Microsoft Hotware Online A In Very Affordable Price!!

.

@Deadite:

Very good start.

The only thing is there are a few typos,

Maybe this is the aquarium mom said the mayor and the asteroid-man engineer was building out in the Barren. Didn't mom say it's being delayed? George tried to look inside the mirrored dark surface. He squinted his eyes and for a moment he looked like the man he was going to become, it's an expression of a person attempting to humor his target, attract them, or without knowingly, offend them.

George gave up as if something was avoiding him and he finally found the investigation a fruitless deed. He was 50 feet away from the glass wall, almost out of the sidewalk, it was more than the 4 small footsteps he took to step away from the store, yet he didn't know. He knew he stepped away because something was wrong. He had his nose up against the glass, his forehead was palming the black, icy surface of the wall in full and he thought he saw something move, not something, someone was in there. It was a little bigger than him, and it was looking for something on the wall, too!! Maybe the people inside wanted to get out.

The words in bold are corrected.

Just check over what you have written,but I am really interested to see more,please keep going you are a natural.

-

@Deadite said:

@mrdecepticonleader Thank you for taking the time and helped me edit the story. It's really nice of you to say I'm a natural (: But I think there's a long road ahead of me if I really want to become a writer, and I do want to be a writer.

Any time,thank you for sharing.

Well I can tell you can write,you have the natural flair for it,I think to write takes a certain skill and you have it.Well practice makes perfect,I should do it more but I find it hard to motivate myself to and to actually find time too,those two factors need to be present for me to be happy enough to write something.

-

@Deadite said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

Any time,thank you for sharing.

Well I can tell you can write,you have the natural flair for it,I think to write takes a certain skill and you have it.Well practice makes perfect,I should do it more but I find it hard to motivate myself to and to actually find time too,those two factors need to be present for me to be happy enough to write something.

I know exactly what you mean. I'm easily distracted, lazy, occupied with idea playing exclusively in my head. Your fictions are what really motivated me to finish something. Seeing someone I talk to, and able to read their stories really helped.

Thank you,its great that my work has inspired other(s).

@Deadite said:

The child found the entrance after circling the blackened glass wall from the beginning of Endberry Street to the Sports shop exiting where Penn Street now used to be, it's a building that wasn't here before, looking at it and the reflection of him and everything else behind its exposed, bloodless swimming luster like the surface of a frozen ocean.

Your opening sentence is too long. Stopping it after "used to be" would work otherwise it's hard working reading it, try yourself...by the time you get to reflection you may have fallen asleep. Not because its boring but the lack of breaks, pauses, commas in it. Now long sentences can be good, in this instance I think it works against you.

-