Opinion on my fanfic "Spider-Man Noir: What a Wonderful World?"

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VyseCarma

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#1  Edited By VyseCarma

New York City, 1934

Peter Parker sat on the roof tops outside the Black Cat as he'd done so many times before listening to the voice of the once angelic Felicia Hardy. He was still full of regret over the pain he'd caused her but could find no ways to appologise, though not from the lack of trying. She simply refused to see him now, and he couldn't blame her. Parker pulled the black mask in his hands over his face becoming the Spider-Man once again.

Peter had once been a normal person, suffering through the collapse of the stock market like eveyone else, but he'd been bitten by spider deity and gifted with powers that many could only dream of. He stood and pulled the collar of his trench coat up and close to his face. He turned away from the Black Cat Club and ran to the otherside of the roof leaving the music and singing behind him.

With a single leap he made it to the other side of the street and on to the next roof. Maybe a quick jog around the block will help me take my mind off things, he thought to himself. He jumped from roof to roof gaining speed the farther away he got and let himself focus.

Maybe with time the wounds would heal... maybe with time...

New York City, 1936

They said the city was getting better, maybe finacially, but those who knew better knew that the city was only getting worse. The Spider-Man crouched atop a gargoyle on a sky scrapper watching the city moving below him. The city that never sleeps, Peter thought, if only they knew the half of it.

He'd heard rumors of a human-lizard attacking people somewhere in this area but it could've been one of those alligators in the sewers kind of rumors. He figured the only way he would ever know for sure would be to hunt around for clues himself, so far it'd been two weeks and he'd seen and heard nothing at all of proof.

There was a cry for help and wthout a moment to lose Peter jumped down into the air. Before he hit the ground Parker reached out and gripped a wall with his finger tips and slowed his fall to a stop. He quickly bounced off the wall and into the street.

"Well now you're not quite the lizard I'd had in my mind," The Spider-Man said looking at the two goons in rubber masks.

"Holy, $%!#, it's the Spider-Man!" The biger of the two shouted.

Peter made a face under the mask and sprayed the other man's face with a black webbing that he shot from his wrists with the splatter effect of a shot gun, "Hey now, watch the mouth their are children present."

With the first thug distracted trying to pull the webbing from his mask the second charged at Peter who avoided with ease. Peter side-stepped another attack and brought the back of his hand across the other man's ear. The goon stumbled down into the road as the other decided to just ditch the mask all together. The man grabbed a lead pipe from the road and brandished it like a broadsword.

Peter ducked and dodged as needed until he was sure the man was tiring himself out then he launched himself upwards into the man's stomache in a backflip that would have a gymnist crying foul. The man dropped to his knees and curled into a ball of pain.

"That's it?" Peter asked sounding a little hurt. He grabbed the man by the shirt and pulled him to his feet, "Who the hell are you and what exactly are you running at here?" Someone cried out to Peter, "Watch out!" The air filled with the smell of smoke and gun powder. Peter turned to find the other thug nursing a wound in his neck as he dropped back to the ground for the final time. Peter searched for the source of the shot.

"You?" Peter asked, surprised to see the face he still had nightmares of.

The Goblin simply turned his back to him, "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

Peter dropped the thug in his hands, and followed the other man, "I killed you Goblin, how are you here?" The other man looked at him as if he was annoyed, "Simple, I'm not the Goblin, but if you insist on calling me one you can call me... Hobgoblin."

Peter watched as the other man walked out of sight, Just who in the hell was he?

*****

Peter walked into the soup kitchen and by the young redhead without second thought. He sat down in front of one of the greatest minds he'd ever met, "Hello, Dr. Conners."

The man looked up from his soup, "Oh, hello Peter, how are you?" Dr. Conners extended his good hand, he'd been a military surgion before he'd lost the other in some secret attack on the Nazi's that he wasn't supposed to talk about. Peter understood the secrets that came with a double life more than he let on and he had a lot of respect for the man in front of him.

Peter shook the hand offered and looked around, "Place is emptier than usual."

Conners nodded, "Pretty soon I'll be paying for this soup, but that doesn't avoid the fact that you've avoided my question.

Peter looked at the other man and smiled, "I just-" He sighed and pushed his glasses upwards, "I just feel like I've seen a ghost."

Conners shoveled a spoonful of soup into his mouth, "Oh? How so?"

Peter frowned, "I saw the spitting image of someone that died."

Conners sat back in his chair and scrathed his short bearded chin, "Maybe he is alive then."

"Couldn't be," Peter said leaning foreward, "I watched him died."

Conner's smiled, "Then, Peter, I see three ways you can except this. First the man is a ghost, second he faked his own death, or third someone closely related to him."

Peter's frown deepend and he scratched his head, "So how's the soup today?"

Conners smiled, "Good, as always when that beautiful redhead cooks it." Peter looked over his shoulder back at Mary Jane who caught his eye but quickly looked away and back to the soup. Conners leaned forward so that only Peter could hear, "Maybe you two should be a little more than friends."

Peter's first thought was of Felicia, "No, I don't think so."

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VyseCarma

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#2  Edited By VyseCarma

Also ment to be broken into parts like an actual comic book mini-series

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DickGrayson

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#3  Edited By DickGrayson

@VyseCarma: Amazing? Is this going to be a series? I loved it! One of the greatest stories I have read, It got me a lot into Noir Spiderman, I have actually always been a Fan of Miguel O' Hara, but this, this is Fantastic! Good writing man, you should make more fan-fics often, I would enjoy reading them.

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DickGrayson

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#4  Edited By DickGrayson

Sorry about the question mark after Amazing, Typo.

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VyseCarma

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#5  Edited By VyseCarma

@DickGrayson: Totally cool. I just hope the idea truck doesn't run out on me, I mean I've got who the major players are and all that now its just a matter of running everything together

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Jonny_Anonymous

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#6  Edited By Jonny_Anonymous

Pretty good, I liked the last line LOL

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AweSam

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#7  Edited By AweSam

A few typos and what-not, but it's good.

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batkevin74

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#8  Edited By batkevin74

@VyseCarma: @AweSam said:

A few typos and what-not, but it's good.

Your opening sentence is to long, needs a comma or a respirator by the time I get to the end (and this coming from the KING of the long sentence). It's good, real good. Has that gritty 30's detective feel, shot in sepia. Good job

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wildvine

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#9  Edited By wildvine

very cool.