IRIS Part 1 of 2
LOCATION: EARTH, YEAR: 2010, DAY: JULY 4th
"Barry!" Iris Bal and Barry Rad, two surfers in love. When theres fireworks, everybodys in a hurry, right? Not Barry Rad. He doesn't believe in rushing. In fact, speed is the one thing he would be willing to lose in some dumb bar bet.
LOCATION: THE ANTI-MATTER ZONE, YEAR: 2012, DAY: JULY 1st
"Got e'm!" Silver Flash and Sela Nova blasted Trickihilus's warrships out of the sky. When theres a war or a crisis going on, everybodys running off screaming, right? Not Silver Flash. He doesn't believe in fear. In fact, speed is the one thing he would want if any of his abilities were to be taken away by some crazy space warlord.
"Silver Flash! You again?" Trickihilus, the ruthless ruler of the Anti-Matter Zone, decided to send out "the welcoming commited" to greet his least favorite silver speedster.
Trickihilus pressed a button, sending out several rockets towards S.F., all of them exploding before his eyes in a blazing fury. Silver Flash froze in fear, no longer able to move or think about anything else, but that 4th of July...
LOCATION: EARTH, YEAR: 20120, DAY: JULY 4th
"Geez, geez, I'm coming already!" Barry went over to Iris, his girlfriend. "Iris, why do always feel the need for speed? ALWAYS?!"
"Sorry, Barry, I didn't know you wanted everything to just slow down and listen to you."
"No, it's just, j.. just.."
"Just what, Barry? Just what?"
LOCATION: ANTI-MATTER ZONE, YEAR: 2012, DAY: JULY 1st
"I-I-Iris...." Silver Flash, stunned and about to get blown to pieces, was pushed out of the way by Sela, the two landing on the steps to Trickihilus's palace.
"Flash, whats gonna into you?"
"Nothing, Sela, I just... froze up for a bit, okay?"
"Sure, but whos Iris?"
"Iris?!" S.F. almost shed a tear.
"You said her name"
"Iris..." S.F. remembered the horrible 4th of July, where he lost his true love.
LOCATION: EARTH, YEAR: 2012, DAY: JULY 4th
"Iris, I'm sorry for being such a jerk. It's... I dont like being rushed."
"Wow, thats the least jerkiest apology ever."
"Iris, listen to me.."
"No, I dont wanna love that way. Obeying your every command. Barry Rad, goodbye."
TO BE CONTINUED...
WALKING IN A SUMMER WONDERLAND
Hello, kids, good day for a story, huh? Well, cozy on up with me, Howard The Mxyzptlk, for another Strange Sensation Detective Comic Tale of Suspense! SSDCTS for short. Yep, Ssdicits.
"Yawn" Barry Rad, a surfer dude, decided to lay down on a tree stump for a break during a surfing contest.
But, fell down the Duck Hole.
Dun-dun-duun, da-doo-doo-deee... okay, I'll stop now.
"Huh?" Barry awoke as a silver, tiny little... alien thingy. "Whoa..."
He walked through a small door into a dark and foggy woods.
"What?" Barry heard a loud laugh. "Whos there?"
He looked up and saw a strange face. Sharp teeth, glowing yellow eyes, and claws.
"I'm the Cheshire Creep! Hah!" chuckled the mysterious stranger
"Dont you mean Cheshire Cat?" asked Barry
"HAHAHA-oh, um... no, shut up, were breaking enough copyrights right now" corrected Cheshire Creep
"Oh--- um, okay, then, hahaha, by!" Barry quickly ran away, only to run into somebody else. "OOF!"
"Hi, I'm the Frostlord Hatter!" said the stranger "I'm strange yet nice but don't cross me or I'll brutally beat you to a pulp!"
"AAAH!" Barry ran away, tripping and falling.
"AAAAAH-oof, AAAAH-oof, YAAAA-oof" Barry fell down several stair-steps, eventually landing in The Red Grodd's castle.
"I think I'm unconscious now..." Barry tried to stand up, but was knocked out by a guard. "Nope, still awake... and unfortunately, alive. What is this mess, anyway?"
Barry looked up at the Red Grodd.
"Off with their heads!" yelled Red Grodd
"Sir, its just one person" pointed out Sela Rabbit.
"Oh, in that case, off with his head!" boomed Red Grodd's loud voice.
"Howd you know I wasn't a girl?" asked Barry
"I just know this stuff, now die!" Red Grodd blasted at Barry, who ran off
"Oh, know, oh know!" Barry yelled.
He saw Sela Rabbit running next to him.
"Why are you rushing?" asked Barry
"I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date... with a guy named Earl!" answered Sela Rabbit
"I get it, your late!" Barry yelled. He looked behind him and saw he was being chased by Red Grodd, the Chesire Creep, Frostlord Hatter, and for some reason, Justin Bieber.
"I'm sorry, Bieber, I'll never insult your lame music again!" Barry woke up on the beach, and realized it was all a dream. "Oh, thank Grodd I'm not stuck with those morons!"
Barry looked over and saw Thunder Woman, Creep, and Black Blade fighting off an army of alien robots.
"Yo, Silver Flash, you gonna help or what?!"
Barry looked down at his lower body and saw he wasn't in swim trunks, but a superhero costume. "AAAAAAAH!!!"
The end. What'd you just say! Way to insult me, kid, that story DID make sense, I dont care what your little brain thinks. Sure, go cry to mommy! Oh, crap, here comes mommy! Aaaah!
THE END. SERIOUSLY, HOWARD THE MXYZPTLK IS NEVER GOING TO TELL ANOTHER STORY EVER, EVER AGAIN. WE PROMISE.
Hey, guys, we thought to add to all the 4th of July fun, the Sentinel of Liberty HIMSELF will answer your questions! CAPTAIN AQUA! Sorry if you were expecting someone else, but what other Sentinels of Liberty are there?
"Dear A New Amalgam Universe guys, do you think your better then the old Amalgam Comics? Sincerely, Bob"
Dear Bob, HECK YEAH!
"Dear Captain Aqua, is it cramped in that block of ice? Sincerely, Yo Mama"
Dear, uuuh... Mr. Mama, I guess, yeah. And.. darn! My big toe just froze off!
"Dear Captain Aqua, will you ever be in another comic? I mean, you've been in one so far and there already calling you Sentinel of Liberty! Sincerely, Hugh Jass"
Dear Mr. Jass, I will be in another comic. And the reason I'm so popular is I' one of the two most highly anticipated upcoming A.N.A.U. characters ever! Thats exactly why you saw kids in the '80s runnin' 'round talking 'bout how excited they are for The Simpsons movie! High anticipation is key in times like this.
Thats all, folks! Seeya next.. month, week, year... whenever we do a new issue!