Posted by sora_thekey (8154 posts) - - Show Bio
Spider-Man & Deadpool

I have been writing a lot lately and I want to write a comic book someday. The thing is I need some feeedback to see how my writing skills are. I wrote this for another user here on the site. I wanted to see if she would draw this "One-Shot" out but she probably won't be able to (If she does I know it would be amazingly cool).

So now I am posting it here to share with everybody. Let me know what you think!

EDIT: User reviewed this piece of Fan-Fic. Check out the 5-star review: Fan Fic Review: "Poker Face"

“Poker Face”

The Premise

Deadpool and Spider-Man play a card game and swap war stories while they play. Deadpool was feeling lonely one night so he decided to kidnap Spidey and tie him to a chair so that they could play cards. When Deadpool is about to leave Spider-Man to go kill someone for a job he got hired to do, Spidey keeps him talking in order to prevent it.

Characters

Art by Skottie Young
Art by Skottie Young

Deadpool (DP)

He needs no introduction. Weapon X, yada yada yada, Cable and Deadpool, yada yada…

Spider-Man (SM)

Bitten by a radioactive Spider, sold his marriage to the Devil and is dated Carlie Cooper.

Voice in DP’s Head 1

Yellow box.

Voice in DP’s Head 2

White box.

Script

Page 1 – 2 Panels

Panel 1: In a really dark room (One of those interrogation rooms you would probably only see in old movies or cartoons) there is spotlight which lights upon DP and SM playing cards. In this panel you only see DP looking over his cards.

Voice 1: Do you have any threes?

Voice 2: We are looking at the same cards you moron!

Voice 1: Fine! Let me rephrase the question. Do we have any threes?

Voice 2: Sigh! No. Go fish!

Panel 2: The same scene as the one before, only this time you can see DP opening his mouth under his mask to say something.

DP: We are not playing “Go Fish”!!!

SM (Off-panel): Who are you talking to?

Page 2 – 3 Panels

Panel 1: You see Spider-Man tied up with chains to a chair. The shot is from his front as if the perspective comes from DP. He has enough space for him to move his hands and play the cards but he is clearly stuck to the wooden chair.

DP (Off-Panel): To the voices in my head.

SM: Oy.

DP (Off-Panel): Shhhhhh!!!

SM: I would “face palm” if I could reach my head.

Panel 2: Same as the last panel but this time Spidey holds his cards down and looks at Deadpool.

SM: So…

DP (Off-Panel): Are you wondering why I asked you to hang out with me?

SM: Asked?!

Panel 3: You see Spider-Man standing on a rooftop and looking down to the city.

Caption (Cap) DP: Fine…

Page 3 – 4 Panels

Panel 1: Same image as Panel 3 from the last page only this time DP has a bag over Spidey’s head.

Cap DP: …kidnapped.

Panel 2: You can see Deadpool looking over his cards closely. As if he were to do a very serious move.

DP: Or would it be considered spider-napped?

Voice 1: Spider-napped is not a word.

Voice 2: Yes it is. It’s a conjunction!

Voice 1: “Conjunction junction, what’s your function?”

Voice 2: I though we agreed on no more kiddie songs!

Voice 1: I agreed to no such thing!

Panel 3: Deadpool puts his hand down and leans on the table.

DP: Well you see Spidey your spider-sense sucks, I was lonely and I wanted company.

Voice 1: …and there you have it! He’s out of the closet.

Voice 2: No he’s not!

DP: Since I have no guy buddies who would play cards with me I thought you might be interested.

Voice 2: See! He’s just “experimenting”.

Panel 4: Spider-Man leaves the cards on the table and angrily gestures at him.

SP: And this was the way to do it?! By tying me up to a chair? You could’ve asked!

Page 4 & 5 – 7 Panels

Panel 1: Shot of Deadpool leaving his cards on the table and getting up.

DP: Would you have said yes?!

SM (Off-Panel): No! You’re more nuts that Squirrel Girl.

Panel 2: DP’s phone starts ringing and Deadpool reacts to it. He hasn’t picked it up yet he is just reacting to it since he was cut off.

