#1 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio

All characters owned by Marvel, rated M

**

2011, Horizon Labs, New York City

“Don’t!”

“What are you, twelve?”

“You won’t like me when…”

“I don’t like you period!” snapped Dr Tiberius Stone at the man in the lab coat trying to look into a microscope. He reached out and jabbed him again with his finger when a hand lashed out, grabbed the offending finger and twisted it backwards. Dr Stone squealed.

“Owowowowowowowowowowowow”

“Now, I’m angry!” said the man as he got up from his seat, forcing Stone onto his knees “The only thing keeping me from breaking your hand, your arm and you in half is…” He took a slow deliberate breath “Me, controlling my breathing and thinking of somewhere cool and tranquil”

“Yourhurtingme!” gasped Dr Stone as he danced on his toes like a girl at the pressure applied to his finger; his hand and wrist turning reddish white.

“Calm, blue, ocean”

“…please” yelped Dr Stone in a pitch that could almost shatter glass.

“If, if I let you go, will you leave me alone?”

“Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes”

“If you don’t,” the finger bent back to almost breaking point, Dr Stone howled like a trapped animal “Then this moment will seem like heaven. Now apologise”

“Imsorryimsorryimsorry”

“Calmly. Slowly. Breath. Apologise”

Dr Stone breathed through his teeth as the pain coursed through his arm “I’m sorry Dr Banner”

Bruce’s eyes burrowed deep into Tiberius’ and momentarily flickered green “You will be if we ever have to have chat like this again” Bruce let him go and watched him scamper away.

“Bruce, whilst you’re using my labs” said Max Modell from the doorway “Please refrain from assaulting my staff”

“I barely touched him” replied Bruce returning to his microscope “Besides, he’s a jerk!”

“Jerk or not, he works for me because he’s brilliant, Tony Stark brilliant!”

Bruce shrugged “Tony’s a hack! Now is there something I can do for you Max?”

Bella worked out who you are” replied Max

“Well using my real first name and my surname, it was bound to happen” said Bruce as he got up and unclipped his badge “Won’t be long until Stone works it out, or gets told and then some idiot will actually make me angry”

“Have you considered the implant?”

Bruce pushed his glasses up “Max, I have enough people in my head without tampering with it with an experimental beta blocker drip feed into my corpus callosum!” He pointed to the item under the microscope ‘You can have that”

Max picked it up and dangled it “A watch?”

“A personal teleporter” smiled Bruce as he packed all his things into a box.

“That’s impossible!’ stammered Max.

“I do six impossible things before breakfast!” joked Bruce as he extended his hand “Thank you for allowing me to work for you”

“The pleasure has been mine Robert” beamed Max “Where to now?”

“Maybe Brazil” said Bruce.

“I wish you a safe journey; Horizon Labs will have you back any time. Now I need to find a replacement?”

“What about Hank Pym?” suggested Bruce.

“I hear Hank Pym beats his wife” said Max quietly as he headed to the door “I’d rather have your big green alter ego smash up my labs on a weekly basis than a PR nightmare like Pym!’

**

2012, Romania

Nul the Breaker of Worlds stoop there dripping the blood of vampires as Betty stood in front of him. Inside his head, Bruce screamed as did the Hulk in unison.

“Are you okay?” asked Betty

Nul shivered, his hands gripped tightly to the hammer as his internal rage became an outward explosion of emotion.

“YOU NOT BETTY!” roared Nul as he raised the hammer high above his head. Betty raised her arms in fear. Nul screamed, spittle flying from his mouth as he spun the hammer and tossed it into space. There was an audible pop as the former slave of the Serpent reverted to simply The Hulk. He grabbed Betty by the throat and squeezed, the illusion peeling away to reveal Inka, one of Dracula’s allies.

She gasped for breath as the massive green fingers closed around her head “P-p-please…”

Hulk’s arm trembled as he fought the urge to pop her head off like a zit and then threw her roughly into the castle wall with a thud. Hulk turned to see Dracula and his forces.

“Leave my lands” said Dracula coldly.

“DON’T TELL HULK WHAT TO DO!” The massive green palms slapped together creating a massive sonic boom, shattering centuries old glass.

Dracula snarled “I cannot beat you, but I will kill everyone you’ve ever met and turn them into my pets if you don’t leave”

Hulk shuddered and turned into Bruce Banner “You touch anyone I know, and I will throw you and your country into the Sun!”

The vampiric guards started towards the scrawny scientist when Dracula motioned for them to stand down. Bruce put his hands into the ripped and shredded pockets of his tattered clothes and slowly walked towards the vampires, who parted like a curtain for the man. Dracula watched him intently until he was naught but a speck on the horizon.

2013, Staten Island Ferry

Bruce Banner looked at the four gunmen on the bow pointing their weapons at the crowd as an underling came towards him with a bag.

“Wallet, phone” snapped the man in the balaclava.

Bruce shrugged and held his hands up passively.

