Posted by andrewtheking (960 posts) - - Show Bio

Richard Rider sat in his room . Richard is a 15 year old boy with sandy blond hair and blue eyes he wore a t shirt and jeans . he looked in to the sky and said "why do mom and dad have to go to that sword place?".

he was staying with Mr Sheldon from next door . "Richard some one is at door for you "he ran to the door and saw a man in body-armor the man spoke "son i have some bad news" he began to tell Richard what happened .....

in a sword base in new-york Mary and Simon Rider walked to the case that held the monster known as nattie . "its so evil Simon what is it " "its a monster made by barracuda from DNA that he stole from us honey ".

when all of a sudden the woman in charge told them to get down as the portal generator opened up and a rocky Allen stepped out . it killed some men as the woman in charge tried to bring it down it just didn't stop going .Mary and Simon Rider along with some men and women ran at it with high tech guns and swords it swatted them away as Simon ran at it.

it grabbed his gun and smashed it in to dust "what the hell are you " he yelled it grasped him in his hand and said " i am zorr king of all" as it shot Simon

"SIMON!!!!" Mary yelled but it shot her to . meanwhile Abigail Brand the woman in charge gasped in fear she was all alone she but she saw that the nattie left

some kind of armor behind it but it also let nattie free " damn it " but the armor might be useful she ran behind the monster as she picketed up the armor .

it tried to kill her until a hand came out of the portal generator and took zorr back with it . what the hell she said as she saw that nattie went with zorr .

.....as the man told all this to Richard he yelled "NO!!!" and ran to his room .untill he saw a light go past his window . to be continued

#1 Posted by andrewtheking (960 posts) - - Show Bio

not my best work

#2 Posted by TheCannon (18290 posts) - - Show Bio

Cool.

#3 Posted by GR2Blackout (2564 posts) - - Show Bio

It feels kind of rushed. No offense, but I dont like this that much.

#4 Posted by deadpoolrules (4683 posts) - - Show Bio

@GR2Blackout said:

It feels kind of rushed. No offense, but I dont like this that much.

This,man,you should do it like me,you should tell things before he was Nova,he should start as a kid and three/four issues after it,he could become a hero.Follow my advice and it will be great,you have the potential, ,good luck.