Panel 3: Spider-Man is simply sitting looking at DP in a lazy manner.

DP (Off-Panel): Okay. How much? Where? Sure. You got it.

SM: Now what?

Panel 4: Deadpool grabs his guns and swords.

DP: I just got a gig.

Voice 2: He makes it sound like he’s in a band.

SM (Off-Panel): To kill someone?

DP: Yup.

Panel 5: Still tied to the wooden chair Spider-Man sits up.

SM: Wait! You said you wanted a friend. You need to tell me something. I don’t know swap war stories or something!

Voice 1: Now he wants to get all friendly?

Voice 2: Can’t you see?! He’s trying to stall Wade.

Panel 6: Deadpool is staring Spider-Man closely as if skeptical.

Voice 1: Stall him from what?

Voice 2: From taking that job.

Voice 1: Nah! This is the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man we are talking about. The most honest man in all of Marvel continuity.

Panel 7: Deadpool sits back down with a smile under his mask.

DP: Okay.

Page 6 – 3 Panels

Panel 1: Deadpool is wearing a cape and he’s flying over NYC.

Cap DP: Have I ever told you of the time I saved New York from Godzilla?

Voice 1: I am pretty sure there is some copyright infringement here somewhere.

Panel 2: Spider-Man leans in as if interested.

SM: No! Do tell!

Voice 2: I am pretty sure that was him being sarcastic.

Panel 3: Deadpool with the cape is punching Godzilla on the nose.

Voice 1: I heard in a movie that capes are no good for superheroes.

Page 7 – 3 Panels

Panel 1: Spider-Man fighting Doc Ock.

Cap SM: Well I once fought a man with four mechanical octopus arms.

Voice 1: Oh now he’s making stuff up!

Panel 2: DP leans in surprised.

DP: Really?!

Panel 3: Spider-Man fights the new Doc Ock (The one that first appeared in Amazing Spider-Man #600. Same guy he is just half machine now)

Cap SM: Yep. Last time I saw the guy him he added four extra arms and became part machine.

Cap DP: No !@#$ way!

Page 8 – 4 Panels

Panel 1: Deadpool and Stitch are fighting against aliens.

Cap DP: Well I once teamed up with a cute, furry blue alien named Stitch.

Voice 2: More copyright infringement!

Voice 1: Actually that one is legit.

Panel 2: Spider-Man fighting facing a giant Spider. Event that happened in Amazing Spider-Man #527 during “The Other” story arc.

Cap SM: Well I once faced a giant Spider god who decided my if I should continue living after being killed.

Voice 1: I am betting that one was a dream.

Panel 3: Deadpool and Lady Deadpool making out.

Cap DP: I once kissed myself from another universe.

Panel 4: Ms. Marvel and Spider-Man eating a Hot Dog on the rooftop.

Cap SM: I once dated Ms/Captain Marvel.

Voice 2: ...and he continues to make stuff up!

Page 9 – 3 Panels

Panel 1: Deadpool reacts to Spider-Man last comment. Wide shot where you can see both of them sitting across each other of the table.

DP: Whoa dude! You dated Carol Danvers?

SM: It was only one date and it didn’t lead to anything.

DP: So, how was she?

SM: You really want to make this conversation uncomfortable?

DP: Yes.

SM: Then lets talk about that kiss. Making out with yourself? Are you really that desperate?

Panel 2: Same shot angle only this time Spider-Man and Deadpool are looking away from each other.

Voice 1: Awkward.

Panel 3: Same as panel 2 only this time Deadpool looks at Spider-Man.

DP: Do you want to go back to playing cards?

SM: Sure.

Page 10 – 5 Panels

Panel 1: Gradually throughout the page the shot will be “zooming out” from where they are playing cards. This first panel is similar to the one from the last page only this time the shot is farther away. Spider-Man is still chained to the chair and Deapool and him are playing cards again.

Voice 1: It’s nice when you see two friends make up after a fight.

