WARNING: There isuse of strong language. I do not mean any of this in an offensive way. If you do not understand the concepts of blaxploitation please watch these two videos below. This is rated M for language.
Marvel Mayhem: Nick Fury #1
1972, Vietnam, Jungle, American Army Base, Night, 10:06:05, 60˚F, Cool Breeze, Clear Skies, Alright I’m done now, Or am I?
“Sergeant Nicholas Fury. He’s one of the best in our army…Who am I kidding he IS the best.” General Tom Huffington says. Huffington is an older man. He’s around 5’10 and has lost most of his muscle tone. He has grey hair and a very obvious grey hairpiece sitting on the top of his head.
“If he’s so great, why is he a Sergeant? According to what you've been saying he should have YOUR job as General of the Army. Maybe you’re trying to prevent that.” said Colonel James Hatcher. Hatcher is a lighter toned black guy. He has a buzz cut and if fit, but not very, very built.
“Did anybody ask you?” Huffington asked “…hmm…no answer…that’s what I @$!#ING THOUGHT!!”
Hatcher frowns. He rolls his eyes and mumbles”…son of a bit-“
“IF YOU FINISH THAT SENTENCE I WILL KILL YOU SO HARD YOUR…your…well, I’LL KILL YOU!!!” Huffington says, interrupting Hatcher. Hatcher’s eyes begin to water and he starts to sniffle. Tears slowly start trickling down his face.
“…are you crying…ah shit! Hey, I’m sorry Hatcher…sorry that you’re a little B!%CH!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OOH HE HAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!” Huffington continues to laugh hysterically as Hatcher is still crying like the little b!%ch he is. As Hatcher reaches climax (pause…not that climax. The climax of his crying), his eyes widen and his crying comes to an immediate halt.
“Uh…uh, sir.” Hatcher mutters. Huffington still is cracking up. He starts to cry tears of laughter because of the humor he finds in himself.
“Sir, I um…you might wanna” Hatcher says in a louder tone. Huffington is STILL laughing.
“SIR LOOK!!!!” Hatcher says as he points behind Huffington’s back. Huffington looks around and sees a chair flying at the window. Hatcher and Huffington quickly duck down as the table smashes through the glass. The chair brush’s against the top of Huntington’s head scraping his hairpiece back, making him fairly look like Donald trump without a comb over.
“Tryna interrogate me. Who do you think you are, the pig, the five-0? You don’t deserve to even look at me! Y’all crackers is tripping!” Fury yells at the soldiers from the interrogation room.“Ha! Now I can SEE who the JIVE @$$ MOTHERF%^KER’S who are tryna catch me, REALLY are!!!” says a tall African American man. He has a small afro, a mustache and a goatee. He’s about 6’3 and is RIPPED. He’s wearing a beige button down shirt (unbuttoned of course, cause he’s the sh!t) with beige pants and brown boots. Now this isn't what he wears on any typical day. If it was up to him he’d be wearing a black leather trench coat, with a black shirt, black pants, black boots and to top it all of black shades. He ain't a panther though. Let’s get that straight. He just likes black! Who is this man…no not the old spice guy…Nick Fury! He’s a BAD @$$ MOTHERF&@KER.
“Ha! You must be mistaken! I’m not a cracker, hahaha!” Colonel Hatcher says “I’m fully black!”
“How would you say high to someone in the street?” Fury asks
“Well I’d say ‘Hello, how are you today?’” Hatcher responded
“You a cracker.” Fury says. Fury heads for the door. He almost trips over Colonel Arnold Jackson who’s lying unconscious on the ground... “You might wanna check his pulse. Peace!” Fury throws up the peace sign as he walks towards the door. He opens the door and standing at the door is a woman. A FINE woman. She had caramel colored skin and a big afro. She was wearing a red jump-suit. She was pointing a gun at Fury’s chest.
“Don’t worry” she says to Fury “This will only hurt…A LOT” She pulls the trigger and out comes a tranquilizer dart. Fury falls to the ground and passes out.
o0o
Fury wakes up tied down to a platform. The platform is above an empty pool like construct. Fury tosses and turns trying to break free.
“Where am I? Wh-What is going on! I want answers, NOW!” Fury demands.
“Now, now Mr. Fury. We don’t need to be little banshees do we? Though, you really can’t help it. You gorillas do belong in the wild.” Fury grits his teeth and is thinking of 1,000,000 things to say back to his racist @%$ right about now. The man who said that is in front of a big bright light so Fury can only make out his silhouette. The man has a hunch back. He’s about 5’5 and is wearing very loose clothes. He holds a remote in his hand. He starts to laugh…maniacally. He approaches Fury slowly. He extends his arm so that the remote was in Fury’s face. His thumb comes down towards a red button on the remote. Right before his thumb presses down he pauses.
“You’re probably wondering what you’re doing here. What this place is. What is your purpose in life? “
“I don’t know my purpose in life, but my purpose right now is kicking yo’ @$$!”
The man chuckles. He responds with “Why you’re strapped down like that. I’m afraid this time brain wins over brawn. Don’t be scared, I’m not trying to kill you. Of course there is a 50% chance that you will be killed in this process, but that means there’s also a 50% chance you won’t die and you’ll come out better than before.”
