#1 Posted by RedRobinTimDrake (166 posts) - - Show Bio

Rated t

Traveling circusNew York

"So what is your act going to be tonight?" said Harold the circus owner. "I'll try to hit a target from one hundred meters." Anthony said as he reached for his beer. "How are you going to do that if you are drunk?" Harold said as he laughed. "This is my first beer and last for tonight." "Better be. dont disappoint me tonight Anthony" Harold said while Anthony took the last few gulps of his drink. "I got the hawkeye" Anthony said with a wink. "Ok dont forget that". " I wont you can trust me Harold"

Traveling circusNew York show time

"And now theee amazing Hawkeye!!!!!" Harold said as and iron soldier walked in the circus tent. Anthony stood on the dirt floor and pulled back the bow's string. "is he going to make it!" Harold said over the microphone. The arrow hit the bullseye and Harold yelled into the microphone. "And!! yessss! He made it on the dot folks. On the dot!". "easy shot that he had." said the iron soldier watching. " lets see you make it sir" said Anthony. "Hmph easy" He locked on target making it explode. "well this was my next shot" Anthony again pulled the bow string hitting the next bullseye. The iron soldier did so as well. and they both did so so on and so forth until they reached two hundred meters! " I can make this hopefully " said Anthony. Anthony took a deep breath and shot the arrow and it made it on the dot! " can you believe it Anthony made it !" said Harold over the microphone. Once the iron soldier got up to do the shot when he shot a repulsar blast it missed! "Anthony won!" Anthony had a big smile on his face after he saw the blast miss. The soldier left the tent mad that the suit felled him. Then the iron soldier flew in the air about to leave then he started to smile. And turned around firing a beam out of his chest making the tent explode. after that all that was left was chunks of trailers and burnt down tents covered in rubble.

#2 Posted by joshmightbe (25874 posts) - - Show Bio

Needs a little work but overall good start

#3 Posted by DickGrayson (389 posts) - - Show Bio

I enjoyed it. I believe the armies aren't used by Human's, are they?

#4 Posted by RedRobinTimDrake (166 posts) - - Show Bio

thank you

#5 Posted by joshmightbe (25874 posts) - - Show Bio

@DickGrayson: They are suits of armor operated by human soldiers

#6 Posted by batkevin74 (12320 posts) - - Show Bio

@RedRobinTimDrake Great! I've sent you a PM on suggested minor changes, punctuation and such. Do with it as you will, just edited what you've written and polished the edges for you

#7 Posted by TheCannon (20236 posts) - - Show Bio


#8 Posted by batkevin74 (12320 posts) - - Show Bio

@RedRobinTimDrake: Should clean this up when you get a chance man, also I'm referencing you in my first chapter of Fantastic Force :)

#9 Posted by batkevin74 (12320 posts) - - Show Bio

@RedRobinTimDrake: Sent you a PM about what I mean, but its all squished together. Bit of spacing needed

#10 Posted by joshmightbe (25874 posts) - - Show Bio

@RedRobinTimDrake: A little space between paragraphs would do wonders for this

#11 Posted by primepower53 (6064 posts) - - Show Bio

I read this before, I believe. It's pretty good. You might want to make it longer (add more descriptions, content, language, etc.) but overall it's pretty good.

#12 Posted by tomdickharry1984 (842 posts) - - Show Bio

Short, squished and all over the place. I'm no writer...dont want to rain your parade dude but it's messy and doesn't make sense at the end. Is their people in the tent or just hawkeye and the soldier? You're idea seems good, it does I love hawkeye but this is....I agree withwhat the above people have said about space and stuff, I'll be quite now