Voice 2: Now I'm doubting the whole “coming out of the closet” theory you had earlier.

Panel 2: Same shot only farther away. You are now looking at it from outside a window. The shot is close enough to the window frame that you can’t really make out the building. Deadpool is leaving a card on the table.

DP: Ha!

SM: That’s not how you play Poker.

DP: We are not playing Uno!?

Panel 3: The shot is farther away and you can see the building now. On the right of the building you can make out some graffiti that says “Dead“

DP: Hey, Spidey I always wanted to know about your love life. I’ve had a lot of girlfriends who died, have you had any girlfriends who've died?

SM: Do you know I can easily break these chains and intentionally hurt you?

Panel 4: You can now see all of the graffiti which says “Deadpool Waz Here!”

DP: Really? So you have had your share of women in refrigerators.

Voice 1: You know that sounds like something that happened to a friend of mine. He actually looks a lot like Wade before he got his skin problems.

Voice 2: So, he looks like Ryan Reynolds?

Voice 1: Wade should try Proactiv.

Panel 5: Spider-Man breaks the chains that have been “holding” him.

Voice 1: Why didn't he do that before?

SM: I’m warning you ‘Pool. Don’t go there.

DP (Off-Topic): Sensitive topic huh?

Page 11 – 3 Panels

Panel 1: Tight shot on Deadpool’s face.

DP: Was she blonde?

Panel 2: Thin, fully black panel.

Panel 3: Large panel that basically uses up most of the page. Spider-Man is holding a beat up Deadpool.

DP: Ow.

Voice 1: He did warn you!

-- Geo (sora_thekey) 24/7 geek! -- Follow me on Twitter: @sora_thekey

Moderator
#1 Posted by The Impersonator (5078 posts) - - Show Bio
@sora_thekey: 
This is hilarious. Nice. Plus, your writing skills are good.
#2 Posted by TypingKira (3509 posts) - - Show Bio

Awesomesauce!!! You should post more writing, this is hilarious. 


I feel like a lot of Spidey's off-panel captions would make GREAT reaction shots, I totally want to draw this now, lol. 

I really can't think of any kind of critique, it's great just as! Super funny. 
#3 Posted by sora_thekey (8154 posts) - - Show Bio
@The Impersonator: Thank You!
@TypingKira: Some of the off-panel stuff is to save room, or to focus on reactions from whoever is in panel. I really wanted to make this into 10 pages but even I went a little overboard. I'm glad you like though!
Moderator
#4 Posted by tonis (6202 posts) - - Show Bio

this ups the notch on KICK BUTT Sora, really cool to see you broadening your horizons so well.

Judging from your description and the subject matter my guess on the user is Harley. (am I right, am I right)

you laid this out extremely well, it made it really easy to both follow and start visualizing on approaching the scene. I would say that this is the way to get your writing if you're an artist about to produce any panel work. Very well executed.

Oh and 10 outta 10 on the hilarious scale, or 3 thumbs up :)
#5 Posted by haydenclaireheroes (8901 posts) - - Show Bio

I really enjoyed it and i can see this being a real fun story. Keep at it and I am glad you tried doing this. it was really great. I hope you get an artist to make this a comic. it would be an awesome issue. 

#6 Posted by Darkchild (40624 posts) - - Show Bio
@sora_thekey: this is f#cking priceless!!!!
#7 Posted by ssejllenrad (12847 posts) - - Show Bio
@sora_thekey:  Dude this is so funny! You have such talent and must definitely pursue writing. You draw too right? Are you gonna draw the panels anytime soon?
#8 Posted by DomDom (1013 posts) - - Show Bio

@sora_thekey:
That is really really really good!

Funny, cute and a good story!

I've always loved how Deadpool and Spidy were together

when in comics and you captured them perfectly.

