(The first two chapters are above, this is rated MA due to lots of blood and fighting. Its a bit long but its well worth it)
April 2183, Gdansk, New Germany
John, Gerald and Bishop walked down an alleyway of the former Polish city which was now on the border of New Latveria and part of New Germany. The streets were pockmarked due to sporadic shelling; every building was in a state of disrepair. John unlocked the door of a warehouse and scanned his thumb, the door slid open and the lights shuddered to life to reveal rows, racks and stacks of weapons. Bishop was impressed, Gerald’s jaw dropped.
“Sweet starking Christmas!” yelled Gerald clapping his hands “I want that one! And that one! And two of them! Oh my word look at this! I want it! And that!”
“You are such a child Gerald” sneered Bishop as he walked over to a mini-gun to inspect it.
“You are such a child!” parroted Gerald. Bishop rolled his eyes at him as John lit up another cigarette. “By the way its Scalphunter now. You call me Gerald out in the field…actually if you call me Gerald EVER again I will chop the top of your head off and use you as an ashtray!”
“Big talk Ger…” as Bishop was about to finish Scalphunter flipped over the table and pinned him to the wall, a gun jammed into the base of his throat.
“I know you’re kinda woozy from whatever Essex grafted to your pelvis Bishy; but finish that sentence…” they locked eyes “Better still do you think that this is loaded?”
Scalphunter rapidly pulled the trigger on the revolver, the sickening hollow click echoed across the warehouse.
“OH MY STARKING GOD!” screamed Bishop throwing him back over the table, his hands erupting in large claws “You tried to kill me?!?”
“He’s merely playing” sniggered John as he inspected some weapons “He could easily kill you Bishop” He tossed a fine looking sword to Scalphunter.
“Thanks boss man!” said Scalphunter as he offered up a high-five in which John responded to. He wandered off to inspect the sword and the other weapons.
‘Why are you always on his side?!” whined Bishop, his claws retracting.
“I wish Falcon was here and you’d gone stateside” groaned John spitting his cigarette out “You are a whiner! A whinger! A complainer! You believe that you’re more talented than you are! He lit another cigarette “Compared to Scalphunter you are retarded! He’s naturally gifted and a quick learner. He’s an artist, a craftsman; you’re a blunt tool. You get the job done but that’s it, no flair no passion. And what were you thinking letting Sinister implant things into you? That man is a demon…worse than a demon”
“You’ve been implanted”
“I got an implant to PREVENT that lunatic who runs this planet from invading my mind! Mine is a safety precaution! You let Sinister tamper with your genetics and pump you with chemicals! You’re an idiot!”
“I hate you!” stated Bishop as he picked up a chainsaw.
“Good!” said John flicking his cigarette at him “I hate you too! First honest thing you’ve ever said. Now would you two idiots choose your gear!” John grabbed an axe and the mini-gun “Chopper leaves in ten!”
John strolled out eyeballing Bishop as he left. Scalphunter sidled up next to Bishop, his arms full of weapons “Why not just tell him we’re going to kill him idiot?!?”
“When he’s gone, I’m coming for you!”
“I’m quaking Bishy-Wishy! When this is all done and I’m the head of the EAD; I’m going to keep you alive and make your life a living hell! You are going to wish you were dead. I’m going to have you assassinate cockroaches and plankton! I am going to make you use your tongue to clean out my gorilla’s cage and as yet I don’t own a gorilla but I’ll get one and all I’m going to feed it is prunes, bananas and laxatives! So maybe you should just put a bullet in your head”
The pair stared at each other for a long time, each calculating.
“Don’t forget that box!” said Scalphunter breaking the silence “My hands are full and his Comanderness told us not to forget it”
Scalphunter wandered out leaving Bishop Cain standing alone, fuming. “I hate you Gerald Wimple! I hate you so much!” His teeth ground together.
Two hours later, Vienna, New Latveria
John and Bishop crawled through the sewers towards their objective.
“Eye spy with my little high powered telescopic sight” Scalphunter’s voice came through their earpieces “Something starting with D!”
“Cut the chatter!” snapped Bishop
“But then how would stupid little Bishop know where to stop?” said Scalphunter “Come to think of it, why aren’t you moving in a diagonal line?”
“He’s making a chess joke” laughed John, smoking seeping out his nose.
“Chess? What’s a chess?”
“It’s a game stark for brains!” laughed Scalphunter down the line “Anyway; D people, the letter D”
“Doom” mumbled Bishop
“Door” said John
“What’s he won Gerald? Well he’s one an entry point about fifty feet ahead”
“When did he get so annoying and crazy?” asked Bishop, shutting off his comm unit.
“About the time you cracked him over the head with a bat, Falcon stabbing him in the throat and him finding out he’s a mutant and the Supreme Commander hates mutants. Plus he wasn’t all that stable to begin with being an orphan”
“And he’s your protégé?”
“If you weren’t such a sneaky, petulant, whiney wannabe it could’ve been you Bishop” said John bluntly.
Bishop fought back the urge to ram John’s head into the ancient brick work and drown the chain smoker in the putrid water of the sewer. They reached their target location, checked weapons and got ready to jump in.
