#1 Posted by JJ62 (1299 posts) - - Show Bio

This is my first contribution to Marvel Mayhem, so please don't be TOO harsh,

Man Without Fear Issue #1

(flashback)

"Dad! dad. Do I have to??" I was just begging to go the match.

"I already told you, you can't come. Not tonight" Said my father, Jack Murdock.

"But, but why not??"

"Just not, not tonight son" said Jack as he placed his hand on my shoulder. "You need to focus on your studies, that's what really important in life, not some dumb boxing match. Two grown men beating the day lights out of each other is not something you should aspire to be like"

I let out a deep sigh of frustration "I know, I know. But just this once. Please dad"

My father began to grow tired of my begging, "son, some other night. Just not tonight. You have homework to do, I want you to become a smart man. A thinker, not a fighter."

After that, he left and drove off to his fight. I was mad, and frustrated. I wanted to go, and HE wouldn't let me.

"He thinks I'm afraid" I thought to myself "But I'm, I'm not....I'm not....afraid" I felt truly afraid that night, I thought of my fear of the world and what it would hold. I feared life, I feared death. I feared heaven and I feared Hell, my father always told me that no fear is too great to overcome, but I was still afraid.

(out of flashback for a moment, Karen Page is the one speaking now)

Well, wait what happened. Is that the night he died??

(Back to flashback)

Yes, and sadly I was the cause. I got so worked up, about feeling afraid. I decided to prove him wrong. At that age I felt that he thought I was afraid. I was determined to prove him wrong, I worked up the courage to leave my home and head toward the boxing arena.

After I arrived at the ring, I looked around and noticed quite a few large men in suits. They looked well, suspicious. I had a knack for things like that, they seemed strange to me. Little did I know what'd happen later on that night.

One after another, the matches came and the fighters beat the snot out each other. But, finally my dad's fight came up. I quickly ran to the ring, to get a good look. As my father came up to the ring he realized I was there.

"MATT!!" he yelled over the crowd's noise. "I told you to stay home" I didn't respond, only watched as his opponent entered the ring.

Before the match had started, he continuously kept glancing back at me and then biting his lip afterwards. By the time the fight had started every time he glanced at me I could just tell he was afraid....afraid of losing. Unknown to me, he previously had a deal with a local gangster called Fix. Fix had hired him to lose the match this round, and the deal was he'd double the pay he'd receive if he won the match. If he lost...

But, my being there made my father think twice about throwing the match. He told me he was afraid of nothing, and that I shouldn't be. But that night, he WAS afraid. He was afraid of losing...and of winning. He didn't want to lose in front of me, but he didn't want to win because he feared what'd happen to him. All around, no matter what he was afraid.

As the fight started to heat up, I saw him continuously beat down. I could tell he wasn't fighting his best and I urged him the entire time to pick it up and do better. At some point he just gave in and fought his best, after a good fight he won the match. He was proclaimed the winner. But, he didn't look too happy to have won. His eyes instantly shot towards Fix standing on the other side of the room. Fix looked very upset and looked at my father straight in the eyes with a deep terrifying stare.

After the fight, he quickly grabbed me by the arm and told me to go quickly and that we needed to hurry up. I didn't want to listen, I was so lost in the excitement.

"Go, we need to go" he urged me, "We need to get out of here now!" as we made our way out, we were confronted by the same men whom I had seen before.

"Hey, hey guys" my father said to the men "I was just on my way to see you"

"Sure you were" the man exclaimed. "Step outside for a moment, boss wants to talk"

We followed the men outside to an alley behind the arena, out there we found the man called Fix. He was the one who made the deal with my father. They argued...back and forth, my father was truly afraid for his life that day, they argued and Fix said that my father had broken his promise. A fight broke out, and someone pulled a gun.

BANG!!

As the men cleared out, Fix looked me straight in the eyes, and said "He was always afraid" and then laughed out loud and walked away. I bent down over my father's body, he was alive at the moment. I screamed and called for help, but he told me not to worry. He told me to come closer, he said these words which I will never forget "Son, with me gone. You're gonna, have to live on your own now. There's no room for hate, no room for love. But most importantly, fear isnt....isnt" he began to choke and cough loudly "isn't a luxury you can afford. I was always afraid of those men, Don't be like me son. Don't be afraid." I began to cry as he slowly but surely died.

That night was the worst night I had ever experienced, but I took his last words to heart. From then on, I decided to finally heed what he had been telling me all those years. I worked to overcome everything I feared, and slowly over time decided to fight what had killed him that night. So, I began studying to become a lawyer. To prosecute men like Fix...but that's not the entire story...

(out of Flashback)

Karen Page: Wait!! What's the rest of the story?

Matt Murdock: It's nothing, I'll finish it some other time.

KNOCK. KNOCK!

Matt approaches the door of his office, and Foggy Nelson walks in.

Matt Murdock: Ah, hey Foggy where ya been?

Foggy Nelson: Well, sir I have a client. His name is Jon L. Michaels. C'mon in.

A medium sized, grungy looking man walks in and introduces himself.

Matt Murdock: Hello Mr. Michaels, you looking for a lawyer?

Jon Michaels: Yes, yes I...I am.

Matt Murdock: What are the charges?

Jon Michael: Shop Lifting, Grand theft auto and Murder.

Matt Murdock: ouch, been a bad boy lately I see. What's your plea?

Jon Michaels: Not guilty, but they...somehow...got me on tape in the surveillance video of the shop.

Matt looked up a second or two and then said.

Matt Murdock: They got you on tape...but your going to plead not guilty?

Jon Michaels: I was framed, I...I didn't do it. Someone else did.