“Hey!” the underling grabbed Bruce by the collar and dragged him from his seat “I said wallet, phone! You either hand’em over or you go over the side! What’s it going to be?”

Bruce smiled, adjusted his glasses. The underling rolled his eyes and pulled out his pistol and shot him in the face “I warned you hero!”

BLAM!

To his horror, there in Bruce’s place was the Hulk, bullet gripped between his teeth.

“Oh. My. God!” shuddered the man.

The Hulk spat the bullet out, through the man’s stomach and it came out his back, embedding into the hardwood floor. The Hulk roared, everyone on the ferry, and seemingly the tri-state area heard it.

“Holy $#@!! It’s the Hulk!” screamed one of the gunmen “What do we do?”

“RUN!” shrieked another as he bolted for the side of the ferry and attempted to dive overboard. Hulk caught his leg and dragged him back, holding him up like a landed fish.

“HULK WANT TO CATCH FERRY IN PEACE!” and with that hurled the man out towards the general direction of Bermuda. The remaining gunmen and passengers screamed and tried to get as far away from the green behemoth. He grabbed another and shook him like a maraca before launching him after his friend. Hulk growled, the gunmen dropped to their knees, hands firmly on their heads.

“HULK SAYS DON’T MOVE!” and with that the jade giant leapt off the ferry causing it to rock violently as he exited. The ferry spontaneously burst into applause.

**

To be continued…

#2 Edited by ImpurestCheese (6072 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: So now we have Hulk as well. A good start I look forward to seeing what happens next.

#3 Posted by ekrolo (436 posts) - - Show Bio

This was a blast to read, good stuff Impurest, good stuff.

#4 Posted by cbishop (7475 posts) - - Show Bio

Three good scenes, but no hint of connecting plot. I liked that you upped the scientist quotient for him, with the personal teleporter, and the "six amazing things before breakfast" line.

#5 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: Well he is a scientist! And he's on a Doom level of genius with his Bannertech. Trying to find the balance, also plot for a Hulk story, to me, is almost kinda redundant as Hulk just smashes things which often makes the best laid plans go awry.

@ekrolo:Thanks, but you do know I wrote this, right? :)

@impurestcheese: Yeah we have a Hulk! A green hulk, no other shades

#6 Posted by cbishop (7475 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: Well he is a scientist! And he's on a Doom level of genius with his Bannertech. Trying to find the balance, also plot for a Hulk story, to me, is almost kinda redundant as Hulk just smashes things which often makes the best laid plans go awry.

Hulk does smash stuff, but there's usually something resembling a plot in there. Like I said, they were all cool scenes, but nothing connecting them (seemingly - as far as this chapter is concerned). I just found that surprising, considering how well you write.

Ah, but the shades are important. Does that mean this Hulk's psyche is integrated?

#7 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: Red, blue hulks are yuck! And as for the psyche, well (Bruce pushed his glasses up “Max, I have enough people in my head without tampering with it with an experimental beta blocker drip feed into my corpus callosum!”) and (Nul the Breaker of Worlds stoop there dripping the blood of vampires as Betty stood in front of him. Inside his head, Bruce screamed as did the Hulk in unison)

Maybe? :)

#8 Posted by cbishop (7475 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: Wow. Okay. So that's what I get for not rereading it before making my reply. :} Very good - nevermind what I said - moving on... ;)

#9 Edited by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio
#10 Edited by 4donkeyjohnson (1722 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: Interesting, looking forward to where you take the angry one

#11 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio
#12 Posted by ImpurestCheese (6072 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: So this is where you are hiding. Haven't heard from you for a while on Gen X/T-Bolts or Avengers #2 and thought maybe you had been eaten.

#13 Edited by TommytheHitman (3486 posts) - - Show Bio

Really awesome job! We need more Dracula.

#14 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio

@tommythehitman: I can take or leave Marvel Dracula. If Blade was any good at his job, there'd be no Dracula :) Just using it coz it happened in Fear Itself (one of the worst crossovers in Marvels history)

@impurestcheese: Been away, been busy, in a new comp, I've seen them there, just haven't read'em yet...will do so this week, my apologies for my slackness

#15 Posted by ImpurestCheese (6072 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: It's okay. I know about busy I've had two eleven hour days over the last week.

#16 Posted by Rabbitearsblog (6028 posts) - - Show Bio

Awesome chapter, although I'm wondering how all of these different timelines will connect to each other.

#17 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio
#18 Posted by Rabbitearsblog (6028 posts) - - Show Bio
#19 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio

#20 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio
#21 Edited by 4donkeyjohnson (1722 posts) - - Show Bio

Part 2 or?

#22 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio

Part 2 or?

No...Hulk go wrapped up in my wrap up. Check the MMU library for a link, I'm terrible with links. Hit a...snag is the best way to answer that

#23 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio

Casual bump...may do part 2 even....

#24 Edited by wildvine (10371 posts) - - Show Bio

Casual bump...may do part 2 even....

