#1 Edited by xxxddd (3572 posts) - - Show Bio

Okay, I know there are no directions on who is talking or narrative descriptions, but just hang with me.

When speaking, we all tend to emphasize certain words over others, and I am trying to incorporate that into my writing(all capitalized words would be considered emphasized and bolded words in a comic-book script). Also, I need criticism on if I am being too wordy or don't have enough metaphors or if parallelism would better get certain points across.

Here is a naked speech(i.e. without descriptions behind the dialogue).

"I find your problem to be trivial."

"Do you have the power to bring back six billion people?"

"No."

"Then HELP ME!"

"We're about to embark on a SUICIDE MISSION TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE, and you're worried about one measly planet?"

"It is not one planet, it is my planet. And I plan to protect it."

"Then it seems it is true."

"What's true?"

"That humans know better than anyone else what it is like to make irrational decisions."

"What are you implying?"

"I'm not implying anything, I'm stating a fact."

"Why YOU SON OF A BI-"

That's it.

#2 Posted by dngn4774 (3149 posts) - - Show Bio

Good but a little over the top. Here's how I would write it:

"I find your problem to be trivial."

"Do you have the power to bring back 6 billion people?"

"No."

"Then HELP ME!"

"We're about to embark on a SUICIDE MISSION TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE, and you're worried about one measly planet?"

"It's not one planet, it's my planet. And I plan to protect it."

"Then it seems it is true."

"What's true?"

"That humans know better than anyone else what it is like to make irrational decisions."

"What are you implying?"

"I'm not implying anything, I'm stating a fact."

"Why YOU SON OF A BI-"

#3 Posted by xxxddd (3572 posts) - - Show Bio

@dngn4774:

So, is this what I should use:

bold words just show words that are emphasized, and capitalized words show words that are yelled.

#4 Posted by Jonny_Anonymous (33469 posts) - - Show Bio
#5 Edited by dngn4774 (3149 posts) - - Show Bio

Basically, and you should also check out the link that Jonny just sent you too. You should also read the conversation in your head, if your characters aren't emphasizing in your mind as much as they are in your text then you should tone it down a little.

also forgot to add you could use italics for though or minor emphasis. As a new writer I still juggle with this rules depending on the type of dialogue I'm introducing to my story.

#6 Posted by xxxddd (3572 posts) - - Show Bio

@Jonny_Anonymous: @dngn4774: Thanks.

Also, just a question(that I will also ask the Poet when he gets back online) is shouldn't there be parallelism in emphasizing words?

For example:

"It is not one planet, it is my planet."

vs

"It is not one planet, it is my planet."

#7 Posted by dngn4774 (3149 posts) - - Show Bio

I 'd say yes, since that's the main reason I put that change there. It sounds smoother the first way and more realistic.

#8 Posted by xxxddd (3572 posts) - - Show Bio

@dngn4774 said:

Good

What was good?

@dngn4774 said:

I 'd say yes, since that's the main reason I put that change there. It sounds smoother the first way and more realistic.

It's what I thought as well.

#9 Posted by dngn4774 (3149 posts) - - Show Bio

What was good was your sentence flow between your characters. There was enough emphasis for the audience to know what details where occurring around the conversation without it being too wordy.

#10 Posted by xxxddd (3572 posts) - - Show Bio

@dngn4774: Thank you for your input.

#11 Posted by RazzaTazz (9642 posts) - - Show Bio

I am not sure about writing in bold, kind of takes away from the affect. I tend to prefer to write the sentence and then describe their feelings to give it context.

Moderator
#12 Posted by The Poet (8336 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxxddd:

I have to agree with @RazzaTazz on this one

I am not sure about writing in bold, kind of takes away from the affect.

What I would do if I were you is I would tweak what @dngn4774 said:

Good but a little over the top. Here's how I would write it:

"I find your problem to be trivial."

"Do you have the power to bring back 6 billion people?"

"No."