“Better than before…what…?” Fury asks very confused.
“Have patience Nicholas. Now as I was saying, you have been selected to take part in the new and improved Super Soldier Program. This program was designed to take normal human beings and turn them into, the perfect person. All your senses will be enhanced, along with your intelligence and your physical health. You will be stronger, faster, smarter, better. You will be the epitome of amazing. Now we didn't do this just to be kind and generous. We need you in this war, and for future ones. Your aging will be slowed down immensely much. You will be celebrating your 40th birthday in 2012. I will tell you in detail about your abilities as a Super Soldier once the process has been finished. Good luck.”
“Wait! In case I don’t make it out alive, I wanna know the name of the cracker that killed me” Fury tells the man
“Dr. McGregor.” the man responds.
“What kinda punk assname is that?” Fury whispers.
McGregor presses the button. The platform lowers into the pool. The top of the pool seals shot. A blue liquid starts to flow into the pool until the pool is completely filled. Then it goes black.
o0o
The top of the pool opens up. The platform rises. McGregor walks up to the platform and check Fury’s pulse. McGregor says “…failure…” As McGregor walks away, Fury jumps up breaking the restraints easily. Fury hops off of the platform.
“How do you feel?” McGregor asks
“I feel…fine” Fury says anti-climatically
“Fine? You should feel amazing! Maybe it was a failure” McGregor says disappointingly
“Haha! Just kidding cracker jack! Calm da’ fuckdown. I feel awesome”
“This isn’t a joking matter. You have the potential to change history Nicholas.” McGregor says.
“Can you stop calling me Nicholas? Just call me Nick or Fury” Fury tells McGregor
“Whatever you say Nicholas.” McGregor says with a slight smirk on his face.
“I really hate yo @$$ right now. Anyway, I guess I’m the first Super Soldier!” Fury boasts as he flexes.
“Umm, no. That was Captain America” McGregor retorted.
“Well, I’m the first BLACK Super Soldier!” Fury brags as he proceeds to flex.
“That was Elijah Bradley” McGregor responds.
“Well…I’m the first…you know what f%$#k this! When do I get my first mission?” Fury asks.
“First you need to go through training. You need to-” As McGregor explains a siren goes off. All the lights turn red. A soldier comes running in the room.
“They got in! The enemy soldiers are attacking the base!” The soldier shouts
“Scratch that training Fury, your first mission starts now” McGregor says
“YEAH!” Fury says “You finally called me Fury!”
o0o
Fury darts down the hallway looking for enemy soldiers. He keeps running and running still failing to find any soldiers. He begins to think; where are the soldiers? Did they leave? Is this a trap? He comes around the corner and there are the soldiers. Some have pistols, some have automatic weapons. Some have machete’s some only have their bare fist. Fury, he has his fist also…his SUPER SOLDIER FIST!!!!!!! Fury gets in his kung-Fu stance. He survey’s his surrounding and he takes it all in, in a matter of seconds. He charges for a soldier and proceeds to do a roundhouse kick to the face. The rest of the soldiers (with guns) start shooting. As the bullets hit Fury they bounce right off of him and do no harm. Fury punches and kicks and throws the soldiers. Kick to the balls, punch to the face, kick in the neck, punch in the jaw, kick to the gut, punch to the chest! He kicked they sorry little Vietnamese BUTTS.
Fury walks away from the battle once again strutting his stuff. I’m a boss, I’m a boss, I’m a boss he thinks.
“HEY! PUNK @$$ N!&&ER!” He hears in a high pitched Vietnamese accent. Fury turns around expecting a puny soldier. He gets a soldier about 7 feet tall and with HUGE muscles.
“Dafuq you just call me?” Fury asks
“Punk. @$$. N!&&ER” The Vietnamese says. “Whatchu gonna do about it?” Fury’s eyes narrow. He participates in a stair down with the Vietnamese guy. The Vietnamese guy runs towards Fury yelling “BONZAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!”
Fury charges screaming “FURYFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIST!!!!!!!!!!!” The Vietnamese guy uppercuts Fury, sending him flying up. His head hits the ceiling and he falls to the ground. Fury instantly gets up.
“You might be a Vietnamese Hercules, but I’m finna kick yo BUTT with ease!” Fury says. Fury charges for Hercules. Hercules throws a punch. Fury catches his fist. He twists his arm. Right before it breaks he launches in the air and kicks Hercules in the nose. Hercules staggers back, but regains his footing; only to be repeatedly punched in the stomach by Fury. Hercules falls backwards. Fury jumps up and lands hard on Hercules’s stomach causing him to cough up a lot of blood. Fury stomps Hercules in the balls then picks him up and throws him down the hallway into the wall.
“Fury don’t take sh!tfrom NOBODY!!!” Fury says “Not you, not my friends, not my family, not my enemies. Only person that could give Nick Fury sh!t is black Jesus, but black Jesus don’t give me no sh!t!” Fury turns around and walks away. once again strutting his stuff.
Author's Note: Don't worry, Fury will turn into the serious agent we all know and love, but first we gotta get through his origins. Please except this into the Marvel Mayhem library!
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