe (24101 posts) - - Show Bio

Has a bit of a Buffy feel to it, great job