"Then HELP ME!"

"We're about to embark on a SUICIDE MISSION TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE, and you're worried about one measly planet?"

"It's not one planet, it's my planet. And I plan to protect it."

"Then it seems it is true."

"What's true?"

"That humans know better than anyone else what it is like to make irrational decisions."

"What are you implying?"

"I'm not implying anything, I'm stating a fact."

"Why YOU SON OF A BI-"

Instead of bolding your words. I would put them in italics. Bolding is more stylic thing which is good for forums so people know you are really serious about something, but in writing stories, etc. italics is what really want. It doesn't take away from the actual story (drawing the eye away from the actual content), but it shows the reader the tone of the speaker. In the case where the speaker speaker says "It's my planet..." I would underline it to show even more "umpf" (effort) in his/her words. Same goes to "Stating a fact..." though I'm not sure how much of that phrase should be underlined.

So the way I would write empasis would be:

when the words are really stressed when you say something (like "You stole my toy train!"), then you underline those words. Often times this empasis is connected to shouting or some increase volume. Some writers here use bold or ALL CAPS to empasis these volume increase emphasis. I personally would go with underline.

and you should italisize words which need some empasis. Often times, these are portions where the speaker is sarcastic or just wants emphasize a word. It is slightly different from stuff I would underline because most of the time these are not the words you punch at. Take for instance:

"It's not one planet, it's my planet. And I plan to protect it."

"one" just doesn't have the same passion as "my". If I were the speaker I would have a fist out on "my" because I am revealing my allegiance to my planet.

The one emphasis I am not sure about "worried about one measly planet?" You bolded "one", but every time I read that line aloud I keep emphasizing "measly" so I personally would italize "measly", but why don't you read that line aloud and see what you read it as.

Moderator
#13 Posted by batkevin74 (10793 posts) - - Show Bio

@Jonny_Anonymous said:

@xxxddd: How To Write Fan Fiction - Comic Vine the 12th one down is "How To Write Dialogue" by The Poet

See this!

Also personally, 6 billion should be six billion. Other than that I can really offer nothing that hasn't already been said

#14 Posted by The Poet (8336 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74 said:

@Jonny_Anonymous said:

@xxxddd: How To Write Fan Fiction - Comic Vine the 12th one down is "How To Write Dialogue" by The Poet

See this!

Also personally, 6 billion should be six billion. Other than that I can really offer nothing that hasn't already been said

you know I have no memory of what I actully wrote for that...So I can just assume it's all good advice...

nice catch on the number. xxddd: my memory is a little hazy, but I believe the unspoken rule is any number under ten should be lettered as apposed to written 123 etc. and anything above that should be numbered like 11 and so on. I think it's ten that my English teacher said, but its been a few years...

Moderator
#15 Posted by xxxddd (3572 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: @The Poet: Oh yeah, forgot about that rule.

But thanks for the help!

#16 Posted by roboadmiral (546 posts) - - Show Bio

"Your problem is trivial."

"Can you bring back six billion people?"

"No."

"Then HELP ME!"

"We're about to embark on a SUICIDE MISSION TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE, and you're agonizing over one planet?"

"It is not one planet, it is my planet. And I will protect it."

"Then it is true."

"What'?"

"That humans know better than anyone else how to be irrational."

"What are you implying?"

"I'm not implying, I'm stating a fact."

"YOU SON OF A BI-"

That's just how I would handle it. Try to keep it as concise and terse as possible. Don't use five words when three will do the job. People are generally efficient speakers.

#17 Posted by Project_Worm (3405 posts) - - Show Bio

@roboadmiral: I don't know if I'd italicize the first "implying" but other than that I totally agree.

#18 Posted by xxxddd (3572 posts) - - Show Bio

@roboadmiral: @Project_Worm: Thanks for the help, guys.

I've learned emphasis of certain words adds emotion to dialogue, making the reader more connected with the characters, and thus, the story.