 

Great job Sora!  Don't stop! =) 

#9 Posted by sora_thekey (8154 posts) - - Show Bio
@tonis: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
@haydenclaireheroes: It will probably never be made into a comic book since I am not a writer for Marvel but these characters I like so I thought it would be a good combination. Thanks.
@Darkchild: Thanks!
@ssejllenrad: I do draw but my panel by panel art is never good. So I won't be making drawing it any time soon.
@DomDom: Gracias! :)
Moderator
#10 Posted by KRYPTON (1891 posts) - - Show Bio

Awesome

#11 Posted by EdwardWindsor (14405 posts) - - Show Bio

Great stuff man, i would love to see spidey and deadpool hang out , could throw in Human torch if he was alive and make it really funny

Online
#12 Posted by Shatterstar (4522 posts) - - Show Bio

I wanna see it drawn!

Moderator
#13 Posted by sora_thekey (8154 posts) - - Show Bio
@KRYPTON : Thanks!
@lazystudent: I am not sure if Human Torch and Deadpool could hit it off. Thanks
@Shatterstar: Me too!
Moderator
#14 Posted by EdwardWindsor (14405 posts) - - Show Bio
@sora_thekey:  i don tthink they would either i think they would basicly take digs at each otehr all night , which would enetrain me lol
Online
#15 Posted by sora_thekey (8154 posts) - - Show Bio
@lazystudent: Yeah... Human Torch + Deadpool + Spider-Man = WIN! 
Moderator
#16 Edited by EdwardWindsor (14405 posts) - - Show Bio
@sora_thekey:  basicly tourch will talk about the girls pete knows Dedapool will comment pete will say sh!t up etec it would be funny
Online
#17 Posted by EGoD (1513 posts) - - Show Bio

Awesome, I could visualize every panel well with your descriptions and I like the off panel idea, it does give you certain feeling since Deadpool is also spending some of the time talking with himself, that Spidey is actually still there even if D'pool isn't talking to him directly. 
 
Thumbs up man! lol and thank god this had nothing to do with Lady GaGa.  When I saw the title I thought oh man he's not writing Spidey dancing to GaGa (I already knew whatever it was, you'd have Spidey in it). Ha ha ha.
#18 Posted by sora_thekey (8154 posts) - - Show Bio

@EGoD said:

Awesome, I could visualize every panel well with your descriptions and I like the off panel idea, it does give you certain feeling since Deadpool is also spending some of the time talking with himself, that Spidey is actually still there even if D'pool isn't talking to him directly. Thumbs up man! lol and thank god this had nothing to do with Lady GaGa. When I saw the title I thought oh man he's not writing Spidey dancing to GaGa (I already knew whatever it was, you'd have Spidey in it). Ha ha ha.

Thank you... Is it that obvious that I like Spidey? (Sorry for the late reply btw)

Moderator
#19 Posted by batkevin74 (10428 posts) - - Show Bio

@sora_thekey: (and also for bringing this to my attention) This is really well done. Funny, bit sad and accurate! Good work

#20 Posted by lykopis (10756 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74 said:

@sora_thekey: (and also for bringing this to my attention) This is really well done. Funny, bit sad and accurate! Good work

Agreed --- really enjoyed reading this and happy wildvine wrote a review and provided a link for this story. Great job, it was fun. :)

#21 Posted by sora_thekey (8154 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74 said:

@sora_thekey: (and also for bringing this to my attention) This is really well done. Funny, bit sad and accurate! Good work

Oh yeah! Thanks for reviewing this. I threw a link of the review in the original post.

Moderator
#22 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1634 posts) - - Show Bio

@sora_thekey said:

Spider-Man & Deadpool

Voice 1: Nah! This is the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man we are talking about. The
most honest man in all of Marvel continuity.

Well done! Very funny! Peter is up there for the most honest, I'd say him and Captain America

#23 Posted by sora_thekey (8154 posts) - - Show Bio

@4donkeyjohnson: @lykopis: Thanks guys. I love that I posted this almost two years ago and people are still reading it. I think I should write more...

Moderator
#24 Posted by lykopis (10756 posts) - - Show Bio

@sora_thekey said:

@4donkeyjohnson: @lykopis: Thanks guys. I love that I posted this almost two years ago and people are still reading it. I think I should write more...

You should...