Matt quickly asks Foggy what he had seen on the tape. Foggy explains how on the tape it looked exactly 100% like Jon Michaels.

Matt: Well, if that's true. I don't know how I'm going to get you off the hook.

Jon Michaels: Look, I'm sure it wasn't me I was framed.

Matt: How are you gonna prove it, you got an alibi?

Jon sighed and looked around the room for a minute.

Jon: Yes.

Matt: Okay, what is it!

Jon: I...I was in my apartment. I was....I was doing something I shouldn't have been.

Matt: what?

Jon: that's not important now! Just please if there's any way you can help.

Matt: Well, I do have a certain "friend" on the streets who I could have look into it.

Jon: Thank you, so much. I'll meet you here about 8:00 AM tomorrow okay.

Jon quickly left the office, and Matt says goodbye to Karen and says that he must go and speak to his "friend".

After he's well away from the office, Matt suits up as Daredevil and heads to the shop that had been robbed and decides to wait it out.

After a few minutes Daredevil hears his police scanner and it says that Jon L. Michaels has been spotted breaking into a Chinese restaurant and was seen assaulting the owner. Daredevil quickly jumps and runs across and through the rooftops til he reaches the restaurant. He turns around to hear Jon L. Michaels running away from the scene.

Daredevil: It can't be....it, it isn't. That's not him.

With his radar sense he can "see" Jon and how he looks, but he knows by the scent. The sound...he chases and follows Jon to the point where he is picked up by a limo. Daredevil is confused, but he follows the limo from the rooftops until it reaches a dark alley on the south side of hell's kitchen. He follows Jon to an abandoned warehouse and crawls the walls on the outside of the building, watching him. Jon walks forward towards a man behind a desk in a swivel chair, Jon strikes his hand towards the ground apparently throwing something and green smoke appears all around him and when the smoke clears he is seen as....

Mysterio.

Daredevil thinks to himself and knows he was right. He knew Jon was innocent and was framed, he just had to catch this impostor in order to help clear his client's name. But he decides to wait and listen, just to see what this is all about.

Mysterio approaches the old man in behind the desk, and they begin to converse. The old man asks Mysterio is he had succeeded and if he was free from blame. Mysterio explained what had happened and how he'd been chased by Daredevil, the old man simply replies

"Well, we'll deal with him yet. But for now, just focus on the next hit"

Daredevil just can't help but feel that he's heard the Man's voice before. He looks within himself, to his fears and his past. He knows that the old man is someone he used to know......

Find out what happens next time, if Daredevil can stop Mysterio and clear his client's name.

Whadd'ya think??

#2 Posted by JJ62 (1299 posts) - - Show Bio

No opinions on this?? It's really that bad I guess lol.

#3 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1650 posts) - - Show Bio

@jj62: You only posted it TWO HOURS AGO! Sometimes a little patience goes a long way in fan fiction

You've split your narrative between script and past tense, which is odd and I don't think it works. The way you write I'd suggest you stick with

eg: Matt smiled a knowing grin "Well, I do have a certain "friend" on the streets who I could have look into it." He rose to shake Jon's hand. The nervous man took the outstetched hand and shook it vigourously.

"Thank you! Thank you so much"

A script limits your descriptions and since DD is all about the sensory, you may want to think about that. As for story, pretty good

#4 Edited by batkevin74 (10605 posts) - - Show Bio

@jj62: You jump around between script and story...why? What you've got is good but I don't get why you're chopping and changing

Also is Jon L Michaels anyone?

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#5 Posted by Myrmidon_ (5080 posts) - - Show Bio

@jj62: The script format I would ditch, part from that you have a good thing going ^_^ Nice one bud

#6 Posted by JJ62 (1299 posts) - - Show Bio

@anthony_stark: @batkevin74: @4donkeyjohnson: Thanks for the feedback guys, I had begun last night to start removing the script format. At first I thought it would've been better to use it to keep clear lines between past tense and current, but I guess not. I'm already changing it so thanks.

And btw @Batkevin, Michaels is an OC. He's not a superhero or villain. Just a supporting character.

#7 Posted by batkevin74 (10605 posts) - - Show Bio

@jj62: Do you mind if I make reference to him? Actually I will drop you a PM with a cameo of Matt Murdock/Foggy Nelson that I have in mind over in Scourge

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#8 Edited by JJ62 (1299 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: Yeah, that's fine. He's not a hero or villain, just an ex-gangster and druggie. Send me a PM.

#9 Edited by batkevin74 (10605 posts) - - Show Bio

Bumped

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#10 Edited by batkevin74 (10605 posts) - - Show Bio

@jj62: Did you see Matt's cameo over in @pyrogram 's Thor? http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic-8/marvel-mayhem-thor-the-mighty-avenger-1-1461860/#16

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#11 Posted by jatoe48er (220 posts) - - Show Bio

@jj62 I'm trying to work my way through all the Mayhem universe and came across this story.

I hated it when I first posted on Fan fic, I must have stared at the screen all night hitting refresh.

This is a good start and I'm still a newbie too. I'd love to see what you plan on doing with Mysterio. I have a soft spot for lame marvel villains.

#12 Posted by Rabbitearsblog (5835 posts) - - Show Bio

Pretty good story so far, although I agree with everyone else that it might be better to drop the script writing and just tell the story in a narrative format, especially whenever you are describing Daredevil's senses. But great job anyway and I can't wait to see if Daredevil stops Mysterio!

#13 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1650 posts) - - Show Bio

@jj62: Is there a part 2?

#14 Posted by batkevin74 (10605 posts) - - Show Bio

@jj62: The next chapter is coming soon???

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#15 Posted by batkevin74 (10605 posts) - - Show Bio

Bumped

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