Marvel Mayhem: Jester’s 11 Christmas Special – Issue #2 (of 2)
All characters are owned by Marvel Comics
The Jester: - Holiday Spirit
8-Ball: - Straight to Video
Diamondback: - Gem Stone
Overrider: - One Wise Man
Oriole: - Christmas Bird
Klaw: - Sound of Music
Dreadknight: - Saint Nicked
Hooded Haunt: - Yuletide Terror
Tuatara: - Scale of Effect
Speed Demon: - The Fast and the Festive
Don of the Dead: - Mass Movement
Prodigy staggered into view, his arms drooping and his head hung at an angle, heading for Speed Demon, Diamondback and 8-Ball as they watched intently. “My name is Night Thrasher, “he growled, “and I approve…of SUPERHUMAN BAKING.” He added his arms waving manically above his head before the Hooded Haunt removed her arm from his back causing him to collapse to the floor before muttering, “Ouch” the words barley visible over the manic laughing of the others.
“Oh god.” 8-Ball laughed as he held out his hand and the hovering 11-ball camera landed in his palm. “That was classic, uploading it to You Tube now.”
“Do another one” Speed Demon snorted as he zipped off to the closet on the other side of the room, sparks flying off of his wheelchair. “You know Stark is hosting the Bolshoi Ballet in a few days, well guess what I found.” He stated as he returned with a pair of swan lake ballet gear.
“So I get you can manipulate the dead and the sleeping.” Diamondback reviewed as she watched 8-Ball and Speed Demon rapidly dress the sleeping heroes in leotards, tutus and tights. “You didn’t do this when we were asleep right?”
“No,” The Hooded Haunt said with a smiled, “And by no means should you search for 8-Ball and Diamondback’s Naked Pony Ride on the Internet.” She added innocently.
“You got the camera ready?” Speed Demon asked as the Hooded Haunt plunged her hand into Goliath’s back before channeling an energy pulse through her scythe into Eugene and Prodigy.
“Camera set and action.” 8-Ball called as the three heroes twitched and climbed delicately to their feet. “Man I love this job sometimes.” He added.
“Wait time out I’m a coward not a fighter.” The Jester cried as Tony Stark landed an uppercut on his foe’s chin sending him reeling. “This doesn’t look good on the camera you know.”
“I heard you were dead.” Tony snarled, “I heard you had over-dosed in a theater alone so what is this, some ridiculous attempt to get laughs?” He asked unaware that his voice was becoming more high pitched unlike the crowd who started laughing. “What’s so funny?”
“Klaw you shouldn’t have.” The Jester snickered as Klaw flew on stage and landed next to him.
“And let you have the fun?” Klaw asked, “Hey Stark say something,” He ordered.
“Jarvis send the Mk 42 Armor to my location.” Tony squeaked, “What do you mean my voice print doesn’t match. Wait what did you do to my voice?”
“Just a little sonic oscillation.” Klaw explained before, “Remember folks the Rhythm Rustlers new album ‘Vibrations and Salutations’ comes out on the 6th January. Half of all proceeds go to the New York Animal Shelter so it’s for a good cause.” He added as Tony Stark took a swipe at the Jester.
“I’ll destroy you.” Tony squeaked as the Jester caught his hand and sent an electrical shock down the billionaire’s body from the concealed joy buzzer in his palm. “Let’s give a hand for Tony Stark; he’s been a good sport.” The Jester cried, a few sarcastic claps meeting his request, “Now we have to go. Those presents won’t hand themselves out.” He added as Klaw formed a sonic bubble around the pair and shot off North towards New York.
“Pepper call the Avengers.” Tony squeaked. “What do you mean this is a secure line little girl. I demand to talk to Captain America. What hang up on me, when I get back to StarkTower everyone is fired.” He added before storming off stage.
“That was unnatural.” The Don of the Dead sighed as he removed his hat and retrieved a thousand dollars from the lining and handing it to Overrider to go with the grand Tuatara had given him. “Please don’t do that again.”
“Aw it burns.” Oriole cried from further down the corridor.
“Hey Bird Brain,” Tuatara called, “if you can’t die quietly don’t die at all.”
“That’s the problem.” Oriole whined as he crawled forward before a wall of laser sliced him apart. “I don’t die when I’m killed.”
“You know my hide is strong enough to get me through that chamber right.” Tuatara called as Oriole reached out and pressed a red button that shut down the molecular disintegration field. “Just saying.”
“NOOOOOO!” Oriole yelled as he got to his feet.
“Knight Rider, Trouble Team this is Grinch Team, field is offline and we are ready for loading.” Overrider stated down the radio, “Summoning help now.” He added as Tuatara walked up to the vault before morphing into her reptile form. With a grunt she reduced the walls around the door to rubble before backing off as the door fell forward onto Oriole, the heavy metal disc crushing him.
“That had to hurt.” The Don mused as the sound of heavy foot falls filled the corridors and a veritable army of Iron Man armor arrived and headed for the vault and formed a chain that handed the boxed toys to the balcony. At the end the mercenaries watched as a skeletal barge descended from the sky flanked by a pair of atomic steeds, all three of them decorated with Christmas lights and tinsel as the pilot docked the largest of the craft to the railing.
“Yo Dread.” Overrider called as the Dreadknight leapt off the barge whilst Tuatara and the Iron Man armor started loading presents onto the ship. “I have that two grand I owe you.” He added as he handed the Knight his ill gotten gains. “How was the flight over here?” He added as the lift pinged and ‘Trouble Team’ emerged.
“A few dents, it’s amazing how aggressive the local pigeon population is when you fly through a flock of them.” The Dreadknight answered as he eyed the layer of bird poo covering the stern of the barge.
“You know the cost of detailing this thing?” 8-Ball sighed as Tuatara placed Speed Demon’s wheelchair onto the barge before the rest of the mercs climbed on with Dreadknight once again taking the helm, the escort steeds lining up in-front of the barge ready for departure. As the barge flew off towards Central Park the Don of the Dead looked back and narrowed his eyes. “I feel like we forgot something.”
“Ah that’s paranoia speaking.” Speed Demon answered. Back in the tower a hand emerged from underneath the vault cover clutching a flag with ‘ow’ written on it.
The Jester smiled as he watched the line of kids dissipate, each one clutching a new toy. Tony Stark had eventually been arrested for his display of violence in WashingtonDC and although he would never get to trial he had got what he had deserved. The New Warrior videos were trending on You Tube with thousands of views already; with the team getting celebrity status in the forums despite Merriam Sharpe’s attempt to block access to the images.
“We have theta waves present on the MRI scan.” A voice announced from off in the distance. “Tell Spymaster that the body we recovered is alive.”
“No need.” A second voice stated, “Looks like the Silent Partner’s guinea pig is alive after all.”
“Your orders sir?” The first asked.
“Tell the Silent Partner to commence Operation White Water at the Raft.” Spymaster announced, “And start Operation Black Tongue; three of the Jester’s former employees learnt the truth about our experiments in Operation Comedian, if they tell anyone then the Partner’s plan will be shut down by the government.”
“And the Jester sir, shall we dispose of him?” A third voice asked.
“Get Doctor Faustus in here to wipe his memory and release him.” Spymaster ordered, “We need to test the duration of the cerebral dampeners. There is a war coming, I can sense it, that’s why we are here. To make sure that it claims the right casualties, after we are finished there will be no super hero or super villain community there will just be a lasting peace for the rest of eternity.”