#1 Posted by RedRobinTimDrake (145 posts) - - Show Bio

Anthony salazar awakes from a long night sleep. looking back at the big screen and it features Anthony's twin and a break in has happened,at Ferrum tech.!

"who ever broke into Ferrum tech. is one crazy Starker." Anthony announced.

Anthony got up and began to descend down a ladder into a alleyway. Once he set foot on the ground he slipped on a sweater to cover his bow and sack of arrows. He slipped the hood over his head and started heading some where to get food. Once Anthony got deeper into the city he saw something new on the screen,murderer! accused of killing two Iron soldiers.

"This guy is starken crazy! Killing two Iron soldiers!"Anthony blurted and then covered his mouth with both hands.

Everyone that hears him stares a him in disgust. Luckily his hood covered his face to where no one could see except a kid standing in front of him.

"Mommy it's the guy on the t.v. mom." the boy screamed at his mom. "Sorry,come on Tommy." The mother declared as they began to walk away.

Anthony began walking towards Mc'starkes. Once he got to the counter of Mcstarkes another man walked in pulling out a bow! The man had a ski mask on so Anthony could not tell who it was. The man had the arrow head pointed directly at the cashier's head.

"Give me all the coins!" the man yelled

"Okayy." The cashier said as she began to cry.

The cook in the back grabs a blaster pistol and aims it at the man in the ski mask. The cook fires the gun barely misses,that one shot costs him his life. The man in the ski mask quickly turns firing an arrow into the cooks chest killing him. The cashier empties the coins into a bag that the man has. Before he leaves he kills the lady as well and luckily doesn't notice Anthony on the floor. As the lady falls to the floor her head hits a button to signal the Iron soldiers and an alarm goes off in the building!

"Stark!! I got to get out of here!"

Anthony Began running towards a building to get away but he was to late the soldier was already flying directly towards him! Anthony shot arrows but they would not go deep enough into the armor!

TO BE CONTINUED..........................

#2 Posted by DickGrayson (330 posts) - - Show Bio

also in the first paragraph After you put a "," Then put a space Not "And,This happened" Not saying that is what was said, saying to probably edit the sentence where you did. One last thing,. about the punctuation, you only need one punctuation not two such as ".!" Unless it is an exclaimed question, suck as "What!?"

#3 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

@DickGrayson said:

also in the first paragraph After you put a "," Then put a space Not "And,This happened" Not saying that is what was said, saying to probably edit the sentence where you did. One last thing,. about the punctuation, you only need one punctuation not two such as ".!" Unless it is an exclaimed question, suck as "What!?"

this.

Just a note, maybe add some more detail, paint a picture, so to speak, of what's going on. Helps to visualize.

#4 Posted by batkevin74 (10423 posts) - - Show Bio

@RedRobinTimDrake Okay the story is all there but either you're rushing because it gets disjointed towards the end. Here's a cleaned up version of what you wrote:

****Anthony woke from a long, troubled nights sleep. He caught a glimpse of the screen replaying over and over again his face, Kaine Reilley and the recruitment ad.

"Whoever broke into Ferrum tech is one crazy starker." Anthony muttered rubbing his chin “And they’ve got my face!”

Anthony got up and began to descend down a ladder into an alleyway. He pulled on a sweater to cover his bow and quiver of arrows, slipped the hood over his head and started heading somewhere to get food. As Anthony got deeper into the city he saw something new on the screen “Anthony Salazar: Murderer!” He ducked his head

"This guy is starken crazy! Killing two Iron soldiers!"Anthony blurted and then covered his mouth with both hands, pretending to be a crazy person which in New York wasn’t hard.

"Mommy, mommy! It's the guy from the t.v. " the boy screamed at his mom and point at Anthony

"Come on Tommy!" The mother declared as they began to walk away, though she kept looking back at Anthony.

I need to get off the street he thought. Anthony walking into (need to make a better name for this, why? Well if stark is a swear word who would eat at McF!#$k’s???). Anthony pulled some credits from his pocket and looked at the overpriced menu. He waited patiently for his turn

“Welcome to (insert name) how may I service you?” she said in a monotone voicence

“Give me a…” Anthony was thumped aside and onto the floor

"Give me all you got!" a man yelled. He pounced onto the counter; a black ski masked guy wielding a bow, arrow nocked and drawn back pointing right in the girls face who was slowly turning white.

"Okay" The cashier said as she began to cry.

The cook in the back grabbed a blaster pistol and aimed it at the robber. The man in the ski mask quickly turned and firied an arrow into the cook’s chest killing him, his act of potential heroism costing him his life. The man nocked another arrow.

“Empty the register” he snarled

The cashier stuffed credits into a bag.

“Thanks” he fires the arrow through her neck, killing her instantly as he runs out the door. Slushie syrup errupts from the machine where the arrow sits.

Anthony slowly got up, an arrow falling from under his sweater onto the floor. The crowd shrieks. The manager presses a button and a loud klaxon alarm sounds and the shutters on the windows and doors begin to close

I got to get out of here!

Anthony ran and slid across the freshly waxed floor, smashing through the glass as the security grill shut behind him.

“In the name of the Supreme Commander, put down your weapons!” the amplified voice came from the end of the block as an Iron Soldier flew towards Anthony.

TO BE CONTINUED..........................

#5 Posted by tomdickharry1984 (834 posts) - - Show Bio

Ha ha ha ha ha McFu#K's!! :)

#6 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1630 posts) - - Show Bio

Ummm this isn't the part 3 I remember....?