It was quiet in the honoured halls of the Noobwatch HQ. Portraits of past members hung in the hallowed halls.
The man walking down the hall had called them for all for a reason. They had an emergency. He broke through the double doors to find them there. Maxim, Eternal Chaos, and Last Arrow stood at the circular table in the middle of the room.
"Methos, why have you called us here?", Maxim demanded.
"You have all been called here for a special purpose.....few have stood in the hallowed halls of the Noobwatch HQ. You have all been invited to demonstrate your special abilities for this kind of job", Methos, the man who had called them said. Maxim looked slightly annoyed, but was silent.
"Come with me. We have an emergency", Methos beckoned them. He led them to outside of the HQ. Maxim nudged Eternal Chaos, "I bet we're gonna have to drive around in some crappy jeep", but then Methos showed them the massive eight-teen wheeler parked in their parking lot. It had automated machine cannons, missles launchers on the top, and a trailer that held a nuclear bomb in it. Painted on the side was a picture of a man shooting another one with the word bubble saying "Goku would own Galactus!". "Noobwatch, we are needed!", Methos said, and they all filed into the trailer of the eight-teen wheeler. Methos drove them to the scene of the crime.
Eventually, the Semi stopped. The door to the trailer opened, and they filed out. They were parked in a soccer field of a high school. Methos pointed to two teens arguing about something. "There is the situation. Follow my lead", he said. They all walked to the two. Eventually, the conversation could be heard. It was Sparda arguing with some kind of DBZ fanboy. "How can Goku hit something intangible? This is madness!", Sparda yelled at the fanboy. The fanboy replied "Goku will be faster than Silver Surfer can think, and will blow him out of existence!". Suddenly, there was a bang, and the fanboys head was off. Methos was holding a smoking pistol. "No prisoners are taken by the Noobwatch", he stated proudly. Sparda was grateful "Thank God you came here! I was telling him for two hours how Goku will lose, but he always said the same thing!". Methos shook his hand. "The Noobwatch will always be there-", but he was cut off from another gunblast. Maxim had shot another Noob. Suddenly, they were streaming from everywhere, over the school, from the ground, dropping from air. "IT'S AN AMBUSH!!!", Methos yelled as he shot another fanboy. One of them said to Arrow "Hulk will pwn Superman! He's got unlimit-", but he was cut off as Arrow shot him in the chest with a shotgun. "I've seen stupid Noobs, but you guys, you guys make the other stupid Noobs I've seen look smart. What is it, stupid Noob day?", he said to the fanboy as he kicked him. The group kept on shooting, and fanboy after fanboy fell. Maxim wondered to Methos "How come we have unlimited ammo?". To which Methos replied, "Because, the powers of intelligence and deductive reasoning power our weapons", he stated. Maxim nodded, realizing it all. One fanboy dropped in front of Eternal Chaos, and tried to hit him and say, "ONE thought from the GAMBIT, and PHOENIX di-", but he was shot a hundred times in the chest by Chaos, as he yelled "DIE, FANBOY, DIE!!!", spraying him with M16 fire. The fanboys and noobs's numbers were dwindling. One had a gun, and aimed it at Methos as he said, "Hulk will punch a dimensional vortex through Darkseid's head and-", but was cut off as Methos kicked him in the groin and shot him, saying "Darkseid's superior intellect, strength, powers, and speed will dismantle the Hulk before he knows what hit him, as he is erased from existence from a simple blast of the Omega Effect". Another came at the group, saying "My only weakness is arognite, you cannot hurt me!". True to his word, as the group tried to shoot him, he was unfazed. Then, Methos reached into his pocket, and threw some dirt at the Noob. He screamed and exploded before their eyes. They all looked at Methos. "Arognite=fish tank sand", he explained. "You carry fish tank sand with you?", Maxim asked, bewildered. "When you know what Noobs will do to make themselves look intelligent, you carry EVERYTHING", he reasoned. There was a yelling, and the group turned around. There was two of them arguing, and the group could hear about what. "No, DC sucks!", one said. The other replied back, "No, MARVEL sucks!". Methos turned to the group. "Don't worry, they'll take care of themselves", and suddenly there was an explosion, and the bodies of the two Noobs went flying overhead. "See?". The rest of the Noobs and fanboys broke rank, and retreated. One tripped. Sparda said to the Noobwatch, "Noobwatch, please kill this piece of filth for me". They all nodded, and Maxim reached forward and grabbed his head. "The DBZ Universe will annihilate the Marvel Universe! They have Goku!", the Noob said. "You Noobs sicken us. Dumb@$$", and then Maxim ripped his head off. The Noobwatch said together "FLAWLESS VICTORY!!!"
The Noobwatch were prepping to leave. There was blood everywhere, all over the school and body parts sprawled, but they didn't touch that. They made sure to clean up the Arognite that killed that one Noob, though. Sparda said when they were about to leave "But what if I need you again?". Then the group recited together, "Whenever a person ignores logic, we'll be there. Whenever someone is bashing another for common sense, we'll be there. Whenever a fanboy or Noob disrupts the common good, we'll be there. For we are..........
I hope that was funnier than I thought it was. To Arrow and Chaos: If you did not like that and want yourselves removed from it, I will edit it right away. However, I think you'd enjoy killing Noobs, so I figured you deserved to be in it. Thanks to Methos for inspiring me to write this. And finally, thanks to all the Noobs and Fanboys out there. Without you, this story would not have been possible.