“Okay here’s another one; eye spy with my little high powered telescopic sight, something starting with E?”
They burst through the wall into an empty hall
“Empty?” said John “What’s going on? Did you send us to the wrong building Scalphunter?”
“No!” laughed Scalphunter as he pulled the trigger. A .50 calibre bullet shot out from the sniper rifle, shattered the window and slammed into and out of John’s neck sending him to the floor. Bishop pounced, jamming a silver blade into John’s side and depressed a trigger on the hilt, injecting a blue gel into the wound. John screamed and went deathly still. Scalphunter swung in through the window like a swashbuckler of old.
“He ain’t dead!” said Scalphunter drawing his sword ‘He’s playing possum!”
John got to his feet and swatted Bishop away and into the wall, blood gushing from his neck that slowly clotted.
“You! You’re one of us, one of us!” said Scalphunter
“No, I’m something else entirely” said John
“Explains why tin-face brain mailed us to take some odd stuff on this trip”
“You can’t beat me Gerald” said John, cracking his knuckles.
“I don’t want to beat you John” said Scalphunter “I’m going to starking kill you!”
Scalphunter stepped in and under John’s swing, splitting from his wrist to his underarm with the sword slash. John roared in pain.
“See Bishop injected a cryonic gel into your wound to slow you down, the silver bullet that went through your neck was meant to kill you but it seems you’re a strong werewolf”
“I am no werewolf” growled John as he swung his axe, Scalphunter parried the blow. Bishop got up and fired a crossbow bolt into John’s back.
“Is that it?” scowled John
“Not quite” Bishop pushed a detonator and the bolt exploded. John roared in more pain as a gaping hole erupted on his back. Scalphunter slashed the sword across John’s thighs and rolled up to his feet. The pair of assassins tore into John like matadors taking on an aging bull, hitting him with everything they had. John snarled and crash tackled them all through a brick wall and outside.
“This is the best fight I’ve had in centuries!” he cried, blood oozing from all over his body “And I’ve fought Thor and Captain America back in the day!”
“Ding ding round two” aid Scalphunter getting to his feet and throwing a grenade at John who leapt away and into Bishop who impaled him on his new claws and then body slammed him into the ground.
“I’m just as good as he is!” yelled Bishop as he hacked into the face of his former teacher “Admit it!”
John opened his bloodied mouth and bit into Bishop’s arm, tearing off a chunk of flesh and spitting it into Bishop’s face “Get off me!”
Scalphunter kicked John across the skull and hauled him to his feet, kneeing and elbowing him with precision and malice. “Is that all you got champ?”
John slapped Scalphunter across the face “You talk too much!”
“Oh it’s on!” Scalphunter rammed the sword through John’s foot, pinning him to the ground. He then drew a gun and fired the clip into his chest at point blank range. Bishop leapt on his back and looped a garrotte wire round John’s neck and pulled tight. John gasped for air as Scalphunter smashed a canister into his mouth.
“Say goodnight John” laughed Scalphunter as John toppled over into a ditch, Bishop still pulling the cord. John’s eyes rolled back in his head, foam dripped from his lips. Bishop scurried out from under him.
Scalphunter pumped another clip into his chest “Is now! I’m surprised you didn’t cut his throat with your new fancy serving tongs”
Bishop grabbed Scalphunter by the sides of the head and forced his head down, slamming his knee into the nose and knocking Scalphunter out cold. Bishop opened up a holo-comm channel and shortly the Supreme Commander appeared before him.
“What do you want?”
“It’s done Supreme Commander”
“You killed Doom? I don’t believe you”
“No…John. I killed John. You make me the head of the E.A.D”
As Bishop spoke to the Supreme Commander, Scalphunter popped up and saw his bloodied teacher looking at him.
“You starking owe me!” whispered Scalphunter “Now get out of here before I do kill you”
John nodded and hit the road, scrambling out of the ditch
“Show me!” roared the hologram
“He’s right…here” Bishop gulped at the bloody but empty hole.
“I tried to tell him he wasn’t dead!” quipped Scalphunter “He’s hurt but he took off that-a-way!”
“YOU ARE A FOOL BISHOP CAIN!” roared the hologram
Bishop glared daggers at Scalphunter, knowing somehow he’d been set up.
“Scalphunter. Even though you are annoying genetic trash you will head up the European Assassination Division effective immediately” said the hologram
“Thank you sir!” Scalphunter saluted “Can I have Bishop work for me for like four years as my house boy sir?”
“He’s lucky I don’t throw him into the sun!”
“All right! Also can I have a gorilla shipped to Gotland?”
John sat on a log in the New Latverian forest. He stuck a cigarette in his mouth, dried blood covered him. He smiled as he lit up. He was out. His student had excelled beyond his wildest dreams. And he was rich. Filthy, starking rich!
“Let’s go fishing” he said out loud to himself as he hobbled off to recover.
The End…well of this story
(Follow the adventures of John & Bishop inHardy & Creed stories, Scalphunter wherever he feels like popping up and Falcon Helfitta who is now in SHIELD Wide-Awake. Thanks for reading)