Don't you you tease us!! : P

Moderator
#25 Posted by ImpurestCheese (6072 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: Kidder. Stop tempting us with such treasure

#26 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio
#27 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1722 posts) - - Show Bio
#28 Edited by ImpurestCheese (6072 posts) - - Show Bio
#29 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio

I think he has made good on his threat....

I have indeed

#30 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio

@maccyd: Bumped as this leads into the Interlude (which I'll bump next) and then part 2. Background on my Doom idea/cameo

#31 Posted by Roninreviews (59 posts) - - Show Bio

No a big fan of this first issue. It felt waay to jumpy. Was there something that set some of this stuff up because I was a bit lost. Good descriptions though.

#32 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio

@roninreviews: Well there are two other chapters. It was designed to be "jumpy" as you say, setting up Hulk & Banner whilst incorporating what had happened in the MMU like Fear Itself & Shadowland events. Not having the time to write in ALL those events plus the fact that Bruce Banner is constantly on the run the jumps show where he's been linking those events.

But not everyone likes everything, I get that. If we did we'd all live in North Korea. And I looked at your Namor/Torch thing...I hate scripts so honestly I havent even looked at it. Write a story! More poeple will read it. I will if its a story but scripts I hate!!

#33 Posted by Roninreviews (59 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: Its not completely in script form. Its only used in script form for the dialogue and everything else is written in descriptions exacltly like it is here. It is a narrative story that isn't in script form. Scripts are stories.

#34 Edited by ekrolo (436 posts) - - Show Bio

I don't get this anti-script sentiment here on CV tbh. Especially the complaint it doesn't tell a story, how? They have plots, characters and conflict just like story formats. The only difference is this.

Clenching his fist in anger, Dick scowled at Batman and walked up to him after his "kids have no business doing this" speech.

Dick: How about you see us in action before telling us we have no business doing this?!

"How about you see us in action before telling us we have no business doing this?" He said as he clenched his fist in anger and walked up to Batman.

Seriously, whats the big deal?

#35 Edited by ImpurestCheese (6072 posts) - - Show Bio

@ekrolo: Hi Ekrolo. What I dislike is the lack of emotion in the dialogue of scripts. To some extent you can work out how it's said but in the end narrative is better at conveying it. And I guess a lot of people learnt to write in narrative form rather then as a script.

#36 Posted by batkevin74 (11215 posts) - - Show Bio

@roninreviews: @ekrolo: Scripts are lazy stories, designed for film. Go ahead and write them, how you choose to write is up to you but I won't read'em no matter how good they are because they're scripts. I wrote one myself once, even posted it here on CV and was met with crickets, tumbleweeds and silence.

Also @roninreviews script doesn't do what you've described in your example @ekrolo Regardless i don't read scripts unless I'm acting in it!

#37 Edited by ekrolo (436 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: So a story is lazy because instead of doing this "Tits" for doing dialogue its this, Dick: Tits.

#38 Edited by Roninreviews (59 posts) - - Show Bio
#39 Edited by ImpurestCheese (6072 posts) - - Show Bio

@roninreviews: True. I have no problem with script but compare these two pieces of writing.

8-Ball: Looks like Diamondback isn't here.

Overrider: Sorry Man

and

"Looks like Diamondback isn't here." 8-Ball sighed as he and Overrider entered the control room.

"I'm sorry man." Overrider answered as he put a reassuring hand on 8-Ball's shoulder,

Script is good but the narrative displays emotion in a stronger way and allows you to expand the imposition, something that script can't do without adding it as a stage direction.

#40 Posted by ekrolo (436 posts) - - Show Bio

@impurestcheese:

Counter argument time:

8-Ball: Looks like Diamondback isn't here.

He sighed as he, and his friend override entered the room.

Overrider: I'm sorry man.

He placed his hand on 8-Ball's shoulder to reassure him.

Personally the effect can be the same, sure story format flows better I supposed but I think you can compensate the emotion bit by putting an emphasis on how the characters movie and react between the dialogue bits. I also feel bad story form writers usually just do he said, she said, he yelled, she yelled, over and over and it makes the dialogue feel incredibly one note and/or repetitive.

#41 Posted by ImpurestCheese (6072 posts) - - Show Bio

@ekrolo We can argue this to the cows come home so let's agree to disagree. I always make my exposition and voice tones varied.

#42 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1722 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: @roninreviews: @ekrolo: @impurestcheese: If I may impart my 2 cents worth; however people write is fine, it is whether or not the READER likes that style. You can't please everybody all the time, that is a fact. Whether it is prose, script, haiku, first person, third person its fine because that is how the WRITER saw it best to convey their idea. Sometimes the two meet and its good, sometimes not.

Personally I am not a script fan, I prefer a story but I'm not totally anti-script.

I think I may have overspent my 2 cents :)

#43 Edited by ImpurestCheese (6072 posts) - - Show Bio

@4donkeyjohnson: A wise viewpoint indeed, With that said let's drop this whole script vs narrative thing here and now