#1 Posted by Z3RO180 (6335 posts) - - Show Bio

Now this is the first time i have ever writen something down and posted it on a fan-fic. This isnt a story i figuard before i try that i would do something a bit smaller just to get into the swing of it. So enjoy (hopefully) and tell me what you think.

In the time before the end and the time after the begging. There was a jewel in the cosmos, A shining city amongst the dark and cold of space. That jewel was Asgard. Asgard was home to the Aesir an old and noble race of immortal warriors who are known through out the universe for the honour and valour in battle. And amongst these warriors is their King…Odin. First born to the heroic Bor, Son of the great Buri first king of Asgard. Brother to the Villi the Cunning and The archer of legend Ve. Odin is loved by his people for being a wise and just king that will defend his people from even ragnarock itself and feared by his foes for being a mighty and brutal warrior, that fights with a rage so hot and terrible that death him self cowers in fear for the great wise Odin would do to him if they ever met on the fields of battle. Other than being a King and warrior Odin is known amongst the philosopher’s of midgard as a scholar who will wander the earth trying to better understand the methods of science and the way of nature to better understand the concepts of life and death so that he can better answer the questions of the fallen warriors that enter the great halls of Valhalla.

#2 Posted by feebadger (1441 posts) - - Show Bio

You write very nicely and have a beautiful turn of phrase. Can i just point out that some of your sentences can be very long and you might want to break them up a bit. Other than that, i look forward to reading where you take this.

#3 Posted by Z3RO180 (6335 posts) - - Show Bio

@feebadger: cool tahnks for the feedback

#4 Posted by Z3RO180 (6335 posts) - - Show Bio

bump

#5 Posted by batkevin74 (10428 posts) - - Show Bio

@Z3RO180 said:

Now this is the first time i have ever writen something down and posted it on a fan-fic. This isnt a story i figuard before i try that i would do something a bit smaller just to get into the swing of it. So enjoy (hopefully) and tell me what you think.

In the time before the end, and the time after the begining; there was a jewel in the cosmos. A shining city amongst the dark and cold of space. That jewel was Asgard, the home to the Aesir.

They were an old and noble race of immortal warriors, known throughout the universe for their honour and valour in battle. And amongst these warriors was Odin, the king; the first born of heroic Bor the son of Buri, the first king of the glorious realm. Odin also had two brothers; Villi the Cunning and Ve, The archer of legend.

Odin is loved by his people for being a wise and just king that will defend his people from even Ragnarock itself and feared by his foes for being a mighty and brutal warrior. Odin fights with a rage so hot and terrible that death cowers in fear of him if they ever met upon the fields of battle.

But Odin is not just a mere brute with a sword; he is known amongst the philosopher’s of Midgard as a scholar. He will wander the earth trying to better understand the methods of science and the way of nature, to better understand the concepts of life and death so that he can better answer the questions of the fallen warriors that enter the great halls of Valhalla.

Above is a minor edit of what you wrote. it's really quite good (your inital writing that is) just needed a bit of rounding is all. Let's see some more

#6 Posted by Pyrogram (35143 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: this is a very good edit.The original needs to be broken up, but its pretty good. For a first go.

#7 Posted by Z3RO180 (6335 posts) - - Show Bio

@Pyrogram: would this be worth expanding on ?

#8 Posted by Pyrogram (35143 posts) - - Show Bio

@Z3RO180: 100% , This is a very nice start!

#9 Posted by Z3RO180 (6335 posts) - - Show Bio

@Pyrogram: Im going though some ideas on how to continue or really start this story but right now im in the middle of writing the letter seris.