Hmm...Eddie Brock is running late. He's supposed to be here by now. I'll give him another minute....Hey. Is that a sandwich on the ground. With a string attached....pfft, not falling for that one agai-- *dives for sandwich* IT TASTES SO GOOD!
*door slams*
Hey...
?! No! Open the door! Open the damn door! Eddie Brock is gonna be here soon! Put the microphone down! DON'T SHUT THE BLINDS! NOT THE BLINDS!!!!Today, it is my great honor to present to this... um... what is this again? These are interviews, or...?
Right, interviews! Anywho, I'm Joygirl and it is my great honor present to "Gah!", an old frenemy of sorts to everyone's favorite Spider-fella, the big, beefy bastard everyone knows as Edward Brock!
Hey. Where's the other guy?
He doesn't love you the way I do.
THAT'S A LIE!!
I suppose it's too late for me to back out of this...?
Absolutely.
Damn.
So! Marvel's put you through a lot of ridiculous crap over the years, huh? I have to admit, from a professional standpoint, you're just giving me way too much ammunition.
I'm really sorry to hear that.
You should be! So, let's start with you losing absolutely everything that's ever mattered to you -- your wife, your health, your career -- and swapping it for a suit made of black slime and a grudge against a teenager. How do you feel about Spider-Man?
He's fine I guess. I've really kinda given up on the whole thing. Best if we just stay apart.
Seriously? I could have sworn your entire persona was based around hating that whiny bastard?
Well, I saw this thing, these Twelve Steps? It really helped me work through my anger.
...You sicken me. Okay, so, rumor has it a while ago you gave up your suit, which was really what made you cool? Then you got cancer again and slit your own wrists?
Yeah, that happened... I hit a dark spot in my life.
Well, you also hit a dark spot in a lot of other people's lives! You know that jerk-off Scorpion got your alien-thingy? Everyone was really upset about that.
Yeah, I met him. I honestly wasn't crazy about his choice to put eyeballs in the suit, kinda ruined the point of being a dark Spider-Man mirror.
You should see the tool who's wearing it now! He looks like Peter Parker and Frank Castle's illegitimate butt-baby.
I saw him too. I have to say, I was really hoping a single person besides me would make something of that suit, but I suppose it was a risk I took when I sold it on auction....
Okay, okay, enough about the pathetic things you've done in your past. What are you up to right now?
Well, I've been training with some heavy weapons that I somehow found, and I've been deciding to kill as many symbiotes as possible while I'm not wearing various ones--
Whoooa, whoa there buddy. Let me just stop you right there. That's all really boring and I'm pretty sure nobody cares at all.
But Marvel needs me to bring Balance to the Symbiote Force--
Shush.
That concludes today's Gah! Everyone, big hand for mister Eddie Brock! Great big failure! Whooo!
JOYGIRL!! OPEN THE DOOR! I NEED THE POTTY! I LEFT MY BROWSER OPEN! DON'T JUDGE ME! I'M JUST A MAN...A WEAK, WEAK MAN!
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