Once upon a time in the bloody a$$ f#$% land called London, there was a man who f@#$s up demons and b^(ch slaps malevolent spirits lurking wi’n someone’s body. He’s a man who likes to get all of his friends in trouble and turn their lives into a heaping pile of shit; a characteristic that is said he inherited from his bleeding ancestor. Without further ado, the bloody man’s name is Adam Constantine and I am him. Bloody handsome if you’d see me.
Ah London… sweet sweet London. A place where the weather is hot and the land is dry and the kids run around in streets with dildos in their sweatin’ arses. Pure bollocks if you ask me. Seeing those kids just makes me wanna add another bottle of whisky to my already filled up intoxicated stomach. Friggin’ noisy at this PUB. Ah could summon a demon and make it eat all their intestines if I want to but why on Earth would I bother. Perhaps there isn’t much excitement here not unlike in the earlier days when my granma would tell me stories of magic and demons. I got so excited that I went on studying me’ old magic books my granma gathered from an ol’ lighthouse in Killiney. They were filled with all sorts of spells and incantations that got me all so worked up. Not to mention they all smell good… kinda like wine. Anyways, I had a great deal of understanding of all what I had and was ready to take on big time business with the demons. But sadly, God hates me and doesn’t want me to enjoy in hellish London.
I finished the last of me’ bottle and went outside despite the searing glare of the sun. Ha! A good combination; intoxication and unbearable heat, which can result to unconsciousness. But I don’t care. ‘was always stronger than the other kids when I was young. My granma said that it was because of strange things found in me’ blood. Maybe that’s why she never put me ‘n a blood exam. Anyways, I was thinking when this heat will subside. I mean ‘ts been a whole week since this weather started and it dried up all the rivers here. ‘en suddenly I see these blokes ranting around and holding signs that say “ Now the earth was corrupt in the sight of God, and the earth was filled with violence. He will destroy the Earth with us!” Hmmm. Sounds like a friggin’ bible passage from the book of Genesis if ‘yask me. Not surprisingly, they call themselves the Cult of Noah. They’ve even managed to piss off the zoo and some of the petowners for stealing the soddin’ animals for Christ’s sake. Well we’re all damned from the start to begin with. Additionally they ranted “bout only the few may enter the ship and we are all damned.”All these crimes I’ve seen on telly tells me that humanity is goin’ nowhere but hell.
As I lit me’ fag, I sense a disturbance in the atmosphere. It’s as if someone’s pulling me’ legs down to hell. A dark ensemble that made me’ hair raise. I heard a dark incantation going on, a prayer to a dark lord. But as I turn around an’ try to find these cult of a people, something strange and unusual happened to the sky and I know ‘tis trouble and right in the middle of it. An’ that’s what makes it interesting....